Last Virgin In California (Mills & Boon Desire) (12 page)

Hard to believe that only an hour ago, she’d been wrapped in Kevin’s arms silently planning their future.

“What is it?”

Lilah looked at her father and said the words she’d wanted to say to the man who’d practically pushed her out of his car a moment ago. “I love Kevin Rogan.”

A grin touched his face briefly then disappeared. “And yet you’ve been crying. Am I going to have to kill Gunnery Sergeant Rogan?”

“No,” she said on a half laugh at the ridiculousness of the idea.

“Then everything’s all right,” her father said. “You’ll be breaking up with the little artsy guy, right?”

“Oh, Dad,” she said, walking up to him and taking both his hands in hers. “I was never engaged to Ray. He’s my friend. Plus,” she added, “he’s gay.”

Confusion flashed across his features, followed
quickly by a dawn of realization. “So you lied to me,” he said tightly.

Disgusted, she said, “Boy I can’t hear enough of that tonight.” She let him go and wrapped her arms around her middle. Shaking her head, she swallowed hard and said, “Karma. I knew that lying wasn’t healthy. But who knew it would create such a hideous mess?” Lilah grabbed the amethyst hanging from the chain around her neck and held on tight, squeezing the stone as if she could eke out any healing powers that might be locked in the cool, purple quartz.

“What are you talking about? Why did you lie to me about Ray?” He took her hands in a firm grip. “What’s going on around here?”

Lilah flashed him an irritated glance. “It’s really your fault, Dad.”

“Excuse me?” Both eyebrows lifted into high arches and he gave her a look she hadn’t seen since she was sixteen and had crashed his car into the garage. “You lie to me and it’s
my
fault?”

Tears blinded her momentarily, but she blinked them back and stood her ground. “Kevin was right about one thing anyway,” she said. “It
is
time to tell you the truth.”

“I’m all for that,” he said, drawing her into the living room. He took a seat and said, “Talk.”

So she did. She told him everything. How she’d felt his disappointment over the years. How she knew that she wasn’t the kind of daughter he wanted. She
let him in on every one of the fears and insecurities that had dogged her for years and by the time she finally ran down, Lilah was exhausted.

Lying wasn’t good for the soul, but truth could be very grueling.

“I love you so much, Dad, but I’m tired,” she finished, and heard her voice break. There’d been too many emotions tonight, she thought. Too many heartbreaks. “So tired of you always trying to make me something I’m not. Why can’t you just love me the way I am—crystals, incense, scented candles and all?”

A long minute of silence passed with her father staring at her as if he’d never seen her before. Lilah braced herself but was still shaken when he spoke.

Pushing himself out of the chair, he crossed to her, placed both hands on her shoulders and said, “Lilah, I do believe that is the
dumbest
thing you’ve ever said to me.”

Her mouth dropped open but before she could speak, he continued.

“I have loved you from the moment the Navy doctor laid you in my arms,” he said, his gaze boring into hers, willing her to believe. “You looked up at me with eyes so much like your mother’s, you stole my heart and you’ve had it ever since.”

Lilah actually felt years of secret sorrows melting away, but she had to say one more thing, no matter
what it cost her. “Daddy, I know you always wanted a boy. A Marine.”

He laughed and shook his head, reaching out to take her face between his hands. “I wanted a Mustang convertible, too, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t like driving a jeep.”

“What?”

“Oh, Lilah, honey,” he said, pulling her into the circle of her arms and holding her as he had when she was a child, “I wouldn’t trade one of your silver toe rings for a son. You’re all I ever wanted, sweetie. I love you.”

Finally, the tears that had threatened all night spilled free and she let them come. For the first time in years, Lilah felt completely secure in her father’s arms. Completely loved. And as his hands smoothed up and down her back in comforting stroked, she nestled in close, held him tight and asked, “Dad, how am I ever going to convince Kevin that I love him?”

His sigh ruffled her hair. “Ah, honey, I just don’t have an answer for that one.”

Neither did she.

T
hree days.

Three days without her and it felt like a year.

Kevin cursed under his breath and told himself to keep his mind on the recruits. His gaze scanned across the different squads drilling on the field and while one corner of his brain kept time with them and their instructors, another corner was somewhere else entirely.

As it had so often in the last few days, his mind turned to that last night with Lilah. Instantly, memories of holding her, loving her rose up inside him and damn near strangled him with their power. But just as suddenly, he turned his mental back on them, preferring to remind himself how that night had
ended. With shouts. With the sharp slap of betrayal. With slamming doors and banked tears.

His insides shifted and he folded his arms across his chest, lowered his chin and peered out at his world from beneath the wide brim of his D.I. cover. To look at him, no one would guess anything in his life had changed. And that’s just how he wanted it. He wasn’t the kind to wear his heart on his sleeve. He didn’t want to moan to his friends or whine to his family. And he damn sure didn’t want to be the hot topic of conversation on base again. Been there, done that.

What he wanted to do was forget that night had ever happened.

But his body wasn’t about to let him get away with that. And neither was his heart.

“Dammit,” he muttered, doing a quick about-face and striding toward the lot where his car was parked. He needed to get off base for a while. And since he was still officially on leave, he’d do just that. Clear his head. See his family. Maybe then he’d get a little peace.

Maybe then he could forget the sound of the musical bells Lilah wore on her wrist. But it wouldn’t be that easy, he thought. Already, he missed hearing her voice, her laughter. He missed seeing the way her eyes lit up when she was excited about something. And damned if she didn’t get excited over the dumbest things, he thought with a wry smile that faded as quickly as it was born.

He unlocked his car, slid onto the seat and buckled the belt. There was an emptiness inside him now that yawned wide with a blackness more terrible than anything he’d ever felt before. And Kevin knew that only Lilah could fill that void.

Steering his car toward the main gates, he shot a glance at the street leading to Colonel Forrest’s house and had to fight his own instinct to turn onto it. Driving past, he tightened his grip on the wheel, clenched his jaw and told himself to get over it.

“You can’t get over this that easy,” Kelly said, once he’d taken a seat in her small, toy-strewn living room.

“Watch me,” he said and congratulated himself on keeping his voice more firm than he felt.

“Just like that?”

He shot his sister a look that clearly told her to knock it off. Naturally she didn’t pay the slightest bit of attention to it. Before she could get going again though, he said tightly, “Back off, Kel.”

“Sure,” she said, handing him a baby bottle filled with juice. As he offered it to Emily, she went on. “I’ll stay out of it, just like you did when Jeff and I were having problems.”

“That was different,” he grumbled, keeping his gaze locked on his niece’s beautiful face.

“Yeah,” his sister said, “different because it was me, not you.”

“Damn right.”

“You sure talk a tough game.”

“I’m not the one playing games,” he said, flicking her a quick look, “that would be Lilah.”

Kelly leaned back in her chair, crossed her arms over her chest and gave him the glare that told him he was in for either a fight or a lecture. Turns out it was the lecture.

“You’re an idiot, Kevin.”

“Hey…”

“Ever since Alanna, you’ve been shut down inside. You locked yourself away because that woman sucker punched you.”

“Let it go, Kelly.”

“Why?” she asked. “You haven’t.”

Yes, he had. Once Lilah had captured his mind and heart, Alanna had become nothing more than a bad memory. He was a different man, now. And a lot of that was due to Lilah. Dammit. He’d trusted her. “This is about Lilah. She lied to me.”

“She lied to her father,” Kelly pointed out. “You got sucked in.”

“God, you sound just like her.”

“She called today.”

His heartbeat thudded. “You?”

“No, the mailman. He told me about it.”

He gave her a tight smile. “What did she want?”

“To say goodbye.” Kelly watched him as she
said, “She’s going home tomorrow. Back to San Francisco.”

He wouldn’t have thought it possible, but that emptiness inside him blossomed until it felt as though he was being swallowed by darkness. She was leaving.

“And let me tell you something, big brother,” Kelly was saying and he heard her voice as if from a distance. “If you lose the best thing that ever happened to you, because of the worst thing…then you’ll deserve exactly what you get.”

Next morning, Lilah sat outside Kevin’s apartment, staring at the emerald-green door, trying to imagine what he was doing inside. Cursing her? Missing her?

She’d waited three days, giving him every opportunity to come to her. To tell her that he understood.

But he hadn’t come.

She clutched the amethyst hanging around her neck and told herself she should just go on to the airport. Get on the plane and go back to her life. Obviously, he wasn’t interested. What they’d shared these last couple of weeks—and the other night—didn’t mean anything to him. At least not what it had meant to her.

But she didn’t believe that. Not really.

“Lady?” the cab driver half turned in his seat and looked at her. “We staying or going?”

“He should have come,” she said. “The least he could have done was come over to shout at me.”

“Right.”

She met the cabbie’s disinterested gaze. “I mean, if a person cares about another person and that person lies to the person then shouldn’t the person at least care enough to tell the person how they feel?”

His brow furrowed. “Huh?”

“Never mind.” She grabbed the door handle and yanked it. “Wait for me, okay?”

She climbed out of the cab, stalked up the driveway, her long skirt flapping about her legs, the bells at her wrist keeping time. When she reached his door, she stepped up onto the porch and, loud enough to wake the dead, rapped her knuckles against the door.

When it was wrenched open, she almost stumbled backward. Kevin looked fierce. Barefoot, he wore faded jeans that were ripped at the knee. Whisker stubble shadowed his cheeks, his eyes looked wild and the red Marine T-shirt he wore looked as if he’d slept in it. But a closer look at his bloodshot eyes told her he hadn’t been sleeping at all.

That was something, she supposed.

She stared at him for a long minute, and felt her heartbeat stagger. Her first instinct was to go to him, put her arms around him, hold him. But an instant
later, she shoved her hormonal reaction to one side and pushed past him, marching into the apartment. Breath quickening, mouth dry, she kept walking until she was in the middle of the living room. Then she turned to face him as he followed after her.

It was so hard to be here again. To be with him and still be alone. Why couldn’t he just see that she’d never meant to lie to him?

“I’m leaving,” she blurted, hoping to see some reaction in his eyes.

“I know.”

Pain slammed home and weakened her knees. He’d known she was leaving and still he hadn’t come to her? “And you were just going to let me go?”

He opened his mouth, but she spoke up quickly, not entirely sure she wanted to hear his answer.

“Fine. You know I’m leaving. But there’s something you don’t know. And I came here to tell you. I love you,” she said and relished the taste of the words on her tongue. She’d given up hope of ever being able to say those three simple little words. And now that she had, the feeling was bittersweet.

“Lilah…”

“No,” she said, lifting one hand and only half listening to the chime of the bells around her wrist. “You had a chance to say what you wanted to.”

“When was that?”

“The last three days,” she snapped, giving in to
the temper rising within. “I waited for you. Thought you’d come. But you didn’t.”

He shoved one hand along the side of his head, then let it drop to his side again. He looked miserable. Well, good.

Tipping her chin up, she straightened to her full, less than impressive height and said, “I’m sorry I lied. I should have told you the truth. But the lie really didn’t have anything to do with you—at first.” She started pacing, needing to move, needing to do
something
. “And by the time it
did
concern you, well, it was too late to tell you without proving myself a liar.”

“You did lie.”

“And you never have?” she snapped a furious look at him. “Saint Kevin, is that it? You’ve never made a mistake?”

“Yeah, I made a big one a couple years ago,” he reminded her.

“Oh, right,” she said, nodding. “You trusted the wrong woman and now you don’t want to trust the right one. Clever.”

“Look, Lilah,”

“I’m not finished,” she said hotly.

Kevin could only watch her, fascinated. She was so full of fire. Full of the life she’d brought into his world. Just marching up and down in his tiny living room, Lilah Forrest made the whole place seem bigger, warmer.

Seeing her again, here, in his house, made him want to grab her, hold on to her and never let her go. Her blue eyes flashed with indignation, words kept spilling from her mouth in a tumbling stream. Dammit, she was magnificent, he thought and knew without a doubt that he couldn’t let her leave him. He had to be with her. Had to be a part of her life. But she was still on a tear and wouldn’t give him the chance to say so.

“I talked to my father,” she was saying. “Really talked. You were right about that. So thanks. Things are…
good
between us for the first time in a long time.”

“I’m glad.” And he was. He didn’t want her hurting. Ever.

She stopped suddenly and stared at him through narrowed eyes. Hands at her hips, the toe of one suede boot tapping against his floor, she said, “You’re glad now, but soon, you’re going to be sorry.”

“About what?”

“You’ll regret letting me go, Kevin,” she said, meeting his gaze and holding it. “And you know why? Because you love me, that’s why.”

He opened his mouth to agree, but there was no stopping her. Frustration simmered inside, but a part of him was really enjoying hearing her argue for their love.

“If I leave, you’ll miss me forever.” Folding her arms across her chest, she continued. “And once
I do leave, it’ll be too late for you to change your mind. So you have to decide now, Kevin. Right this minute. Are you going to let me walk out of your life because of something stupid? Or do you want to admit you love me—because I know darn well you do—and take a chance on what we could find together?” Pulling in a long, deep breath, she said simply, “Decide.”

That decision had probably been made from the first moment he’d seen her, Kevin thought. He hadn’t stood a chance. Not from the beginning. And to prove it to both of them, he stepped forward, yanked her into his arms and lifted her clean off the floor before kissing her long and hard and deep.

When he was fairly sure that she was dazed enough to keep quiet for a minute or two, he lifted his head and stared directly into her eyes. “I
do
love you.”

“Hah! I knew it!” She wrapped her arms around his neck and grinned at him.

“My turn to talk,” he told her and tightened his grip around her waist. “I didn’t plan on loving you. Didn’t want to.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Is kissing you the only way to keep you quiet?” he muttered, then kept talking before she could answer that. “I don’t
just
love you though,” he said. “I need you. I’ve been up all night thinking about this, Lilah. And dammit, I
need
you. Need you to
light incense and hang crystals. Need to help you with all of the charities you’ve got running. Need you to be the chaos in my
way
too boring life.” He planted a quick, light kiss on her mouth and added, “You’ve given me laughter. You’ve given me a new life. And I can’t stand the thought of losing it or you.”

She smiled at him and a single tear escaped the corner of her eye to roll along her cheek. “Oh, Kevin…”

“
But
,” he said, knowing that this was important, too. “I’m a Marine, Lilah and I can’t change that. Won’t change that. It’s who I am. It’s as much a part of me as you are.”

“I know that,” she said.

“Are you sure you’re willing to reenter a world that didn’t make you happy before?”

Another tear joined the first, but she nodded fiercely and gave him that blinding smile that he would never tire of seeing.

“It wasn’t the military that made me unhappy, Kevin,” she said and stroked his cheek, sending tendrils of warmth into a heart that had been like ice for three long days and nights. “It was trying to be something I wasn’t. And as long as you love me for who I am, I’ll always be happy.”

“Who you are,” he said, “is exactly
why
I love you. Never change, Lilah. I’m actually getting to be pretty fond of chaos.”

“Then kiss me, Gunnery Sergeant,” she said,
holding him tightly enough that he knew he’d never be lonely again, “and let’s start talking weddings.”

“My suggestion?” he whispered, bending his head to taste her neck, her jaw, the corner of her mouth, “small and fast.”

“Good idea,” she murmured, tipping her head to one side, to allow him access. Then, just to tease him a little and prepare him for their life together, she said, “You know, I’ve been thinking about starting a petition.”

“For what?” his voice came muffled against her throat.

“I think maybe it’s time the Marines stopped using such a dreary green for their uniforms.” She paused for effect. “I’m thinking maybe a bright, cheerful red.”

He pulled his head back and stared at her, appalled. Then when he saw her smile, he laughed aloud and said, “If anyone can bring it off honey, it’s you.”

Her heart filled until it felt as though it might burst from her chest. And as she pulled his head closer, she said, “Forget it. The only Marine I’m interested in is the one who’d better start kissing me, quick.”