Last Call (25 page)

We’re two hours into the trip and making good time. I still haven’t escaped the overwhelming feelings of leaving her when the weekend is over, but before I can drive myself too crazy, Mariah speaks, distracting my wayward thoughts.

“All right, cowboy, Royce is asleep. Now start talking.”

“Your sister text messaged me, reminding me that I needed to accompany you to the wedding,” I say, trying to be nonchalant about the situation. I won’t tell her this will be the last time we will be together or about the feelings I’ve been torturing myself with. I will simply keep it as vague as possible. “At the nightclub, I don’t remember giving her my number, but I must have. I really wasn’t thinking anything of it until she sent me the reminder message the other day.”

“Wendi, I’m assuming?” I nod in response. “I knew it. God, she is such a meddling bitch sometimes. But I thought you wanted me to tell them you had to work, so what changed your mind?”

“You said you didn’t want to lie to your family, so you won’t be. I will be there and then…” I want to tell her this will be our goodbye, but I don’t want to ruin her weekend before it starts. Or maybe this won’t ruin her weekend at all; maybe this is what she’s wanted all along. The thought doesn’t sit well with me, but I can’t dwell. “You can tell them whatever you want.”

“Why do you insist on doing these things and not telling me about it?” She turns in the seat, full on looking at me. Her eyes are serious, telling me she is getting upset. “I mean, you were such an ass when I left your office that night, and in all honesty, you’ve been a major ass since the day we spent at the beach.” I can’t argue with her there, but I can’t tell her why. If I admit why I am attempting to push her away, she may find a way to keep me coming back. Or maybe she won’t. The feeling is very unsettling. “So why are you wasting your time?” Mariah shouts then looks in the back seat.

“Look, I’m sorry about the last time we were together. I was a little drunk and you were pissing me off. So I acted like a dick. I will admit that.” I look at her as best as I can while driving down the interstate, saying anything to eliminate this line of questioning. “I guess I just wanted to make up for my behavior. Being nice is not something I am accustomed to, so when you get all pissy with me, it tends to turn me into a dick.” It’s probably the worst excuse I could have thought of; however, Mariah seems to be buying it.

“I am so confused right now.” Mariah holds her head in her hands and shakes it back and forth. “So what exactly are we supposed to be doing? I don’t want to give my son the wrong impression. I don’t want him to hold out hope that this is something that is going to work. Because you’ve said it yourself, Jason, you don’t do relationships, but that is exactly what we will be portraying this weekend.”

“I don’t want to upset you or him, for that matter.” I point to Royce’s sleeping body in the back seat. “I just wanted to make up for my behavior the last time we were together. I won’t do anything that will give Royce the wrong impression. I won’t do anything that will make him presume we are a couple in front of him, okay?”

I can feel the nervous feeling growing inside my gut. I’ve had huge deals with major players in the business world, yet even then I didn’t feel this much anxiety over a simple statement. I really don’t know what I am doing, what I’m saying, and what I’m feeling. It’s so confusing. I am trying to rationalize my actions, but it’s not rational at all. Suddenly, I am feeling as though this trip is a major mistake. I’ve probably fucked it all up, and now it’s too late to back out.

“Look, Jason. I think this weekend will need to be it for us. It’s apparent that what we started in the beginning has completely gone astray. I’ve never wanted my son involved with someone or something that is not going to last. You said it yourself, you will never be capable of more, and I’m okay with that. However, he is six and will never understand what that means,” Mariah says.

I allow her words to sink in. It’s the rejection I have been avoiding. Before I could even speak a single word, Mariah has done the dirty work for me. The feeling sucks, but with the conversation out of the way, it will be easier for us to part ways and move on. I will go back to my life as the loner I’m familiar with and Mariah will continue with her life as she did before I bulldozed my way in.

I look over to her and nod in acceptance. “That will probably be for the best.” I can’t keep the sadness from my tone, no matter how much I understand it’s what needs to be done.

M
ariah

The seven-hour trip stays fairly quiet until Royce wakes up and chats our ears off about what he was seeing out his window. It’s still baffling me that Jason would even bother coming to my sister’s wedding with me. I can see he’s sorry for the way he acted that night in his office, but I sense there is another reason why he is here.

I didn’t want to, but I had to let him know this little fling, or whatever you call it, will be over on Sunday. I realized I was in love with him weeks ago, and the feelings have not changed, but what I realize more is how dangerous that would be to me if I allowed myself to stay in love with him. I cannot keep going on, wondering if he will change just enough to want to be with me on a deeper level than fuck buddies. I have too much to protect the heartache from.

We arrive in my hometown in time to check into the hotel and get ready for the wedding rehearsal and dinner. Jason pulls under the awning of the front entrance and tells us to wait while he checks in.

Sitting in the car, I notice several minutes have passed and Jason is still in the lobby, talking to the gal at the desk. My sister probably put us in the same room and he’s working on getting a room of his own. My parents are paying for all of us to stay in the hotel where the reception will be held. I was happy knowing I wouldn’t have to share a bathroom and sleep on the couch. I am the only single child and my mother always sticks me on the couch so the couples can have the bedroom. I guess she is trying to give them privacy; however, it sucks for me.

Finally, Jason hops back into the car and pulls around to the back of the hotel. My sister has been able to get a small, locally owned hotel for her wedding, and the backside has a breathtaking view of the ocean. It’s almost as lovely as Jason’s view in his high-rise castle. Once he swings his SUV into a parking space, we all hop out, stretching our limbs. Then Royce and I move to the back with Jason and manage our bags.

As we are walking to the elevator, Jason hands me a plastic card key to the room and then holds the door open so we can walk through. He presses the top floor and soon we are standing in the ocean view suite. As I look back to him, he ignores my glare. This is too much. The room has a breathtaking view of the ocean where we can see boats docked in the marina, and in the distance, ships pass through.

The living area has a large couch, entertainment area, and dining table. Off to the left, Jason walks through the closed door to find a single, king-sized bed with the same fantastic view and a large, attached bathroom. I don’t bother walking in, knowing Royce and I will have the other room. I cross the living area and open the door on the opposite side, finding two queen sized beds and an attached bathroom.

“Come on, buddy. This is where we are sleeping.” I walk through the door and put my stuff next to the dresser.

“Wow, Mama… look at that ship. It’s huge!” Royce’s face is planted on the glass door as he takes in the impressive sights.

I flop myself on the bed, knowing this is why Jason was at the front desk for so long. He was bargaining with the hotel to get us this room and is apparently going to be picking up the tab. Well, at least nothing will come of it. I made my thoughts clear when I mentioned I don’t want anything to do with him after this weekend. I’m not going to sleep with him. I will only hang out with Jason as a buddy. Hopefully, that will get me through the rest of the day.

Jason taps on the doorframe and peers inside the room. “What time do you need to get ready?”

I look at my watch and back to him. “Probably now. The rehearsal starts at four-thirty.”

“Mama, can Jason take me down to the beach? Please, please, please. I want to look at the boats.” Royce walks over to me and gives me his best puppy dog face, the one I can never resist. I look up to Jason and he smiles his small, sad smile and nods.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Royce runs to the living area and I turn to Jason. “Is that okay?”

“Yes. What time to do you want us back here?” he quietly asks.

“In like thirty minutes so he can shower and get dressed.” Jason nods then heads for the door where he lifts Royce on his shoulders before the two of them disappear for the beach.

J
ason

After Royce and I make our way down to the beach, he decides that instead of walking over by the marina he wants to play in the sand. I find a quiet place for him to dig and settle myself on the ground, watching his young, innocent mind hard at work, creating his sculpture.

After a few minutes of observing him, I kneel down and start piling the sand into a big mound with him. Royce’s eyes are very serious when he works and he sticks his tongue out a little. It’s kind of cute. Neither of us says anything as we work away, making our sand castle. When it’s all said and done, I am quite proud of what we made because we didn’t have anything to work with, but we managed to build a volcano-looking thing with a moat around it.

Afterward, Royce and I sit on either side of our sculpture and look out to the ocean. His face is at peace, just like it was the day I spent with them at the beach. I can relate to the calming effect the water has on a person. I can’t seem to sleep or even unwind my nerves until I open up my balcony doors at home and allow the sounds of the rolling waves to relax me.

“Do you have a daddy, Jason?” Royce’s unexpected question takes me completely away.

I readjust myself in the sand and clear my throat, uneasy with this question. However, I choose to respond to it correctly. “No, I don’t have one.”

“Neither do I,” Royce says as he looks over to me.

I can feel a bonded bond forming, even though I know we shouldn’t. It makes me wonder what happened to his father. I don’t know who my dad is, but my mother was a crack whore who raised me for about a year before I was taken from her. Then she decided she was better off without me, but what she didn’t know was my life still sucked.

“Well, that’s okay. You have your mama and your family, so you don’t need a daddy, right?” I say, trying to lighten the moment of our deep conversation.

“Yeah, I have the best mama. She is so nice, but sometimes she’s mean. I don’t like cleaning my room, and she will yell at me if I don’t clean it up. But I love my mom.” Royce smiles at me then comes across to sit on my crossed legs.

I again am taken aback by his candid behavior. This child is fearless. I don’t remember being that way when I was his age. Perhaps that’s the difference between being loved and being forgotten about. When you’re loved, you trust people more, and when you’re forgotten, it’s the exact opposite.

“Yeah, you do have a pretty great mother, Royce.”

“Are you her boyfriend? Will you marry her someday?” He turns his body to look right into my eyes. What is it with this kid? He has no fear or filter.

“I’m just her friend. That’s it,” I say, not really knowing what else to say.

“Damn… You’d be a good dad,” Royce says, and I can’t escape the happy feeling he’s invoked inside of me. Of all the people in the world, this little seven-year-old kid has faith in me. He’s probably the only one who believes I’m worth a shit.

I look down to my watch and note we need to get back to the room. I lift Royce off my legs and stand, dusting the sand off my shorts.

“We need to get back to the room so you can shower for tonight.”

Royce nods his head and we start walking up to the hotel. Then I can feel his tiny hand tuck inside mine. Man, this kid is killing me today; first with the daddy shit, and now with his affectionate ways. I’m at a loss as to what I should do; therefore I just go along with it. I will admit, though, it does scare the shit out of me.