Last Resort (50 page)

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leave?"

she whispered.

Leaning forward he kissed her gently on the lips.

"Don't lef s think about that now/ he said.

"We've only got thisx short time left to us, so why don't we at least try to enjoy it?"

Penny gave a wry laugh. "That's a tall order/ she said, linking hands with him as they turned back down the jetty towards the remote, decrepit little fishing village it served.

The sun was beating down on them and the air was thick with flies buzzing around the rotting debris of dead fish and sewage that lapped the eroded edges of the pier. The stench of burning garbage carried on a listless breeze over the narrow, squalid streets, where thin, leathery-skinned fishermen and their families went about their business. They were no more than an hour or so's drive from the noisy, overcrowded metropolis of Manila, but it could have been another country, another world even.

"It's hard to imagine what it must be like to live like this/ she said, pausing to watch the unloading of an outrigger that had just come in from the fishing pens. A line quickly formed as the fish were dumped into baskets and carried to the waiting lorries.

"I wonder how often they see Westerners out here?"

"Rarely, I imagine/ Christian answered, batting away the flies and blowing on her neck to keep her cool.

Reaching up to her shoulder she put her hand over his and leaned into him.

"Shall we go and take a look at that church?"

she said, pointing to the time-blackened dome of a small Spanish church at the end of the main street.

He shook his head.

"No. Let's get out of here for a while and go where the air's a bit fresher."

The car was parked at the water's edge, between a mound of fraying bamboo baskets and a cluster of morose, scraggy mules. A fisherman moved his oars and tackle to allow them to get into the car, and obligingly 389

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waved down an approaching ox cart for it to wait while they reversed on to the road. Christian drove slowly, steering the rusty vehicle around rocks and potholes as they went back through the village, passing skinny, barefoot children playing in the dust in front of their makeshift houses. Skeletal, lethargic dogs slept in the shade of barren trees and car wrecks, or scavenged the mouldering piles of trash dumped carelessly on the roadside. At the other end of the village they passed a funeral procession, where mourners in faded T-shirts and ragged shorts followed the limping, flat-tyred car on foot, carrying torn umbrellas to shade them from the sun.

As she looked out of the window Penny's emotions were binding tightly inside her. The grimness of their lives was as heart-rending as it was incomprehensible. She turned to look at Christian. Feeling her eyes on him, he smiled and held out his hand for hers.

"Makes you realize how lucky we are, doesn't it?"

he said, pressing harder on the accelerator as they left the village behind.

"Yes/ she said quietly, finding it hard to feel anything beyond the misery of such deprivation and the dread of the passing hours.

They were soon climbing the mountain roads, winding through dense, brittle hedgerows of bamboo and fern and soaring forests of coconut palms. When at last they reached a clearing on the brow of a hill, they got out of the car and walked over the coarse, sun-dried grass to look down over the lake and village. In the distance they could see the merging of the waters and the vague smudge of mountains through the haze.

Leading her over to a cluster of rocks Christian sat down in the shade and settling her between his legs rested her head back on his shoulder. Neither of them spoke for some time, but as they watched tiny green lizards scurry and dart over the slated rocks Penny

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could feel his melancholy as deeply as she could feel her own. In truth she felt so strangled by emotion she was unable to speak and almost wished that time would stand still so that neither of them would ever have to face what lay ahead.

Taking her hand he lifted it to his lips ancj kjssed it softly.

"Did you know/ he said,

"that the British Airways plane is already here?"

For some reason she felt dizzied and strangely panicked. It seemed incredible to think that something as familiar as a BA plane with its supercilious stewardesses and confident pilots was here on this island.

"It takes off tomorrow night/ he told her.

"Your ticket's booked. The flight's at nine-thirty."

Penny closed her eyes as they filled with tears. It was all coming too soon.

What will you do when you get back to France?"

he asked, breaking another long and difficult silence.

Her heart turned over. She'd been thinking about little else for days now, but not knowing how either David or Sylvia had viewed her disappearance was making it impossible for her to come to any decisions. T'm not sure/ she said.

"It may well be that I no longer have a job there, so I'll have to return to London."

"You think David will have fired you?"

"Possibly. Probably."

"You've only been gone a couple of weeks/ he pointed out.

"Not exactly a capital offence."

"No, not exactly/ she said, her voice barely audible as she thought how much longer it seemed.

"My guess is he'll be glad to have you back/ he said, giving her a comforting squeeze.

"And if he's not, then he doesn't deserve you anyway."

Penny smiled.

"Let's just hope he sees it that way."

They sat quietly again, waiting and listening and watching the sun start to burn gold in the sky. Penny turned her head to look up at him and felt her heart spill

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over with sadness as his lips came gently, seekingly, down on hers.

They hadn't made love at all since the day he had told her he was letting her go and, though in some ways Penny had felt relieved, she had missed the closeness. But even as she felt his desire mounting now, she knew he was going to push her away. When he did, he got abruptly to his feet and walked back to the car.

After a while Penny followed him and found him slumped over the wheel, his head resting on his arms. As she looked down at him she found herself wondering how long it would be before he met someone else, how long he would have to wait before he could hold a woman in his arms again and make love to her. She could only guess why he was resisting it now, that the comfort of her body simply wasn't enough, not when what he really wanted was her love.

He turned to look up at her and as she gazed down into his dark, heavy eyes her heart started to falter. She knew beyond any doubt that David meant more to her, but, dear God, she loved Christian too. And what future was there for her and David when he already had a wife and two children he loved? What was she really going back for? What was waiting for her there, besides the loneliness of loving a man who didn't want her and the pain of worrying about a man who did. How was she going to feel in six months, maybe six years, from now if she read in the papers that Christian had been arrested? That his borrowed liberty was over and there was no one except him to care?

"Oh God,"

she sobbed, turning away and burying her face in her hands.

He was out of the car in an instant.

"Hey, come on,"

he said, pulling her to him.

"It's all right. It's going to be all right."

T don't know if I can do this,"

she wept.

"I just can't bear the idea that I might never see you again."

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'You will/ he told her.

"I promise. One day."

Tilting her face up to his he held it between his hands and looked tenderly into her eyes.

"And if, when you get back/ he said gruffly,

"you find that he doesn't want you ..."

He swallowed hard.

"Just get word to Lei Leen and I'll come back for you."

Penny's eyes closed as she pulled her lips between her teeth and felt pain swamp her heart.

"You know?"

she said.

"Sure I know."

He smiled sadly.

"I knew all along."

Then..."

"Shh/ he said,

"it doesn't matter now. All that matters is that you get tonight over with, then go back to your life and try to pick up the pieces."

"But what about you?"

He smiled.

"Don't you worry about me. I'm going to be just fine. Now, what do you say we start back to the hotel?"

Nodding, she used her fingers to wipe the tears from her cheeks and leaning against each other they turned back towards the car.

"Do you remember the way?"

he asked as they reached it.

Penny gave a splutter of laughter.

"Why? Don't tell me you've forgotten."

"No, I know the way,"

he answered.

"I just want to be sure that you do."

"Why?"

"Because, cherie,"

he said, turning her in his arms,

"this is where we say goodbye."

Penny's heart jolted as her eyes widened with panic.

"Oh no/ she cried.

"No, please, don't let it be here."

"Better here/ he smiled,

"than in the village. I don't want you remembering me along with the stench of fish and poverty."

"But how will you get down there?"

"It'll only take an hour or so to walk it."

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'But you don't have anything with you. All your things'

"Are right here in the car/ he interrupted, and kissing her briefly he went to haul his bag from the boot.

As he came back Penny was watching him, and though he was doing all he could not to show how hard this was for him she wasn't fooled.

"Christian,"

she whispered.

"Shh/ he said, opening the car door for her to get in. Obediently she slid into the driver's seat. Then, looking up at him again she so very nearly told him that she wanted to go with him, that, had he not leaned through the window at that moment to give her one last, farewell, kiss she knew the words would have tumbled from her

lips.

"Look after yourself, Penny,"

he said, his voice thick

with unshed tears.

For a moment her throat was too tight to speak.

"Christian,"

she sobbed.

"Christian, I'm sorry. I didn't

mean to'

Putting a finger over her lips, he stopped her.

"Just drive,"

he said,

"and don't look back."

Then he pulled away from the window and waited as she started the engine. As she slipped the car into gear he said, The next twenty-four hours aren't going to be easy for you, I know, but be brave, ma che'rie, and remember, I love you."

As Penny pulled away, moving slowly along the narrow, stony track, she couldn't stop herself looking back. He was still standing there, his bag at his feet, his hair tousled by the breeze, his loneliness as stark and painful as the ache in her heart.

It took her almost two hours to find the hotel, hidden as it was in the thick, nerra forest of Antipole. By the time she got there night had fallen and she was badly shaken by the fear that she had become so hopelessly lost she 394

would never find where she was going.

Leaving the car on the little patch of wasteland, she picked her way carefully through the darkness towards the feeble flicker of neon over the front door.

She noticed, with unease, that there were no other cars around and the only sound was that of her footsteps treading the gravel. When they'd checked in the day before, after Christian had been warned that the DEA were watching him, there had been several other guests around. Now the entire place looked deserted.

A single candle lamp cast a shadowy glow over the dull wood panels of the lobby. It smelt of beeswax and mould. There was no one on duty and the dusty honeycomb of message boxes the other side of the desk held nothing but solid, old-fashioned keys. She looked around for a bell and, finding none, called tentatively into the silence. Her voice echoed eerily along a passageway as her heartbeat thumped in her ears.

"Hello ... Is anyone there?"

she called again.

A door creaked open and as a sliver of light fell over the desk a slender young girl emerged from the office.

"Can I take my key, please?"

Penny said.

The girl looked at her blankly.

"Key,"

Penny repeated, pointing and twisting her hand in a locking action.

The girl looked behind her, unhooked one of the keys and slid it across the counter.

Thank you."

Penny smiled, her lips quivering slightly. She'd have liked to ask the girl if they were alone in the hotel, but since she clearly didn't speak English there was no point. But maybe it was better not to know, for if they were it would only unnerve her even more.

Her room, on the fourth floor, was a large, featureless square with a small balcony overlooking the woods. An

"empt to liven it up a little had been made by placing a wl of plastic fruit on the table between the beds.

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tting down her bag she went steadily from one lamp Another, flooding the room with light while trying to

sh the mounting fear of how remote and vulnerable < , was in this godforsaken place. If only they could r\re stayed on at the Manila Hotel, in the midst of civiJ tion, where people spoke languages she knew and a stant flow of guests, floor attendants and maids popuF \,d the corridors and rooms. But they'd had no choice. 2 DEA had known Christian was there and were simj\ biding their time, waiting to catch him red-handed P /th the cache of heroin. wWot knowing what else to do, she wandered into the (hroom to shower off the dust of the day. By the time ?, came out again she had coaxed herself into an

teady calm, reminding herself that she had only to At for the phone calls, then she could get out of here. y e temptation to go now was almost overwhelming, J; t the suspicion that Benny Lao was having her 4tched was even greater. Please God he wasn't planW'1g to double-cross Christian and kill her anyway, !L?reby eliminating any lingering possibility that she

jgjht tell what little she knew. "Struggling to keep control of her fear, she slipped into