Les Norton and the Case of the Talking Pie Crust (12 page)

‘Not a bad view.’

‘Not a bad view?’ Marla’s voice tailed off then she stepped over and stood directly in front of Norton. ‘Les. What are you? Some kind of weird, millionaire eccentric?’

Les shook his head. ‘No. Just a battling widower taking a brief holiday on the beautiful Central Coast. That’s all.’

‘Yeah, that’d be right.’ Marla pulled Les towards her and wrapped her arms his neck. ‘Come here, you big goose,’ she said, then kissed him flush on the lips.

Half full of bourbon and in an extra good mood, there wasn’t much Les could do, except kiss Marla back. The kiss went on a bit, and on a bit more. Marla slipped the tongue in and Norton’s big hands started wandering all over her whippy body. Finally they came up for air and opened their eyes.

‘I’ll tell you what, Marla,’ said Les. ‘I got an idea. How would you like a swim, and wash all that smoke and crap out of your hair?’

‘A swim?’ Marla gave a little shiver. ‘It’s a bit Piccadilly, isn’t it?’

Les shook his head. ‘There’s a heated indoor pool downstairs. And I got two huge fluffy bathrobes in my room. I can make us a delicious each and we can take them with us.’

Marla looked at Les for a moment. ‘Okay,’ she said. ‘Will the pool still be open?’

‘It’s all right,’ replied Les. ‘I’ve got a key.’

Les took Marla into his bedroom and got two dark blue bathrobes out of the closet and placed them on the bed. While she was getting changed, Les went to the kitchen, found two highball
glasses and filled them with ice, bourbon and soda water. He placed them on the granite kitchen bar table just as Marla walked barefooted into the kitchen wearing her robe and a towel over her shoulder.

‘These are so comfy,’ she said, tugging her robe. ‘They’re unreal.’

‘Good.’ Les pointed to the glasses. ‘There’s your drink,’ he said. ‘I’ll be back in a sec.’

Les went to the bedroom and stripped off. His Speedos had dried hanging on the back of the chair, so he slipped them on. As he did, Les noticed Mr Wobbly was starting to get a little interested in what was going on, so Les gave him a gentle pat on the head.

‘Now you just behave yourself, okay?’ said Les. ‘And don’t go embarrassing me in front of anyone.’

Les slipped into his robe, put the zinger in one pocket and the key in the other, got a towel and walked out to the kitchen.

‘Hey. You don’t make a bad drink,’ said Marla, holding up her glass.

Les picked his glass up and took a sip. ‘Shit,’ he said. ‘Jack sure lives round here, don’t he.’

‘Just nice,’ said Marla. ‘Hey. Who were you talking to in there?’ she asked.

‘No one,’ replied Les. ‘I was just singing. Come on. Let’s go twisting by the pool.’

‘Sounds good to me.’

Holding their drinks, they took the lift down to the lobby then walked across to the pool and the gymnasium. The lights were on, but the main door was locked. Les slipped the zinger in the lock and had it open in seconds. The door to the pool was also locked. The zinger hummed and it was open quicker than the first one. After the cool night air, it felt like a sauna when they stepped inside.

‘Wow. How good’s this?’ said Marla, looking up at all the lights twinkling like tiny stars in the ceiling. Suddenly she peered across the pool at the Egyptian motifs and hieroglyphics and put her hand over her mouth. ‘Oh my God,’ she exclaimed. ‘This is totally bizarre.’

‘Bizarre,’ said Les. ‘What do you mean, bizarre?’

‘It’s too much of a coincidence,’ said Marla, staring at the opposite wall.

‘Coincidence? What are you talking about?’

‘I’ll tell you later.’ Marla stared at the wall a moment longer, then shook her head and started to loosen her robe. ‘I don’t believe it,’ she muttered. ‘I simply don’t believe it.’

‘Whatever,’ shrugged Les.

He took his robe off and placed it on one of the wicker chairs, along with his towel and drink, then stood there in his Speedos. When he turned around, Marla had taken her robe off as well and was standing next to one of the chairs wearing a pair of lacy blue knickers. And she had a red hot body.

‘Come on,’ laughed Marla. ‘Last one in’s a poofter.’

‘Keep that up, you bitch,’ said Les, ‘and you’ll feel the weight of my handbag.’

Together they plunged into the pool and pushed across to the other side. The water felt wonderful, lovely and warm and crystal clear.

‘Ohh how good’s this,’ said Marla, tossing her head back when they surfaced. ‘I feel like I’m born again. What a good idea.’

‘Yeah. It’s not bad, is it,’ agreed Les.

They swam and frolicked around, splashed a bit of water at each other and did all the stupid things people do when they’re drunk and having a good time. Eventually the frolicking settled down and they swam up to each other, then drifted in front of the chairs and tables. Marla’s eyes were sparkling and her hair was shining in the soft light coming from the tiny stars in the
ceiling; after watching Marla’s tight backside going up and down in the water and her boobs sitting on top of it, Norton’s eyes were sparkling as well. Besides that, Mr Wobbly had totally ignored what Les told him earlier and he was poking up under Norton’s Speedos demanding in on the action. Marla floated over to Les and put her arms around his neck.

‘Oohh Les,’ she purred. ‘Is that a snorkel in your Speedos? Or are you just glad to see me?’

‘Marla. I can’t lie,’ grinned Les. ‘I’m horribly, diabolically, monstrously glad to see you.’

Les ran his hands up over Marla’s ribs then kissed her. Marla kissed him back, slipped her sweet tongue in and after that there was a lot of disturbance in the water. Les groped Marla and kissed her lovely boobs, Marla groped Les, put a stranglehold on him and shoved her tongue in his ear. Les did the same and ran his hand between Marla’s legs, feeling the sleek softness of her pubic hair beneath the water. Marla ducked her head under the water and gave Les a quick underwater polish that sent Les into orbit.

By now both Les and Mr Wobbly had had enough. Les helped Marla out of the pool, slid her knickers off, along with his Speedos, then lay his bathrobe down next to the chairs and tables and
lowered Marla onto it. He knelt down in front of her and Marla spread her legs. Les took Marla under the shoulders, kissed her tenderly, then eased himself inside.

Marla gasped and the first few strokes made Norton’s eyes spin. He gathered momentum, Marla invited him in and Les went for it. It was fabulous and with Marla spread out rock solid on the floor with nowhere to go, Les was able to give her everything. He kept going as long as he could. But full of bourbon and feeling the warmth and loveliness of Marla’s body, it was too good. Marla squealed and grabbed hold of Les. Les stiffened his legs, pushed with all his might, then groaned while Marla squealed as he emptied out. Finally they settled down and had a drink, then Les stood and took hold of Marla’s hand.

‘Come on, Marla,’ he said quietly. ‘I got a great idea.’

Les placed the bathrobe at the side of the pool then took Marla back into the water and swam her around a little before taking her back down to the shallow end where he’d placed the bathrobe. He lifted Marla out of the pool, placed her backside on the bathrobe, then opened her legs and, standing against the edge of the pool, gave Marla a gigantic eat.

Marla couldn’t believe it. She thrashed around on the bathrobe and grabbed Les by the hair, kicked her legs up in the air like a bucking bronco and cried with delight. Les kept going till Marla let go a long, low moan and emptied out in Norton’s face. Les smiled and continued eating a little longer, savouring his impromptu meal, like he was in a Michelin four-star café in France, dining on truffle sauce.

By now it was getting late and Les and Marla were both gone. They had a last swim and a kiss and a cuddle, then finished their drinks, put their robes on and went back to Norton’s apartment. Les filled two glasses with cold water and they drank them while they got changed; Marla into what she’d been wearing, Les into a pair of shorts and a plain white T-shirt. He put the stereo on and found a little soft FM music, then sat on the lounge with his arm around Marla.

‘Marla,’ Les said, sincerely. ‘This has been one of the best nights I’ve ever had. Truly. Meeting you was the last thing I was expecting.’

‘Les,’ smiled Marla, giving him a soft kiss on the lips. ‘You took the words right out of my mouth.’

‘Thanks, Marla.’

Marla looked quizzically at Norton as the
music played in the background. ‘Les,’ she asked. ‘What are you doing tomorrow?’

‘Nothing much,’ shrugged Les. ‘Go for a swim. Hang around. Get your phone number before you leave, so I can ring you up and annoy the shit out of you.’

‘How would you like me to show you something you’ve never seen before in your life? And you can do me a favour at the same time.’ ‘Sounds intriguing,’ queried Les. ‘What is it?’

‘I’ll tell you tomorrow. I’ll call around in the morning. Not too early,’ Marla smiled. ‘And we’ll go in my car. It’s not that far from here.’

‘Okay,’ said Les. ‘I’m not easy to get. But you’ve got me.’

‘Good.’ Marla looked at her watch. ‘Now I’d better get home. Mum and Dad don’t like me staying out all night.’

‘Fair enough. I’ll ring you a taxi. What’s the number?’

‘I’ll do it.’ Marla used the phone in the kitchen then came back into the loungeroom. ‘The woman said one would be here in five minutes.’

‘Okey doke.’

Les walked down to the security gate and exchanged mobile phone numbers with Marla while they waited for the taxi. He told her just to
ask for Les in apartment eight when she arrived in the morning, the manager would let her in and she could come straight up. They had time for a kiss and a bit of small talk then the taxi arrived. Les opened the back door and gave Marla two twenties.

‘Les. I only live at Wamberal,’ she told him.

‘Marla,’ smiled Les. ‘You’re forgetting. I’m some sort of weird, eccentric millionaire. I’ll see you tomorrow.’ Les closed the door and blew Marla a kiss. The last thing he saw was the cab disappearing down the hill and Marla waving out the back window. Les yawned, shivered in the cool night air for a moment as he took in the stars, then went back to the apartment.

Les had another drink of water, cleaned his teeth then switched off the stereo and the lights and fell into bed. He yawned once, smiled, then pushed his head into the pillows and went out like a light. It had been a big night.

L
es blinked his eyes open the next morning and momentarily peered round the sunlit room wondering where he was
before everything
came together. He smiled contentedly, yawned, then checked his watch, got out of bed and padded across to the bedroom window. Outside, it looked like another beautiful day in Terrigal: the sun was beaming down from an azure sky while a light, off-shore breeze gently ruffled the water and quietly rocked the boats in the Haven. Les stretched, took a few deep breaths, then walked across to the ensuite. When he’d finished, he changed into a dry pair of Speedos and gave his white, Jimmy Buffett T-shirt another run over a pair of dark blue cargoes, then went to the kitchen, got a glass of water and took it out onto the balcony to admire the view.

It didn’t take long before Les figured the view would look better from behind a pair of sunglasses and his head would feel better after a couple of painkillers. He dropped two Panadeine, put his sunnies on and went back out on the balcony. The sunglasses definitely helped and the water felt good going down. But food, and plenty of it, would go down even better. Les decided to walk down to Terrigal, take a dip in the ocean, get the paper and have breakfast at Serene’s again. By the time he got back, Marla should be around to whisk him away to wherever the mysterious place
was she intended whisking him away to. Les threw a towel in his bag, got some money and took the lift to the foyer.

Besides a cleaner and a gardener, there were a few people strolling around. One or two gave Norton’s bruised face a second look. Les smiled back at them before putting his sunglasses on then continuing on out the gate and down the hill.

The tide was up and the water felt sensational when Les dived in. He wallowed around, loosened up the cobwebs and lay on his back spurting water up in the air. Ahh yes, this is the life, he grinned. A few more days up here and I won’t know myself. Les flopped around a while longer, then got out, dried off and put his clothes back on before walking down to the paper shop, where he got another friendly smile from the woman in glasses.

Les found the same seat as the day before at Serene’s. He didn’t expect to find Carol and got the tall woman with the glasses. Unlike Carol, she was all smiles and politeness. Les had a double shot latte to get the ball rolling and ordered the same meal as yesterday, plus a blueberry muffin. Everything arrived promptly, Les ordered another latte and ripped in.

Breakfast seemed to taste even better than the day before and the blueberry muffin was to die for. Steam rose in the air when Les tore it open to add butter and it was packed with sweet, fat blueberries. Les was glad no one in the restaurant knew him, because he was stuffing food down his throat like a steam shovel. Les finished the paper over his second coffee, paid the bill, left the smiling woman in glasses a tip, and walked back to the resort. Glen was behind the desk when Les walked in. Les gave him a wave as he headed for the lift.

‘Oh Les. Have you got a minute?’ Glen asked.

‘Sure,’ replied Les, walking back to the desk. ‘What’s up?’

‘You didn’t get into any trouble, down Terrigal last night, did you Les?’ enquired Glen.

‘Trouble? I got pretty drunk, I know that,’ answered Les. ‘Why?’

‘A cop from Gosford rang me earlier. Some men got assaulted with a baseball bat near the beer garden late last night. They didn’t get a good description,’ chuckled Glen, ‘because the bloke was wearing Elvis Presley sunglasses of all things. But they said he was a fairly big bloke, with a square jaw and reddish brown hair. That wouldn’t be you, surely Les?’

Les grimaced and shook his head. ‘Glen. I can assure you, I don’t go around bashing people with baseball bats. I never have. And especially not when I’m on holidays.’

‘No. I didn’t think so,’ said Glen. ‘Anyway. The cops said they might come round later and check the place out. They think the bloke might be staying here or live round this way somewhere.’

‘Fair enough,’ said Les. ‘I won’t be far away. Oh Glen,’ he added. ‘A girl will be calling round for me this morning. Her name’s Marla. Will you let her in?’

‘Sure Les. Not a problem.’

‘Thanks mate.’ The phone rang, Les left the manager to it and continued across to the lift.

Back in the apartment, Les stepped out onto the balcony, stared at the ocean and shook his head. Can you believe it? Those four pricks started everything, and as soon as a couple got sat on their arse, they went crying to the police. And they said I used a baseball bat. Fair dinkum. A big, fat pelican zoomed in over the water like a flying boat, landed on its big, fat feet, and joined a few of its friends paddling around in front of some fishermen cleaning their catch by the boat ramp. I only hope it doesn’t put a dampener on
my holiday, Les scowled. It’s just starting to get good. Les went inside, switched on the stereo and tidied up his room. He was making the bed when there was a soft knock on the door. One thing for sure, smiled Les, fluffing the last pillow, that’s definitely not the wallopers. He walked down the hall and opened the door. Marla was standing there wearing a white T-shirt tucked into a pair of jeans, a khaki photographer’s vest, gym boots and a white baseball cap.

‘Yes, young lady?’ asked Les. ‘How can I help you?’

‘Well, you could start by giving me a hug,’ replied Marla.

‘That shouldn’t be too much of a problem,’ smiled Les. He put his arms around Marla and gave her a cuddle and a little kiss. ‘How are you this morning?’ he asked her.

‘Seedy. But all right. Can I have a glass of water?’

‘Sure. Come in.’ Les ushered Marla into the kitchen and poured her a glass of cold water. ‘So what’s happening?’ he asked her, after she had a few good swallows.

‘Well, I hate to tell you this, Les,’ said Marla. ‘But the police were round my place this morning.’

‘You too,’ replied Les. He told Marla what Glen told him down at the desk. ‘So what did they say to you?’

Marla shook her head. ‘Nothing. I was still in bed and Mum told them I wasn’t home. But they said they’d call round again.’

‘Terrific,’ said Les.

‘Not only that. Hickey rang me up and abused me. Milton was with him. And Hickey said he and his brothers are going to get you. And he’s bringing some mates as well.’

‘They got to find me first,’ shrugged Les.

‘They’ll find you, Les,’ said Marla. ‘Terrigal isn’t Sydney.’

‘Yeah. Fair enough. But Jesus,’ protested Les, ‘I don’t know what they’re all blowing up about. It’s not as if anyone got hurt that much.’

‘Not as if anyone got hurt that much,’ echoed Marla. ‘Barry’s in hospital with a ruptured sternum, fifteen stitches in his mouth, and a depressed fracture of the skull.’

‘He fell over and hit his head,’ said Les. ‘You saw that yourself.’

Marla ignored Les. ‘Andrew’s got a broken nose and a fractured cheekbone. And Zac, the one you just slapped. Well, I suppose he’s not so bad. He’s only got eight stitches in his mouth and a limp.’

‘There you go,’ smiled Les. ‘It’s not all doom and gloom.’

‘Christ, Les,’ said Marla. ‘For a widowed motel owner, you’re a steppin’ razor dog. You’re walkin’ talkin’ bad news.’

‘Well, I’m not always like that.’ Les suddenly snapped his fingers. ‘You know what it was, Marla. Those Elvis Presley sunglasses.’

‘The sunglasses? What the hell did they have to do with it?’

‘They had a spell on them.’

‘A spell?’ Marla screwed her face up. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘Like that movie
The Mask
,’ explained Les. ‘When Jim Carrey put the mask on, he turned into a crazy person. The same thing happened to me when I put those sunglasses on. I was possessed by an evil power.’ Les pointed directly at Marla. ‘One thing for sure, Marla. We must get rid of them before they cause any more damage.’

Marla finished her water and placed the glass down. ‘You know, Les,’ she said. ‘I think that’s what attracted me to you. You’re quite mad.’

‘Well,’ answered Les, ‘at least I know it. There’s a lot of people out there are mad and don’t know it. And that’s not good.’

‘Yes. I suppose you’re right,’ Marla agreed.

‘Of course I’m right. Now,’ smiled Les, ‘let’s put all this foolishment behind us, and tell me what’s going on. Where are you taking me?’

Marla sat down on a bar stool in the kitchen. ‘I’m taking you to a cave,’ she said.

‘A cave. Ooh, I don’t know about caves, Marla,’ shivered Les. ‘They’re all dark and horrible. And full of spiders and snakes and other creepy crawlies.’

Marla shook her head. ‘This one’s all right. And I want you to video me while I’m in there. My video’s automatic focus. All you have to do is aim and shoot.’

‘I think I can handle that,’ said Les.

‘I want to get out there ASAP, because the National Parks and Wildlife are about to block off the access road. And you’ll only be able to get in there by foot or mountain bike. And it’s five kilometres.’

‘Okay. So what’s in this cave?’ asked Les. ‘Lost treasures? Are we going to play
Raiders of the Lost Ark?
I bags being Indiana Jones.’

Marla shook her head. ‘Nothing like that. But have you got a camera?’

‘I sure have.’

‘Well, bring it, and you’ll get some good photos. But just promise me you won’t tell too
many people about what you’ve seen. It would be awful if someone got in there and vandalised it.’

‘No. You can trust me,’ Les assured her.

‘Good.’ Marla got up from her stool. ‘Okay, handsome. Let’s go.’

‘All right. Just give my hair time to dry while I finish watching
Days of Our Lives
.’

Les went to his room and threw a couple of things in his bag. He got a bottle of water from the kitchen, then he and Marla took the lift down to the lobby. Parked out front was a maroon Ford Laser in good condition with a backpack on the rear seat. Les sat in the front and placed his bag on the floor, Marla got behind the wheel and with the car stereo quietly playing local FM they proceeded out the gate and turned right up Scenic Highway. Les and Marla didn’t say a lot as they drove along. Marla appeared to be concentrating on something and Les was thinking about his situation between the local wallopers and the local hoons. They passed Erina Plaza, then Bluetongue Stadium further along, and were heading towards West Gosford when Marla turned to Les.

‘Have you thought over what you’re going to do about the police and Milton and his mates?’ she asked him.

‘Yes I have,’ answered Les.

‘And…?’

‘I’m going to get stuck into the bastards again,’ he declared. ‘The cops too.’

‘You’re what?’ said Marla.

Les reached into his bag and took out the Elvis sunglasses. He put them on and grinned at Marla. ‘Somebody—stop me.’

‘Jesus, Les,’ said Marla. ‘Take them off. If the police see you…’

‘Smmmokkkinnnn.’

Marla shook her head. ‘You are mad. Totally.’

‘You’re right, Marla,’ said Les, removing the sunglasses and placing them back in his bag. ‘I could feel their evil powers as soon as I put them on. It’s wrong. I want to use my secret powers for good, Marla.’

‘Yes. You do that, Les,’ she answered.

They passed the turn-off to Woy Woy and started up a steep, curving road into the mountains. Les wasn’t sure exactly where he was, but he knew they were heading out of Gosford towards the F3 and Sydney. His window was down and outside he could hear the ringing of bellbirds echoing through the trees and gullies.

‘Hey, listen to those bellbirds, Marla,’ said Les. ‘Don’t they sound fabulous.’

‘Yes. You’re in Henry Kendall country now, Les,’ she replied.

Marla followed the traffic to the top of the mountain before taking a turn-off. Houses went by and soon it was nothing but trees and scrub on either side of the road. Marla appeared to be looking for something before she slowed down at a barely perceptible opening amongst the trees.

‘Here it is,’ she said.

Marla swung the Laser off the road and they began following a rough, narrow trail surrounded by boulders, rugged bush and overhanging trees. The further they went, the worse the trail got, until it was nothing more than two wheel marks worn into the mud and rocks. Just past a huge grey log they came to a fork. Marla went left and they continued to bump along till she came to another fork and veered left again. After another kilometre of bone-rattling trail, they entered a sloping clearing that finished at a line of scrubby trees and bush. Behind the clearing was a long granite cliff, high enough to cast a shadow over the clearing. Its rugged face was dotted with spinifex and cycads, while red gums and eucalyptus trees grew in wild profusion along the top. Marla drove to the edge of the clearing and switched off the engine.

‘Here we are,’ she said. ‘The cave’s up in that ridge.’

‘Up there?’ said Les, peering out the windscreen. ‘Shit!’

Norton peered out the windscreen a moment or two longer, then picked up his bag and got out of the car. Marla was standing by the door, climbing into her backpack.

‘Which way now?’ Les asked her, putting his backpack on.

Marla adjusted her cap and gave her shoulders a shrug. ‘Follow me.’

‘You’re the boss.’

There was no path. Marla knew where she was going and Les fell in behind. The bush rose up, then they came to the cliff face. Marla found a narrow trail going left along a ridge and Les followed her as the trail doubled back on itself and went right. As they climbed along the ridge, Les could see the distant ocean through the valleys. But no sign of civilisation; apart from the birds and a light westerly eerily flicking through the trees, it was almost silent. Les followed Marla along the second trail before she stopped at a narrow opening in the granite on their left. It was barely head high and the way the trail angled on, if you didn’t know
the opening was there you would quite easily miss it.

‘Righto, Les,’ smiled Marla. ‘See if you’re ready for this.’

Les followed Marla through the opening and stopped dead in his tracks. It wasn’t really a cave, but two granite walls, fifteen metres long and ten metres high, leaning slightly towards each other. They were open at the top and separated by a floor of rock and soil two metres wide, with another opening at the opposite end. The walls were spread with lichen and beneath the lichen, countless Egyptian hieroglyphs had been carved into the flinty granite.