La Suite (2 page)

“Rubbish!
You’re not old. When you were my boss you were, what, late
twenties?”

Gaëlle laughed.
“I was at least thirty.”

“You’re over
forty? It doesn’t show. You know, I never told you how much I owe
to you. And I’m not the only one. I can think of half a dozen other
girls who appreciate how much you helped them in their career.”

“I didn’t
realise I had been especially helpful.”

“You must be
joking! We used to feel encouraged because of you, but secure, too.
You were Madame Gaëlle, our guru, our big sister who’d made it to
where we wanted to be! We admired so much about you! How you worked
so hard, how you were fair to everyone, how you dressed, too,
always smart, always impeccable!”

Gaëlle looked
down at herself with a rueful expression. “Not so impeccable now,”
she commented.

“Pah! That’s a
passing phase. You’ve had a bad time. It’s normal that you should
take a while to pick up.”

“Thank you for
your confidence in me, Gabi. I’m not sure I share it. It’s true
that it’s been a bad year, though. First Jérôme…” Her voice
cracked.

Gabi stood up
and went to pour coffee for them both. By the time she returned,
Gaëlle had recovered her composure.

“Then just last
month,” she went on, “my own mentor, Anne-Marie died. If I was a
help to you, she’s the one you have to thank. She protected and
encouraged me when I was starting out.”

“That’s a
double blow you’ve suffered, then. It must be hard.” Gabi paused.
“Drink your coffee.”

Gaëlle obeyed.
There was silence for a minute or so. Gabi’s face broke into a
smile.

“Do you
remember the first time you invited me to your office to eat my
lunch because Philippine had gone out and left me on my own?” she
asked. “I was so much in awe of you, but you made me feel as if we
were just girls relaxing.”

“I remember it
well.” Gaëlle’s own memory of that occasion included having an
orgasm, something that she hoped Gabi didn’t know. “Is it so
admirable to talk with people as if they are normal?”

“Oh yes! And
how! You were also the one who pointed out that a secretary,
however skilled, would only ever be a secretary. That pushed me
back into studying. I wouldn’t be where I am now without your words
of wisdom! For me you were the woman who had everything, yet you
still cared about the future of an ignorant young girl working on
your reception desk!”

“And now I have
nothing.”

“Isn’t that a
little melodramatic? I bet your husband wouldn’t have wanted you to
lock yourself away and grieve forever.”

Gaëlle smiled,
in spite of herself.

“You’ve just
used his exact words.”

Gabi waved her
arms in emphasis. “Then why not live your life? Just do it! To be
true to yourself and to him. And besides…look. You told us girls
things we needed to know, even unpalatable ones, but you did it in
a way that made us think, rather than resent it. Who was it who
warned me that I would need to work at keeping my body in shape or
run the risk of becoming a big, fat, Italian mama? Madame Gaëlle,
of course! So, can I be as honest with you as you always were with
me? “

“Go on. Be as
frank as you want.”

“There are
millions of people in the world who would give their eyeteeth to be
in your position. You’ve lost someone precious, it’s true, but you
have your health; you have somewhere to live. I suspect you don’t
need to work if you don’t want to, there is food and heating and
hot water when you want them. You’re still young and still
attractive. Tough life, huh? Point made, Madame Gaëlle?”

“Point taken,
Gabi. But please, just Gaëlle, now.”

“Gaëlle it is,
then.”

Gaëlle smiled
again, this time with a little more confidence. She blew out her
cheeks.

“You’re quite
right, and I’ve needed someone to tell me that. I’ve allowed myself
to wallow for long enough. I’ll try. Is that good enough?”

“Philippine
used to do a good imitation of you saying
All we can do is our
best. We understand the consequences of our actions.
”

This time
Gaëlle couldn’t prevent the laughter. Gabi’s imitation was very
true to life. “That’s another of Jérôme’s! Thank you, thank you,
thank you, Gabi,” she said. “You said just what I needed to
hear.”

Gabi leaned
across and hugged her. Gaëlle caught her breath, her fingers
twitching. She fought the temptation to touch as Gabi’s firm,
braless breasts were crushed against her. For the first time in
half a year, she felt the draw of desire and sex. She controlled
her breath and relaxed.

“I should go,”
she said, pulling away. “I have things to do.”

“But now I’ve
found you again, promise me you’ll stay in touch,” Gabi said. “You
were there for me, so the least I can do is be here for you
now.”

“Thank you
again, Gabi. You’ve made my day much brighter,” Gaëlle said. “Give
me a ring in a week or so and we’ll have tea. I’ll show you
my
new apartment, if you want.”

“I do want,
and, believe me, I will!” Gabi said, with feeling. She kissed
Gaëlle on the cheek. They exchanged phone numbers and parted.

Chapter
Two

After Jerôme’s
death, Gaëlle hadn’t taken long to decide she had to change her
address. Their three bedroom apartment—one bedroom too many in any
case—was too full of memories of Jérôme. Her new place was in the
old part of town, and had two bedrooms. She’d had it gutted,
redecorated and furnished just as she wanted. When she’d added up
the life assurance and the pension that Jérôme had left her, she
had discovered that she was better off than she could ever have
imagined. It was true that she didn’t need to work at all. She had
used that fact to take on a large part of Jérôme’s work for the
charity, asking only for her social security payments to be met. It
felt appropriate to pick up the work that he had cared so much
about.

“Come and sit
down. I’ve made tea. Is that all right?” Gaëlle said, as she showed
Gabi into her apartment a week later.

“I drink far
too much coffee, so yes, tea is great.”

They chatted
for half an hour, tentative conversation. Gaëlle attempted to
appear cheerful, and Gabi was apparently endeavouring to be careful
in her choice of subjects.

“I can see you
looking around. Do you want to have the tour?” Gaëlle asked.

“I’d love to,
but I didn’t dare to ask.”

“This is my
bedroom,” Gaëlle said, opening the door.

“Wow, a whole
wall of clothes cupboard!” Gabi exclaimed. “Fantastic! I’m
envious!”

“I have far too
many clothes, I know, but I haven’t got round to sorting them out
yet,” Gaëlle told her, leading Gabi into the second bedroom.

“Another
wardrobe, Gaëlle?” Gabi said, turning to her. “You can’t have
enough clothes to fill two! May I look?”

Before Gaëlle
could react, Gabi had opened the doors wide.

“Oh, it’s
just…” Gaëlle started to try to explain. This wardrobe was where
she had put away her sexy clothes. Some were decent, others were
things she had only ever worn for special erotic occasions. She
didn’t reach the end of her sentence, and wasn’t even sure of where
it was going to finish, because, from the rail, Gabi had picked out
and was admiring one of her
minor erotic outing
dresses, as
Jérôme had called them. It was dark green silk, quite short and
slightly transparent. Still, Gaëlle thought, Gabi might have chosen
something even more overtly provocative.

“You never wore
dresses like this at work,” Gabi said, looking hard at Gaëlle.

“Neither did
you!” Gaëlle retorted. “It isn’t a work dress.”

“That’s the
least you can say! You must look very sexy in it.”

“Yes,
well…shall we finish our tea?”

Gabi’s visit
ended with an agreement that they would meet again, a week later.
It became a regular feature over the following months, and Gaëlle
felt better for the relief of light conversation and gossip.

Gabi made
herself comfortable on the sofa facing Gaëlle. They had finished
their drinks, coffee this time, and were sitting in companionable
silence. The sounds of the city drifted in through the open
window.

“You know I
said that we all looked up to you, Gaëlle?” Gabi began. “Well,
there’s an extra reason for that in my case.”

“Oh yes?”

“Well… you
remember I mentioned about how we chatted when I was just a
beginner?”

“Yes, I
do.”

“Look, to say
what I’m going to tell you, I need to go back a bit. You know how
people often play tricks on new staff? My dad was a mechanic, and
they used to send apprentices to get a left-handed screwdriver and
so on.”

Gaëlle smiled.
“Like striped paint for trainee decorators?”

“Yes, that sort
of thing. Well, it was the tradition when I started in my current
job, four years ago, to load the new arrival’s desk with mail, as
if that were the usual quantity. Most of it was junk, treatments
for baldness and impotence, stuff like that. Porn magazines, too,
of course, and sex catalogues, but with the real stuff hidden in
among it. You had to sort it so you didn’t throw out some
minister’s next speech! I’d been warned, so I went through it
before I slung most of it straight in the bin, but in that process,
on the front of one of the catalogues on my desk there was a photo
of something that caught my eye. Can you guess what?”

She paused and
looked across at Gaëlle. There was no response.

“It was the
remote control for a wireless vibrating egg,” Gabi announced. “And
I knew where I’d seen an identical one…that day, on the desk in
your office!”

Gaëlle
blushed.

“I’m right,
aren’t I?” Gabi went on. “That wasn’t a crumb you choked on, that
was my oh-so-perfect, always in control boss, having a full-on,
can’t-control-it orgasm!”

“Um.”

“And that made
me admire you even more for your daring! Did you know the girls
were all sure that you had a secret sex life? People who’d met your
Jérôme said there was a twinkle about you both when you were seen
together. There was no way you could be as asexual as you tried to
appear, and we were convinced that you dressed so formally just to
hide the fact that you had a sexy body! When I saw that remote
control I knew we’d been right. The dress I saw in your wardrobe
just confirmed it.”

“I was a lot
younger then.”

“I’d gamble
that if you put that dress on right now, it would still fit. Do I
win?”

“I’m not as
toned as I used to be, but I haven’t put on weight, so I suppose
so.”

“So did
you?”

“Did I what?
Have an orgasm while you watched? Very well, then. Yes, I confess.
I did. Happy now?”

“To an extent.
And the secret life?”

“You’re being
nosy, Gabi,” Gaëlle said, but had to smile.

“I was sure of
it. Can I ask why?”

“Why what? Why
I was playing with a vibrator in my office? Why I had an
orgasm?”

“I’m not twenty
any more, Gaëlle, and you know perfectly well what I mean. Why just
then?”

Gaëlle sat back
and thought for a moment.

“It was the day
I first came into the office with my new haircut, which reminds me
I still haven’t had it done, and it needs it.”

“Don’t try to
change the subject!”

“I was feeling
rather sexy that day. There was the new short hair, and I was
wearing new earrings, too…”

“I remember
those! They were beautiful!”

“A present from
Jérôme, as was the vibrating egg. He’d hidden it in my bag, and
when I found it, I couldn’t resist trying it out. We had a
wonderful sex life in those days,” she said, deciding to be frank.
“It didn’t usually overflow into my work life, but just that once
it did.”

Gabi
pouted.

“So it had
nothing to do with me? There I was, flattering myself that I’d
turned you on, and now you’re telling me it was a figment of my
imagination.”

“It had a lot
to do with you, Gabi. You’re a very attractive young woman now, and
you were then, although in a different way. I was already turned on
when you came in with my lunch, and I allowed myself to be
tempted.”

“Tempted
how?”

“To stimulate
myself more and more, while you were there, to see if I could come,
but still hide it from you. It would have been an abuse of my
position to involve you more than I did.”

“But you still
haven’t told me how I was involved! Are you teasing me?”

“Not at all. I
was just going over that moment in my mind. As I said, you were
attractive, sexy too, but not artfully.”

“I wasn’t all
that innocent!”

Gaëlle laughed.
“I was a very late starter myself,” she said. “I forget how
precocious most young women are! But what I meant was that there
was something appealing in the quality of your budding sexiness
that was very exciting for me.”

“So it really
was me, then? I’m glad I didn’t know at the time! I’d have run a
mile! But I’m glad I know now. I had no idea that you were
bisexual.”

“I don’t like
labels. I don’t think they’re helpful. It just so happens that I
find some women attractive, as well as some men.”

“I understand.
Is it all right to ask if your husband knew?”

Gaëlle felt her
heart lurch.

“It isn’t easy
for me to talk about that, but yes, Jérôme knew. It was part of our
sex life.”

“I’m regretting
never having met him, more and more,” Gabi said. “I bet that he
would have enjoyed that we’re talking together about him and about
sex, though.”

Gaëlle nodded,
then smiled. “Oh yes! He’d have appreciated it all right, for you
and for me, as well as for himself. Would you like to see a photo
of him?”