Last Light (2 page)

I needed Hannah on top of me, riding me hard.

My dick rose against the fabric of my lounge pants.

“Intense,” I repeated. “Mm … say that again. Talk, I want to hear your voice. Tell me what you want. Are you alone?”

I strained to catch the sound of Hannah’s breath.

I lay on my back on the couch, my fingertips skating up and down my stomach.

“Shit,” Hannah said.

My hand paused. “What’s up?”

“Nate’s here.”

“God, I don’t care,” I said, and for a moment, I didn’t.

I sneered and sat up. My T-shirt flopped into place.

“I have to go,” she said.

“I know. Fine. Good luck.”

“Don’t be angry, Matt.”

“I’m not. Are you? Is he listening?”

“No, he’s waiting outside the phone booth.”

“The phone booth? What the fuck, Hannah?”

“I can handle it. Gotta go. Bye.”

“Fuck.” I dragged a hand through my hair. “Fine. All right. I love you…”

“Yeah. Bye.”

The call ended with a loud click.

I frowned and flipped my TracFone shut.

“Goddamn it,” I whispered.

That was my first conversation with Hannah in three weeks. We spoke a few times before that—when she told me she planned to attend the memorial, when
Night Owl
happened, and of course when I first got to the cabin. I was in bad shape then.

“I love you,” I said again. The wind answered, pressing against the cabin. Hannah would have told me she loved me, but Nate was watching. I understood that.

I tried to picture them together: Hannah and my brother somewhere in New Jersey. Hannah in a phone booth. Nate waiting outside.

Jealousy rose like bile in my throat.

Oh, Nate and his grand house and his do-gooder job and his happy fucking family … he always swooped in when I checked out. He would comfort Hannah. He would hug her. His arms would be around her, not mine.

I pocketed my phone and began to pace the main floor of the cabin. I kept the place terrifically hot, the thermostat at seventy and a fire always burning in the grate. I would have kept it cooler if Laurence were with me, but the lucky bastard got to stay with Hannah. His absence would raise suspicion. Missing Matt, missing Laurence—doesn’t add up.

Though technically I was
dead
Matt, not missing Matt.

I had a mountain lion to thank for that.

Finally I plopped down at the desk, which I had positioned in front of the deck. The sliding door gave view to pines and mountains caked with snow.

Kevin must have paid a pretty penny for this place. The cabin sat far back on four acres. The nearest neighbors were a mile up the road, and they weren’t around.

I was alone.

As far as Kevin knew, I was dead.

Hannah called Kevin a week after my “disappearance.” He was a mutual friend with a conveniently remote cabin.

She fed him the lines I fed her.
Can I stay at the cabin? I need to get away. I want to be closer to the search. If Matt’s out there, I want to be out there. But I don’t want to impose. I understand if …

Kevin offered the cabin without hesitation, as I knew he would. He was in Miami anyway. I felt a twinge of guilt as I surveyed the Rocky Mountains, and I shrugged it off.

I had to remember, I was driven to this.

The media, the public, my editor, even Pam—they drove me to this. I couldn’t write in the public eye, and what could I do if I couldn’t write? But they wouldn’t understand.

I flipped open my notebook and studied the first line of my new story.

December is the cruelest month to die in.

I smiled and slouched in my chair. I couldn’t go wrong, riffing on Eliot.

I thumbed my way to chapter one and began to write. A cup of cold coffee stood by my laptop. I sipped it as I worked.

I wrote for three hours, stopping only to laugh or gaze out at the mountains. Once I walked through the cabin. Then I returned to the desk. As long as I was in the story, I wasn’t aching for Hannah. As long as I was in the story, I wasn’t worrying about Hannah on the East Coast with my family.

I burned out around two in the afternoon. My stomach growled. The fire was dead.

Middle of the fucking day.

I booted up my laptop and connected to the Internet, the dial-up ringing and grating.

I drummed my fingers on the desk as my e-mail loaded.

I had a new e-mail account and a new laptop, bought with cash. New clothes, a new prepaid cell, nothing taken from the condo. The scope of the search for me didn’t inspire confidence in Colorado law enforcement, but I knew my finances would be checked, the condo searched, and phone records reviewed. Standard missing persons protocol. I covered my bases.

A new e-mail appeared in my in-box:

YOU HAVE RECEIVED A PRIVATE MESSAGE ON THEMYSTICTAVERN.COM FORUM

My God
. I sat forward.

Was this it?

I navigated to the forum and swore as I waited for the page to load. Fucking dial-up, fucking dial-up …

First I checked my forum post. It had forty-seven views and no replies.

SUBJECT: From one NIGHT OWL to another

by nightowl on Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Message me. I want to talk. You’re not in trouble. I’m not angry. I’m intrigued.

I had one new private message. I clicked the little envelope icon and scanned the sender details. The user name, icarusonfire, was unfamiliar.

The message was four words long.

SUBJECT: [no subject]

by icarusonfire on Saturday, February 8, 2014

What do you want?

I replied immediately.

SUBJECT: Re: [no subject]

by nightowl on Saturday, February 8, 2014

You know what I want. I want to talk. You’re not in trouble, I promise. Call me.

I included my new phone number below the message.

And I waited.

Ten minutes passed without incident. Anxiety began to coil up inside me. Had I scared him away? Him … her? I checked the profile info for icarusonfire. It was a brand-new forum account, made that same day, with no post history. I smirked. Clever … and careful.

I checked my phone. It was fully charged and had decent signal. I set the volume to high.

“Call me,” I muttered. “Call me, fucking call me.”

I browsed the forum as I waited.

That site felt haunted—as much as any digital space can feel haunted—and memories needled at me as I perused the forum.

There was my post in early June 2013: NIGHT OWL SEEKING WRITING PARTNER. I laughed as I reread it. My God, I was such a snob.
Please know how to spell. I expect timely replies. I reserve the right to drop you at any time.

It was Hannah Catalano who took the bait.

I know how to spell,
she replied,
and I can handle being dropped. Can you?

That was the beginning. That was the start of our story, and it was a good story.

The heat whirred on and I jumped.

Fuck, what was I waiting for? A call that wouldn’t come. I slid my phone across the desk and moved to restart the fire. I needed a shower. I needed to chop more wood.

Hell, I needed to eat—and to take stock of my food situation.

I was halfway to the cellar when my phone began to ring.

Chapter 3

HANNAH

I stumbled out of the phone booth and stood staring at Nate, who stood staring at me, his expression unreadable.

“N-Nate … hi.”

Nate looked paler than I remembered him, his black hair a shock of darkness against the sky. He wore an elegant black suit and tie and a wool coat that reached his knees. Sleepless smudges stained the skin beneath his eyes.

I was running on little sleep, too. My flight from Colorado to New Jersey had landed at seven that morning. Nate wanted to pick me up at the airport, but I insisted on taking a cab.

Then he begged me to accept a ride from my motel to his house, and I gave in because part of me missed Nate. We hadn’t seen one another since October of last year, and that was during Matt’s meltdown. And even then, Nate made a good impression. Fiercely loyal to his brother. Forgiving. Gracious.
Handsome.

I blinked rapidly, clearing that thought.

“Hello, Hannah,” Nate said. He opened his arms and I went to him automatically. We didn’t quite hug. He gripped my elbows and pressed a kiss to my cheek, and then he drew back and searched my face.

I began to shiver.

What could Nate see on my face? He took his time looking at me. His dark, impenetrable eyes swept my expression, the search so thorough it felt intimate, and at last he smiled and said, “It’s good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you, too.”

“What are you doing out here?” He nodded toward the pay phone.

“Oh, my phone…” I shifted my purse. “My phone died. I wanted to call my mom. She’s been really supportive. I needed to hear her voice.”

I hated myself for lying. The guilt was acid.

Nate glanced at the run-down Motel 6 behind me. He cocked his head. As always, he reminded me of a hawk. “I take it your accommodations are without phone service?”

“Ah, no. Er, yes, of course.”
Fuck.
“Phones … they have phones. I was just on my way to—” I looked across the street, where only one establishment stood.
SMOKEY’S TOBACCO SHOP
.
Seriously?
I flushed. “Um … buy a pack of cigarettes. So. The pay phone was on my way.” I looked at my boots.

“Cigarettes,” Nate said.

“Yes, cigarettes.”

“I didn’t know you smoked.”

“Well, I didn’t. But I do now.” I lifted my chin. “And I know it’s bad for me, and I’d rather not hear some doctory spiel about it. Matt used to smoke. Sometimes.”

“I’m aware. One of his many healthy habits. Shall we, then?” Nate turned on a heel and headed for the tobacco shop. I trailed after him.

Fucking Matt, look what you’ve gotten me into now.

The shop was full of pipes and incense, blown glass, rolling papers, and Rasta clothes. I tried to hold my breath. A gray-haired man with a spindly beard—Smokey, I presumed—sat at the checkout counter.

Nate hovered as I asked for a pack of Marb Reds and picked out a lighter. I didn’t protest when he intervened to pay. My face was on fire.

I waited in the shop while Nate brought the car around. The rain had turned to slush.

He dashed out and got the door.

As I buckled my seat belt, I remembered the last time—the first time—I was in Nate’s car. It wasn’t so long ago. Then, we were going to rescue Matt.

“I know what you’re thinking,” said Nate.

I glanced at him. God, he was nearly Matt. Matt’s dark-haired brother, at home in his car the way Matt only ever looked in his Lexus: A prince in his purring, expensive machine.

Nate tipped his head against the headrest.

“But there’s no Matt now, is there? No drive to Geneva. No boy to save.” A wistful smile played on his lips. He rolled his head toward me. I stared at the cigarettes and lighter in my hand. “Go ahead, Hannah.”

“What?” I swallowed.

“I don’t mind if you smoke one in the car.”

“Oh … no, it’s okay, I—”

“Please,” he said. “And you should have offered me one by now.”

Nate plucked the cigarettes from my hand and neatly peeled off the plastic. He rapped the box against the heel of his hand.

“I didn’t think,” I mumbled. “You’re … a doctor.”

“Yes, that’s right. I’ll have one for my brother.”

We lit our cigarettes and lowered our windows a sliver.

I took thin drags and exhaled fast. Soon I was dizzy. The smoke made my eyes water. Perfect—false tears.

When I looked at Nate, though, I saw very real tears standing in his eyes.

“It’s all right,” he said. “It’s okay. I don’t know—it makes no sense. Is my brother dead? I can’t say it.” He reached for me, found my hand, and held it tight.

Nate didn’t cry, but I began to think I might. I couldn’t stand to see his grief.

We finished our cigarettes and Nate pulled me over for a hug. His long fingers curled at the back of my neck. I pressed my face against his coat and breathed in the scent of cologne and smoke. I let myself imagine he was Matt.

“It’s all right,” Nate said again, and I knew he said it for himself.

*   *   *

We pulled up to Nate’s house at noon. We had an hour to kill before the service.

Mounds of graying snow lined the drive and a half-melted snowman stood by the front steps. Still, the home was magnificent. Yellow light shone in the windows. A large winter wreath hung on the door.

A few cars were parked along the street, and I recognized a catering van.

“Home sweet home,” said Nate. “I really wish you’d agreed to stay with us, Hannah. That motel…” His nose wrinkled. Classic Sky disdain, barely disguised.

“I wanted to, Nate. It’s just, this house…” I stumbled over my excuse.

“Too many memories?”

“Yeah.” I climbed out of the car before Nate could get my door.

He rounded on me, blocking the sidewalk.

“Hannah,” he said. He sounded cautious. “A few items, nothing major. Val—she’s quite upset.” He gestured to the house. “Owen, we haven’t explained it to him. He’s too young, you see? But Madison knows, and she understands.”

“Okay, got it.” I felt a Pam-esque urge to say: Will you be coming to your point in 2014? Something more was on Nate’s mind, clearly.

“Good, good.” He tugged off his gloves. “No one gives a damn about the book, of course. Don’t worry about that.”

My stomach dropped.

The book.

Night Owl.

The book Matt started in Denver and finished in Kevin’s cabin. The book that somehow leaked onto the Internet and got published as an e-book by “W. Pierce.”

Matt swore he had no part in it—no part beyond writing it, that is. I believed him. After all,
Night Owl
chronicled our romance in aching detail. No way would Matt, Mr. Privacy Above All Else, publish that book for the world to see.