Last Chance (6 page)

Sneaky bastard. As soon as Liam and Ryan are out of the room
, he tries to get any information that he can obtain. Although, I am a little surprised that Steele canceled a show just to come here. For me. I have a knowing that Liam wouldn’t have let anything stand in his way to be with me. But Steele, I didn’t think he would have given any fucks that I walked away.

“I wasn’t aware that Layla called Liam.” I say
, while glancing over at her to give her a menacing look. I mean there was no way for her to consult me, as I was unresponsive. But she knows me. She is well aware that I wouldn’t want anyone to pity me.

Fuck! I did this to myself.
The only one that I feel like I have known my entire life, other than Layla, is Liam. He’s the only one I would feel remotely comfortable besides Lals, in knowing what I did. Trying to fight off my embarrassment and resentment toward Steele, I continue the conversation.

“Anyway, four days locked away in a hotel room huh? You guys didn’t find anything entertaining to do
besides play dress up? Come on give me some details, I need details. Who knows how much longer I’ll have to stay in this place.”

Gage interjects. “Well I was able to escape one night
. It wasn’t long before Steele found me though. I tried to explain to him I couldn’t sit inside of four walls while waiting for news about you. No offense...”

“None taken.” I interrupt.

He goes on as I didn’t interject what he was saying.

“I made it as far as the hotel bar. Mind you, it wasn’t some high end upscale bar. No
, it was like a hole in the wall with four tables placed around, beer in a refrigerator and the label ‘Bar’ stuck on it. It’s not like I even enjoyed myself. He’s lucky I didn’t leave the hotel altogether. A man has needs you know.”

“Too much information Gage.” I laugh. “So, what happened?”

“Well he caught me. He wasn’t even looking for me. He didn’t know I escaped. The hotel doesn’t allow smoking inside, so when he went outside to light one up, he saw me talking a girl up at one of the old outdated tables. He could have just stopped and said hey. He didn’t have to fabricate a complete lie, resulting in the ruining of the nicest outfit I had time to pack and bring with me, and to cause me to miss out on getting my needs taken care of.”

Within minutes of meeting Steele
, I could tell one of his character traits was to be compulsive. He acts first and foremost without thought and care when everything is said and done. In the end is when he thinks about what he could have said differently, or how he could have acted.

“Well now you have to spill the beans. Pray tell, what did his mind ostracize?” I ask rather enjoying his
unsuccessful evening.

“
He walked right up to the table, without even fucking looking at me and started talking to the girl I was hoping to lie in sin with that night. All of a sudden the woman threw her beer all over me and started cussing me out loud. She kicked her chair back and left. Steele started laughing and walked away. I waited in our suite for him to get back, just to find out what he told her. Do you know what the hell he had the gall to tell her?”

“Well seeing how Steele doesn’t possess a filter
, I could only imagine what kind of madness he could come up with.” I reply.

“He told her that I was a male prostitute
, trying to earn a living for my six kids at home. Get this though- She believed him. I was ready to go off on him for ruining my night, when he starts reprimanding me that I should have stayed in the room with everyone else. Like I’m not a grown ass adult.” Gage vents.

I start laughing
, because I would have enjoyed seeing Gage get splashed in the face with a drink. These guys are easy to connect with; easy for me to find a familiar bonding, though we are worlds apart.

I’m
still giggling when Liam and Steele walk back in. I look at both of them, trying to survey their emotions. By the looks of it, their conversation didn’t end well.

What I would
have given to have been a fly on the wall, just to hear what was so important they discuss, before they both exploded in front of everyone with male testosterone. I seriously hope that Steele keeps what we did in the past. It can rot away and die for all I care.

“Al
l right guys, I think we have intruded on Natalie long enough. I’m sure she could use some rest.” Steele says to the guys, excluding Liam.

Gage, Zepp and Jason all give me a hug goodbye and walk out of the room
, leaving a lingering Steele. He slowly makes his way over to me.

“We’re going to hang around here for a little bit longer. I’ve already canceled the rest of the shows that were booked for this month. We all want to stay to make sure you’re okay. I want to make sure you are going to be al
l right.” Steele tells me.

“Don’t feel obligated to cancel your shows for me. I wouldn’t want you guys to lose out over this. I’ve got Lals
. She'll be here with me every step of the way to recovery. Don’t worry about me.” I say as friendly as possible.

Condescending prick. Preach to me how you give one shit about me. If he had cared at all
, he wouldn’t have been in my bed, naked, one minute and then another’s the next.

He steps closer to me. “Just let us be here Minx.
It doesn’t make a difference what you say, we aren’t going anywhere.”

Then he leaves.

Natalie

I lay awake unable to close my eyes and fall asleep. I tried throwing my earphones in and listening to music, but it no longer works. I start thinking about how much my life has changed the past couple of months. I think the good has far outweighed the bad. Liam and Layla being the good.

The hospital discharged me
eight weeks ago with promises that I would seek after care counseling, to help deal with the anxiety and the loss of my parents. In that time, Liam nor Layla have allowed me any time alone, unless it’s to attend to personal or hygienic needs. I understand it’s because they are afraid I will harm myself. Past has proved to lose their trust.

For the first few nights back home in our apartment
, Liam slept on our uncomfortable two person loveseat in the living room. He would wake up frequently to come check on me, and while doing so he would wake me. We somehow ended up in a routine that he would just crawl into my bed and fall asleep.

Layla has cut down her shifts at the bar to be at home more
. She feels that Liam and the band are sacrificing a lot to be able to stay here. I agree. I’ve been trying to talk Liam into heading back out on tour, but every time I bring it up, he cuts me off from finishing what I was going to suggest and smacks the idea down.

Even with my eyes open
, I can’t make out anything in my dark room. I have an issue sleeping with any lights on, or any light shining through the window. I roll over and feel for Liam. He usually sleeps on top of my blankets and throws his own over top of himself.

For some reason tonight
, I just want to be held. My hand reaches out and comes into contact with his back. He’s facing away from me. I gently tug on him to roll over facing me. He doesn’t comply, so I continue tugging while whispering his name out loud.

“Liam.”

“Liam.”

I tug again
, and he pulls away.

“Liam.” I say much louder, no longer a whisper.

He jumps up and away from me suddenly, yelling in a haunted tone. “Get your fucking hands of off me!”

He hops off the bed and continues yelling profanities. He is mad, a side of Liam I have yet to see. Until now.

I can’t even make out his shadow, so I turn on my bedside lamp and toss the covers off of me. I walk over to Liam on the other side of my bed, near my dresser. He is looking away from me, as if he is talking to someone there. Someone who is not physically there.

I keep my voice low and smooth and just repeat his name over and over to get his attention. After a few minutes
, he stops talking, so I think it’s safe to assume that I caught his attention. I step closer and reach my hand out to take one of his.

His hand hangs loose in mine
, until I give his a squeeze. I think it shakes him out of his nightmare. He looks to me as if I am about to judge him for what happened, or maybe ask questions. His eyes tell me that he is deeply afraid.

“Natalie.”

“Yeah, Liam?”

“Did I hurt you? Please tell me I didn’t fucking hurt you.” Liam asks
, his voice quivering with uneasiness.

I reach out
, grabbing his neck and pull him to me. Cradling him into me. I reply with a soothing tone.

“No Liam, you didn’t hurt me. I don’t even think you could
, even if you wanted to.”

He pulls back and looks me in the eyes. “Are you sure?”

“I would tell you if I were hurt. I was trying to wake you up. I wanted you to hold me. To take the pain away. You yelled and jumped away from me, that’s all. I promise.”

He holds his gaze for a moment longer
, probably debating whether to believe me or not. “Let’s just go back to bed.”

He pulls away from me and chills inst
antly run over my skin, missing his touch. I walk back to my side, lie back down in my bed, cover myself up, and turn the lamp off. Liam laid back down the same exact way he was when I woke him.

“Liam, would you hold me?”

He doesn’t attempt to make a move, nor does he say anything in reply.

“If you don’t want to that’s al
l right. I understand.” I say.

I roll away from him
so my back is facing him. Rejection burns throughout me, and shame for even asking him to hold me, threatens tears. As I am caught up in holding back my emotions, an arm wraps around me. I didn’t even hear or feel him move near me.

“Goodnight.” He whispers in my ear.

**********

Like any other morning
, I wake up to an empty bed. Pretty much an everyday habit of Liam’s. I’ve come to the conclusion that he is either an early riser, or he just doesn’t like sleeping with me. That maybe he sneaks out of my bed in the middle of the night. Staying long enough to appease my wants.

Every morning I wake up my curtains are drawn
, an annoyance of mine, and my bed is cold where he was to have slept. I slide out of my bed, get dressed, and make my way into the kitchen.

When I walk in
, I find Liam making breakfast and Layla sitting at the island bar blabbing away. I walk over to the Keurig pot and start my coffee. Lals has always known I have never been a morning person. This took Liam a bit to come to terms with. Liam had to have been born on sunshine and happy days. It could be four in the morning, and the man has his charmer smile already in place. I on the other hand, am not.

After two cups of coffee
, I’m ready to talk.

“So what are our plans for the day? House bound again are we? I was thinking maybe we could go see a movie or something. I’m getting stir crazy
, and the only time I leave is to go to the clinic. I love you both for it, but I feel like a child with you two around constantly.”

“A movie sounds nice.” Layla agrees.
She looks to Liam to see if he is in agreement.

“What do you think Liam? Are you down for a chick flick?” I ask
, smiling that there was a chance for fresh air.

“I guess I could survive a chick flick, but only for you and you have to promise that this stays between us. It would ruin my bad-boy repertoire.” He says playfully.

“I’m sure it would.” I say jokingly. Chick flick or no, I don’t think anything could ruin his image.

“So did you
have a movie in mind that you wanted to see? If not, why don’t you take a look at the showings for today, while I grab a hoodie and sun glasses. Nothing would ruin a movie date faster than someone recognizing me.” Liam says, making his way into my bedroom to retrieve his clothing.

Our living room and kitchen are an open floor plan. You can see everything from anywhere in the room. I walk over to the coffee table
, placed in front of the loveseat, where my cell phone is sitting from the night before.

I pick it up and open the Safari app to search Yahoo for movie listings. I scroll through the showings and try to find the most emotional romance flick that I can. Just like with my music, I am a sucker for watching movies that will draw out emotion.

Endless Love is what I decide on. A love story with troubles. Even with my own personal demons when it comes to attraction, I can handle it. If Layla or Liam knew, I am positive because of their worry that I will relapse, they would try to make me choose another.

Layla is still sitting at the breakfast counter, now drinking her cup of coffee
, when Liam walks back into the kitchen area.

“So did you decide on anything?” He asks.

“Well there is this movie that looks like it has potential to be a good tear jerker.” I say tauntingly, waiting for him to try to convince me that we should go see an action or horror flick.

Two genres that I am not okay with seeing. The classical man’s man movie. Films that leave me with nightmares and occasional panic attacks. Anytime Layla puts one of those movies on the tube while I am lounging in the living room
, I try to distract myself with reading.

It never fails though. One minute I will be lost in the story I am reading, connecting with the characters that the author created
, and the next I find myself intrigued by what’s on the television. I will try unfailingly to get back into the book, but then I’ll hear a noise coming from the movie or Layla commenting on what is about to happen; drawing me out of my Kindle even more.

Next thing you know
, I’ve sat through the entire movie eyes wide with terror, and when it’s finally over, and I try to fall asleep, I can't. And when I do, I wake up from a surreal feeling dream and am unable to fall back asleep.

Some shows do it to me
, as well. Layla is obsessed with The Following. I know that it’s on every Monday night, but every time it ended, I was doing it to myself all over again. There’s something about an Edgar Allen Poe fan turned cult leader that never disappoints in holding my interest. Regretfully.

So nope
, no horror or action, because the action always ends with someone dead.

Liam breaks me out of my musings.

“Are you sure you want to go for a tear jerker movie? Why not a comedy?”

“There isn’t anything out in theaters right now that looks like it would be an actual comedy
, to where I would laugh out loud watching. If I am going to pay to see a comedy, I better be barreling over in laughter, my ribs hurting and my eyes watering. In short, it better be worth it.” I reply.

“Al
l right, alright. Ugly cry movie it is. But don’t say I didn’t try to convince you otherwise. If I thought you would go for an action adventure flick, I would try to get you to see Robocop. Man that movie was the shit back in the eighties.”

“Puh-lease. You’re barely four years older than me. First, I
wasn’t aware that there even was an ‘original’ Robocop movie. I thought this was the first one. Secondly, you were born in the early nineties. So how in the world would you have known that the movie was the shit back in the eighties?” I say, laughing out loud.

For a twenty three year old he always comes off as older, more mature. I think that’s another reason I have bonded with him so closely. Then there are times like these. Where I question his sense in taste. Robocop come on.

“I was raised watching movies like that. It’s one of my most cherished memories of my family that I have. My folks watched movies from every decade, even black and white films. My mom’s favorite was Casablanca.” He says, all joking aside.

This is the only time since I met Liam
, he has ever brought up his family. Whenever I have made small talk about our pasts, he questions me; focusing all attention on getting to know my history.

I have no idea what to say in reply to that. As much as I want to pry and ask questions about his family. Like where are they? Why doesn’t he bring them up? Anything for him to open himself to me, I cant. How can I expect him to make himself vulnerable to me
, if I can’t tell him about my parents, or about Steele?

Layla saves me from face planting over my words.

“Casablanca is one of my favorites. We should rent it sometime and watch it. We could do it tonight if you guys wanted.”

“I would like that if Princess is okay with watching an oldie. I haven’t seen it in years, with the band
taking up almost all of my time.” Liam says.

They both look to me for my approval. Layla knows I can’t stand black and white films
, but for Liam I will suck it up for one measly night. I mean he is going to see a chick flick without any complaints, so I should only return the favor.

“Sure, why not? We can go see Endless Love
, grab something for lunch, and pick up that movie on the way home. Maybe stop at a grocery store and I can make us something for dinner?”

“Nat you should pretty please make your barbeque chicken Alfredo.
” Layla pauses and looks over to Liam. “Liam it is delicious. You wouldn’t normally think that barbeque and creamy Alfredo sauce would meld, but the tastes combined just burst in your mouth.” Layla suggests.

“I guess I can give Liam a sample of my kitchen talents. I haven’t cooked in what seems like forever
, and truthfully I am tired of takeout and your cooking, Layla. Chef Boyardee or Ramen do not count as homemade food.” I say, picking at her.