L. Ann Marie (3 page)

Tess hits my arm.  "Enough of that now, let's go dance."  I'm sure I'm beet red; I was just getting to the good part!  Fuckin Tess, knowing what goes through my head.  I laugh to hide my embarrassment and let her pull me to the dance floor.  It's really a tiny patch of floor in the corner.

We dance together but this isn't our regular bar.  Bob has to pull guys away from Tess and CJ.  When he goes to move a guy from Anita she yells, "Get your hand off my possible future man!  Go find your own!"  He puts his hands up; everyone laughs, including Bob.

Looking past me, his smile vanishes.  He walks my way, never looking at me but puts his hand on my waist, telling me he loves the dress as he goes by.  What the fuck?  Tess, CJ and Penny step closer and dance with me.  I look back and see Bob talking to some guy.  Maybe this is what he had to do at nine.  We're having fun but I'm hot as hell.  I tell them I'm getting a drink and head toward the bar.  The whore that was with my ex is all over Bob.  I'm fuckin pissed.  Taking a deep breath, I let it out and turn back around so I can tell Tess I'm leaving.

She's moving my way with a serious look on her face, she already knows.  "Turn around and look again."

I don't really need to see more but I do as she says because she doesn't have a smile on her face.  Tess always smiles.  Bull has the whore's hands behind her and he's walking her out.  Bob has a smile on his face.  What the fuck is going on?

"Now you can leave."  Tess say in my ear, I can hear her smile. "I think Bob offered you a ride."  When I turn to her, she's walking back to Penny, CJ and Anita.  Damn woman.  I can't help but smile; she wanted me to see the whore get picked up.  She wasn't just picked up by Security either, Bob is High Security, head of the Family Security and Bull is an Officer in High Security on the computer team.  Whatever she did has to be bad for two Officers to be involved.  I've seen Security pick guys up, it's always regular Security, and of course it's from my shop, but still.  I remember the night Bob and Chet showed and feel the heat on my face; they were headed to the R&R when I called.  I wish it was regular Security that showed.  I shake it off; I can't change it now.

I grab my purse and walk over to the bar.  Bob's talking to another HS guy so I order a drink and sip it while I wait.  When the guy leaves he turns to me, he knew I was here the whole time.  "Hi."  I have no idea what to say.

He smiles; damn he's got a nice smile.  "Are you ready to go?"  I nod so I don't say anything stupid.  He holds his finger up and looks around.  I follow his eye and see two from Security sitting by our table.  They throw chin to him and he turns back to me.  They must be CJ and Tess' guards for the night.  I slide off the stool and his hand goes to my back.  "All set, Amanda.  Did you drive here?”

“No, I walked.  I was going to get a ride home from Tess and Security.  I knew I would be drinking.”  I tell him trying to ignore the heat from his hand on my bare back.  He pushes the door open and waits for me to go through.  Once we're outside he puts his hand back.  Why the hell does this feel so intimate?  After what I did I would think a hand at my back wouldn't make me feel so connected to him.  It's just a damn hand.  I mentally shake my head and pay attention to where he's guiding me.

"This is me."  He says at a black truck.  With all the other black trucks I don't know how they tell them apart.  He hits his key fob and opens the door for me.

I climb in and he closes the door.  I get to watch him walk around the front of the truck and sigh; too bad he's not boyfriend material.  Holding and opening doors makes women feel like their needs are important enough for the guy to expend some energy so we don't have to.  It's always good to feel taken care of even if it's something small and stupid.  Because of my job, people don't normally treat me with that kind of care; maybe that's why I'm blinking tears from my eyes.  Get a fuckin grip, Amanda.

Bob gets in and looks at me.  "Are you ok?"  I nod and smile.  "Did you want to stop for a drink somewhere a little quieter than here?"

I look at him surprised.  "I don't really know what to say here.  I don't mind stopping somewhere but you wanted to talk to me so I don't know if I'm going to need the drink or not."

He laughs.  I just watch, he looks so different when he laughs, younger and not so intense.  "I'm not sure if you need the drink but I do want to talk to you and I'll need it."  He's still smiling.

"Ok."  I keep watching him trying to figure out what this is all about.

Bob

Fuck I'm nervous.  "Do you mind if we go to T&G?"  It's small, quiet and just outside of town.  No cameras make it perfect for me.

"No, I've never been there.  To tell you the truth, it's been almost a year since I left the yard."  She smiles, fuck she's got a pretty smile.  "Having a guard with me when I do is comforting."

I look at her then back at the road.  "Are you afraid of leaving the yard?"

She laughs, "Not at all, I just have no reason to leave.  Tess told me the world outside of the yard is crazy."

Fuckin Tess is cute and right, it is.  "She would know."  I look at her, she's watching me.  "Does your family live in the yard?"

She looks forward.  "No, my parents live in Danvers.  We're not close."

"Brothers or sisters?"

I can feel the tension rolling off her.  I don't think she's going to answer when she looks at me, "I had a twin, she died a few years ago, she was the smart good girl. My parents aren't thrilled that I survived.  I get a call on Christmas but not an invitation so I have no reason to leave the yard."

"Of all the things you could have said there, I didn't expect that.  I'm sorry I brought that back to you, Amanda."  Fuck, I should have checked her back story before I did this.  I didn't want the info before I got it from her though.

"To tell you the truth I'm glad you don't know about me.  I know you could have every bit of my life on paper but it won't tell you who I am.  I like that you have to ask, even if it is a little uncomfortable."  I take a quick look at her and see she's not pissed and more relaxed than a minute ago.

"I didn't look just for that reason, I jumped wrong once already.  I don't like making mistakes.  This is me trying to fix that."  I hope she doesn't question me right now, I need a fuckin drink for this.

I can feel her looking at me.  "Ok.  I'll wait until you can explain that a little better."

I smile and pull in to the T&G parking lot.  "Thanks, I need a drink for this."

She fuckin smiles.  "Good thing we're in front of a bar."  I get out and go around to her door opening it, I smile; I like that she waited for me.  "Thank you."  She says when I give her my hand.

I bring her to a booth and go get us drinks.  She looks relaxed when I sit down opposite from her.  "I like that you're not nervous or tense."  I tell her because I'm nervous as fuck.

She gives me a shy kind of smile.  "It sounds like you fucked something up, so I don't have to be nervous.  At least not yet."

Fuckin girl makes me smile.  "I did.  I assumed so much where you're concerned, I believed it without actually seeing you.  I know that doesn't make much sense."  I wipe my hands on my thighs.  "I'm not good at talking so bear with me."  She nods and doesn't look pissed or bored.  "Because of your job I assumed you were with guys all the time.  Then that night with me and Chet, I took it as a kind of proof of what happened in your shop.  I'm sorry I didn't look past anything but what was in my head.  I should have paid attention, I had no right to judge you or believe anything but what you showed all the time we've known each other."

She waves her hand, "After what I did you had no reason to believe anything but I'm a slut.  I didn't or I should say, ‘don't take offense’.  I was hurting and drank more than I should have.  I fucked up big time.  I can't blame you for seeing it for what it was."  She shrugs.

"Can I ask what happened, what made you decide to step so far out of character?"  I have no fuckin right to answers here.

She looks away from me blinking.  I take her hand, she looks down at our hands.  "My sister's name was Amelia, I called her Meely, she called me Mandy.  My parents hated it but we never used our full names.  She was the best sister, my parents put her on a pedestal and she pulled me up with her every fuckin time they tried to tear me down.  She was smart, I was the artist.  She supported me enough that it didn't matter what my parents thought about me, she was enough.  One night she went to a party and I covered for her.  My parents never checked on me so I slept in her bed that night.  When they found out it was me in the bed, they went crazy.  They never allowed her to do anything. She was just being a kid but she would always push it.  She was daring and reckless when she got out from under them.  She died driving home drunk from that party.  For two fuckin months they didn't even look at me.  I finally moved out leaving them my cell number on the fridge.  When Meely died I lost my whole family.  I had only my reflection and the box of crazy shit she used to write when I left home.  She made a bucket list, I revised it and put stuff from her list and mine together.  Every couple of months, I cross something off the list.  She had three way on her list, that night was the anniversary of her death.  I had too much to drink, trying to get enough courage to go through with it."  I see the tear fall down her cheek and wipe it off.  I feel like an ass.

"I wish I could bring her back for you, Amanda.  Sounds like you made an amazing team."

She looks up at me, I can see the pain clear as day in her eyes.  "Thank you.  We did.  I'm sorry I used you like that.  I knew what I was doing but I was scared, I knew you wouldn't let anything happen to me."

Fuck, I treated her like a whore.  "Don't apologize.  It wasn't like I didn't get anything out of it.  I wish you would have told me.  We can't change the past but I'd like to start over Amanda.  I'd like the chance to get to know who you really are.  Can we start from right now?"  My heart is beating a fuckin mile a minute.  You'd think I've never had a fuckin date.  I shake my head, I never really did.

She looks at me for a minute; I'm not sure what to do.  "Yes.  I'm not the girl that's going to jump into bed with you tonight.  What I did can't be undone but it's not my normal behavior."

I nod.  "I get that."  She smiles; something in me wants to keep that smile on her face.  "So besides being the preferred artist for the MC, what do you do for fun?"

She smiles, "Well, I make wind chimes, design patriotic pictures on the computer, hang with Tess and company and take long walks on the beach.  What do you do for fun, Bob?"  Her eyes are lit making her face light up and she's talking like a contestant on a game show.  Fuckin sassy and cute.

"I ride, do tai chi, ride, hang with Rich and company and ride."

I get her to laugh.  "Where is your favorite place to ride?"

I shrug.  "Anywhere makes me happy but the back roads give me something.  I can clear work out of my head and look around."  I don't even know if that makes sense.

"Stop and smell the roses?"  She asks with a smile.

I think about that, "Yeah, something like that.  I don't normally talk about this shit so I make it sound stupid but you get it."

"You don't sound stupid.  Do you have brothers and sisters?"  Thank fuck she changed the subject.

I shake my head no, "The only fuck up of my family.  Only child."

She watches me but what else is there to say?  "Being an only child makes you a fuck up?"

I laugh, "No, my parents fucked up.  I was the result, they didn't hide that from me.  I spent a lot of time alone growing up."

"That would explain the not talking much."  She smiles like she knows how that feels.

I'm out of things to say.  I need a fuckin list of topics.  "Do you want to dance?"

Her smile lights up her face again.  "Sure, thanks."

We dance and talk until last call.  I'm fuckin shocked, we've been here for hours.  "I didn't realize the time.  Are you hungry?"  I don't want to take her home yet.  I like the way this feels.  Fuckin Rich knows his shit.

She's been smiling the whole time, I don't know how but her smile gets bigger.  "I could use a bowl of cereal.  I may have enough to share."

Fuck, she's cute when she's happy.  "I might be able to do cereal, tell me it's not chocolate covered cookie candy and you might get a yes."

She laughs, "Good old fashioned raisin bran or shredded wheat."

I stand and put my hand out to her.  She takes it and doesn't let go while I walk her out.  It feels good.  I don't know how long it's been since I've held a woman's hand when I wasn't leading her to my room at the club.  Before I open her door, I put my hands on her face and bend to kiss her.  With my lips inches from hers I whisper, "Tell me it's ok to taste you, Amanda.  I'm not planning on your bed tonight but I've got to taste how sweet you are."  She takes in a breath saying yes.  Fuck if she doesn't taste sweet.  One hand moves to her back, fuckin skin, I pull her to me rough and her mouth opens wider.  Fuckin shit!  I want to fuck her.  I growl and loosen my hold.  Kissing around her lips, she licks my rings; fuck, my dick is fighting to find where it's going to be buried.  I pull away and watch her open her eyes.  She wants me too but I can't treat her like a whore again.  She's fuckin cool as shit and deserves better than that twice from me.  I've been with the Club forever and fuck if I know how to do this different.  I put monumental effort into kissing her lips, stepping back and opening her door.  "Thank you, Amanda."  I say as she moves to get in.  She smiles up at me like I gave her the world.  Fuck.