Leap of Faith (24 page)

She leant her head on her arms. Her shoulders were tight and hurting. And now she was thinking of pain, her healing leg was beginning to smart too. She tried to ignore the nagging feeling that this was some cruel joke – that it was personal. She was being tested in the most basic way possible and she was failing. She felt like throwing the bucket as far as she could.

She looked at her watch. ‘I'll give you ten more minutes.'

Jessica heard a shuffle and raised her head slowly and carefully to covertly survey the situation. Faith was a long neck stretch away from her. She stood boldly in front with her head raised, as if asking, ‘Now what?' Jessica held out a carrot. The horse stretched further, leant in from her chest and wrapped her lips around the object to gently take it from her, and stepped back.

‘Is that good?' Jessica asked as the horse munched on the sweet, juicy vegetable. She knew they were good because she'd had a nibble on the end of one while stacking them. The movement of the horse's lips while chewing made her look like she was smiling. Jessica stared at her eyes. Her heart lurched. There was a real sadness there; none of the bright cheekiness and arrogance Prince and Beau had had.

She knew it was probably a little over the top, but she had the feeling this horse really wanted to eat from her hand and reward her patience and perseverance, but was battling many layers of fear thanks to a lot of mistreatment. If she knew her history, perhaps that would help. She sighed. She'd tried looking the horse up. If there was anything to know, it would have appeared when she'd searched online. Her father would say she was being soft, that she should quit while she was behind. But she was beginning to see that she didn't agree with all her father's methods and philosophies.

A part of her knew that the risk and work would most likely far outweigh any reward. But it did feel good to have focus again and a challenge, though she could do with one that was easier on her patience. She would have loved to have just got in the yard and pushed more directly, but with such an unknown quantity, and considering her recent injury, it wasn't wise to expose herself to any danger while no one was home.

‘Come on, now have some pellets and I'll leave you in peace,' she said, rattling the bucket. The horse pricked her ears and took one small but bold step forwards. Suddenly Faith was standing right in front of her. She held the bucket close to her – out of Faith's reach – and slowly put her hand out towards the horse's face. Faith took a leap aside, away from her hand. Damn it! She would have definitely tossed the bucket and walked away if it wouldn't have set her back further.

God damn it, she was Steve's bloody horse! Jessica didn't need to be doing this. But the itch of the need to win kept her standing there rattling the bucket gently and cooing soothingly at the horse.

It took another fifteen minutes, and she could barely believe it actually happened, but the horse was finally standing in front of her, eating pellets from her hands. It was a small step that had taken an hour to achieve. And she still hadn't actually touched the horse. But it was something.

As she stood there surveying the situation, she had the uneasy feeling that it was not she who was in control. Nor was it she who had won this small battle. She longed to rub Faith's face and lavish her with praise, but clearly that was for another day. Instead, she placed the bucket with the few remaining pellets on the ground just inside the fence as a reward, and walked away.

Thank Christ no one was planning to ride the damned creature. She shook her head slowly as she made her way back to the house. And how long would it take to get her to a stage where the farrier could visit? Faith would need her feet done soon.

She kicked off her boots and went into the kitchen to put the kettle on. Oh well, one step at a time.

Bloody Steve. She wasn't sure why she was annoyed with him, and she wasn't sure she now had the energy or inclination to woo him tonight. She wasn't really looking forward to confessing she hadn't got far with the horse.
I'm meant to be the horse person, for Christ's sake!

With a jolt, she realised she was feeling competitive with Steve. Over a bloody horse, of all things! It did not bode well. Perhaps she should admit Faith was beyond her and that it would be best to pass her on. Fattened up, they'd get a decent amount at the abattoir. But the itch of determination niggled at Jessica painfully.

Admitting defeat wasn't really in her nature. Her father would turn in his grave if he knew she'd given up on a horse because it wouldn't come up to her. Even worse, that she couldn't
get
it to come to her. No, he'd have it cornered in the yard and, watching out for flying feet, would demand it do as it was told. Perhaps that was how they'd got Faith on the float in the first place the other day.

Yes, she probably could ‘break' her, but she still had the odd feeling that taking a longer, slower route would get a better result. She almost snorted. You couldn't get much slower than today. And anyway, what result?

She was intrigued by this horse and was beginning to feel there was a lot more to Faith than met the eye. So the need to at least figure her out a little had been ignited. And she had to be able to be handled – what if she got injured and needed treatment? And it was clear Steve wouldn't let Jessica off the hook easily – the horse had got under his skin too. What was it about this creature that had them both turning so soft?
Ridiculous
, she thought, sipping her tea.

*

‘Something smells good,' Steve said, as he took his boots off at the door.

‘Hey, how was your day?' Jessica called from the pan of sauce she was stirring at the stove.

‘Exhausting. Ooh, is that what I think it is?'

‘I don't know; what do you think it is?' Jessica said, grinning cheekily.

‘Ooh, it is,' he said, peering into the slow cooker and seeing the lamb shanks. ‘Goodie.' He wrapped his arms around Jessica's waist and kissed her on the neck. They both agreed the weather was never too warm for braised lamb shanks.

‘Wine?' he asked, as he let her go.

‘Yes, please.'

Jessica watched, smiling, as Steve made his way from the cupboard where the wine glasses were kept to the drawer where the corkscrew lived. Feeling that they were at least a little back in sync was nice. So far, so good for her evening.

‘So, how was Faith?' Steve asked wearily, after a long slug of wine and a deep sigh.

‘Okay.'

‘Did you spend some time with her?'

‘I did.'

‘And …?'

‘Well, the good news is it's not just you she's afraid of.'

‘Right, so that would mean the bad news is she's a write-off all round then,' he said, clearly dejected.

‘No, I didn't say that,' Jessica said, shaking her head slowly.

A day ago that was exactly what she'd been hoping for – to be able to have a good reason for getting rid of the horse. But she'd obviously caught the bug she'd dreaded. Rather than feeling annoyed with herself, she felt better than she had since the accident; she liked the feeling of purpose, of determination coursing through her. It was good for her, she'd realised as she'd stared in the mirror earlier and noted the colour in her cheeks and the glint in her eye. Tiffany had been spot on with her observation.

‘So things can't have gone that badly then?' Steve said.

‘Well, it took an hour for her to take a carrot and a few pellets from my hand – and I was on the other side of the fence. So it wasn't exactly a piece of cake.'

‘Oh.'

A thought occurred to her. ‘Is she actually broken in? Do you know?'

‘Yes. Well, I was told she is.'

‘I wonder if she's ever been ridden.'

‘It doesn't really matter, does it? If she's just going to be a pet.'

‘Hmm, I guess not.' This whole idea of having useless horses in paddocks still grated on Jessica.

‘How's the leg doing?'

‘Great,' she said, and realised with slight surprise that it was the first time she'd told the truth about it in ages. In fact, now she thought about it, there was just a gently nagging ache to remind her of her injury. Otherwise, she wouldn't know it'd ever been fractured. Perhaps it might be safe to get in with Faith tomorrow after all and be a little pushier with her. Maybe then she'd see some progress.

This thought was still on her mind when they went to bed and made love. It was what she'd worked towards all day but, as she lay entwined with Steve – lovely Steve – all she could think about was how she'd tackle Faith the next day.

Later, when she was still awake and so deep in thought about the horse, she became very annoyed with herself – she was starting to get obsessed. Again. Already. Jesus, she'd missed having horses. She felt a stab of guilt at realising she didn't miss Prince and Beau specifically. That was a bit heartless, and far too much like her father.

She thought perhaps she could retrain horses banished to the scrap pile. And then she thought,
Yeah, right, because you got so far today
. The voice sounded so like her father's. Had he been prone to putting her ideas down?

Yes, she realised. She almost sat up, but stopped herself. Steve was asleep beside her and she didn't want to wake him.

Lying there, she felt committed to getting Faith back on track, to the point she could be ridden. The horse hadn't looked nasty, just frightened; there had been no mean spirit on show. Perhaps she might become a horse suitable for mustering the sheep and cattle. God, when had she last done that on horseback? They used the ute or quad bike. She'd tried with Prince and Beau but, really, they'd been too highly strung. They'd been okay, but it had been hard work – and certainly not fun – keeping them under control. They hadn't been the sort of horses you could hold the reins by the buckle and lope about without a care in the world.

Jessica was surprised to find tears spring into her eyes. Where had they come from? Pregnancy brought about unexpected waves of emotion, didn't it? But of course she couldn't possibly be pregnant unless it had happened an hour or so ago. And there probably wouldn't be any signs for weeks anyway.
Silly!
She crossed her fingers that tonight would prove successful and returned her thoughts to Faith. Tomorrow she'd get a really good idea of what she was dealing with.

As she was falling asleep, Jessica wondered if she should get a friend for Faith. She'd never liked horses on their own – they were pack animals. Right on the edge of sleep, she almost laughed at herself.
Listen to you: yesterday you didn't want any, now you're thinking of getting more.

Jessica woke up early and immediately felt restless. Steve was still asleep beside her. She wouldn't have minded another shot at making a baby, but she had plans and she wanted to hop to. Carefully and quietly, she got out of bed and pulled yesterday's clothes on.

Cup of tea, breakfast with Steve – if he got up soon – feed Faith and, while she's eating, get in and clean the mounds of horse poo from the yard. Normally Jessica kept her yards immaculate, cleaning them twice a day, but she'd wanted to leave the horse alone to settle. Three days was long enough and Jessica wasn't going to put up with an unkempt yard any longer. She really hoped she'd be able to catch Faith once she had eaten her hay and her full belly made her more relaxed. Then she could tie her up and get the mud from her coat and tangles from her mane and tail. She really hoped the horse wouldn't turn out to be a biter or kicker – Jessica knew she'd have to keep her wits about her.

She downed one cup of tea waiting impatiently for Steve for breakfast, drumming her fingers on the table. She could go ahead without him and had done so most mornings of their marriage, but since the accident and their subsequent slight estrangement, she'd felt the need to make an extra effort to connect. Sure, he could come over and lean on the fence and talk to her while she scooped poop, but it wasn't the same as sitting down for breakfast together.

Part of Jessica was keen to harness her enthusiasm, another part was concerned her enthusiasm might wane if she didn't get cracking. She was excited at the prospect of progress, no matter how small the step – excitement the likes of which she hadn't felt for years. She pushed her fear of making no progress with Faith from her mind. Sure, she'd had plenty of great achievements with horses over the years, but it now dawned on her that not since Jasper had she had goals this low. The last fifteen years had been about taking horses to the next level of competition, never actually getting them to first base.

The thought of getting Faith from her current wary state to being ridden and maybe even mustering filled Jessica with the same heady feeling of pride and accomplishment that completing her first high level cross-country round clear had and making the state team should have.

She thought she now had a better understanding of why Tiffany took on the horses she did. God, she really had been a fool, only wanting the best horseflesh. She snorted. Her father's influence, and he'd been the dominant force. She couldn't have pushed a different view even if she'd realised she had one. She felt a little sad and guilty for being a traitor to his memory and thinking ill of the dead. But everything had changed – she'd changed – the day of the accident. Just not in the way she expected.

When Steve did finally appear, fully dressed but tousled, Jessica was feeling decidedly edgy and keen to get her day with Faith underway, despite telling herself over and over that a half-hour, or even an hour or two, would not make one iota of difference in the scheme of things.

‘You're early,' he said, coming over to the table and leaning down to kiss her. ‘And look at you, you're glowing.'

‘Am I?' Jessica asked frowning before getting up to put bread in the toaster.