Lady Fiasco, A Traditional Regency Romance (My Notorious Aunt) (27 page)

“Hold!
”
Marcus jumped to his feet
.
“I had nothing to do with tripping Prinny
.
Your niece managed that without any help from me.”

“I see
.
” Honore sipped her chocolate and set the cup down
.

Indeed
,
she did see. His calumny was crystal clear
.
“What was it, Marcus? Did you think I wouldn’t leave you my money?”

The color drained from his face. He raked his hand through his hair. He glanced around the room, as if he expected her henchmen to spring out from behind the drapery. When nothing happened, his panic subsided. “What did you expect me to do? You were planning to give it all to her, weren’t you? Did you suppose I would live on bread and water after you
’
re gone?” He leaned forward, squeezed her bedding in his fists, and glared at Honore
.
“I couldn
’
t have a whey-faced little chit running off with what was rightfully mine.”

Her gaze remained on her plate. She pushed the yellow egg yolk around with her fork
.

“Well
?”
he demanded
.
“You planned to give her everything, didn’t you
?”

“
No.” She looked up at him. “There was no need
.
I knew from the start Fiona would marry Wesmont
.
”

He stared at her, stunned
.
He shook his head and pointed his finger at her. “No. No! No, you’re lying! I know you are. You’d considered changing your will in her favor. You said as much the night of your soiree
.
”

“Oh yes
,
that was the night you tried to shoot a h
o
l
e
through my head. Was it not?” She arched one eyebrow
.

He licked his lips
,
which suddenly felt very dry.

“
No
,
Marcus
.
I never intended to make Fiona my h
eir
.
I
was teasing you, amusing myself at your expense
.
I’m well aware that you pant heavily after my money. It’s great sport to watch you squirm when I pretend to give it away to someon
e
else
.
Besides,
I’d
hoped you’d stop counting on an inheritance from me, and begin taking better care of what you already have. Tell me
.
Do you actually know who benefits from my will at the moment?”

His eyes narrowed into two thin slits. Sweat broke out on his forehead and his innards cramped. Pushing his hand against his belly to assuage the pain, he answered
,
“
Very well
,
Honore, I
’
ll play your game. Who is your beneficiary?”

“Hmm
.
I wonder if I should tell you. I saw you push the urn, you know. I had to go to some rather drastic extremes to protect Fiona
.
These hives were a ruse. A most uncomfortable ruse, I might add
,
to lull you into a false sense of security
.
” Honore scratched her arm and scrutinized her stepson. “No
.
I’m not at all sure I should tell you who my beneficiary is.”

He clutched at his cramping stomach and dropped back into the chair.
“
It doesn’
t
matter. Obviously,
I
am not
.
”

“
Now
,
that
would have been foolish of me in the extreme
.
You inherited almost all of your father’s wealth a
n
d managed to go through it in a matter of months
.
Granted
,
he was not as rich as crocuses, but
—
”

“Gad
,
Honore. When will you get your euphemisms right? Crocuses are flowers
.
Croesus,
rich as Croesus, the king, not
crocuses.”
Marcus swiped at the perspiration dripping from his forehead.

“No matter.” Honore tapped her fingernail against her tea tray. “Flowers, kings, you went through it all
.
Francisco left you a sizable fortune and a vast estate in Portugal
.
Yet, directly after quarter day your pockets are for let
.
”

Honore shook her head and clucked her tongue. Marcus rubbed his temples and licked at his lips again. They were drier than before, and a foul-tasting gas mounted up from his stomach.

“You squandered it, Marcus
.
My money would evaporate like water running through your fingers.”

He moaned
.
“Must you mix your metaphors? I’m not in a mood to sort through them
.”

She ignored him. “No. I shall leave my fortune where it can be of some lasting value. Oh, that is not to say I won’t leave you something
.
I’m really quite fond of you, Marcus
.
Although, you’re a tr
i
fle spoiled
.
Spoiled children can be such nuisances
.
But did you know that I had five brothers? Five married brothers, and each of them had several children. I have a grand total of sixteen nephews and nieces. I regret to inform you, Marcus, you must murder all sixteen of them before you stand to inherit everything
.
Oh, and you must also do away with several of my business partners, including Lord Kinnard of the London
Bank
.
All told
,
I have twenty-two beneficiaries.”

He moaned.

She laughed
.
“A messy business, that would be. Nineteen murders
,
just so you can throw my money away on whores and gambling
.
”

“Twenty-one.” He corrected her math and sat forward with his head in his hands. He rocked slightly. His stomach burned like the fires of hell
.
Slowly
,
he dragged his face up from his hands, elongating his features
.
He squinted at Honore. “Can we discuss this later? Right now I feel like the very devil
.
”

“I imagine you do, dear. However, we must finish this now because you’re embarking on a rather long trip. Did you enjoy your omelet, Marcus? Mattie made it especially for you. She used a particularly rare type of mushroom
.
”

His eyes flew open wide
.
“Good God!
”
His voice rose to a high frenzied pitch. “You poisoned me!”

“Tch.” Honore glanced at her fingernails
.
“Really, Marcus,
poisoned
is such a strong word
.
Didn’t I just say I was fond of you? No, dearest
,
I haven’t poisoned you. I have merely
sickened
you
.
You are the one always striving for verbal accuracy
.
Poisoned
sounds so very final
.
You won
’
t die. At least, I don
’
t think you will, not if you get to Portugal in time
.
You see, I’ve sent a man ahead with the antidote. He’ll be waiting for you at the port in Aveiro.” She set the tea tray aside and threw back the covers
.

“
We must hurry
.
My coachman
i
s prepared to drive you as sw
i
ftly as he can to the wharf, where I’ve chartered your passage on the fastest ship available. You should arrive in two days if the weather holds
.
When you get there, drink up the entire bottle. You’ll be right as rain-in a few days
,
or weeks, I can’t remember which.
Never mind
.”

He stared at her. “You’re completely mad.”

Honore motioned to him. “Francisco’s steward
,
Rodrigo, has agreed to nurse you back to health, and then he’ll help you repair your estates. He’s most eager to assist you
.
Perhaps you remember him? He loves Alameda’s tenants and continually complains to me of how the people are suffering because of your neglect.”

Marcus stood and stumbled toward her bed.
He would kill her. Strangle her! Squeeze her scrawny neck until her eyes bulged out
.
If only the room would stop spinning and his head would not wobble so. He lurched forward and collapsed across her legs. He cried out, an anguished, a wordless cry
,
and
t
hen he simply lay there groaning
.

Honore experienced a strange and unfamiliar sensation.
Pity
. A tiny seed of compassion twisted and grew inside of her. She tentatively placed her hand on his black curls. Her fingers combed gently through his dark tousles.

“Oh my darling
,
” she murmured
.
“Don’t you see? I couldn’t let them bring you up on charges. You might have been hanged. Or worse, thrown in a dark smelly prison. If I didn’t do something, Lord Wesmont
swore he would
put a bullet in your
diseased brain
.
Those were his exact words. I couldn’t let him do that, now could I?”

Marcus moaned in answer.

“No. You’ll see. This is the best way
.
You’ll feel much better about it in a few months. You must promise to stay on your estates for at least a year. Otherwise, I will have to do something
truly
unpleasant
.
I expect regular reports of your diligence and industry from Senior Rodrigo and my friends in Portugal
.
”

“Your spies,” he mumbled.

She stroked his hair back from his face. “Try to make a go of it, Marcus, my darling boy. Prove that you are something besides a spoiled man with a beautiful face.”

Marcus began to shiver uncontrollably.

Honore leaned back and yanked on the bell cord.

Chapter 21
Custard Shackles

L
ady Hawthorn fluttered her fan and assessed her stepdaughter’s ball gown
. “
It is not white, and there are no ruffles or flounces or bows,” she complained. “It is so simple, that it draws attention to your figure. It’s not suitable for a young woman
,” she complained. “On top of that, it is
a roguish color of silk. It will not commit to one shade. It shifts under the light
. One minute I think it is blue and the next it turns purplish.” She shook her head. “Imminently unsuitable.”

Fiona held out the skirt of the gown
.
She quite liked the color. It played nicely against her eyes. “Unsuitable?”

“Yes. A color like that is better worn by a mature woman, not a young girl
.
”

“I’m hardly a young girl, my lady
.
I’m very nearly on the shelf
.
I considered wearing a turban, except I didn’t have one to match the gown.”

“A turban? Good gracious! Well, thank heaven you didn
’
t do that
.
Never mind then
,
I suppose your dress will have to do. Where is our Emeline? Guests will be arriving shortly. Do go and see what
’
s keeping her.”

Fiona climbed the stairs and found Emeline standing at her mirror, smiling appreciatively at her reflection
. She
whirled to Fiona
.
“
What do you think?”

Fiona smiled at her stepsister. “You look perfectly adorable
.
”

“I know that, silly
.
I mean, should I wear the pearls or Mama’s diamonds?” Emeline’s white embroidered voile gown had a Brussels lace
ruffle
standing around her low neckline, a pink silk ribbon tied under her bosom and matching pink silk roses trim
m
ed the top of each flounce. She held up a string of graduated pearls and then traded them for an elegant diamond collar.