Learning to Drown (17 page)

I grinned, trying to keep my face turned
so he couldn't see. Part of me did not want to know what the day would bring.
Part of me wanted to stay right here in limbo. Maybe with him curled up next to
me, his body warm and hard against my back. "I am not," I whispered
back and he laughed.

"Rise and shine. There's food
downstairs and coffee and more clothes for you. We have a job to do and we want
you to come."

"We?" My stomach rolled with
a nervous energy. I couldn't figure if it was excitement or fear.

"Matthew came back. We worked a
few things out. We have to pick up a Jeep over in Beltsville and then we have
some stuff to work out with my brother."

I shivered and he hadn't even touched
me. "So, you've decided, then." I felt a thrill in my chest and a dip
of sadness in my heart. My emotions were at war over Lucas's decision.

"Decided what?" he asked. It
was nearly cruel, making me say it aloud, but I did.

"To share me?" I turned. His
face was smooth and freshly shaved. A small dot of blood stood out on his chin
and I pushed my finger to it. Then I stuck my finger in my mouth without
thinking, the way I do when I have cut myself.

He grinned. "To an extent. My
rules. My boundaries." I nodded. He leaned in, kissing my lips where my
finger had just been, licking like he was seeking out his own coppery flavor.
"Why did you do that?"

I shrugged but I was lying. The moment
he asked, I knew.

"Liar, liar, pants on fire."
His hand anchored my hips to the mattress and he kissed  my neck until I
shimmied under him. Then my breasts received his attention through the cotton
tee I slept in. He nipped me on my left breast but didn't pull up the shirt.
His breath left hot wet rings on the cotton. "Why did you do that, Ember?
Why did you lick your finger?"

His hands skimmed over my skin but he
didn't touch me between my legs, though deep inside I was making deals with the
devil so he would. I did the only thing I could do. I told the truth.
"Since we met, since you found me--sometimes when we’re together, I'm not
sure where I leave off and you begin."

He stilled, his dark eyes watching me
like a hawk watches prey. "And?"

"I did it as second nature. The
same way I would have done if I had cut myself. Only it wasn't me who was cut.
It was you."

"Get on downstairs and eat. Then
we'll toss you in the shower and hit the road. We have a bright yellow Jeep to
repo today." He grinned and my insides turned to warm syrup.

"And then?"

"And then you get to boss Matthew
around. This should be fun."

I didn't know about fun, but my pussy
felt tight and ready at the thought. Full and swollen and thoroughly excited. I
didn't know if it would be fun, but it should be interesting to say the least.

* * * *

Matthew drove me to the job. He didn't
say a word. I clenched my hands in my lap feeling as if I had somehow done
wrong when I had done nothing at all. I had simply been sent in to flirt with
the owner of the Jeep while the boys loaded her up and handled the paperwork.
Which was what I was doing. My cell phone rang and the ring was Damien's I hit
the button to silence it and continued to flirt and have Derrick James, the
Jeep’s owner, explain to me how to get to a farmer's market I already knew how
to get to.

Matthew had brought me more clothes. A
faded pair of boyfriend jeans with small holes at the hip and knee, a white,
snug thermal top and a pair of kick ass brown ankle boots with snaps. I wanted
to kiss him for the boots. Especially if they let me keep them. I felt like a
bit of a bad ass and I think that had been the point.

"So you want to take a right up
here at the light. Follow that down until you pass the farm. Then you want
to..." My phone beeped at me. That was Lucas's ring. They were done.

"I think I have it, hon. Thanks a
lot." I touched his arm and he blushed. Off I bolted into the wind and the
cold to find the boys. My boys. The thought registered before I could blink. My
boys.

"Over here, Ember!" Matthew
yelled and I ran toward him. I saw Lucas taking off with the tow truck and I
jumped in Matthew's car. I was barely in and he accelerated. Derrick James came
running out about two seconds later, waving his fist and yelling words that the
wind greedily snatched up and stole

"Wow. That was close," I
said. A giggle escaped. Nerves. I always got the giggles when I was anxious.

"Closer than most. He was
probably following your sweet ass to get up the nerve to ask for your
number." He turned to me, big eyes flashing in the sunlight as we drove
below an arched canopy of very old trees.

"I doubt it," I said,
blushing. I looked down.

"You're one of those then,"
Matthew said, turning back to watch the road.

"One of what?"

"One of those women who has zero
realization about the effect they have on men. Shit, you've damn near turned my
brother inside out. Got me and him in each other's faces, something that never
happens. You even have the man saying  no to me. Me. And I'm supposed to be the
most important person in his life." He smiled. In that smile I saw
happiness and anger. An oxymoron of an expression.

"I'm sorry." Part of me
meant it, a good portion of me did not.

"It's good for us, I think. Maybe
it's time. But damn. I'm not crazy about it. We'll see, though," he said,
and he put his big hand on my thigh and pushed it height. My pussy responded
immediately and I bit my tongue to keep from squirming. I couldn't give in, couldn't
show him that his touch did something for me too.

"Me coming between you..."
He laughed and I blushed. "I mean, disrupting the normal flow of your
relationship is good? How is it good?"

"I said
maybe
it's
good." Lucas turned on the beltway toward the impound, Matthew continued
on straight, taking the exit that would lead us to home. My cell phone chirped.

"How so?" I eyed the
display. It was Damien. I depressed the button to turn it off and slid down in
my seat a bit, exhausted and saddened by just seeing his name.

"Maybe it's time Luke and I
backed out of each other's lives a bit. We are growing up. I think," he
laughed. "Is that him? The douche bag."

I couldn't help but smile.
"Indeed, it was Damien the douche bag. How old are you, Matthew?"

"Twenty-six."

I nodded. Two years my junior. But I
didn't have the heart to tell him I had yet to feel more mature. More grown up.
I still felt as if I stumbled and bumbled through the majority of my life.

"Come on then," he turned
onto the beltway. "I've got to get you home and ready. Lucas will be
pissed if you're not."

"Get me ready? I thought I was
off limits." I watched his sleek profile and the barren trees as they
whizzed past our window on the side of the high way.

"You are. No touching. But I do
have to do what he's asked. That's the way it works with us."

"I don't pretend to understand
you two," I said. But God, I did get caught up in the middle when they
were together. Like being in a charged environment. The middle of a storm or a
room right after a huge fight. You could feel the energy when the brothers were
together. And when I was there, I hazard a guess that it was more intense than
usual. Judging by the way they reacted to each other in my presence.

"Me, either, doll. Me
either."

Chapter 20

"Here you go." Matthew
handed me a small black bag with no markings on it. "From Luke’s favorite
place. Lingerie." He waggled his eyebrows in a comical way that nearly
made me laugh.

"For me?"

"For you. Now go slip into that
and let's see what we have to deal with." He leaned in before I could
react and kissed me. It was harsh and hot and fast like his other kiss, but
finished with a soft touch that was nearly tender. His full lips brushing mine
so that I felt the skin along my spine tingle.

"What was that for?" I
asked, breathless.

"I wanted to get that in before I
wasn't allowed. Before the warden gets here."

Trying to picture Lucas as a warden
was hard, but then again, I wasn't his younger brother. "Oh," was my
brilliant reply.

Matthew turned me and smacked my ass,
the sharp sound filled the small room. "Now scoot or he'll find a way to
blame it on me."

I hurried into the small bathroom,
looking at myself in the chrome trimmed mirror. Shiny eyes and rosy cheeks.
Even my hair was behaving. I opened the small bag and stared. Plum colored
silk. The most beautiful bra and panty set I had ever seen. Stunning in its
simplicity. A balconette bra with minimal tucking of the luxurious silk. The
panties were hip hugger cut and with a small inset of black lace at each hip. Beyond
that, they were the epitome of minimalism at its best. I shucked my work
clothes, only balking a bit at having to give up the boots for now. Also in the
bag were thigh high fence nets that seemed chic when once upon a time I would
have labeled them sluttish. It's what hookers wore on the docks at night, I
would have said. But when I pulled them on and turned to face myself, I was
floored. Had Matthew picked this out for me or had Lucas instructed him on what
to buy?

I heard the front door slam. God knew
how long it would be before I got to ask that question. Knuckles rapped the
door and I heard Matthew whisper. "Lucy...Ricky's home. You ready,
darling? I know I'm sure as shit not. From what I hear, you're the boss today.
At least of me." His laugh was soft and intrusive

My nipples peaked behind the plum
colored silk.

* * * *

My heart banged so hard I felt dizzy
and I turned the brass knob to exit. The door swung open to Matthew's smiling
face, his grin more animal than man. "Nice," he said, dragging the
word out. "I did good, yeah?"

"You picked this?"

"Of course I did. If you get to
tell me when to come and all that, at least I can decide what your attire is.
Seems fair, don't you agree?"

"I just never would have
guessed..."

"Picture me more of a white latex
and elbow length gloves kind of fetish guy?"

"No. Not that." I heard
Lucas's boots one the stairway and grabbed Matthew's arm for support. Nerves
had gotten the better of me. I was learning to operate in a constant state of
arousal slash anxiety lately.

"Ah, slutty is what you mean.
Less silk, more pleather."

I laughed and it was high and jittery.

"You okay?" He stroked my
fingers with his for just a split second and then stopped.

"Nervous, I think."

"Don't' be. I can play nice when
I decide to." He kissed my forehead above my eye in a nearly brotherly
gesture. Surprising me yet again. Matthew Crow was full of surprises.

"Well, what do we have
here?" Lucas asked, his jaw clenched, voice low and menacing.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"
Matthew asked grinning. Provoking. Oh shit.

"I brought lunch. Everyone go on
downstairs. We'll eat first." Lucas looked me up and down but did not
smile. I shifted from foot to foot, desperate for him to tell me something.
Anything. That I looked good or bad or in between. He simply pointed to the
steps and Matthew took the lead.

"I'll just get dress and--"

"You're fine like that," he
said. And that was all.

I went down the slick wooden steps, 
praying my feet wouldn't go out from under me and dump me down the steps. Lucas
walked right behind me. So close I could feel his breath falling down onto my
bare skin but not so close that he was underfoot. I stopped at the foot of the
steps and turned to look at him. Maybe force him into commenting.

His eyes took me in again. Up and
down, hovering around my belly, and then my hips. But he didn't say anything.

I sighed and walked into the kitchen,
my ass swinging a little more than normal. I wanted him to look at me. To watch
me. God, I wanted Lucas to want me.

Matthew had put out a plate for me. A
bed of spinach, crisp veggies, some grilled chicken, a sprinkle of parmesan
cheese. He grinned. "You have him eating even healthier than before. He
can be a real food Nazi, you know?"

I tried to smile but fear was swirling
around in my head, hijacking my nerve endings. Had I done something wrong?
Lucas pulled my chair out and I hesitated for only an instance before sitting
on the ladder back chair. I felt more naked in a bra and panties and thigh
highs than I would have sitting in the kitchen buck ass naked. I tried to cover
my belly, my cleavage, my thighs with my forearms, but it made it impossible to
eat and I could only cover so much of me at once.

"Stop. Sit up straight and eat.
We were both fucking you at the same time last night, what do you have to cover
that we have not someone seen, touched or used by now?" Lucas’s tone was
dark and his voice was clipped.

"I..." I put my  head down
and ate a bite of salad. It tasted like lawn clippings and old meat. Horrible.
I'm sure it was lovely, fresh and yummy, but my mouth was tied into my worry
and that sucked every ounce of joy from my taste buds.