Landchester Amish Love: Ruth (Amish Romance) (Landchester Amish Love Series Book 2) (3 page)

Joseph was furious. He couldn’t show it, he knew. He had to try and keep a straight face. But under the surface, his emotions were boiling.

He’d been so excited about this event. He was going to see Ruth again, and he’d only grown more intrigued by her the more his memories of her had been left to steep in his imagination. She’d made an impression, certainly, and he was looking forward to seeing if she could have made more than that.

But on his arrival, he’d noticed that people were looking at him differently. Some were looking away. He detected more than a few people speaking under their breaths to each other after seeing him.

When he was satisfied that it was not merely his imagination, and that people were in fact looking at him, he asked his
schweschder
what had happened. She looked at him wide-eyed.

“There’s a rumor going around about you and a woman. The Moore girl. Ruth. It’s said you were seen together in the fields.”

I was unsure how to process this.

“Who would say such a thing?”

Katie shook her head as if to say she didn’t know and looked down.

Just when he had begun to think that he had definitely made the right choice and he could see the future for himself here that he had returned for, this happened! Of all the rumors that could be spread about him, he thought, this one was the worst. She had only spoken to him once, too.

And who had even known? He wracked his brain. He had told a few people, but he couldn’t imagine any of those could have said anything. Perhaps, he began to think, his disagreement with Jacob over the price of his father’s table was more of an issue that he had thought. Joseph hadn’t taken Jacob to be the sort that would start a malicious rumor like this, and involving his own
schweschder
-in-law, no less!

Under his anger there was something else lurking. Something didn’t add up here. Even if he believed that Jacob was such an angry
mann
that he would do such a thing, did he really think him that rash?

But all of that had to be figured out later. For now, there was the barn raising to get through. He looked around. He needed to see how Ruth was taking it.

And then he saw her, headed right towards him. She must not know! What he needed to do made him feel sick. He would need to turn his back on the girl that he had wanted to talk to for the last week more than he cared to admit to anyone.

And so he did. It was as though he could feel the pain his actions were causing behind him. He tried to focus on the conversation at hand, so as not to think about it. Amish men weren’t angry. They weren’t supposed to be. Well, if that was the case, then he couldn’t be an Amish
mann
, could he? Better to be an
Englischer
, if being an Amish meant just accepting things like this.

After a few minutes, he looked around. His attempt to find focus on the conversation he’d been having was in vain. There was no way he could think about anything else. Instead, he scanned the crowd for Ruth. But he did not see her.

Gut,
he thought.
Let her be free of all this.

But it meant that he couldn’t leave. Not if the rumor was to be believed at all. He had to stay, and save face. At least, that was what
Daed
advised when he had pulled him aside and asked what he should do.

“We will sort all this out later,
Soh
,” he said, and encouraged him to ignore the looks, and enjoy the party as best as he could.

Once most people had eaten, the time came to place the last of the roof. It was a lovely ceremony, and it meant quite a lot to Leah and George. He had not known the two of them before this, but he had met them today. They were a sweet couple, ready to start their lives together. And Joseph felt a stab of pain, at their happiness.

They had all this, but he wouldn’t. Not with what had happened today. He’d always doubted, when he was honest, that he would find love. And then this girl, who he had talked to so briefly but in whom he was already so interested, had had this happen to her.

And Joseph wanted this, he knew. He wanted the support of the community as had come out in full force for George and Leah tonight. He wanted this sense of extended
familye
, and of everyone caring and everyone lending a hand. But this only made him feel more that if he couldn’t have it, then he must leave entirely.

It had been long enough now since Ruth left that he could leave himself, without suspicion. He considered going home, but was afraid he would only do something rash. And he knew for certain that even if he didn’t, that he would end up just spending the whole night wondering how Ruth was feeling, and whether or not she regretted even speaking to him. And he could not bear that idea.

So instead, he set his buggy toward Ruth’s
haus
. He’d learned where she lived not long after they had met the first time, and was amazed that this girl had lived so close to him all these years and he’d never known it.

When he arrived, he found the
haus
nearly deserted, except for a
grossmammi
, sitting in the living room.

“She’s upstairs,” the old woman said, without any greeting or explanation, and then went back to her sewing.

Joseph went upstairs, where he found most rooms open and empty. All except for one.

He knocked. There was no reply, but he heard someone moving around inside. He knocked again, but there was still no reply.

Of course she didn’t want to talk to him, he thought. Would he in her place? Regardless, he’d clearly lost his chance.

When he left the
haus
, he found he’d made a decision, quite without realizing it. He would go right home. He would pack his bags. He would go to the telephone out by the road that his
familye
shared with several of their neighbors. And he’d call the
Englischer
friend he’d made on his
Rumspringa
who had promised that when Joseph wanted to leave, he would offer him a place to stay for as long as he needed until he got his feet under him.

To have finally made a choice, and to have no doubts about that choice, now, was thrilling. He was beginning something new! He would have a new life, out with the friends he’d made. He would work in a kitchen. He would get to be a cook.

But it was also profoundly sad, and the mix of residual anger over what had been done to Ruth, as well as the sadness of mourning for what he himself was losing in this decision made the drive home very unpleasant.

Packing up his small suitcase took longer than expected. There was not much room in it, and he had to take everything with him that he would need in the future. Everything in that suitcase had to pull its weight and hold the memories of the entire life he’d had this far. It was not an easy task.

It would be incorrect to say that he calmed down while he was packing. The full flame of his anger had gone out, but the embers were still glowing bright.

When he was nearly done packing, he heard his
familye
come home from the barn raising. They would have been wondering where he’d gone, perhaps, and come home early. Or maybe they would have known. Whatever the case, he couldn’t speak to
Maemm
and
Daed.
They had suspected this day might be coming. They had warned him against it, and told him what they would have to do. It would be easier for everyone if he let them do it in silence, and didn’t force them to do it in person.

So Joseph took his suitcase, and went downstairs. Once he went to the phone to call his friend, he thought, he wouldn’t come back inside. He would wait out there, even though the night had a chill in it. It wouldn’t be long. His friend had a car, and was trustworthy enough, and close enough of a friend that Joseph knew he’d come to get him right away.

The common rooms on the first floor were all empty. His
familye
knew. They stayed out of his way. That was good. That was best.

Or so Joseph thought, until he got to the front porch. There was Miriam, his youngest
schweschder,
sitting there lit only by the light from the living room spilling through the windows.

“Are you leaving?” she asked him, and Joseph felt his heart break.

“I’ve got to,” he said. He knew he should just go. But instead, he sat down with his
schwescher
.

“Is it because of what happened today?” she asked.

Joseph was surprised.

“Who told you what happened today?” he asked her.

She shrugged and spoke lightly, “I understand more than most people think I do.”

That may be so. Joseph hugged her.

“You’ll understand why I have to go one day,” he said, though he wasn’t sure it was true. As an Amish
mann
, he shouldn’t lie. But then, he wasn’t going to be an Amish
mann
anymore.

“But you
don’t
have to!” Miriam said with a sudden outburst of emotion. “It was Katie that did it! She started the rumor. She can fix it!”

Joseph’s heart dropped. How was it possible that he could feel so betrayed and hopeful at the same time?

He kissed Miriam on her forehead, and thanked her. Then he headed upstairs with his suitcase in tow, to see his other
schweschder.

He found her in her room, sitting on her bed. She was combing her hair with a brush, over and over and over. When he came in the door, he could tell that she already knew he knew.

The time of packing, and the choice to leave couldn’t cool Joseph’s anger. But the sight of his
schweschder
, deeply regretful, began to.

He sat down at the foot of her bed. Neither spoke at first. He didn’t ask her if it was true. He could tell by her attitude that it couldn’t be false.

“Why did you do it?” he asked at last, and tears began to form in Katie’s eyes.

“I didn’t mean for it to get this out of hand. I didn’t mean for anything to happen. I was just annoyed at her, and I didn’t want you two to be together. And I know you, and I know her, and I knew what would happen.”

Even in the midst of this heavy conversation, Joseph still couldn’t help but feel a little thrill at that. The girl who knew them both best, probably in the world, thought that they would make a good pair. What better confirmation of was there of what he had felt before than that?

“And why would you not want that for us?” he asked Katie. “Why would you not want us to be happy?”

Katie was fully crying now.

“I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know,” she said, over and over. And seeing her now, Joseph remembered when she was a little girl, and she’d broken one of their father’s tools playing pretend with it in his workshop. It was the same regret. And the same little girl that he would always love underneath it.

He moved closer to her, and put his arm around her, until she was calmer and could speak for herself.

“It just felt too weird to me,” she said at last. “You’re my
bruder
, and for a lot of the time she felt like my
schweschder
. And we share everything here. I share everything with everyone. But I’m the only one Ruth talks to. She’s just mine. And I’m happy with it like that. But she’s not, and she wants it to change, and I’m afraid of it changing.”

Joseph was a bit far off of completely forgiving her, yet. But he was also now far off from leaving. He sat with her a while, and made up his mind that he would forgive her, and soon.

“You’ll fix it, won’t you? You’ll tell people that you made it up and take full responsibility?”

Katie nodded, and that was enough for Joseph.

He took his suitcase back to his room. He wanted to go right over and talk to Ruth. But there was no reason to think he’d see her now, when she hadn’t been willing to see him before. So he decided to let the matter rest until the next day.

And he let himself hope, again. If this could be fixed, then they could be together, still. If she could forgive him for not knowing what his
schweschder
was up to, and move on enough to consider him again. As he lay in bed, falling asleep, he prayed to
Gott
that she would.

Ruth wouldn’t come out of her room. It was safer here, she felt, now. What a difference one night made! Before she could not wait to get out of a room alone. And now, as she sat absentmindedly working on a doll, she wished she could only stay in here forever.

How was it fair that she should feel shame for something she hadn’t even done? Why should a lie make it so that she no longer even wanted to talk to others, or listen to what they’d had to say? It had poisoned everything.

She’d refused breakfast. She was hungry, but she felt that if she ate she would only be sick, so what would be the point? And the worst part of everything, the worst of it all, was when Joseph had come to see her. Even though there had been this awful rumor, and it would doubtless affect him, he still would risk further rumor of impropriety by coming to see her. Even then, he wanted to know if she was ok.

At least, that was what she assumed he had come for. She couldn’t imagine he would blame her, or think it was her fault somehow.

Not that Ruth hadn’t wracked her own brain, trying to figure out if it were her fault. But she couldn’t think of anything she could have said or done to Katie to make her do such a thing. She knew that the last time they’d talked, she’d been morose. And that had annoyed Katie, sure. But to do something like this?

Ruth thought she must have done or said something else that had upset Katie enough to make up lies about her, but for the life of her, she couldn’t think what it was.

Not long after the breakfast that she denied, there was a knock on the door. Ruth wanted to tell whoever was there to go away, but didn’t have the heart to. Let them come, whoever they were. She just hoped they weren’t looking for someone with answers.

To her surprise, it was Sarah who entered. Ruth smiled despite her situation.

“I was hoping I would see you last week, when I came with the crates of crafts,” she said. “But you weren’t there.”

“
Jah,
I know,” Sarah said. “I’m sorry I haven’t seen much of you since I married and took over the shop with Jacob.” She spoke gently to Ruth, she noticed, the way you would to a child or someone who was sick. And why not? She was sick at heart. “I heard what’s happened,” she said, and Ruth could help but respond bitterly.

“
Jah,
but did you hear who started it?” she asked.

To Ruth’s surprise, Sarah nodded.

“Katie Plank has been telling everyone who would listen all morning that she made it up, and it isn’t true.”

Ruth wasn’t sure how to feel. On the one hand, this was real, true, unassailable evidence that it had been Katie who had done this to her. But on the other hand, it was also evidence that she was sorry.

“Has she said why she did it?” Ruth asked, unsure whether she’d find out the answer, but hopeful that she would.

“I’m afraid not,” Sarah said.

There was a pause as Ruth tried to sort through her thoughts, and Sarah waited patiently.

“And I’m supposed to just forgive her now, am I?” she said, at last. There was a bitterness to her words that surprised her
schweschder
, even though she knew her well. Perhaps especially because she knew her well.

“What
gut
will
not
forgiving her do?”

Ruth considered. She knew Sarah was right, of course. And she also knew, that the hope that was starting to grow again in her was only possible if she could first find her way to forgiveness.

“Take your time,” Sarah said, when Ruth didn’t speak again. “When you’re ready, I’ll tell them to come around.

“Them?” Ruth asked, and Sarah only smiled.

Ruth went to her bed and laid on it. She should be more upset. She’d been wronged by someone she trusted deeply. Her welfare, and reputation, and that of her
familye
, had been seriously threatened.

And yet, the hope in her was growing, and it would leave no room for anger, or for resentment. It was mostly pride, now, that kept her in her room. She was holding out until she felt enough time had passed that Katie wouldn’t think she’d given in and forgiven her too easily. But the longer she held off, the less angry she found she was, and the giddier she became at the thought of seeing Joseph again.

And on top of that, the more ashamed she became of herself for letting her keep her friend suffering and putting off her own happiness for the sake of pride.