Last Car to Annwn Station (9 page)

“Jill? Are you okay?”

“It was a stupid thing to do, really,” Jill whispered, a sad, faraway look in her eyes. Her smile returned. “Anyway, after that my mother and I tried to ignore each other. I became progressively wilder and she got a little drunker every day. They had intended for me to attend the College of St. Catherine, because a proper lady should be well educated, you know. I decided I wanted to be as far from them as possible. I told them to keep the damned trust fund and I moved to Madison. I enrolled at UW, majoring in alcoholic binges and library science.”

Jill grinned up at Mae from where she lay. “By my junior year I started hating the hangovers, but I loved books. I sobered up and got a master’s degree. When I graduated, I realized I missed Minneapolis, so I moved back. And here we are!”

“And here we are,” Mae said softly.

Jill giggled in reply. “Now, if you will help me up from this couch, I need to pee, and then fall on my nose in the bed. Because some of us are indeed a little drunk and some of us have to work tomorrow and you, my dear Mae, are neither of those people.”

Mae reached down and took both of Jill’s hands, helping her up off the couch. She steadied Jill as she climbed the stairs, then waited patiently for her to use the bathroom, making sure Jill did not pass out or need to throw up. When Jill was safely tucked in bed, Mae went back downstairs and cleaned up.

Once back in her own room, she gave the clothes on the floor a tired look and decided they could wait until tomorrow. Besides, Jill was supposed to help her, and who was she to deny her friend the opportunity to play with her underthings?

Jill sat up in bed, the sharp scream coming from her throat cutting off as she surfaced from the nightmare. At some point she had kicked all the covers to the floor and now she was cold. She drew her knees up to her chin and rocked slightly on the bed, sniffling and waiting for her heartbeat to return to normal.

Her door opened, letting in light from the hallway. Mae walked into the room slowly, probably trying not to startle Jill with her presence. “Jill? Are you all right?”

Jill swallowed and nodded. She reached over and turned on the bedside lamp. “It was just a bad dream.”

Mae settled on the edge of the bed. She did not seem convinced. “You want to talk about it?”

Jill shook her head. “I don’t think I can.”

Mae put a hand on Jill’s knee. “Because sometimes it helps. Sometimes it’s better to talk or do something than to brood. You know, like when you’ve been forced into an unwanted vacation by your boss.”

Jill sniffed hard and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. Mae grabbed the box of tissues from the nightstand and passed it to Jill. She pulled five pieces out and blew her nose.

“Why don’t I make us a pot of green tea?” Mae said.

“That would be great. I take mine with honey.”

Mae stood. “You want to come downstairs or should I bring it up?”

“Up here, if that’s okay?”

Jill drew a long breath and steadied herself. She stood on shaky legs and went to the bathroom, splashing some water on her face. By the time Mae returned, a tray with two cups and a teapot in her hands, Jill was back in the bed, sitting up against the headboard, pillows behind her to cushion her back. She had pulled the duvet and sheet onto the bed.

“Join me?” she asked Mae.

“Trying to get me into your bed, Miss Hall?” Mae teased lightly. Jill gave her a smile and patted the empty spot. She took the offered cup as Mae climbed into the bed and pulled the covers up around them both.

Jill shivered again. “I should have asked you to turn up the heat.”

“I did. It should kick in any minute. It’s snowing outside, by the way.”

Jill raised her steaming cup to her lips. “Well, it is Minnesota in late October. What else can you expect?” She took a sip and closed her eyes. “Good stuff. Thanks.”

Mae settled next to her. “So?”

Jill shrugged her shoulders and looked down at the bed. She set her tea on the nightstand and picked nervously at a stray thread. “It’s nothing really. It’s just a stupid nightmare I have sometimes.”

“Honey, you were screaming at the top of your lungs. People down in Eagan heard you. It’s more than just a nightmare.”

Jill sighed and leaned forward, covering her face with her hands. “I was so fucking stupid. It was a long time ago. I was just a stupid kid and most of the time I don’t even think about it anymore, but sometimes the—sometimes what happened after comes back and—” Jill closed her eyes and began to cry again. “And sometimes I really hate myself.”

She did not resist when Mae pulled her close, letting Jill lay across her lap. Mae reached over to the nightstand and grabbed the tissues again, setting the box in front of Jill.

Mae began slowly rubbing her hand up and down Jill’s arm. “Tell me.”

Jill sighed in resignation. “I was a stupid girl.”

“Um-hmm. What makes you think you were stupid?”

“Remember what I told you about my little coming out party?”

“I’m guessing we’re talking about the loud sex in a coat closet part?”

Jill snuggled closer to the soft warmth that was Mae, curling up into a tight little ball. “Yeah.”

Mae stroked Jill’s hair. “I take it your parents weren’t happy.”

“Mother was furious. I was going to be a horrible scandal, and we couldn’t have that could we? No, appearances had to be kept up. Something had to be done to hide ‘Jill’s little perversion.’”

“What did they do to you?”

“They sent me to a camp in SoCal. It was supposed to help confused young people sort out their sexuality. Basically, they were trying to cure me,” Jill said. Her chest felt tight, as if she were being squeezed.

Mae continued to stroke Jill’s hair, soothing her. “So what happened?”

“I hated the camp, hated California, hated my mother for sending me away from everything I knew. So like any dumb, headstrong teenager, I compounded my mistakes. I ran away. I made it all the way up to Seattle, and I let the cops pick me up for shoplifting.”

Mae chuckled. “Clever.”

“Thanks. I made sure the cops knew who my parents were and how to find them. Mother and Father were forced to fly out and pick me up.” Jill paused her story to grab a wad of tissues and wipe her eyes. “They didn’t understand that all I wanted was to
come home.
No, that was totally lost on them. They just knew their useless daughter had forced them to drop everything to come and get her, and then their useless daughter put them in an awkward position with the local authorities. They were embarrassed and angry. Once the police released me, my parents took me back to the hotel. We fought.”

“Bad?”

Jill trembled, remembering. “Mother slapped me a couple of times. Then Father proceeded to tell me exactly what I was going to do when we got home. That they were going to check me into a center so I could ‘get my damned head on straight’ before I damaged the family reputation any further. The next morning we flew back to Minneapolis.”

Mae’s arms held her tight. “It’s okay. It’s okay,” Mae whispered. “Tell me.”

“The first night back, my brother, Robert, cornered me in my room and told me—Mindy, the girl I’d had sex with—her parents didn’t react any better than mine. Robert told me that the day I left for camp they found Mindy hanging in her closet. She had killed herself. Mindy was dead. I decided it was my fault.”

“Oh, Jill.”

“I took every goddamned pill in Mother’s bathroom and washed them down with half a bottle of scotch. Let me tell you, that is
not
the way to kill yourself. I threw most of it back up. I don’t really remember much else about that night. I passed out, of course. Two days later I came to in the hospital.” Jill let out a long breath and lay still. Mae began to gently play with her hair.

“I’m so sorry, Jill. I’m so sorry. But honey, you were just sixteen. That’s not an age for making good choices, especially not when the people around you are making matters worse.”

“I know I was young and stupid. It’s not that I’m sorry I lived, it’s just that I feel so—I feel like a terrible excuse for a human being. There it is, nothing to be done about it.”

“Of course there’s something to be done,” Mae whispered. “First, you forgive yourself for your mistake. Then you live the best life you’re able. You’ll never forget, but what you
can
do is live.”

“You sound like the voice of experience.”

“I am. But
that
is a story for another night.”

Jill nodded and closed her eyes. She shifted into a more comfortable position, but did not leave Mae’s lap. “Mae? Will you stay with me, at least until I fall asleep?”

“Of course.”

Jill closed her eyes and took a contented breath. After tonight, it would be easier to tell Mae about Robert. She relaxed as Mae continued to gently stroke her hair.

Friday, 27
^th
of October

Mae opened one bleary eye. The room was cast in shadows, the barest amount of light bleeding through the window blinds. She was lying down, stretched out on her side in bed, warm and relaxed. This was, to her sleep-muddled mind, a vast improvement over the uncomfortable propped-up position she had been in when she drifted off to sleep, Jill’s head still in her lap.

Thinking of Jill made her remember last night’s rather intense conversation and she wondered groggily what state Jill would be in when she finally awoke. Mae had a vague, dreamlike recollection of Jill sitting up and a soft rustle of clothing in the dark as she slid down into a more comfortable position and drifted back to sleep.

Mae came fully awake when she heard Jill’s soft snores and felt the warm pressure on her back. Jill was spooned up against her, right leg on top of Mae’s legs, right arm around Mae, right hand on Mae’s breast on the outside of her T-shirt. She could get used to this, she decided.

Mae raised her head from the pillow, seeking a clock. There was not one this side of the bed and she had removed her watch when she changed clothes before the movie. She laid her head back down and considered her next move. The thin light peeking through the blinds told her Jill was probably running late for work.

She lifted Jill’s arm, intent on rolling out of her grasp.

“Um-mm,” Jill murmured, shifting toward Mae and attempting to pull Mae back to her with her leg. “Stay.”

Mae managed to wiggle out of Jill’s embrace. She sat up and looked at the alarm clock. “Jill. Jill, you need to wake up.”

“Don’t wanna. Lie back down.”

Mae gave Jill a little shake. “Jill, you’re already ten minutes late for work.”

Jill pulled the covers up over her head. “Then it doesn’t matter. Late’s late. I’ll call in sick.”

“You’ve taken a day off this week already.”

Jill flipped the covers down and glared at Mae. “Being an adult sucks. Could you start some coffee while I hit the shower?”

Mae stood up. “Sure. You need to hustle. Come on! Up!”

Jill sat up and rubbed her face. “You’re a completely different person in the morning. An evil person to be exact. Go make coffee.”

Mae marched downstairs, stopping off at the bathroom on her way to the kitchen.

While the coffee dripped into the carafe, Mae searched the cabinets for something Jill could eat on her way to work. Faced with the choice between granola bars and frosted strawberry toaster pastries, she chose the latter. She coaxed a cup of coffee from the gurgling machine, spooned in some sugar and started back up the stairs. Jill exited the bathroom, wrapped in a bathrobe and furiously toweling her long hair.

“Coffee,” Mae said, handing her the cup.

“Thanks. Do me a favor?” Jill asked, releasing her wet hair from the towel. She took a slurp of coffee and reached for her comb. “Can you drive me into work? I hate letting other people behind Maddy’s wheel, but I think this constitutes an emergency.”

“Um, actually, I can’t.”

Jill hesitated with the comb. “You can’t drive a stick?”

Mae shook her head. “No.”

“Okay then.” Jill twisted her hair into a bun. “Well, I’m not paying to park downtown, so I’ll just be a little later. Can you grab something I can eat on the bus?”

“I’ve got a packet of toaster pastries for you.”

Jill dived around Mae and into her closet. “You rock,” she called out.

“You want me to fill your travel mug?”

“Yes, please. I’ll be right down.”

Mae dashed down the stairs and filled Jill’s mug with hot coffee. Within minutes, she heard Jill near the door, putting on her winter gear. “Here you go,” Mae said, passing a frazzled Jill the mug and the shiny packet of pastries.

“Thanks,” Jill stuffed the packet into her coat pocket and grabbed her small purse. “Mae, promise me you won’t go off on any adventures until
after
I get home.”

“Promise.”

Jill opened the front door. “I’ll see you tonight.”

Mae started to wish her a good day at work when Jill suddenly leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek.

“Thank you for last night.”

Jill vanished out the door into the falling snow before Mae could react.

Faced with the pleasant prospect of a day inside, Mae decided not to shower or change until an hour or so before Jill was due to come home. She made herself toast, fruit, yogurt and coffee for breakfast and climbed upstairs.

Sitting on the edge of the futon, Mae considered the mess in her room. Two hours later she was almost done cleaning up. She was putting her underwear in the small dresser when her cell phone rang. Mae did not know the number. She considered letting the caller leave a message, but realized it might be Jill calling from work. Mae pressed the talk button.

“Hello?”

There was a loud hissing, as if the caller were standing outside in a stiff wind.

“Hello? Is anyone there?”

“They have her.”

Mae felt her body grow cold. “Who is this?”

“They have her.”

Mae thought the voice might be a woman or even a girl. She could barely hear it over the blowing and hissing. “Who do they have? Who is this?”

“Hurry. She won’t last.” The voice faded out with a wheeze and the connection died.

Mae dialed the number for the Government Center’s central switchboard. She waited impatiently for the operator to answer and barked out her request to be connected to the law library before the woman could finish her greeting. The office answering machine picked up. Mae left a message asking Jill to return her call on a matter regarding a volume she wanted to check on. Mae hoped Jill would understand the urgency in her voice.

Mae waited for a few minutes, and then dialed Jill’s cell phone. It rang twice before the mechanical recording spoke over the phone.

“The voicemail box of the customer you are attempting to reach is unavailable at this time or the customer is out of the service area. Please hang up and try your call at a later time. Thank you.”

Mae hung up and decided it was fine to panic, at least for a minute. She tried Jill at work again, with no answer. Dropping the phone into the pocket of her sweats, Mae raced to the bathroom, stopping long enough to splash water on her face and tie her hair back into a short ponytail. She dashed back to her room and changed into jeans, a navy blue cable sweater and heavy wool socks. She scooped up all of her loose change and dropped it into her pocket. Her keys and her wallet went into the messenger bag. Mae bolted downstairs, grabbed her heavy coat and ran out the front door.

Mae jogged through the deepening snow toward the bus stop. She shifted through the people bundled up against the cold, pushing her way to the corner to catch the bus into downtown, reaching the stop seconds ahead of the bus. Settling on a bench as the bus bounced and swayed along, she opened her bag, looking for her phone. After a moment of fruitless searching, she realized she had left it in her sweatpants and swore softly to herself.

Transferring to the train, a short ride brought her to the Government Center. Mae hesitated. If she was spotted by Donald or any of her office mates, there would be questions. Mae decided there was nothing for it. She walked in the front doors. At the security checkpoint she nodded to the guards, put her bag on the belt and walked through the metal detectors.

“Ma’am? I’ll need you to step over here, please.”

She turned to the guard who spoke. “Is there a problem?”

The guard took her bag and pointed. “If you could step over here, please?”

She followed the guard to a folding table. He opened her bag and withdrew the pepper spray. “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this item is prohibited inside the building.”

Mae sighed. She had forgotten she was carrying it. County policy allowed for personal defense sprays, but you had to check them with the guards. “I’m sorry, I forgot. Can you store it, and I’ll pick it up after I’m done?”

The guard gave her a sour look. He placed the little can in a box and passed her a numbered receipt.

“Thank you. Is there anything else?”

The guard gave her one more suspicious look. “No, ma’am.”

Mae walked to the elevators, resisting the urge to look over her shoulder. She could feel the man watching her. She pressed the up arrow and waited patiently. When the elevator arrived, she squeezed aboard. At the top floor she was the last person riding.

It took only a moment to find Jill. The black-haired woman looked up at Mae’s approach.

“Did you get my message?” Jill asked.

“No. I ran out of the house so fast I left my phone.” Mae took a steadying breath. “I was worried about you.”

Jill looked around as she steered Mae to a corner. “What happened?”

Mae told her about the phone call.

“Well, I’m fine. So your mystery caller must have been talking about someone else.” Jill paused. “Unless it’s an attempt to draw you out into the open for some reason.”

“Shit,” Mae whispered. “I have to get out of here. I’m supposed to be on vacation. If someone sees me—”

“It’s a public building,” Jill pointed out.

“Yeah, but I don’t want to draw attention.”

“All right, go home. I’ll bail out of here as quickly as possible.”

Mae turned to leave. She saw her supervisor enter the library and spun back around, facing Jill and placing her back to Donald. “Shit. That’s Donald. What’s he doing?”

Jill glanced over Mae’s head. “Coming this way. You know, he’s been trying to get into my skirt since I started working here.”

“I’m pretty sure he’s in bed with the people who wanted me to drop the Arneson case.

He’ll want to know why I’m here. He’ll probably report it to Backstrom. What am I going to do?”

“Follow my lead.”

Jill smiled broadly as Mae felt Donald’s presence at her elbow.

“Mae? What are you doing here?” Donald asked.

Mae turned to face him, trying to think up something plausible.

“She brought me something from home,” Jill said. “You know, something—necessary.”

Donald glanced from Mae to Jill, confusion plain on his face.

Jill turned back to Mae. “Thanks again. I know it’s damned cold, and the snow’s coming down in buckets but, well, I didn’t expect to start a week early, and the ladies’ room was out again.”

“Oh, not a problem,” Mae said, picking up on Jill’s approach. Most men would rather strangle themselves with their own ties than discuss feminine hygiene products.

“Um…” Donald said.

Jill flashed a winning smile. “All right then, I need to get back to work.” Jill reached out and grabbed Mae’s hand, giving it a little squeeze. “I’ll be home on time tonight, assuming the buses keep to schedule. Do I need to stop at the store for anything? Bread, milk, Halloween candy?”

Mae gave Donald a quick glance out of the corner of her eye. He looked like someone had walked up to him and smacked him with a dead fish. The same recklessness she had felt during her confrontation with Hodgins welled up inside of her. She decided to press the advantage. Maybe he would be too stunned or embarrassed to question her further.

“No. We should be set for a few days.” Mae stood on her tiptoes and gave Jill a quick kiss on the cheek. “See you tonight.”