Lead Me Not (40 page)

Maxx was the man your mother warned you about. He was sex and danger and secrets. He was the very worst kind of temptation and the very best kind of distraction.

And even though the sight of him set my hormones on fire, there was something in his eyes that concerned me, something slightly predatory and violent. He scared me. He pulled me in. I felt like running. I felt like giving him everything.

I had come undone.

“I’m Renee,” my roommate said, holding out her hand as she watched him closely. Maxx pushed off from the wall and took her offered hand.

“Nice to finally meet you, Renee. I’m Maxx Demelo.” He covered their joined hands with his other palm, a touch that was meant to alleviate all worry. He looked over at me, and his eyes widened a fraction, the first genuine expression I had seen on his face since Renee had opened the door.

I had surprised him, and maybe unnerved him a bit. It was a
heady and powerful feeling.

“I’m Aubrey’s boyfriend,” he finished his introduction, his lips lingering over the word
boyfriend.
As if that word could ever adequately describe who he was to me.

Obsession. Fixation. Owner of my heart and soul. Those were more appropriate descriptions.

Renee looked over her shoulder as I came closer. Her mouth was smiling, but her eyes were concerned.

Maxx released Renee’s hand and turned to me. “God, you’re beautiful,” he said softly, his eyes twinkling. And just like that, he was
my
Maxx again. He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on my lips. He tasted like cigarettes and peppermint.

“Thanks,” I said, smoothing down the tight skirt of my dress. I wasn’t entirely comfortable in my clothing, but the heated look in Maxx’s eyes made me glad I was wearing it.

Maxx, obviously not bothered by our audience, grabbed the back of my neck and smashed his mouth down over mine. His tongue plunged between my lips as he kissed me senseless. He emitted a growl deep in his throat, and all I could taste, all I could feel, was
Maxx.

“Ahem.” Renee cleared her throat from behind us, and I yanked myself away from Maxx’s restrictive hands.

“I guess we should get going,” I said, my voice sounding shaky. Renee looked from me to Maxx, and I knew she was seeing something she wasn’t happy with, but she plastered a smile on her face all the same.

How many times had I done the same thing when she had left with Devon? How the tables had turned.

Maxx is nothing like Devon. He would never hurt me,
I told myself, hoping I’d believe it. And it was true. Devon was a bully. He took satisfaction in hurting others. Maxx was nothing like that.

The pain he caused was unintentional and most often self-
inflicted.

But did that make it any better?

“I’ll be home sometime tomorrow,” I told Renee, who only nodded.

Maxx kissed my temple, nuzzling my hair. “Don’t count on being anywhere but in my bed tomorrow,” he whispered, goose bumps breaking out across my skin.

I let my boyfriend lead me out to his car. He held open the passenger-side door for me to get in. It was funny how something as simple as holding the door open for me melted my heart. It made it easier to overlook the things that left me cold inside.

“So I guess we don’t have to go find the painting, huh?” I asked as Maxx pulled out into traffic.

Maxx smirked, as if laughing at his own private joke. “I know where I’m going.”

“Do you know who X is, then?” I asked. It was a mystery I could admit I’d like to figure out. I had definitely become a fan.

“Yeah,” Maxx answered shortly, not giving me any more information.

“Well, who is it?” I prodded.

“What do you think of his stuff?” he asked me, changing the subject.

“It’s . . . strange and beautiful and dark and crazy. I’ve heard that a bunch of galleries are interested in his art. Is that true?”

Maxx smiled. “Yeah, it’s true.”

“So why doesn’t he sell some of it? He’d make a killing!”

Maxx stared straight ahead at the road. “Because his art isn’t about money! It’s about more than that. He doesn’t want to taint it with a desire to earn some quick cash. It’s probably one of the few pure things he has left in his life.”

Maxx was talking knowledgeably about the artist, speaking as though he understood, on an intimate level, what motivated the
unidentified painter. Suspicion started to blossom inside me.

“And how do you know all that? You seem to know this X really well,” I said carefully.

Maxx’s jaw tensed, and his hands gripped the steering wheel so tightly, his knuckles turned white. “I don’t know him at all,” he barked.

Okay then. Clearly X was a sensitive subject. But his gruff dismissal had sparked a hunch I couldn’t ignore.

“So where are we headed?” I asked when the silence became uncomfortable.

“A warehouse down in the city. Pretty close to one we’ve used before. It’s a good location,” Maxx said after a beat.

“How do you find the spots for the club?” I asked, posing the question I had wondered about since first going to Compulsion. The spots were picked with care and consideration.

Maxx’s smile returned. “I look for places out of the way that can hold a lot of people, where we can run a few transformers off the local grid. Most important is that it be as far away from the police as possible.”

“That makes sense,” I replied.

I tried to think of other things to ask him, since he appeared to be in a full-disclosure kind of mood, but my mind went blank. Maxx wasn’t in a hurry to fill the silence, so I let it go and tried not to feel tense in the quiet.

Once we got to the club, it was already heaving. The line to the front door wrapped around the block. But this time I didn’t have to wait my turn like the rest of them.

Maxx took my hand and led me to a door around the back of
the building. Before going inside, Maxx turned to me and became serious. He grabbed my face and kissed me hard. “Don’t talk to anyone. Not unless I’m with you,” he warned.

I smirked. “I
have
been here before, you know,” I said, trying to lighten the mood. Maxx’s transformation had already occurred, and I felt immediately apprehensive.

Maxx narrowed his eyes at me as he pulled a baseball cap out of his back pocket and fitted it on his head. “Yeah, and you were almost trampled to death and had your drink spiked. And let’s not forget you ended up with a guy like me. I think that says a lot about your judgment.” His words came out like an accusation.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me through the back door. It was pitch-black. I couldn’t see two feet in front of me. The thumping bass filled the space, vibrating my bones and buzzing in my head. Maxx gave my hand a small yank, and I stumbled forward, catching myself on the wall as I collided with his back.

“You okay?” he yelled into my ear. I nodded, though I knew he couldn’t see me. And then I was being pulled farther into the building. We headed down a dark hallway, and I could see the familiar throbbing red lights ahead. The hallway led into a cavernous space, very similar to what I remembered from that first night when I had come to find Renee.

It was sweltering. Sweat was already beading along the back of my neck, and I had to lift my hair to get some relief. Maxx’s hold on my hand was bone-crushingly tight as he navigated us through the crowd.

His shoulders were rigid and his chin thrust forward. His narrowed eyes flicked through the mass of people. He was assessing, taking note. If it weren’t for his fingers gripping me, I would have thought he’d forgotten I was there.

People reached out to grab him as we passed. “X! You’re here!”
a man said, walking into our path. He had called Maxx X. My hunch had just been confirmed. The artist and my boyfriend were one and the same. I thought back to the paintings—the woman who had appeared in every single one since I had met him, the girl with the long blond hair who always seemed to be walking toward her doom.

I shivered in spite of the heat.

Maxx’s shoulders stiffened, and he shoved the guy out of his way and kept walking. I was shocked by his sudden display of aggression but allowed him to pull me along.

Girls tried to get his attention with their skin. Guys tried to talk to him, pleading for a moment of his time. They all wanted him. And I could tell he loved it.

He had changed, and he was most certainly no longer
my
Maxx. He was that
other
Maxx.

He was X
.

No one spared me a look. Their focus, their
desire,
was entirely for him.

As we made our way through the crowd, Maxx’s hand wrapped tightly around mine, my front pressed into his back, I thought I saw a familiar pair of faces. I peered into the shadows, the red light obscuring my vision.

I thought I had seen Evan and April. God, I hoped I was wrong. I pulled back from Maxx a bit, trying to get a better look.

Maxx stopped walking, turning back to see why I had stopped. I pointed toward the far wall.

“I think I saw Evan and April,” I yelled over the din. Maxx shook his head, grabbed my chin, and tilted my head back.

“Stop worrying, baby,” he said against my lips just before he kissed me hard enough to leave me rattled. Pulling away, he gave me his characteristic cocky grin and started to push through the people again.

He headed straight for the bar, not responding to anyone who attempted to speak to him. He motioned for the bartender to attend to us. The man came over, acknowledging Maxx with a nod of his head. He had a multicolored Mohawk and the customary piercings in his nose and lip.

“Eric, this is Aubrey. She’s my girl. Make sure she gets whatever she wants,” he commanded.

“Sure thing, dude,” Eric said, smiling in a way that was almost attractive. He turned his attention to me.

“What can I get you?”

“Uh, just a beer, thanks,” I said, yelling to be heard over the music. After getting my drink, I cradled it close to my chest, causing Maxx to smirk.

“I see you’ve learned your lesson,” he said, motioning to the drink I had tucked close to me.

“Fool me once,” I replied, raising my drink and saluting him with it.

He leaned in close so that his lips touched my ear. “No one will mess with you as long as you’re with me. They know better. And if they don’t, I’ll make sure they do.”

His words were hard and cold, and I had no doubt he meant them. I pulled away from him slightly, putting the bottle to my mouth and taking a drink. His mood was edgy, and it was contagious. I felt restless and disquieted.

Maxx had one arm wrapped tightly around my middle, his other hand jammed in his pocket. He watched the crowd closely. He rocked a bit to the beat, but I held myself rigid beside him.

“Why did that guy call you X?” I asked him, practically yelling in his ear. Maxx’s lazy smirk slipped a bit at my question. Even though he continued to hold me close, I felt him distancing himself.

“It’s my name,” he replied shortly.

“No, X is the person who paints those pictures. The person I was asking you about earlier,” I remarked, my accusation clear. He had been dishonest . . .
again
.

Maxx shrugged, still not looking at me, still moving in time with the beat. “So what? I paint some pictures on fucking buildings. What’s the big deal?” he asked, his words clipped and angry.

What was the big deal? Was he serious?

Those pictures had been my first link to him. They had drawn me in with their raw beauty. And now that I was connecting the man I loved to the mysterious figure who had painted them, I was both furious and exhilarated.

Because I had seen something in those paintings that gave me hope that deep down Maxx believed he could be something
more.

But he hadn’t been truthful. When I had given him the opportunity to come clean, he had evaded and withdrawn.

We were running around in a circle, constantly repeating the same tragic mistakes over and over again.

“You lied to me!” I shouted, feeling my anger flare up at his casual dismissal.

Maxx’s arm dropped from around my waist. He twisted me so that I was pressed against his chest. He grabbed my chin and held it firmly between his fingers.

“I did
not
lie to you! I omitted a truth. That is
not
the same thing,” he reasoned, his eyes hidden beneath the bill of his cap.

I wanted to laugh at the absurdity of his statement. But I didn’t. Because I could tell he believed his words wholeheartedly. In his mind, eliminating a few key facts was not the same thing as being deceitful. I knew instantly that this was the only way he was able to justify his actions and his continued dishonesty, his
omission of truths
from Landon and from me.

It was how he was able to look in the mirror and not hate himself. It was how he was able to so readily put on the mask and play
the part of X.

For the first time, I saw just how totally he separated himself, why he purposefully kept his lives apart.

It made me sad. It made me heartsick for him.

And God help me, it made me love him more.

I opened my mouth to say the words I had been denying him. Here in this crazy, messed-up world, I wanted to tell him that I loved him and that I accepted
all
of his truths, whatever they were.

Before I could utter a syllable, a girl came up and leaned into Maxx on his other side. She either didn’t realize or didn’t care that his arm was around
me.
She lifted her hand and ran a finger down the side of his neck. He jerked away from her touch.

“Don’t,” he warned. She was either stupid or irrationally horny, because she didn’t listen. Before I knew what was happening, she had pushed her pelvis up against Maxx’s hip and started to rock against him, pressing her breasts into his arm. I could only stand there, gaping in shock at her forwardness.

“I know you’ve got it. I’ll give you whatever you want,” she shouted over the music. Was this chick for real? And was this how my boyfriend, the man I had been about to confess my feelings to, conducted his “business”?