Last Night at the Blue Angel (8 page)

Sister looks at her, smiling.
Elizabeth is very wise
.
Like you. I think you are going to be friends
.

Some of the pain the numbers cause goes away when Sister calls me wise, even more so when Elizabeth grins at the prospect of us being friends.

I just don't know them yet
, I tell Elizabeth.

The other kids start filing in. Everyone stares at Elizabeth and whispers. Paul sits down behind me. He leans forward.
Who's your friend?

Shut up
, I say.

Does Howdy Doody have a friend?

They call me Howdy Doody because of my hair and freckles—and my teeth.
Cut it out
.

Your mama make a wrong turn this morning? Girl?
says the boy behind Elizabeth.

She sits with her hands folded on her desk, her back straight.

I lean across the aisle.
Don't listen to them
, I whisper.

As she opens a book on her desk she says,
You're the one listening to them
,
not me
.

The whole room seems to be looking at us while Sister Marie and Sister Eye talk privately in the front of the room. Sister Eye waves at us both as she leaves.

Hey, Sophia
, says Paul.
Is your dad coming to parent–teacher conferences? Oh, wait. I forgot you don't have a dad
.

Elizabeth glances at me and then back at her book.

Opening my Big Chief tablet to a blank page, I bend over it so no one can see and write:
Would you like to be my friend? I would like to be your friend
. Then I write down my phone number, tear out the page, and fold it into a very small triangle. The boys will see if I hand it to her, so I tuck it in the sleeve of my sweater.

Sister Marie raps her desk with a ruler in order to get our attention. She smiles as she introduces Elizabeth.
I am certain that in welcoming her you will be as kind and courteous as always
. Elizabeth glances up at Sister with one eyebrow raised. I can't conceal my laughter and it comes out in a quiet snort.

Ladies
, says Sister.

M
other is waiting when Elizabeth and I walk out of the school. She is dressed up with hat and gloves and the fox stole. Mother is like the center of the world when she is anyplace. Everyone sort of turns to face her, watch her, even the mean boys.

There's my kitten
, she says, waving. I'm anxious to introduce Elizabeth. I hope that Mother will make me seem more interesting.

Where's Jim?
I ask.

She puts her hand on her hip like an actress.
Can't I pick up my own daughter?

Mother
,
this is Elizabeth. She's new here
, I say.

Mother bends over and offers her hand.
Well, hello
,
Miss Elizabeth
, she says.

Elizabeth slowly reaches out her hand. She stares at Mother like she's trying to figure something out.
Wait a minute. Is your name Naomi Hill?

Well, now how on earth would you know my name?
says Mother, touching her chest.

My dad has your record
.

Well
,
he might be the only one
.

He listens to it all the time. He sings along
,
too. It's horrible
.

Mother laughs. A woman approaches us.
Mom
, says Elizabeth,
come here! Naomi Hill!

Elizabeth's mother is tall and slim and wears a fitted green dress. She doesn't seem as excited about Mother as Elizabeth is.

Miss Hill
, she says, extending her hand.

Pleasure to meet you
, Mother says.
You're new to Chicago?

No
,
we are new to this school
.

Well, I welcome you officially
, says Mother.

Thank you
, Elizabeth's mother says without a smile.
We must get going
. As they walk away Elizabeth turns around and waves. I run to her and motion her to me, indicating I have a secret. She puts her ear close to my face.

We can only wear white socks
, I whisper. Elizabeth looks down at her feet and then at mine.

Thank you
, she says.

I pull the note out of my sleeve, give it to her, and run back to where Mother is waiting.

O
n the way home I tell Mother,
I think we are going to be friends. She's very smart
.
She does her times tables in a couple of minutes and her father is a teacher at the university. Something about boycotts? And when the boys say stuff about her being a Negro, she just sits there like she can't even hear them. Like she doesn't get her feelings hurt. I want to be like Elizabeth
.

Mother smiles at me and shakes her head.
This is the most you've talked after a day of school since you started
.

I tell her,
I don't have friends
.

Mother stops and looks down at me.
You don't?

I shake my head, wishing I hadn't said that.

Why don't I know this?
she asks.

I shrug.

We walk in silence after that and I worry she's deciding I don't belong with her, that we're nothing alike because everyone loves her and she's embarrassed because they don't love me.

I wish she would say something. I feel my chest start to tighten.

She stops again.
Well
,
if Elizabeth is so smart
,
perhaps she will see what an interesting girl you are. And friend
. Then she kisses the top of my head.
You're my best friend
, she says.
And I have excellent taste
.

I'm so relieved she's not mad at me that I throw my arms around her and start to cry. My nose runs. She holds me for a while, and then pulls us apart so she can look at me.

Heavens
,
child
, she says.
What on earth is the matter?

The sun is behind the buildings and the wind is blowing hard. It can seem to come from several directions, one after the other, so that it pushes you right then left and I feel like I could lose my balance.

Nothing
, I say.

We start walking again and Mother says,
Oh
,
kitten
,
you feel so much. I'm afraid you are just like me
.

CHAPTER 10

W
HEN WE GET
home we stop at the front desk.
Sal
,
darling
, Mother says,
would you mind terribly having a coffee service sent up to the room?

Right away
,
Miss Hill
, says Sal.

It's not a fancy place. Jim calls it run-down. But when Mother's around, everyone acts like it's great here, or like it could be if we all just tried. Like Mother. I think they would do anything for her.

Oh
,
and maybe some sweets
, says Mother.

Did you have something specific in mind
,
ma'am?

Surprise us
, she says.

Sister loves sweets
, she reminds me.

You do
,
too
, I say.

Mother shakes her head, smiling at me.
You've got my number
,
don't you, darling?

Rita is already there when we walk in. She has a pink-and-purple scarf on her head with her platinum waves coming out the bottom. I run to the couch and jump on her. She holds her cigarette way up in the air.

My caftan
,
darling!
she says.
You're crushing my caftan!

I squeeze her as hard as I can. When I release her she touches her hair with her free hand.

Your offspring is trying to kill me with love
, she says to Mother.

Rita sucks the tip of her ivory cigarette holder and then gently sets it on the edge of the big blue ashtray. I put my hands out. She slowly takes off her rings, one at a time, and puts them on my fingers. I study them. She takes the scarf from her head and wraps it several times around mine.

My little gypsy
, she says with her deep, smoky voice.

Sal rolls in an old, squeaky cart with coffee and sweets on a doily.

What's the occasion?
says Rita

Can't I have my girlfriends over for coffee?
says Mother.

Sister Eye comes in then and pulls off her ugly, brown nun shoes, leaving them at the door.

You don't have to take off your shoes
,
darling
, says Mother.

Oh
,
yes she does
, says Rita, scowling at Sister's shoes like they said a bad word.

Please tell me you remembered to pay the gas bill today
, Sister says to Rita.

I did
,
of course I did. Naomi
,
darling
,
please get this woman a drink
, says Rita.

I move quietly around the cart, taking a few butter cookies and two jam thumbprints. I love when we're all together.

Kitten
,
I wonder if you shouldn't go to your room and do your homework?
says Mother.

Sister Eye looks at Mother and then at me.
Maybe your math
, she says.

They want me out of the room, I can tell, so I pretend like doing math in my room is a great idea and leave.

When I get to my room I open and close my door. Then I crawl back down the hallway to listen.

I'm so glad you're here
, Mother is saying. I hear her light a cigarette and inhale.
David has found me
.
His sister was in town and we got together and, well
,
she must have told him
.

You're kidding me
, Sister says.

No
, says Mother.

Oh
,
Lord Jesus
, says Rita.

But listen
, says Mother.
I think it's all going to be okay. I have a feeling
.

You have a feeling
, Rita snarls.
Well
,
in that case
.

Didn't he marry that woman? The blonde? Isn't he married?
Sister asks.

Well
,
yes
,
there's that. But I don't think it's working out
, Mother says.

Not working out?
says Sister.
Are we talking about a marriage? A sacrament?

She's so VERY dramatic
, says Rita.
You'd never know WE were the performers here
.

Rita and Mother try to hold back their laughter.

Sister is not amused.
Is he getting a divorce?

It's such an ugly word
, says Mother.

Because it's an ugly thing
, says Sister.

Rita stands and I duck so she doesn't see me but her arms are out to her sides like she has an announcement.
That is not even the point
.

Darling
,
top me off
, says Mother.
While you're up
.

Rita continues,
If you ask my opinion
,
this man can only complicate things
,
given your history. It seems to me your methods are perfectly sound as they are right now
.

My methods?
says Mother. Ice clinks in the glasses.

You take a lover here
,
a lover there
,
as the need presents itself
,
and everyone is happy. No messy relations
,
no man to answer to. It seems to me an ideal arrangement
,
darling. Why dive in
,
hmm? Haven't you already swum in this pool?

But I like him
, Mother says, her voice small.
We've known each other so long
.

Are you already seeing him?
asks Sister Eye.
Is this whole . . . vulgar conversation moot?

Mother looks embarrassed.
Once
.

Don't tell me
, says Sister.
He said
,
“I'll come by later
,
or tomorrow
,”
and you waited and waited and he never showed?

It's complicated
, says Mother.

Well, that is my point
, says Rita.
Right there. There you go. Off chasing the rabbit. I'm already bored with this conversation and we've only begun
.

Mother turns to Rita.
Be happy for me
.

Your career needs your attention
,
darling. You are withering away at a low-level gig
.

The Blue Angel is famous!
says Mother.

Rita lowers herself into a chair.
It WAS famous. Now it is a relic. You are performing there because at the moment
,
Big Doug lacks a better option
.

Mother gasps.
What a terrible thing to say!
I hear her snap, snap, snap the big glass lighter.
Damn this thing
.

Sister says,
I might add
motherhood
here if we're discussing things that require your attention
.

Well, this afternoon is turning out to be a terrible disappointment
, Mother says.
I invited my girlfriends over for drinks
,
to have a little fun
.

And talk about boys?
Rita says.
Fix our nails and set our hair and talk about boys? Is that what you hoped for? So help me
,
Jesus
. She stands and begins pouring another drink.

Well
,
now I need one
,
too
, says Sister.

Rita nods at her.
That's the spirit
.

There is a fast rap on the door then and Jim lets himself in. I wave at him and put my finger to my mouth.

I thought I was picking you up today
, he says, blowing my cover.

Mom did
, I say, following him to the living room.

I see that now. You need to communicate with me
, he tells Mother.
How do you do
,
Sister? Miss Rita
.

I'm so sorry
,
Jimmy
, Mother says, walking to him.

I was worried sick
.
I looked everywhere for her
.