Leaves of Revolution (14 page)

THOMAS PAUSED IN THE hallway, taking several deep breaths and trying to decide what to say first. No good ideas came to mind, but he knew he needed to do it anyway. Linnea was right. Now that they were out of the castle and things were so dangerous, he couldn’t afford to keep letting the situation with Mia disintegrate.

He either needed to fix things with her, or end them so they could both move forward. And he knew which one he wanted.

After a final fortifying breath, he knocked on the door of William and Quinn’s room.

Mia opened it almost instantly, cradling Samuel in one arm.

“Oh, Thomas. They’re not in here right now. Quinn is meeting with Marcus about something, and William and Nathaniel are talking with Tobias. Or at least they were.”

He took it as a good sign that she was being informal. When she really wanted to distance herself from him, she was careful to use titles and formal speech. “Actually, Mia, I came here to talk to you.”

She gestured for him to come in the room, but she took several steps back and held Samuel close to her chest. “I don’t want to fight, Thomas,” she said quietly as he closed the door.

When he turned around to face her again, her expression had changed; he could see the strength she was trying to exude, the mask that had taken over to show him that he couldn’t hurt her.

He reached for the coin in his pocket, clenching it so tightly in his hand he was sure it would leave an indentation – maybe that was what he needed, an outline of a rose in his palm.

“I know,” he said. “I don’t want to fight with you, either. I don’t want to hurt you. I know I have.”

Her rigid mask faltered for a second; he caught a glimpse of softness in her green eyes, but then the solid shield dropped over her face again. The pain he knew it was hiding sliced something deep inside him, nearly making him gasp.

Linnea’s words rang in his mind. It didn’t matter how any of this had started or whose “fault” it was. If they kept playing emotional chicken, nobody was going to win, and he knew he had everything to lose.

So he took a deep breath. “Mia, I’m sorry. I know I’ve been distant, and expecting you to take chances I wasn’t willing to take.” He pressed harder on the coin. “I don’t know how you still feel about me, but I want you to know that I care for you, maybe more now than ever. I love you. I don’t know if you’ll have me back, but I don’t want things to be like this between us anymore. Even if you’ve totally given up on me, I want to still be here for you, and to stop hurting you.”

Now the mask was gone, shattered in a million transparent pieces as she closed her eyes and her hands began to tremble.

Thomas stepped quietly forward and lifted the baby from her arms, careful not to touch her – he had a feeling that might break her completely.

Tucking Samuel into the crook of one elbow, he reached into his pocket with his other hand to retrieve a handkerchief and held it up to her.

She shook her head.

“That trick always works for your father,” he said to Samuel. “I think I’m maybe not actually as charming as everyone claims I am.”

That worked, though. Mia let out a quiet chuckle. “No, you’re not,” she said.

He grinned. “Remember that, Samuel. When you find someone who understands the truth about you, you need to try to keep them around.” He looked over at Mia. “What do you think?”

She sighed loudly, shaking her head at him. “I might as well. We’re all going to be dead or in prison soon enough anyway.”

“That’s the other thing I like about you. You get right in there and challenge my optimism. Every time.”

“At least I know I’m good at something.”

He’d thought it would be hard, this – or at least he’d made it hard over the last several moons. It sounded hard, anyway, essentially baring his soul to another person. He’d expected the fear and the uncertainty, had even expected to maybe regret doing it, depending on her reaction – but what he hadn’t anticipated was the
relief
. Now he understood that the freedom of sharing his feelings was worth whatever risk he was taking.

Smiling, he reached into his pocket again, this time to drop the coin and retrieve the bracelet. He took a step toward her. “Would you consider wearing this again?”

For a long moment she was quiet, looking at the bracelet and then at him. “Are you sure this is a good idea?” she finally asked.

“I don’t know. It’s what I want, but I understand if you’re not sure right now – or if you’ve moved on.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Moved on?”

“Well, James is a pretty great guy, and Kian – I think he could lift a horse over his head without breaking a sweat.”

Mia giggled. “I don’t know… I think if I
had
to choose, I might go for Ethan.”

“He’s a little old for you, isn’t he?”

“Are you jealous?”

“Uh… yeah, actually a little. Or worried – you know, since I’m younger than you. I didn’t know you had a thing for older men.”

“He’s just nice, Thomas. He helped me get all of the diapers out of the wash tub last night, you know – and even rigged up a line so I could hang them to dry.”

Thomas closed his eyes. “I deserved that. I’m sorry.”

She shrugged. “You meant it when you said you’d do it, but it wasn’t your job, and other things came up.”

He nodded, thinking for a moment about other things his sister had said. “Is it hard for you to talk to me sometimes – because I’m a prince and you’re a baby nurse?”

Her gaze dropped to the floor. “I don’t know the right way to answer that question.”

Swallowing hard, he reached over to her, using one finger to lift her chin until she was looking at him again. “However you actually feel would be easiest.”

She didn’t speak, but she nodded.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I don’t mean for it to be that way.”

“You don’t have to
mean
for it to be, Thomas, it just is.”

“I know. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t a prince, you know… then I’d be free to have my spoiled temper tantrum and put equal responsibility on you when things get tough, but I get it. You’re in a much harder place than I am when we argue. I have to remember that and take care of you.”

“It wasn’t all your fault. I did want to ask for this job, and I didn’t tell you.”

He reached for her hand, matching the tip of each of her fingers with his fingertips.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

He nodded and leaned in closer, taking her whole hand in his, tucking the bracelet between their palms, and bending his face down until his lips just touched hers, brushing them gently. Then he leaned his forehead against hers. “Let’s just don’t do that again, okay? Talk to me, please?”

She nodded gently against his forehead, biting her lip and exhaling as she accepted the bracelet, holding it tight in her curled fist. “Can I ask the same of you?”

“Yes.”

Just as he went to kiss her again, Samuel squirmed in his arms and let out a squeal.

Thomas and Mia both laughed.

“Did you think I forgot about you, Little Man?” Thomas asked, pulling back and bouncing him gently, kissing his soft black hair instead.

“Actually,” Mia said, “I suspect he’s having a different issue.” She pointed to Thomas’ shirt; a dark, wet circle had appeared in the place where he’d been cradling Samuel close to his chest.

He sighed. “I love you, too, Samuel. Goodness.”

“Could be worse,” Mia said, smiling and holding her arms out for the baby.

“Things could always be worse,” Thomas agreed. “I think I’ll go and find another shirt.”

“Good idea.”

Just as he opened the door, though, he heard voices in the hallway – William and Quinn were returning, and Linnea was with them. He pulled the door open wide for them.

William looked surprised to see Thomas there. “We’re not interrupting anything, are we?” he whispered, casting a glance at Mia.

Thomas shook his head, mouthing, “We’re good.”

“Uh-oh, Samuel,” William cooed, walking quickly toward Mia – hiding his quick interaction with Thomas – “did you make a mess for Mia?”

“It’s no problem,” Mia said. “We have a whole stack of fresh diapers now. Thomas is the one who got hit.”

Samuel let out a loud gurgle as Mia laid him on the bed – Thomas was certain his nephew was enjoying the joke. “Can I borrow one of your shirts, Will?” he asked, already walking toward the dresser. Now that both William and Quinn were here, he didn’t want to miss any of the conversation they were about to have.

 “It’s still snowing hard outside,” William said, ignoring Thomas’ digging in his drawers. “There are no signs of it letting up anytime soon – not today for sure.”

Thomas looked out the window as he unbuttoned the wet shirt. The snowdrifts were impossibly high already, and William was right – the thick white flakes continued to fill so much of the sky it was hard to see even the other buildings on Tobias’ property. “So what does it mean?”

“It means we’re stuck here,” Quinn said. “As long as that’s going on, Tobias’ house might as well be an entirely different world by itself. We can’t send the birds out in this, we can’t get messages – we have no way to find out what’s going on at the castle.”

He felt it coming again – the agitation that built up inside him every time he thought about Tolliver. It tightened every muscle in his body and he had to work to draw enough air into his lungs.

Although she still held Samuel, Mia took several unobtrusive steps toward Thomas, stopping short of touching him, and looking at him in the way that reminded him just
why
it had been worth it to swallow his pride and apologize first. He needed to find much more alone time with her again – soon.

Thinking about Mia, and how grateful he was for her right then, allowed him to calm enough to refocus his thoughts a bit.

William folded his hands in front of him. “Our main concern, of course, is the servants and guards we left behind at the castle. We’re also worried about the safety of Charles and Ellen – but unfortunately there’s nothing we can do from here right now.”

“So, basically, you’re outlining all of the things we should worry about that we can’t do anything about?” Thomas asked. Attempting to insert some levity was the only way he was going to keep any semblance of serenity right now.

“Yes, basically. Welcome to being the brother of the king and queen.”

At least William was making it easy. “I’ve been your brother since I was born, Will. Worrying is not a new habit for you.”

“But now I have an official excuse for it.”

“Then I have an official excuse to knock some sense into you.”

William grinned. “You can’t. I’m the king. It would be treason.”

“Whatever.” Thomas punched William playfully on the arm. “I think you have bigger fish to fry on the whole treason thing, don’t you?”

Quinn ignored their banter, taking Samuel from Mia and settling down against the pillows at the head of the bed to feed him. “Marcus and Nathaniel believe that Friends inside the castle have plans in place for emergency situations like this and are hopeful that many of them were able to make it to safety.”

“Provided they didn’t stay and try to fight,” William said.

“Many of the troops and castle guards were already preparing for the possibility that things would take a hostile turn,” Quinn said. “We can hope they were prepared enough to at least keep themselves safe, and if they were lucky, they might have inflicted some damage on the invaders.”

“Can I hope they
inflicted damage
on Tolliver already?” Thomas asked. This time, Mia moved all the way next to him, carefully touching the side of her hand to his. He grabbed onto it.

Linnea sneezed loudly, causing them all to turn and look. “Are you all right, Nay?” William asked.

“I’m fine.”

William frowned and walked toward her – now that Thomas was paying attention, she did look a little pale.

“Back off,” she said. “I sneezed.” She backed up from William, moving closer to Quinn, though Thomas noticed she kept her distance from the baby. “What are you going to do about Sophia?”

Quinn rubbed at her temple with one hand. “I don’t know. If she’s responsible for all of this – or even if she’s played a large part in it, I don’t think I have any choice but to arrest her, and possibly execute her alongside Tolliver. That is, of course, if we win this war.”

“That is not an
if
,” Thomas said. “We’re not going to lose – the crown is yours, not Tolliver’s, not Ivan’s, not anyone’s. Losing is not a possibility.”

For a second, he thought Quinn was going to argue with him, but she didn’t. “You’re right. I’ve given up way too much already to lose it all like this. If Tolliver wants that throne, he’s going to have to come through me – and my four guards.”

“And me.” Thomas put his leg up on the bench at the end of the bed and pulled the small dagger from the sheath under his pants leg.

“I don’t think that’s going to do much against the snow,” Quinn said.