L. A. Witt - Rules 1 - Rules of Engagement (35 page)

Standing beside the open car door, he drummed his fingers on top of it for a moment. “Fine. I won’t go.” He shut the door and leaned on the car. “
Yet
.”

Using the SUV to hold myself up, I wrung my hands as I frantically searched for the words, knowing the clock was ticking. His patience had already run out, and he was just humoring me. For how long, I had no idea.

I took a breath and let the words come, hoping for the best. “Look, since you left, I was trying to move on. Figure some shit out. I went out, a couple of times.” I paused. “Met some other people—”

“Oh, nice,” he snapped, rolling his eyes and jamming his hands into his pockets. “So did you come here to rub that in my face? To let me know that you don’t have trouble getting into anyone else’s bed? Am I supposed to come crawling back now that I see that you’re in such high fucking demand?”

“No.” I tried to stay calm. “I came here because they made me realize something.”

 

His expression was icy, but he said nothing. Just watched me. Waited.

“I was trying to figure out if I was gay, straight, bisexual, something.” I couldn’t stand the intensity of his eyes anymore, so I looked at the pavement. “I thought my attraction to you might have been exactly what you said, because you were everything my ex wasn’t—”

“I’m flattered,” he growled.
“I said I
thought
,” I snapped. I took a breath, running a shaking hand through my hair and looking at him. “Until I went out with this girl. Then a guy.”
He dropped his gaze, his jaw tightening. The pain in his expression nearly killed me.
Come on, Dustin, just say it. Say it. Find the words and fucking say it.
“It—they—opened my eyes. About a lot of things.” I paused, scratching the back of my neck and thinking fast. “You said I needed to get over
what
you were and either stay or go because of
who
you were.”
“I do remember saying something like that, yes.” The bitterness in his tone knocked the breath out of me.
“And I guess I didn’t really understand what that meant until it

was too late.” I paused to blow out a breath, trying to keep my composure as I chanced a look at him. “But ironically, the reason I couldn’t go back to either of them….”
Come on. Come on. Just get it out.

He shifted his weight, holding my gaze with what looked like a great deal of effort.
I started to speak again, trying to tell him what I needed him to hear, but the English language was suddenly lost on me. My teeth snapped shut, and frustration tightened my gut. The silence hung between us, and for the life of me, I couldn’t fill it.

Taptaptap
. He drummed his fingernails on the side of the car.
Taptaptap.
The sound reverberated up my spine.
Taptaptap.
“I’m waiting.”

I ran a hand through my hair, looking down at the pavement again. “Brandon, I’m sorry. I guess I was, I don’t know. I was confused. I—”

“Dustin.” His tone was calm. Neutral. “Look at me.” I didn’t.
“Look at me.”
I couldn’t.

“
Just fucking look at me
.” His tone startled me. I couldn’t tell if it was unsteady with anger or the barely contained threat of some other emotion.

Swallowing hard, I raised my eyes, trying to see him through the tears I couldn’t quite blink back.

He watched me silently for a moment, searching my eyes like he’d done so many times before. My knees shook, and my lungs were completely useless. And still the silence lingered.
Say something, Brandon. Please, for the love of God, just say something
. Everything I cared about hinged on what he found in my expression and what the taut line between his lips meant.

Finally, he spoke, barely whispering. “What was it that you were going to say about them?” The last word sounded as if it was sour on his tongue. “About why you couldn’t stay with them?”

I forced myself to hold his gaze. “I couldn’t stay with either of them because….” My heart thudded. I licked my lips, but my tongue was just as dry as they were. “Because of what they
weren’t
.”

His eyebrows lifted slightly. “And that is?”

 

My heart thundering in my ears, I looked him in the eye and whispered, “You.”

 

He sucked a breath in through parted lips.

“Jesus, Brandon,” I said. “I was stupid, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just didn’t realize that—”
Before I even realized he was moving, he silenced me with a kiss. Just his lips against mine, barely moving. For a moment, I couldn’t believe what was happening, but as his tongue brushed my lip, my body surrendered to him. I wrapped my arms around him and returned his kiss, holding him close.
He broke the kiss and let his forehead rest against mine. My entire body was trembling as I closed my eyes and just let myself be near him, listening to him breathe, feeling his body and his breath against me.

“I’m sorry too,” he said. “I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard.” He lifted his head and looked at me. “I’ve been there. I know how hard it is.”

“I think you had every right to know if I was just stringing you along though.”

He shrugged. “Maybe. But I don’t think you’re the type to do that anyway. I guess….” He paused. “I guess I was letting myself get so attached so quickly, I was afraid I was setting myself up for something painful.”

I ran my fingers through his hair. “Maybe we both went too fast. In too many directions.”

 

“Maybe we did.” He leaned in to kiss me. “But here we are. Hopefully on the same page.”

“So where do we go from here?” I asked.
He shook his head. “I don’t know. I really don’t.”

Releasing a ragged breath, I looked him in the eye, trying to say what I needed to say more than anything.
I love you, Brandon. I’ve loved you from the beginning. Whether I can live without you or not, I don’t want to. I love you
. But the words refused to come.

As he looked into my eyes, though, he smiled, that warm, understanding smile. Touching my face, his expression was as gentle as his fingertips as he said, “Whatever this is, does it feel right to avoid it?” He paused. “To avoid me?”

I held him closer. “Nothing feels right except being with you.” “Then that’s all that matters.” He drew me into a long, tender kiss. “We’ll start here, and we’ll figure out the rest as we go.” “I can live with that.”

“So can I.” Then he paused, cocking his head, and a familiar grin curled the corner of his lip. “Maybe we should start with the rest of tonight.”

I smiled. “I assume you have something in mind.”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his keys. As he freed one from the ring, he said, “I have to stop for gas, but….” He took my hand and pressed the key into my palm, closing my fingers around it as he winked at me.

Tucking his key in my pocket, I grinned. Just before I kissed him, I said, “I’ll be waiting.”
L. A. W
ITT
is a full-time writer in the romance and erotica genres,

currently living in Okinawa, Japan, with her husband and two cats. She has been writing since grade school, but it wasn’t until she started dabbling in romance—both gay and straight—that she found her niche. When she’s not writing, she enjoys photography and generally getting into mischief.

Visit her website at http://www.loriawitt.com/.