Leaving Normal (12 page)

A nine-year difference was a large enough gap to give her pause. It might as well have been ninety years.

"You're only as old as you feel," he said simply, intuitively knowing that's all he needed to say. Then he clicked through the channels once more, stopping on a movie with Matthew Broderick.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off
. A classic. She hadn't watched it in ages.

Ferris and his friend were calling the school principal to get Ferris's girlfriend out of class for the rest of the day. The scene was priceless, and Natalie's misplaced sense of their ages being an issue faded. It wasn't as if she were looking for anything but friendship.

As Matthew Broderick grabbed the telephone from his friend, Natalie laughed; an undiluted sound that came out soft and buoyant, very natural.

In that moment, she forgot she'd made a date with Jonathon Falco and had been indecisive about it ever since. Sarah had coaxed her—more like backed her into a corner—into returning Jonathon's call. Natalie had told herself it was a mature thing to go out with an adult of the opposite sex, and that it would do her some good to get out there again, to circulate and just…well…she didn't want to think about that date right now.

She allowed herself to simply enjoy right now, to not analyze the whys or hows. To just…feel alive.

Feel good. No worries. No cares.

"You have a really great TV," she commented, enjoying the movie even more because the screen was so large and the sound was crisp and theater quality.

"It's a guy thing," Tony replied, standing up. "We have to have the biggest TVs and the biggest garages for the biggest trucks." He went into the kitchen. "Can I pour you some more wine?"

Gazing into her glass, she realized she'd finished what she had. She probably should be going home, start a load of towels.

Disregarding the idea of being sensible, she said, "Please."

He came to her, poured, and then grabbed himself another beer.

Resettling next to her, they sat with their backs against the wall and their legs stretched in front of them.

Outside, the "snow came down in fluffy, featherlight wisps. Tranquility and peace seemed to surround them as they were amused by a movie with teenage humor.

Inwardly, Natalie smiled.

The shadows that had touched her heart over the holidays lifted. It felt good just to sit. Just to breathe. Just to laugh.

To be reminded that life moved on in its strange ways, and today was a day she wouldn't soon forget.

Tony sat at his mom's kitchen table, the morning paper open to the obits where she'd been looking at the columns. She had this interest in reading about people after they'd died. It wasn't a morbid thing, she just said it was interesting to see how men and women had lived their lives, what they had done and accomplished.

The aroma of coffee grounds filled the air, the sound of it perking broke into the silence as his mom leaned against the counter to wait for the coffee to finish.

She looked great at fifty-four, better than she had in her forties. She was five foot eleven and stood out among other women. She wore her hair shoulder length and layered. She kept the color dyed a dark brown with some brassy red in it. He'd inherited her deep brown eyes, the shape of her jaw and her smile.

"How did your last meeting with the attorney go?" she asked.

"Okay. He had everything written up like we'd discussed. I only made a few changes."

"Are you sure he's good?"

"I liked him. I interviewed a couple and I thought he was fair."

"How'd you find him?"

"My neighbor recommended him." Tony gave pause. Every now and then, especially late at night at the fire station if they came in from a call and he had to try and fall back asleep, he caught himself thinking about Natalie Goodwin, and it sort of took him by surprise. He found her attractive, smart and resourceful, but maybe there was more to it. He definitely felt a pull toward her, although examining why hadn't been a priority for him, not with everything else going on.

She'd come to his house on a day when he'd felt as if his life was turned inside out, wondering what he was going to do, and she'd listened to him when he'd needed to talk. He hadn't realized how well timed her visit was until she'd rung the doorbell.

Guys kept their emotions bottled up. It was a macho thing, although Rocky and him had had a few beers and conversed briefly about the way things had ended for him and Kim. But it wasn't anything constructive, just guys being guys and letting off steam by drinking alcohol and playing pool.

Natalie lent a softer side. Basically—true compassion was what she brought to the table, something he appreciated without even being aware of how much he needed it until it was offered.

His mom poured two cups of coffee, set one in front of him. "So did the lawyer say how long the divorce would take?"

"Kim signed the complaint and Idaho processes a divorce in about twenty-one days."

"That's amazing. You spend all that time married and it's over in twenty-one days?" She sobered, looked at him. "I didn't mean that in a bad way against you, Tony. I was speaking figuratively about how sad it is that people can be divorced so quickly. I know that what happened with you and Kim was irreconcilable. I don't think Kim was ever really happy. Although I am so heartbroken for Parker."

"Me, too. But there's nothing I can do. I have no legal rights." Tony was going to take her out to lunch today and he looked forward to it.

He no longer missed Kim, strange as that was. He had missed her the first week she moved out but that was it. Then it finally hit him, it wasn't really her—it was his family he missed. He missed the familiar, the routine.

Now he came home to a quiet house, to nothing, really.

He tried to fill the void by working extra shifts, by lifting at the gym, going over to Rocky's and watching ESPN. Still, it was no substitute for the one thing he'd really wanted.

A wife, a kid…family life.

But it wasn't meant to be with Kim and he'd known that for a long time, he just hadn't been willing to accept it. Tony couldn't let what had happened bother him. But life had to move on.

After having coffee with his mom, Tony left and drove to Kim's new house. He got out of the truck but wouldn't go inside. He waited at the frosty curb, not even stepping onto the walkway.

Kim held back in the open doorway and he didn't really look at her. Didn't think about the way her hair used to fall over her shoulders in the morning. He willed himself to forget he'd ever held her, touched her… loved her.

Parker appeared, bundled in a pink coat and snow boots. She ran to him.

"Careful, Parker. It's icy," he cautioned.

As only a child can do, Parker managed to slip and run her way to him without falling. She reached him and stretched out her arms. He picked her up, pressed his cool check next to her smooth warm skin.

"Hi, Tony."

"Hey, Parker."

"I miss you." Her mouth puckered into a frown. "How come you can't live with us, too?"

His chest tightened as he carried her to the passenger side of the truck. He opened the door and set her on the leather seat. No matter how many times he'd told her, she always asked. Elaborating, he said, "Because your mom and I are living in different houses now."

"How come?"

"Because your mom and I aren't going to be married anymore."

"How come?"

"She loves somebody else now."

"How come she doesn't love you?"

"She loves me, but—" the lie tasted ugly on his lips, but he spoke it just the same "—she loves Brian the most right now and they're going to live together and they both love you."

Brian McKinney.

Hotshot piece of shit who Tony still had never seen up close—had no desire to. Fucking prick business con-sultant needing a Web site to launch his project-management company, and had to jump in bed with his soon-to-be-ex-wife while he was at it.

The anger that simmered beneath Tony's surface was welcome. It was a lot better than the shock and numbing pain. Or even the quiet grief of acceptance that he was getting a divorce.

Yeah, anger was good. Anger carried a potent strength and a mind-sharpening sense of purpose— within reason. He knew he'd have to let it go soon— get back to normal. Whatever the hell normal was.

Tony climbed into the high truck, then made sure Parker's seat belt was fastened. It seemed just like yesterday that he was getting used to having a small child, learning how she behaved, how he should react when he was with her.

When he met Kim, Parker's dad was out of the picture more than he was in it. As far as Tony knew, the guy was still an absentee father. Tony had given the little girl the first sense of stability she'd had and it cut him to the core for her to think he was bailing on her.

"Do you still love me, Tony?"

Just before turning over the ignition, her words gave him pause.

Turning toward her, he stared into her small face, the white-blond hair that framed her red cheeks, the rosebud shape of her mouth.

He fought off an emptiness that left him hollow. His voice cracked slightly. "Always, Parker."

"Me, too, Tony."

He started the truck and pulled away from the house. "So do you want Burger King or McDonald's for lunch?"

"McDonald's."

"Okay."

He'd taken Parker out to lunch on his weekend days off ever since the first of the new year. Either on a Saturday or a Sunday. He'd come at noon, but didn't go into Kim's house. She didn't come out to talk to him. They were both talking through lawyers now, not particularly arguing, but it was obscene that they were paying strangers to represent them.

He wondered when this would get easier on him, on Parker. He had no way of anticipating when Parker would one day say she would rather be with Kim and Brian, wouldn't want to come anymore.

He wondered when she would gradually phase him out of her life to begin her new one. He'd see less and less of her—until he stopped seeing her at all.

It was a truth he had a difficult time reconciling.

So for now, he promised himself to make the most out of the time he had with Parker.

"Toe-Knee," she said in her silly voice. "Do you know what the toy is in the Happy Meal today?"

"Nope. But we'll find out."

"Are you going to get a Happy Meal, too?"

He glanced at her and smiled. "Yeah. I think I will."

Renegades and Outlaws

The window of Hat and Garden was filled with Valentine hearts and cowboy-clad teddy bears. A saddle was used as a prop for a plant sitting in a cowboy boot, a big red satin bow spilling over the side of tooled leather. Varieties of silk flowers in shades of pink and a sprinkling of red glitter hearts finished off the display.

Tony cupped his hand, peeked into the window before going inside. The last time he'd been here his mind had been elsewhere and he hadn't paid much attention to the flower store.

He did now.

The inside of the shop smelled good. Candles burned on the counter and in several other strategic locations. Sweet roses and other fragrant scents collected in the air. A large cooler with an assortment of flowers in tall buckets took up one wall, the other areas were small coves with theme-filled items.