Leon Uris (74 page)

Aside from the madame’s personal maid, Nada was the only female servant permitted in the main part of the villa. This was when she attended the children at play and meals and for the nightly parade before their father for their pat on the head or to show them off before company.

Although she had a curtained-off space with the other female servants, she slept on a mat on the floor of the girl’s nursery.

‘Nada!’

‘Nada!’

‘Nada!’ they would cry, racing to get to her first in the morning.

‘Well, let’s see if I can hold three ugly bears all at once!’ And she did.

Life burst open for her. Three beautiful and helpless little creatures needed her, and she did not have to raise them in Aqbat Jabar.

‘Why don’t you have hair, Nada?’

‘To make you laugh.’

The Othman villa, formerly belonging to a ranking British official, contained over twenty rooms, with a separate office compound where Othman worked with his UNRWA staff. Most prominent of these was his personal secretary, a young French diplomat named Bernard Joxe. Bernard aped his master’s charm and kowtowed to his master’s will. A bachelor, his own quarters were on the second floor of the main villa. He was an elegant escort for Madame Othman when her husband traveled. He was a great asset at cocktail parties, the target of many flirtations, although one had to be extremely careful in an Arab country.

The women servants had a walled-off yard containing a washing shed and an outdoor shower. Nada had been cautioned by her fellow workers that the yard was not completely secluded. From his apartment, Bernard Joxe was able to peer down and see a small corner of the yard, so one had to take extra precautions for modesty.

The house livened considerably with Nada’s presence. Bernard Joxe suddenly displayed a newborn passion for small children, tweaking little noses, tossing screaming little bodies up into the air and catching them, playing the horse in search of wee riders.

Conversation between Nada and Joxe was trivial and jovial. She let her eyes do most of the talking. Perhaps Bernard Joxe did not realize the risk of stalking a young Arab Moslem virgin girl. Perhaps he did. He had a lovely boyish grin and winning mannerisms, and he wore his passionate nature close to the surface. The game was on.

Nada’s dreams became sweeter by the night.

A whole world centered around the accidental meeting, and touch began to dominate her thoughts. Both of them put a great deal of planning into where, when, and how to just happen to run into each other. Her eyes made him shiver. The flush at suddenly coming around a corner into one another, the brushing past, his eyes riveted on her backside as she swayed by, his bashful stuttering as he tried to speak ...

Nada lay on her mat at night and felt her body and pantomimed holding him. Then: You are a foolish girl. Bernard Joxe is a selfish, ambitious young man who slobbers fearfully over his boss. He comes from a world that is utterly strange. He must have loved many girls and will love many more. I can be no more than a passing fancy.

Well, what do you want, Nada? Eternal love in a hovel in Aqbat Jabar? Can you even have that? You will take what Haj Ibrahim gives you. How lovely will that be?

What do you crave, Nada? You know it. You are away from Ibrahim’s eyes. You have the place, the time, the young man drooling. Shall I? Shall I not? Shall I ... her heart banged in her chest ... shall I?

I will not do it fearfully. I’ll do it either freely and wildly or not at all. I am not bringing shame in with me.

Shall I?

Nada had more freedom than the other woman servants. She began to take her showers at a time when the yard was empty and when she knew Bernard Joxe was in his apartment. A bit of maneuvering and she could expose a wet arm or leg in that part of the yard that was not hidden. She knew instinctively when he was watching, and she grew bolder.

One day she stepped from the shower naked and dried herself, luxuriating in the sun in full view of the upper apartment. She stared up at it and held her eyes on it for a long time.

‘You are driving me crazy,’ Bernard Joxe whined.

‘Well?’ Nada answered.

‘It is very dangerous, you know that,’ he said.

‘Well?’ she repeated.

‘For God’s sake, what do you want me to do?’

‘What do you want to do?’

He emitted a horrendous sigh, flopped his arms, and hung his head. She did not take her eyes from him. He swallowed. Nada touched his cheek and pressed her body against his shirt so he could feel the softness of her large lovely breasts. He wrapped his arms about her, closed his eyes, and groaned with happiness. The kiss was sweet.

‘I like that,’ she said excitedly.

‘I want it to stop right here. I must be honorable. You are not letting me be honorable,’ he muttered.

‘Tell me, Bernard, have you made love with many women?’

‘It is a ridiculous question.’

‘It is not. I want a man to take me who knows what he is doing and who is tender.’

‘Nada, do you really understand how complex this is?’

‘Yes.’

‘I ... I ... there can be no question of ... well ... hurting you. We cannot fall in love. I have my career, my parents to think of. A scandal would be disastrous.’

‘Don’t you want to do it with me?’

‘Of course I do, but ...’

‘Bernard, I want absolutely nothing from you but your tenderness and a little time together. I want to have a beautiful time. If you will be patient, I will learn very quickly. You do not have to worry that you will break my heart or that I will make problems for you.’

‘Why, Nada, why?’

‘It is a long story, Bernard, but I must know love and I will not be a little girl about it.’

He twitched about nervously.

‘You are kind and concerned and I like that,’ Nada said. ‘Let us be lovers and I will flit away when it is time.’

‘Don’t look at me, Nada. You destroy me when you look at me. Don’t press against me that way.

She spun away from him ‘I think I’ll take a shower,’ she said, walking off.

‘Nada!’

‘Yes?’

‘The Othmans have a formal dinner tonight at the Indian Embassy. They will not be in until very late.’

‘I know,’ she answered. ‘I have played very hard with the children today. They will sleep through without a sound.’

‘Take your shower. The door to my apartment will be open.’

He could not stop kissing her body.

‘You are lovely,’ Nada said. ‘It was not so painful as I thought. How crazy my life has been to stifle something so lovely. Bernard, you sweet man. You are very thoughtful.’

‘It is you, Nada. How did you become so free, so, so uncomplicated.’

‘I will be freer now. And you will try everything, teach me everything. I want to do it all. Let me know what parts excite you and how to excite you. I want it all. I want to eat you alive.’

‘Oh yes, Nada ... yes, yes, yes.’

‘Come in, Nada, sit down,’ Hamdi Othman said.

‘Yes, sir.’

‘You have seemed fairly glowing this past month,’ he said, opening the cigar humidor and going through the ritual of clipping, wetting, spinning, lighting.

‘I am very happy with the children,’ she said.

‘Only the children?’

She looked into his thin debonair face, his eyes sparkling, a bit cruel, a bit tense.

‘Life is much kinder here than in Aqbat Jabar. I hope my work has been worthy.’

‘The children adore you, you know that. Would you take the kerchief off your head, Nada?’

‘I do not have much hair.’

‘Does that bother you?’

‘Oh no, but when people look at me, they seem to feel uneasy.’

‘Well, will you take it off?’

She slipped it from her head. A growth of a few inches had returned. Somehow it made her look more poignant, even stunning.

‘See, it doesn’t offend me,’ Hamdi Othman offered. ‘In fact, you are an extraordinarily beautiful girl. Your father cut your hair, for modesty, didn’t he?’

‘Yes, sir.’

‘Well, you haven’t been too modest, have you?’

‘No.’ Nada answered without wavering or showing alarm.

He placed a tape recorder on his desk. ‘Have you ever seen one of these? Do you know what it is?’

‘No.’

‘It makes a recording of people’s voices. Would you like to hear yours?’

‘Of me making love with Bernard,’ she said bluntly.

Hamdi Othman almost bit through his cigar. Her reaction took him completely off guard. ‘Well, do you think your father would like to hear it?’ he said with a touch of menace.

Nada glowered, then shrugged. Othman studied the girl for a long time. She was apparently quite unafraid of him and completely in control of herself.

‘There is an opening for a high UNRWA position in Syria. I am recommending Bernard for the job.’

‘As punishment?’

‘It is an advancement.’

‘Does he know?’

‘Yes. He is quite willing to leave Amman at once.’

‘Very well, Mr. Othman.’

‘You don’t seem too upset, Nada.’

‘I will miss him very much, but we made no promises. I have no desire to hold him. We always knew it would only be for a short time.’

‘Now you tell me, Nada, what should I do with you?’

‘I would like to remain in Amman in your home. I love the children. I don’t know when I will have children of my own or if I’ll ever have Allah’s blessing. They give me much happiness.’

‘This business with you and Bernard is very serious. Fortunately, no one other than I knows about it. Shall we keep it that way?’

‘Do as you wish, Mr. Othman. If you want to hear me plead with you, you are wasting your time.’

His expression was that of a man who had been struck. The girl was becoming more interesting by the moment.

‘Tell me, Nada, how would you like your own room?’

‘I have never had my own room or even dreamed of such a thing.’

‘It could be arranged. Of course, with this secret we share ... I realize I am not a young man like Bernard. ... On the other hand ... I am, shall we say, rather mature. As you know, Madame has a very full schedule, particularly on Thursdays. She spends the afternoon at the hair salon, after which there is her bridge club. What I am suggesting ...’

‘You want to make love with me.’

He laughed. ‘You are a very cool piece of business, young lady.’

‘I think you are a very attractive man, Mr. Othman, and I do not mind making love in your wife’s home. You do it with many women. However, I will not do it out of fear of your secret.’

‘Of course not, Allah forbid.’

A small Mona Lisa smile crossed her lips. ‘If I am to stay, I would like the Sabbath and one other day each week when I do not have to work. Zeinah in the kitchen is quite capable of taking my place on those days. The children like her very much.’

‘Just what do you intend to do in Amman by yourself?’

‘I want to join the fedayeen.’

‘You must tell me honestly, Nada, you must. Am I as good as Bernard Joxe?’

Nada rolled over on her back, stretched, and sighed happily as he kissed her nipples.

‘Well, tell me, you damned little wench, tell me.’

‘You are magnificent, Hamdi.’

‘I am as good as Bernard Joxe. Say it.’

‘Am I as good as Madame Othman?’

‘You are a bitch, a bitch, a little bitch. How does a peasant girl like you know how to make love this way?’

Hamdi Othman was indeed a lover with some finesse. But he was selfishly in love with himself. He demanded. He let himself go when he was ready. Then Nada simmered him down and demanded to be delighted by his many tricks.

She knew she would have to leave soon. The atmosphere was growing thick. Madame Othman had soured on her. It had happened with the woman many times before.

Hamdi Othman could never reveal the affair without bringing the walls crashing down on himself, for Nada was not to be intimidated. Moreover, she had gotten beneath his skin and he was now babbling out little cravings for her, showing little jealousies.

Nada had been careful to do it only during the safe times, and nothing had happened to get her with child. Making love with him, selfish as he was, had had different and wild moments. She now realized the new power of being able to drive a man slightly mad. It was a wonderment.

The moment Nada’s eyes fell upon Joul, she knew that this could be the deep and meaningful love she craved. The fedayeen commander who exuded bravado and wore a revolutionary name proudly: Abu Zaim, Father of the Leader Joul, was known for his bravery and cunning, having survived three raids over the border.

Nada saw through the outward mannerisms. He had Ishmael’s penetrating eyes and wit. Joul had the sensitivity of her beloved brother. This love would be pure.

He was flattered by her attraction to him. Many other girls pursued him, but they were not Nada. Joul became uneasy about her forwardness at first, but he was hopelessly trapped in the web of her beauty. They spoke long and passionately about their plight and growing feelings. He was bound to a traditional family, but one of low station. Nada knew Haj Ibrahim would reject him out of hand.

There came that day and moment of complete aloneness with him, away from the mad atmosphere of the camp and the stilted air of Amman. Joul poured out his love. Nada spoke of making love. He was perplexed by a lifetime of conditioning. He did not know what to do. But he was going wild with wanting her.

‘I want you, Joul, and I am not afraid of afterward. Let’s have each other and let tomorrow take care of itself. You don’t have to promise anything.’

‘I love you so much. I think of nothing but you, Nada. I am going out of my mind.’

‘Let us feel each other without clothing.’

‘Yes,’ he whispered.

Nada took his hand. ‘Before we do it, you must know that my virtue has been taken.’

Joul registered astonishment.

‘It happened in Jaffa after we had fled our village. One day I was walking alone through narrow alleys from the market. Iraqi soldiers seized me and raped me. Three of them.’

He could not look into her sad eyes. Tears ran down his cheeks.

‘Does it matter?’ she asked a bit apprehensively.

‘No.’