Lamplight in the Shadows (30 page)

Choosing a table in the window, he held a chair for Anna and then took a seat opposite her. Simultaneously, he caught the attention of a waitress. ‘Tea for two, please.' The waitress nodded, scribbled on a pad and disappeared through a curtain of beads. ‘This is one of my favourite cafés in Lincoln.'

Anna laughed and gesticulated to the view of a double-fronted antiquarian bookshop across the narrow cobbled road. ‘I can't for one moment begin to guess why.'

He gave a wry grin in return. ‘I admit it does have the advantage of a good outlook, but that is not actually the reason. The truth is they do a very decent line in home-baked cakes. Do you like chocolate?'

‘Does the Pope pray?' Her words were followed by a grimace. ‘Sorry, bad joke.'

Before he could respond, and as if to cue, the waitress re-appeared with a tray of cups, saucers, a milk jug, and teapot; all of which she carefully arranged on the white lace tablecloth of the table between them.

‘Will that be all, sir?' she enquired.

‘I think we might just manage two slices of your chocolate cake, please.'

‘Certainly, sir.' He watched as she disappeared once more through the beaded curtain before turning again to face Anna. However, as he opened his mouth to speak, she beat him to it.

‘James…' She reached across the table and laid a hand on top of his. ‘What you said back there… in the cathedral, I mean… did you mean it?'

‘Yes, of course.'

‘Every word?'

He nodded. ‘Every word. Why? Don't you believe me?'

‘I guess I am just a little confused, that's all.'

‘About which asp… thank you.' He paused whilst the waitress served them with the cakes, before continuing. ‘Which bit confused you?' He watched as Anna forked a small portion of cake into her mouth, chewed, swallowed and licked lips appreciatively.

‘Hmm, good choice, that is delicious.' She took a sip of tea. ‘About the Church, mainly. Are you sure? You previously seemed so set on the idea. What has made you change your mind now?'

He looked out of the window and watched as a group of children skateboarded down the hill, apparently oblivious to the sign prohibiting such activities. As they weaved between shoppers and tourists, his mind searched for an appropriate way to answer her question.

‘Have you ever been at a crossroads in your life? A junction where you are absolutely sure that you know the right direction to take, but then various aspects of life seem set on making you change course and take a completely different road?'

‘Possibly… well, yes, I guess so; several times when I come to think about it. In fact, I think I found myself at one of those last October.'

‘When you left Simon?'

‘Yes.'

‘You were a bit of a dark horse about that. Why didn't you tell me that you were leaving him?'

‘I didn't want you to be involved in any way. That's why I chose the moment you were in Malta.'

‘But surely I was involved? Surely I had the right to know?'

‘
Right
? Do not flatter yourself, James. I didn't leave him for you. I may have left him
because
of you; but I did not leave him
for
you. There is a difference.'

‘I'm not sure that I quite follow.'

‘You and Janice – you essentially went to Malta to see if you could make your marriage work.'

‘Well…'

‘The answer is “yes”, James, and you know it is.'

‘So what I think you are saying is that, even if I decided to stay with Janice, you would still have left Simon?'

‘Precisely. I knew that I had possibly lost you – indeed, for all I know, I still might have – after all, you are still living with her.'

‘Yes, but—'

‘Let me finish. You had shown me that my own marriage was so appalling, I couldn't possibly stay any longer.'

‘Regardless of our relationship?'

‘Regardless of anything. I just needed to be out, away, free. Anything and anywhere was better than staying another day under the same roof with Simon. So I left.'

‘I see.'

‘I am not sure that you do. If you could see your face…'

‘What about my face?' He turned to the window to try to catch his reflection, only to have Anna's hand gently steer it back in her direction. ‘And this afternoon…?'

‘Just an afternoon out as friends. Remember? After all it was your idea.'

‘I guess I just don't want to lose you completely, Anna. Perhaps if we can remain friends…'

‘I really thought that last Christmas was going to be a turning point, you know. You seemed different after Malta. And then when Prince Charlie dropped his bombshell on the nation…'

‘You thought I would think it alright to do the same?'

‘Well, yes… and especially when at Christmas we seemed to get back together again. I thought… well, it doesn't matter what I thought; it didn't happen and doesn't look as though it will; but at least we are having a nice afternoon as friends.' She smiled and took a sip of tea. ‘You were telling me about being at a crossroads and then we somehow got side-tracked into speaking about me.'

‘Crossroads?' Momentarily puzzled, he struggled to recollect his earlier thoughts. Anna's own story had clarified so much in his own mind, but had also opened a whole Pandora's Box of further questions. There was so much to consider. ‘Crossroads…' he repeated again. He drank some more tea, blinked a few times and forced his mind to concentrate. ‘Ahm, yes, well, crossroads… I guess that I have recently found myself at one of those same crossroads and it is obvious that something… or someone… God perhaps… has plans that don't, after all, match the ones I thought I was following.'
Yes
, he thought,
that is where the conversation was heading
. He ate several forkfuls of cake before continuing. ‘Many would say that it is a matter of destiny. That our paths are mapped out for us and, regardless of how fascinating the detours are that we try to take, we will constantly be nudged back to the path intended for us.'

‘Do you really believe that?'

‘I do. Looking back, I think I have been steered on several occasions away from what I imagined to be my goal. For example, I never planned to be living in Barminster or working in Bishopsworth. Neither did I plan to meet…' He stopped, feeling that he was risking being insensitive. ‘Yet, here I am.'

‘Which is where, exactly?'

‘Let's just say that I confess to having felt very hypocritical for some time.' He drank some tea. ‘I mean, how can I extol the basic tenets of the Christian faith, when here I am committing adultery?' In turn, he stared at Anna, then out of the window, where he met and held the gaze of a passing stranger before returning his attention to Anna. ‘Perhaps one day, at some distant, undetermined future time, God will again show me that the time is right for me to do his work in that way. However, I am getting a very strong message that now is not the right moment.' He drained his cup. As he did so, Anna gestured to the teapot.

‘More tea, Vicar?'

‘Or not, in this particular case.' Anna's left hand fled to cover her mouth and a look of incredulity sprang across her face as James raised an eyebrow. His own features softened into a smile. ‘Yes, please; more tea would be lovely.'

‘I am so sorry; that was another bad joke under the circumstances; but one I couldn't resist. I don't seem to be thinking before I speak this afternoon.' She poured his tea and then another for herself. ‘Are you cross with me?'

‘No, of course not. Why should I be?'

‘James, you really are such a lovely man. I could quite easily…' She stopped mid-sentence and giggled.

‘Quite easily what?'

‘Nothing.' She giggled again as he caught hold of her wrists.

‘Anna Baldwin, I'll not take you home until you tell me.'

‘Not in here. I will tell you outside. Come on, it looks as though we might get that rain you were forecasting earlier.'

He glanced towards the window and was surprised at how overcast it had become whilst they had been talking. ‘I think you may be right.' Rising from his seat, he again caught the attention of the waitress, made a writing gesture in the air and then, turning back to Anna, ‘I'll go and pay the bill.'

After a few moments, she joined him at the counter, waited whilst he collected his change and then passed him his umbrella. ‘I think you might need this.'

‘Thank you.' Then, as they stepped outside to the fall of large water droplets as the rain started, ‘I don't think I would have forgotten it for long!' He quickly unfurled it as they walked, being careful to hold it to cover them both. Anna again took his arm and walked close to him. ‘It's only a light shower; it will soon pass. What are you doing later?'

‘Don't try to change the subject. Come on, Madam Mysterious. What couldn't you say in the café?'

‘Oh, I can't remember now. What were we talking about?' She gave him an exaggerated look of innocence, but failed to supress yet another giggle.

‘You seemed to be under the momentary illusion that I was a “lovely man” and then said something about feeling able to do something. Time to own up or no lift back to Bishopsworth.' He tried to reach across to tickle her, but the umbrella hindered him. She turned to look at him, her face a radiant picture of happiness.

‘I was going to say that I could just…' She stopped walking, leant closer and put her lips to his left ear. ‘…bite your bum.' She gave a gentle nip of his earlobe, let go of his arm and ran up the street laughing.

For a moment, James stood transfixed as first a wave of mild puzzlement, then overt pleasure rippled through him, until he too was laughing aloud. As he did so, the rain intensified, bouncing off the pavement as the light shower became torrential. Yet, he was oblivious to it. All he could think was how incredibly happy he suddenly felt. If ever there was a moment of revelation, then this, he thought, was that moment. Anna's words echoed again in his mind and he laughed aloud again. Then, noticing that he was attracting a few strange looks from passers-by, he realised how strange he must appear: an adult man standing alone, laughing in the rain.

The rain… Anna…
He anxiously stared up the hill, trying to see her amidst the rushing shoppers as they sought shelter. The recollection that she did not have an umbrella caused him to start running, splashing through puddles as he did so. He had lost sight of where she had run to, but guessed she would have headed for the car park. However, his alarm, quickly raised, speedily quelled when he spotted her as he crossed into the open square of the Bailgate, she having taken shelter on the steps under the pillared portico of a Georgian townhouse. Running across to join her, he ran up the two steps and squeezed in next to her, holding the umbrella in front of them for extra protection.

‘At last! I thought you had abandoned me.'

‘Me abandon you?' For the second time in a matter of minutes, he laughed again. ‘You were the one who ran off! And besides…' He half-turned towards her, met her eyes and tried to finish his sentence. ‘And besides…' The words again faltered as he felt an unseen force pulling his face nearer to hers. Their lips found each other's; at first, hesitantly and softly, then developing into a long, slow, passionate kiss, as the rain continued to beat down on the umbrella.

Re-focusing his eyes onto hers, he heard his own voice, barely audible above the rain. ‘I love you, Anna.'

‘Oh, James. I do hope so. I love you, too. I've done so for such a very long time.'

‘I know.' They kissed again. ‘I really love you so much, Anna. I promise you, whatever direction this crossroads is going to send me, there has to be a way to make this work. I have to make it work.'

‘I believe you, darling.' She cuddled in close to him. ‘After all we've been through, I so really hope you will.'

Beyond the confines of the portico and umbrella, the rain now fell as a deluge. They stood and watched as the path below the steps disappeared into a torrent of water.

‘It looks as though we might be here for a while. What do you suggest?' He turned back to Anna, whose eyes were sparkling with happiness.

‘Well… you could always kiss me again…'