Laugh or Death (Lexi Graves Mysteries Book 6) (2 page)

I respectfully
resisted the urge to give a gleeful “hah!”

"But I do know a rat when I smell one. There's something up with this guy's story."

"I'm telling you that we should take the case and reunite this couple and make them really, really happy."

"I'm not saying we shouldn't take the case. I'm saying the guy's a fake."

"You've lost me."

Solomon tapped the file and fixed me with a look. It was all I could do not to twizzle in my seat
before reaching for the blind cords and switching them shut. "The only thing I'm sure about is that Leo Chandler wants to find Nancy Grant. She might be his girlfriend, she might have amnesia, and she might be missing, but there's something wrong with his story. Something a little too perfect."

"It sounds like crap to me. His story, I mean. And by crap, I mean, it sucks! I feel sorry for the guy
, and it's not like we haven't found missing people before. If it's too perfect... maybe that's just how he thinks about her to keep him going while he searches hundreds..."

"A hundred! And you're right
; that's exactly what we'll do," decided Solomon, surprising me. "You and I are going to work this as a missing person case. Call Leo and tell him we've made our decision; we'll take the case. You’re going to find Nancy Grant."

"No problem!" I paused, waiting for the catch. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to find out what Leo Chandler is hiding."

"I bet it's nothing. I bet you've got him all wrong."

"Yeah? Care to place an actual bet on that?"

I leaned in, my
this is war
face firmly plastered on. "I am more than happy to place a bet that I can reunite two heartbroken lovers devastated by amnesia."

"And I'm going to prove that Leo Chandler is not what he seems. What are the stakes?"

"If I win, you take me on vacation. Somewhere exotic. Palm trees. Cocktails. A really cute cabana on the beach, and warm, blue ocean."

"Done," agreed Solomon before I could add to my list of winner's demands. "If I win, I want all of that
, and you're only allowed to take hand luggage."

I gasped. "What am I supposed to pack? Lip gloss and ten bikinis?"

Solomon grinned.

"Fine." I stuck my hand out. "You're on."

Solomon grasped my hand and pulled me towards him. "I'm gonna win," he whispered, kissing me. Which was fine, except... I intended to win! However, he didn't need to know that just yet, I decided, as I returned his passionate kiss.

Chapter Two

The missing Nancy Grant was an enigma. Aged twenty-nine at her disappearance six months ago, she would now have been thirty
. If she were alive
, I noted in my file, adding a large question mark next to the possibility of her still-breathing status. According to her boyfriend, she didn't have a job, family, or any close friends.

"So much for an easy job," I muttered as I scrolled through the paperwork Leo emailed only minutes before
. It was less than an hour after I called him to say the agency would be delighted to take the case. Of course, I warned him that we couldn't always guarantee our success, but I assured him that we'd do everything within our power to find Nancy. His gratitude was profuse and he was still thanking me when I told him I needed to hang up and get started.

"Easy job?" asked Lucas, easing behind my chair as he made his way to his old desk.

I spun around to follow him with my eyes. "I thought it would be; but how do you find a missing person who has no friends or family, and might be suffering from amnesia?"

"Beats me. I couldn't even find matching socks this morning."

"Fine pair of detectives you two are," muttered Tony Delgado as he strolled past, a fresh cup of coffee in his hand. He dropped into his seat and swiveled to face us, trying not to laugh. When I first met Delgado, I thought he was a hard ass, but he softened considerably since then. That was, in no small part, thanks to his relationship with my big sister, Serena — who refused to call him anything except Antonio — and her baby girl, Victoria. Of course, I was responsible for setting them up. I asked Delgado to fit an alarm system at my sister's place while she was getting divorced from her no-good, rat of a husband, and she and Delgado began making gooey eyes at each other ever since. Victoria, adored him with unswerving enthusiasm.

"I'm not a detective," pointed out Lucas. "I'm
just the resident, friendly geek."

"I stand corrected. Some detective you are," Delgado said, giving me a pointed look.

"I'm fabulous, and you know it," I told him. "I'm also babysitting for you this weekend, so be nice to me."

Delgado sipped his coffee and grinned. "Fair point. What's the case?"

I filled him in as Lucas pulled up a chair and listened. "So, that's why I don't know where to start," I finished.

"Start right here," said Delgado, reaching for the grainy photo Leo left with me
. He waved it in the air before slapping it on the desk. "Find and talk to the person who took this photo as well as the people at the West Street Diner, where it was taken. Maybe someone knows something. Maybe this Nancy is a regular and turns up every Wednesday for lunch. Maybe she works nearby."

"What if it isn't Nancy
Grant?"

"You still need to find the woman in this photo
, if only to rule her out."

"I hope it's Nancy. Otherwise
, it's back to square one again. I’d hate to have to tell Leo Chandler that Montgomery is another dead end. That's back to square zero."

"Square one is good if you've ruled something false out. No one wants to chase a false lead indefinitely," Delgado
chimed in. "Plus, who knows? It might be her. This photo is the only thing you have linking your missing woman to Montgomery?"

"Yep. Leo, that's the boyfriend, says Nancy came here for a spa weekend once
, and did a little shopping, so the city’s not totally unfamiliar. He thinks that if she lost her memory, she might have been unconsciously drawn to this area. She doesn't have a driver’s license or a car, so it's reasonable to assume that she didn't travel too far from their hometown."

Delgado gave a thoughtful nod. "Staying somewhere vaguely familiar is a
possibility. She might have sensed some familiarity, without knowing how to identify it."

"I think I need to find out more about amnesia," I decided. "Could
a person actually live for six months without knowing who she was?"

"Sure, it happens all the time when people have severe injur
ies or trauma. Your missing woman did suffer a head injury."

"My sister-in-law will know all about that," I decided, thinking of Daniel's wife, Alice, who
worked as a nurse at Montgomery General. She was my go-to source for all things medical. If I needed any more information about amnesia, I could ask her. "There is one thing puzzling me..."

"Yeah?"

"Lucas, why are you still here?" I asked, noticing our resident geek was looking very much at home. He rested his hands across his chest and waited for me to continue talking about the case.

"Huh?" Lucas blinked.

"That's puzzling you?" Delgado frowned.

"Yes. I mean, no." I shook my head distracted
ly. "I mean, what's puzzling me is if this
is
Nancy, how has she been living for the past six months? If she has amnesia, she couldn't remember her Social Security number or any skills she might have, right? She wouldn't be able to get any references. And Leo says she simply wandered off, without taking anything with her."

Delgado leaned over and tapped the photo twice with his forefinger. "Find this woman first. If it's Nancy
, you'll get your answers. If it isn't..."

"Square one," I finished as I leaned over to hit
print
on my laptop. Seconds later, the printer whirred to life and I heard the first sheet of paper slide through. I decided to do exactly as Delgado suggested in a moment of determined resolution to race Solomon to the finish line. I would ask around and stake out the diner, if necessary. After I found Nancy, I would gently explain who she really was, and tell her the love of her life has been searching relentlessly for her before asking her how I could now reunite them. I imagined their first meeting should be in the park, running in slow motion towards each other before stopping in front of the fountain; and in a moment of clarity, Nancy's life rushes back to her right before they embrace. I'd probably wear a really cute dress and my new tan heels when they offer me their undying gratitude. I'd probably get invited to their wedding and maybe even asked to give a speech about true love winning out, which, naturally, everyone would happily applaud.

"You've got that look," said Delgado. "Solomon warned me about that look."

"I got that memo too," said Lucas.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I muttered, powering down the laptop as I bundled
up the photos and printed the case file notes. I slipped them into a slim folder, which I dropped into my super cute, tan satchel. "My mind is entirely empty of anything, but the case."

"Yeah," said Delgado. "You're probably wondering what you'll wear when you find Nancy and reunite her with her guy."

"I was not! You are so shallow." I pouted, looking around as I swung my satchel onto my shoulder. "Where's Solomon?"

"Upstairs
; setting up surveillance on some guy," said Lucas.

"Then why are you still here?" I squeaked, "Go help him
, then text me what he's doing."

"Huh?" sighed Lucas. "Why?"

"Ugh! This is so not fair!" I groaned as Delgado and Lucas glanced at each other and shrugged. Clearly, word hadn't got out yet about my wager with Solomon, which was a relief. However, it was also annoying since it appeared Solomon was getting the risk management team to do his dirty work of surveillance on Leo Chandler. So much for him tracking Leo the old-fashioned way like I had to track down Nancy Grant! "I'm out of here," I told them, under my breath, adding, "right after I see Solomon."

I took the stairs and jabbed the code into the entry panel adjacent to the door, pushing through
it scant seconds later. Solomon was sitting with another guy at the far end of the room, both of them staring at a bank of monitors.

"You're cheating," I said as I approached. The monitors immediately shut down.

"Huh?" Solomon looked up, then smiled, momentarily disarming me with the loveliness of his face.
Two could play at that game
, I decided, giving him a winning smile of my own. "What's with the crazy face?" he asked.

I pouted sulkily. "I was being winsome. Are you using agency assets to watch Leo Chandler?"

"Nope."

"Not even a little bit?" I persisted, holding my thumb and forefinger
barely apart.

"Maybe a little bit, but you and I didn't put any conditions on the bet," Solomon reminded me as he waved his arms around. "Use anything you need. Anything."

"Maybe I will." I looked around for something useful, spotted nothing, so flapped my hand in a vague direction. "Maybe I'll use that stuff."

"
The coffee maker? Even if I went old school, I'd still win." The guy sitting next to Solomon flared his nostrils and pursed his mouth, trying not to laugh. I gave him a narrow-eyed look and he averted his eyes, suddenly finding his keyboard enormously interesting.

"That's where you're wrong. I have a lead."

"What lead?"

"I'm not telling you. That would give you an unfair advantage."

"Just log it into the system. I want to know where employees are at all times. It could save you from getting shot, stabbed, or kidnapped."

That still happened, I thought,
although I didn't bother to point it out. Those things were going to happen regardless of a paper trail. On second thought, I'd rather none of those things happened to me again anytime soon. "Fine, but you can't look. No cheating!"

"No cheating," Solomon agreed, folding his arms behind his head as he leaned backwards in his chair, looking every bit relaxed and confident. "I can't wait for our vacation."

"I don't know if my boss will give me the time off," I teased, winking at him as I about-faced, ready to hightail it to the diner. I felt proud of the maneuver, which I did with considerably more aplomb and cuteness than during my brief excursion in ugly and flat boots in the Army after an ill-fated decision years ago. "He's a taskmaster. I should have asked for extra vacation leave as part of the bet."

"No changing the rules or the wager." Solomon wagged his finger at me, but all I did was give him a little wave
before pushing out the door, and heading down to the parking lot.

In the middle of three SUVs
, and the hunk-of-junk Lucas drove, was my VW. Small and compact, it was the perfectly inconspicuous vehicle for a PI. It was also fully paid off and all mine, so that was a bonus too. Not that it mattered, so long as I won the wager, but as I drove downtown, I began to employ my mental arithmetic skills. I had to work out exactly what kind of financial hole I dug myself into, if, by some miracle, I lost. Would Solomon give me a pay raise, I wondered? I immediately disregarded that idea as ludicrous. Of course, he wouldn't! He knew exactly what my salary was since he paid it. Of course, there was always the small completion bonus of the assignment to look forward to if I resolved it, but even I had to admit that if Solomon discovered something suspicious about our client, I couldn't rely on receiving it in my next paycheck.

I pulled into the first available space a block away from West Street
, where Nancy had potentially been spotted. I placed a call to my best friend and latterly, sister-in-law, Lily. "How much does a really fancy vacation cost?" I asked when she picked up.

"Thousands. Where are we going?"

"Sorry, I meant for Solomon and me."

"Too bad. We would have had the best time. Where are you going?"

"I have no idea, but I just got a new case and we placed a bet on it. If I win, he takes me on vacation. If I lose, I take him."

"Oh, man. You have got to win. It's the principle of the thing."

"And because I'll be in the hole for thousands."

"That too. Can you get a pay r
aise?"

I thought of my conversation with Solomon. "Already discounted that."

"I love the word discount."

"Not in this sense. In this sense
, it's a big, fat, no."

"Want some help? The bar doesn't open for a while yet and I'm doing the
inventory. I could help you. We can totally win this. Wait, what are we trying to win? And how? Also, if I help, can I come?"

"A case and a vacation, and sure
, if you want to play gooseberry and watch us get smoochy," I told her. "Thanks, but no to the help. I'm just going to chase up a lead, pick up some brochures at the travel agency to subtly leave on Solomon's desk, then go home to work on my action plan."

"Want to have dinner with
Jord and me later at the house? I’d like you to look at paint samples and take my side over Jord’s. I have to invoke the best friend rule on this one, otherwise, my husband will bully me into kelly green for the sitting room and I can't. I just can't!"

"No problem. I saw Jord's single
-boy apartment and I know your taste. Plus, I'm not visiting if you paint that room kelly green. It'll look like a leprechaun threw up."