Lakota Dawn (9 page)

“As I passed the tepee of Leaning Tree, I heard River’s Edge telling his father and mother about a badger attack and the slain elk. Tell us what happened,” he coaxed his youngest brother.

War Eagle related in detail the stimulating events during their hunt, filling him with renewed elation and a strong sense of family pride. Later, in private, he would reveal to Wind Dancer the prior confrontation between his second brother and their cousin. He finished with, “Cloud Chaser is skilled and brave. He obeyed my orders on this hunt.”

“That is what his two deeds tell us. You did not flee on this sun.”

Chase eyed Wind Dancer as he attempted to ascertain the man’s true meaning. “Why would I want to leave the only family I have or our people? I will do so only if I am slain, captured, or sent away by our father.”

“Does the yearning to finish your testing still beat within your heart and fill your head?” Wind Dancer asked, sensing a
troubled spirit nearby, and he could not fault his brother’s anger if the man was not a trickster.

Chase looked at Rising Bear and his warring mind shouted,
Why won’t you speak to me? I’m not a prisoner or an enemy or a stranger; I’m your son!
His bruised heart ached in anguish and his mind reeled in frustration and disappointment.
Let’s see if I can provoke you into talking to me. But do it carefully, Chase,
he told himself,
or you’ll spoil everything you’ve accomplished so far, which isn’t much. Watch your tone and expressions. Don’t be smart-mouthed or sullen.
He asked with all of the sincerity he could muster, “What must I say and do to earn the forgiveness of my father and people for being born half white and for being stolen as a boy and reared by Whites? I cannot change the past. I cannot change my looks or what I am, for the Great Spirit created me this way. For what purpose, I do not know. I will do any task or test you choose to become a Red Shield and son again. I will purify myself in the sweat lodge. I will go on a vision-quest. I will fight or race any warrior you choose. You can test my skills with weapons. I will surrender to the Sun Dance Ceremony, though I do not believe this is the time to do so. I will endure sun-staking.”
Anything,
Chase vowed.
Just allow me to reenter the band. Only as a member can I truly prove myself to my family and save Dawn from Two Feathers.

Wind Dancer was impressed by his brother’s words, by what the boy had suffered and for what the man now endured. He wished no obstacle stood between them, wished his brother had never disappeared. Yet, Cloud Chaser had been reared by Whites and could be lying to obtain revenge or to seek to help their enemies defeat them. If only so much was not at stake and he was certain his brother was honest, he would welcome him back this very sun and convince everyone to agree! But he could not risk losing another wife—his precious Chumani—and his second son to enemies’ blades. Tokapa had reached the same age as his first son when he was slain, so perhaps he should take that reality as a warning sign to move slowly and carefully. He also could not endanger his family, people, and lands. Or his honor. Because of the uncertainty, the future chief
could only respond with evasion. “We do not practice the torture of sun-staking, Cloud Chaser,” he said.

That’s all you have to say to me after what I told you and after such a long silence? And you, Father, you have no words for me, nothing? Stay calm and clear-headed, Chase,
he advised himself.
No accusations or challenges.
“I know it is not an Oglala custom, my brother, but I will yield to it if it will prove I speak the truth and am worthy to rejoin our family and band.”
You must have doubts about me being dishonest and unworthy, Wind Dancer, or you wouldn’t have hesitated so long in replying. Are you feeling just as trapped by this situation as I am?

Wind Dancer knew it was just as difficult and painful—no, undeniably more so—for their father to remain silent and distant to Cloud Chaser as it was for he himself to do, but Rising Bear was caught in the same kind of snare of protective duty to his family and people. “Other things and ways will reveal the truth to us,” he said. “We break camp on the next sun to journey to the grasslands; we will not wait six more for the full moon as planned. If you want to come with us, be ready to leave when we do. Return to your camp for the rest of this sun and my sister will bring you food.”

So, Father, my little ploy failed and you stayed quiet. Your expression didn’t change a bit during my pleas. But I guess you’ve had plenty of practice holding that stoic mask in place when you confronted enemies. I know you’re a brave man because your tepee and shield paintings and the stories I heard about you when I was a child and those at the forts shout of your prowess. What are you proving by giving me a winter shoulder and deaf ear?
Chase drew a deep breath. “I need a bath; I am sweaty and bloody from the hunt. Where is a good place to go? I cannot use the river while women do their chores there and nearby.”

After Wind Dancer gave him directions, Chase asked, “Do I go there alone, or do you want to send a guard with me?”

“I send no one to watch you.”
If you escape, that is your choice and the Great Spirit’s plan. But it will be difficult to get far without your horse and weapons. And you cannot reach the enemy in time to endanger our camp here before we leave.
But I hope you are not foolish and do not damage all the good you have done, my brother. I cannot tell you such things, for they might prevent you from acting as you would without hearing them.
“Hanmani will bring you food before you wash your body.”

Chase glanced at his father, whose gaze was lowered, and at War Eagle, whose calm gaze was locked on him. He nodded to his younger brother who returned the gesture, and departed. He walked to his solitary campsite and sat down by the log, feeling tired and depressed. Or was it more? he wondered. Was he soul-weary and defeated? Was he wasting his time and energy there? Was he pursuing an unattainable goal, as he had with the ghost horse when he was ten years old? The objective of both events were the same: winning his father’s approval. Maybe he should just admit to himself this was a mistake, stop punishing himself, get the tarnation out of this place, and go find himself and peace elsewhere. He sighed deeply. No, he couldn’t leave, not now, not after meeting Macha. Even if a reunion with his family wasn’t his destiny, surely Macha was a part of it. Maybe finding her was the only reason he had been summoned there.

When Hanmani came to bring Chase food, she had with her another treat from Macha and a gift from Macha’s parents for saving their son from the badger’s attack, as it was the custom to reward one for a good deed. “They could not approach you on this sun, so Leaning Tree and Root asked me to bring this shirt to you. She finished it this morning for her husband, but they believe it should be given to you, and your size matches that of Leaning Tree. They say both are good signs the shirt was meant for you and this brave and generous deed. The berry and nut bread is from Dawn.”

Chase was surprised by the two gifts. He accepted the garment and noticed with pleasure its fine beading and dangling fringes from the sleeves and at the waist. But it was the leatherenclosed treat from Macha which thrilled him most. “I did not know River’s Edge was Dawn’s brother before I helped him,”
he said to Hanmani, “but I am happy one she loves is unharmed and alive because of me. Carry my thanks to Dawn and her parents for their gifts and kindness.”

After Hanmani nodded and stole a glance behind her, she whispered, “I will give you time to eat and wash in the forest stream. Wait for Dawn to come. I will stand watch while you talk, for you must not be seen together.”

“Does Dawn want to meet with me in the forest?”

“I have not asked her, but she will come to you after we speak.”

Chase recalled his thoughts before Hanmani’s arrival, and felt he could trust his sister. The facts that she would aid him and that Macha would take such a risk both elated and unsettled him. “How will you two sneak away from camp?” he asked her.

“We must gather more wood before darkness comes. I heard my first brother tell you to go wash your body. I will bring her nearby soon.” She eyed him and asked, “Do you not wish to see her for a short time, for this will be the only time you can do so before we break camp? During our journey and stay on the grasslands, a secret visit will not be possible.”

Chase realized she misunderstood his hesitation. “I wish to see her for any span of the sun I can steal, but I do not want to cause trouble for you or her. We must make certain we are not caught.”

Hanmani understood her father and oldest brother’s motivations from talk she had overheard, but she was certain her actions could not imperil her family and people. Even if she had misjudged Cloud Chaser, his interest in Macha would give Macha the courage and strength to reject or at least slow Two Feathers’ pursuit. Although Hanmani was almost always obedient and honest, she was consumed by the fact she believed her best friend and brother were meant to be together. She feared if she did not quickly help them move closer, something or someone would step between them and would cause farreaching harm to the Great Spirit’s plan from the dream. Since this was the will of the Creator, what she was doing could not be wrong, though others would think so. “Eat and go,” she
told Chase. “I will keep my eyes on your camp to see when you leave it. Soon, we will join you near the stream.”

Chase was rilled with renewed vigor. “Thank you, my sister. You are my best, my only, friend here. You and Dawn,” he added.

“The sun will rise when you have many more.” She smiled and left.

Chase’s spirits rose as he recalled what Lucy Martin had told him on many occasions when things moved too slowly to suit him: “Sometimes, to our way of thinking, the Good Lord moves at a snail’s pace or sends us in a crazy direction, but it’s for a special reason. Be patient and trusting and walk whatever path He sets before you and you won’t be sorry.”

Chase bathed and yanked on clean clothes as fast as possible, his spirits soaring with anticipation and his body quivering with suspense. He was glad he took after his father and the Indians in at least one way—he never had to shave his face and he had little hair on his arms and legs and none on his chest. As he paced near the stream’s bank while waiting for Macha, he began to worry she would not come. Perhaps he’d gotten ready more quickly than his sister had expected. But if they didn’t arrive soon, the visit would be over before it began.

At last, they came into view, and his heart leaped with excitement. His sister seemed very alert, frequently glancing around her. He couldn’t stop staring at Macha as she came forward. He listened as Hanmani reminded her of the bird call she would send forth if anyone headed in their direction. He smiled and thanked his sister, who sent him a cheerful grin, her dark gaze and expression full of delightful mischief.

After Hanmani moved far enough away to give them privacy while she kept watch, Chase murmured, “I am happy you came, Dawn, but I do not want trouble to attack you for doing so. Thank you for the gifts you sent to me, for I enjoyed each bite. My heart filled with happiness at your generous deeds.”

“I come to thank you for your generous and brave deed, Cloud Chaser. My family’s hearts would be filled with sadness
if my brother had been slain or injured. We are grateful you kept him in our Life-Circles.”

Chase knew the warmth assailing his body wasn’t totally due to the hot weather. Macha sparked flames of love within his heart and the heat of desire within his loins. How she had done so this quickly, he did not know. “It was good to hunt as your brother’s companion. I did not know he shared your bloodline before I helped him and I would have done so even if he was not cherished by you, but it pleases me you are his sister and I was given a chance to catch your eye and warm your heart toward me.”

Macha felt hot and quivery and weak inside just from being near him. He filled her head with dreamy thoughts and her body with fierce cravings. She had first come to love him as a child, and those feelings had increased since his return, as if she were being carried away in a whirlwind. “How could your deeds not warm my heart, for we were friends as children, Cloud Chaser, and we are friends on this sun?”

“Is it too soon to tell you I hunger for us to become more than friends one day?” When she stared at him wide-eyed, he asked, “Did I speak too soon or speak words you do not wish to hear?”

“I do not know what is best to say.” How should she answer him? What was “more than friends” to him?

“I do not want to frighten or insult you, Dawn, but I must reveal what lives in my heart. We break camp on the next sun; we will not be able to speak alone after we begin our journey. If you do not want to answer me here, that is not wrong. I speak now to prevent Two Feathers from stealing you before I can do so.”

Macha’s heart beat faster. He had made his meaning as clear as the stream’s water with his last words. She was too amazed and elated to respond to him, so she listened intently as he continued.

“My cousin made himself my enemy when we were boys and he does so again while we are men. If he learns of my strong feelings for you, he will seek you out if only to harm me. Do not join to him,” Chase pleaded, “for he is unworthy
of you. I have not proven I am worthy of you to this moon, but I will seek to do so on every sun which rises.”

Macha looked into his golden-brown eyes and she was convinced he spoke the truth. “Do not fear, Cloud Chaser, for I grasp the wickedness which lives within Two Feathers. I have no love or desire for him. I will not join to him unless I am forced to do so. My parents and our people do not see his bad side, for he hides it with cunning. He is viewed as a great warrior, a man from a chief’s bloodline. If he speaks for me, they will not understand if I reject and insult him.”

As Chase listened and watched her, suddenly memories poured into his mind like water cascading over a towering rock. He remembered sitting behind bushes and rocks with her while whispering and playing, hiding their special friendship from other children, for opposite sexes rarely played together, and many boys considered him unworthy of attention. Long ago, she had slipped him little gifts and praised his boyish prowess and urged him to believe in himself and comforted him when other boys or his father wounded his pride or feelings. He recalled giving her a gray hare’s pelt, white during the winter season, and how she had made a pouch with it and kept her small treasures inside. How could he have forgotten such important-times? Why had those memories returned at this particular moment? Was it because she was bringing them to the surface?