Lasting Damage (12 page)

Sarah raised an eyebrow. “You sound surprised.”

“I am,” Jane paused to take a big gulp of her drink.  “I just
never…I mean you don’t seem like the type of person who could cheat on someone.”

“I wasn’t aware that there was a type?” Sarah followed Sammi’s
movements across the bar for a while before drawing in a breath. “But I suppose
it takes all types, doesn’t it? All types and the people to judge them.”

“I wasn’t judging you.” She sat back and put her hands in her lap.
This particular piece of information was unexpected and highly unwanted. “It’s
just surprising to hear someone talk openly about infidelity.”

Sarah gave her a fast smile before looking away. “I was amazed
when Robin broke up with you,” she began. “It’s been a source of contention with
us for years. Well, I suppose just for me since she never brings it up.”

“I don’t see why.” Jane didn’t want it to sound like a question.
They were talking about something that happened when they were kids. Yes, she
got her heart broken. Yes, it was one of those experiences that shaped who she
would later become, but there were a million of those moments and she never
liked giving one experience more weight than it deserved. “It was a long time
ago.”

Sarah put down her glass and shook her head. “She never wants to
talk about you.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.” Jane shook her head and held her hand
out to signal to Sammi that she was going to need another drink the instant she
finished the one she had. “We were kids.”

“You’re the one that got away,” Sara announced with a resolved
shrug of her small shoulders.

“Did she tell you that?” The conversation was going in a direction
she hadn’t anticipated and it seemed like the only thing she could do to
maintain her composure was to pump a cubic ton of vodka into her system.

“She didn’t have to,” she answered. “I can see it in her eyes
every time she looks at me. After I saw you the other day I realized that you
were the one who got away, for the both of us.

“Excuse me?

“I’d like the opportunity to fix things,” she said, her smile
wavering a little. “For the three of us. I think it’s important.”

“I don’t think I’ve got anything that needs fixing,” she laughed
with just enough exasperation that Sarah went a little pink in the face. “At
least not fixing from you or Robin.”

“I feel all this energy coming off you and-”

“Is this why you wanted to see me?” Jane pressed her fingers to
her temples and pushed hard enough to feel her pulse pounding. “You wanted to heal
some part of me that doesn’t need healing so you can save your relationship?
What, am I like a bad piece of real estate that you and Robin are going to try
and flip or something?”

“You’re in pain.”

“Of course I am, but it’s got nothing to do with either you or
Robin or crap that happened a million years ago.” Jane swallowed back the
overwhelming desire slam her glass down onto the bartop but stopped herself, because
a random act of violence would only help Sarah prove her point, and she was not
willing to let that happen.

Jane was in pain. She was hurt. She was in need of a little
tenderness but that was her business and hers alone.

Sarah placed her hand on Jane’s forearm and gave her a sad,
piteous look. “Robin wanted to be with me because she needed to have someone to
rescue.”

“And so you’re here trying to find her another person to rescue?”
Jane questioned. “Is that like a thing with the two of you? Is it like a kink
or a fetish or something?”

“It’s got nothing to do with sex.” Her announcement came with just
enough defensiveness that Jane knew she’d struck a tender spot.

“How do you know it’s got nothing to do with sex if you’re not
having sex with Robin?” She figured that if Sarah was determined to give her
the knife she might as well drive it in and give it a twist. “I mean, you’re
here telling me all about how she’s not interested in you sexually and how you
cheat on her and you’re looking for what? A replacement?”

“You’re being cruel,” she whispered.

“You know something,” Jane paused to drain the last of her drink. “I
am being cruel. I’m being a cruel nasty bitch and you wanna know why?”

“Why?” Sarah’s voice rose a little but stayed quiet.

“Because you said you had something important to tell me.” Jane
tossed back the rest of her drink, put the glass aside and took the next one
before Sammi had a chance to set it down in front of her. “This morning I was
in the bed with this completely amazing woman who is so perfect for me it
actually makes my head hurt, and what the fuck do I do? I leave her sitting
there looking at me like I’m breaking her goddamn heart because you texted me.”

“This is important.”

“No, this is bullshit.” She placed one hands on the bar to steady
herself and downed the drink in one swift gulp. For someone who spent a good
deal of time around alcohol, she wasn’t accustomed to drinking that fast that
early in the morning and it was catching up with her but she didn’t care. “Complete
and utter bullshit and I’m done listening to it.”

“Why?” Sarah placed her hand on Jane’s arm, holding onto her until
Jane pulled away.

“Because I am, and I don’t owe you any sort of explanation.” Jane set
the empty glass on the bar, and for the second time in two hours walked out on
a woman.

12.

Harper had been fighting
the
overwhelming urge to throw up for hours because sitting in front of her were
the draft copies of the hospitality rider, the tech rider and the tour
itinerary. She had copies of contracts for session players, contracts for the
road crew and the lighting crew. She and Riley were patching together a
schedule for when he’d be available to join them on the tour and she was
messaging back and forth with her tour manager and her agent to fit it all
together.

Kara had shown up, on time, put down her tracks without incident
and was penciling in her available dates while Alice set her sights on Jason,
the bass player.

Suddenly mixing the album was on the back burner, everything was all
about the tour and Harper was at a loss. People were excited, the band was
putting together set lists and throwing out names for opening acts and all she
could think about was how nice it would feel to lay on a beach somewhere warm,
sip fruity drinks and watch Jane strut around in a tiny bikini.

“Harper,” Riley muttered under his breath as he picked up the
communal red pen and circled something on the tech rider. “You’ve got a
visitor.”

She looked up and immediately her stomach took another nosedive.
Jane stood just inside the studio door with a panicked expression on her face.
It was a look Harper wanted to fix the instant she saw it and it had her making
a beeline for Jane.

“Hey,” She put had arm around Jane’s shoulder but didn’t pull her
close since they hadn’t worked out any of the details regarding public displays
of affection. “I didn’t expect you to show up.”

Jane averted her gaze to the floor; she nodded as if she’d also
had her doubts about keeping her promise. “You must think I’m a real shithead.”

“I’m just happy you’re here,” Harper replied.

“I’m glad you’re happy,” Jane moved her eyes around the room for a
moment before returning them to Harper’s face. “But you need to let me apologize
for leaving the way I did.”

“You looked upset.” Harper tightened her grip on Jane shoulder and
gave her a gentle squeeze. “Did things get better?”

“Not really,” she stammered, the fear in her eyes echoing her
anxiety. “It’s just been one of those days. You know, kinda shitty and all
sorts of weird. I guess I figured that seeing your face would make it all
better.”

“And did it?”

“Yes.” Jane leaned into Harper’s body and let out a small,
contended sigh. “So, this is your band?”

“It’s a mix.” Harper found herself trying to maintain a certain
balance, not too close and not too far, as Jane appeared to be desperate for
her affections and ready to bolt all at the same time. “We had to pull in a few
session players since some of the guys couldn’t make it in on such short
notice.” 

“And this is really who you are,” she said as she looked around
the room. “All of this. The music and your band. I guess I didn’t really want
to admit it to myself.”

“It’s part of who I am but it’s not everything.” Harper reassured
her.

Jane shook her head. “When you’re in the music industry this is
everything. It’s the nature of the business. Life takes a back seat to
recording and promoting and touring.”

“And here I was thinking we’d made a progress,” Harper laughed
gently.

“I guess I’m feeling melancholy.” She shrugged. “It’ll go away
when the weather changes.”

“How about we skip out to some fancy restaurant and I buy you a
thick juicy steak?” Harper figured it was the safest thing for the two of them
since they seemed to do better when they were talking over food and drinks.

“You don’t need to do that.”

“What if I wanted to?”

“I don’t think I could face going back into my closet to find
something pretty to wear.” Jane’s face softened and the distance between them
seemed to lift away. “Netflix and popcorn are more my speed right now.”

“Is that a date?” Harper, deciding it was time to take a little
leap of faith, slid her arm around Jane’s waist and pulled her closer. To her
relief Jane relaxed and melted a little.

“Of course.”Jane pressed her hand to the small of Harper’s back.  “As
long as you don’t mind watching Korean horror movies all night?”

Harper was about to remark on her willingness to watch whatever
Jane wanted to watch when she saw Kara coming out of the sound booth with a few
scraps of paper in her hand.

“Riley kicked me out,” Kara said as she reached them and handed
Harper the papers. “And he had me write down the dates I’m not available so
there isn’t a mixup.”

“He needs to switch out the mics.” Harper replied. “We want to
muddy up the sound a bit. Kara, I don’t know if you’ve met Jane Hollis.”

“I haven’t actually met you but I feel like I’ve known you for a
while now,” Kara held out her hand and smiled when Jane took it. “I was part of
Harper’s tour last year and got to hear all about you from Anders.”

“It’s very nice to meet you.” Jane said, her voice careful and
measured as she drew her hand away from Kara’s grasp.

Kara’s gaze seemed stalled on Jane’s beautiful face and Harper had
to acknowledge the faint stab of jealousy that pinned her down. Her
relationship with Kara was a part of her past but she recognized the look in
her old girlfriend’s eyes when she gazed at Jane

 “And I’ve met your mom a few times and she’s always going on
about her kids.”

“I bet she is.”Jane’s back went stiff under Harper’s arm.
Obviously Kara had exposed a nerve that Jane would’ve preferred to keep buried
deep in her skin.

“I hear she’s writing her autobiography.” Kara’s smile waivered,
becoming more nervous the longer she was in Jane’s presence. “That must be
exciting?”

“Not really.” Jane’s voice lost the rest of its warmth in that
second.  “I’ve already lived through her grudge matches with Courtney Love and
Shirley Manson, so I’m probably not going to be rehashing the good old days anytime
soon.”

Kara nodded, as she scanned Jane’s face. It appeared as if she was
finally at a loss for words.

 “Do you want to stick around for a while?” Harper broke the
silence. “We can go drive over to your place after we wrap up here.”

“I can’t,” she replied. “I need to get Alice and bring her back to
the house before she gets into trouble.”

“Yes, Alice.” Harper laughed.

Jane let out a sad little groan. “How bad is it?” 

“I wouldn’t say bad,” Kara paused. “Mostly she’s keeping herself
occupied with Jason.”

“Jason?” Jane pressed her head to Harper’s shoulder and took a
deep breath. “Drummer or bass player?”

“Bass.” Harper told her. “And we need to keep him from getting too
distracted. We’ve got to have him lay down three new tracks in the next
thirty-six hours.”

“Okay, I’ll get her out of here.” Jane gave Harper a quick kiss on
the cheek before pulling away and giving them both a small wave. “It was nice
meeting you.”

Neither one of them had a chance to say anything before Jane
disappeared back through the door to Riley’s house. Harper felt her absence the
second she was out of sight. 

“You like her.” Kara’s voice reached out, grabbing her attention
and turning it back to the immediate situation.

“I do.” Harper agreed.

“She’s really beautiful.” Kara grinned at her like a hungry little
fox. “You guys make a cute couple.”

“I’m not so sure Jane sees it that way.” Harper smiled. It wasn’t
the happiest smile she’d ever given someone but it was the most honest one.

*****

They
stopped at three different stores on the way home, pharmacy, groceries and liquor
and Jane’s head was still spinning from the endless chatter that flew out of
her sister’s mouth. Jane didn’t mind talking when she had something to say and
she certainly didn’t mind listening but today she was in the mood for stillness
so she decided to do something she almost never did, Jane parked herself at the
kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa, various bottles of liquors and
contemplated her future. It seemed like a self-indulgent end to an otherwise
weird and miserable day.

With
her eyes closed and a mouthful of warm chocolate she tried to remember the
names of all the people she’d dealt with in the last twenty-four hours but one
person was melding into another. Sarah could just as easily be Kara and Alice’s
name was rarely spoken without a side order of Riley. Chloe and Lily were
starting to feel like one person.

And
then there was Harper.

Harper
was an independent agent. She was new and unconnected from the rest and it was
one of the reasons Jane was having a difficult time staying away from her.

Jane
took another sip and wondered if this was how her, long overdue, nervous
breakdown would begin or if it was one of those cases of early onset dementia
brought on by excessive drug use and too little sleep. Either way it didn’t
matter, Jane wasn’t about to put up a fight. If she was going to lose her shit
she was going to do it with as much panache and élan as she could muster. She’d
get herself some hand painted acrylic nails, shave her head and start wearing
wool ponchos in the middle of summer.

“And
what are we drinking tonight?” Jane looked across the table to see Lily
watching her from the kitchen.

“Hot
chocolate.” she answered. “It’s some of that stuff my dad sent me from Belgium.”

“And
those?” Lily pointed to row of pint bottles on the table. “Is that what we’re
polluting it with?”

“An
excellent assumption,” Jane replied. “The kettle’s still hot, get one of those
soup mugs, put in two scoops of the powder and fill it halfway and finish it
off with these bad boys.”

Lily,
never one to hold back an opinion, was good humored enough to let Jane
micromanage the unimportant stuff and didn’t tell Jane the step-by-step
instruction on how to make hot chocolate were unnecessary.  

“Comfort
drinking,” she said as she took her place across the table from Jane. “I
approve of this.”

“I
figured you would.”

“So,
you wanna tell me what’s wrong?” Lily opened the Irish cream first and added a
healthy dose before moving on to the almond liqueur.

“Not
really.”

“You
want one of these?” Lily nodded and reached into her purse to retrieve a bottle
of pills. “Might make you smile.”

“Is
it the only thing on the menu?” Jane asked as Lily poured out four little pills
and slid two of them across the table.

“I
can dig deeper is you want,” Lily laughed. “Maybe make a few phones calls?
Break a few laws?”

“Who’s
breaking laws?” Alice yelled out from the living room.

Lily
looked over her shoulder before leaning and whispering, “I thought she was at your
brother’s house?”

“She
was bothering people.”

“Why
are people always talking about me behind my back?” Alice’s question swept
through the room a brief second before she did. “Every time I turn around one
of you is saying something about me and I’m getting tired of it.”

“People
talk about you because you want them to talk about you.” Jane informed her.

“That’s
not true.” Alice took a seat next to Lily and grabbed one of the bottles, but Lily
was faster and Alice was left empty handed.  “Did Jane tell you that she met
Kara Olsen today?”

“No,”
Jane shot back before Lily could answer. “I didn’t tell her because it’s not
important.”

“You
sound pissy.” Alice opened the palm of her left hand and set a bottle of nail
polish on the table. Jane recognized it immediately from her own bedroom. It
was also her favorite. She knew it wasn’t worth saying anything, the theft was
meant as a way to start an argument, and Jane figured it was easier to just
have Chloe pick her up another bottle the next time she went to Ulta.

Jane
picked up her pills, popped them in her mouth and swallowed them down with a
swig of her cocoa.

“You
know who she is, right?” Alice asked.

“I
don’t really care who she is.” Jane tucked her legs up under her and made a
conscious effort to not lose her cool until the medication kicked in and
chemically altered her sour mood.

“Jason
told me that Kara and Harper have a long, messy history and no one is happy
that she’s back.” Alice informed them with a syrupy smile. “He said she’s got a
good voice but he thought Harper had someone else lined up to do the work.”

“And
you’re telling her this, why?” Lily picked up the bottle of almond liquor and
gave her cup another healthy dose.

“I
just find in interesting.” Alice shrugged as she opened the bottle of nail
polish and painted a thick layer of oxblood red on her index finger. “Someone
else did the original vocals for the tracks but Harper wasn’t happy with them.
Jason says she’s a real ballbuster when it comes to producing but likes to
party when she’s out on the road.”