Lessons Learned (18 page)

It wasn’t a mystery why the nightmares were coming back now.

Smoothing my hand along the blanket, I sat up in his bed. It wasn’t a big bed, but it was definitely big enough for two people and certainly big enough for us. He’d insisted on sleeping in the living room despite my protests.

My mind knew it was the right decision, but my heart was missing him. And, after the dream, I desperately needed to feel his arms around me.

I climbed out of bed and tiptoed toward the living room, and what I found made my heart race frantically once again. Lucas was sprawled across his tiny couch with his legs dangling off the sides. He didn’t look comfortable at all, but his snores assured me he was sleeping peacefully.

The couch wasn’t very big, but it
might
be big enough for two.

Very carefully, I settled myself against the cushion, and he murmured in his sleep when I slipped my arm around his waist. Instinctively, his arm draped my shoulder and he pulled me close to his chest. I snuggled against him and sighed contently.

“I missed you,” he whispered. His voice was sleepy and soft.

“I missed you, too.”

His hand cradled my face as he kissed the top of my head. I pressed my ear to his chest, and the sound of his heartbeat combined with his soft snores soothed me to sleep.

Chapter 14

It was still raining when I awoke the next morning. The pitter-patter against the roof was loud, but it was a relaxing sound and only made me want to snuggle deeper into Lucas’s arms.

    I didn’t want to go to church today.

I didn’t want to move from this spot.

His fingers were gently dancing along my spine. It was the softest of touches, and the motion nearly lulled me back to sleep until a rumble of thunder caused both of us to jump. Lucas’s arm tightened around me as I buried my face against his chest.

“Good morning.”

I groaned tiredly, and he laughed.

“Not a morning person?”

“Not at all,” I mumbled. I rested my head on his chest and gazed up at his handsome face. “Hi.”

“Hi.” He grinned down at me. “How did you sleep?”

“Not too bad. You?”

“Much better, once you joined me.”

“You should have just come to bed. I
think
I could have kept my hands to myself.”

Smiling, he pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. “I couldn’t have.”

Lucas pulled me up his body, his hands settling on my hips.

Touching my forehead to his, I sighed softly. “I probably have terrible morning breath.”

“I don’t care.”

He placed a soft kiss along the corner of my mouth. My heart raced as his lips brushed mine, and when his tongue softly teased my bottom lip, morning breath was the very last thing on my mind. His hands slid down, gently cupping my bottom and pulling me tighter against him, and I moaned.

“I told you I couldn’t have kept my hands to myself,” Lucas said breathlessly.

I shifted against him, and he groaned hoarsely as my mouth covered his.

Lucas had been right.

The bed would have been a
bad
idea.

Thankfully, common sense prevailed, and after a few more not-so-innocent kisses, I offered to make breakfast while he took a shower. It was unbelievably tempting to stay tangled in each other’s arms on this rainy Sunday morning, but we decided to go to church instead.

After all, Deputy Hank would be disappointed if we didn’t make an appearance.

After a quick stop at the house to change, Lucas and I made our way to church. Deputy Hank smirked and nodded in our direction as we found a seat near the back. The entire congregation was buzzing, and it didn’t take long to realize they were gossiping about the fight between Patrick and Matt.

In their usual front pew were Mr. and Mrs. Stuart, looking uncomfortable and completely exhausted. I wasn’t surprised that Matt was nowhere to be seen. Patrick, however, was sitting directly across the Stuarts with his father by his side. His expression was cold and hard, and his eyes remained fixed on the preacher as he welcomed us.

“It is with a heavy heart I greet you this morning,” Pastor Martin announced. “Our youth are conflicted. Friendships are being tested. Parents are struggling to understand. A community is striving to be supportive.”

Members of the congregation looked appropriately shame-faced for gossiping.

Throughout the sermon, my eyes roamed along the pews. I noticed several members of the football team staring down at their laps with guilty expressions while the pastor preached from the book of Romans.

“
Bless them which persecute you; bless, and curse not. Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits. Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.”

There were a few “amens
”
from the congregation, and Patrick’s face was smug.

After the service, we declined Aubrey’s invitation for lunch. I wasn’t in the mood to be happy and sociable. I was, however, eager to pay a visit to Matt. Lucas seemed to understand, and he offered to drive me home.

“I can go with you,” he offered again as he walked me to my door. The rain had finally ceased, and the sun was trying to peek out from behind the clouds.

“I really need to do this on my own, but I’ll call you later? We could have an early dinner.”

“Dinner sounds great.” He smiled and kissed me softly. “Thanks for staying last night.”

“Thanks for taking care of me.”

“I love taking care of you.”

We kissed goodbye, and I watched him drive away before heading inside to change into a pair of jeans. I had no idea what I was going to say to Matt. Maybe I wouldn’t say anything at all.

I just wanted him to know I was on his side, and I would not let history repeat itself.

“I’m going to pretend to be surprised to see you,” Matt said, grinning at me from his place on the couch. The swelling in his face had lessened a bit, but he was still covered in bandages. His arm was now in a cast, and he was surrounded by game controllers and pizza boxes.

“How are you feeling, Matt?”

“Doc gave me some kickass meds, so the pain isn’t too bad.”

Grabbing the remote, he turned off the television and offered me a seat on the couch. “How are
you
? You kind of scared the crap out of me when you passed out like that.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled. “Low blood sugar.”

“Right.”

We shared a smile.

“We missed you at church this morning, but I understand why you didn’t go.”

“I bet I was the topic of the sermon.”

“Not
you
, necessarily, but he did talk about friendship and living in harmony. It was a good message.”

I left out the line about leaving room for God’s wrath. The kid had enough troubles.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but I could tell he was trying to find the words to say what he needed to say.

“I’m gay,” Matt finally whispered.

“I know.”

He looked so relieved, as if he’d been dying to say the words for years. He probably had been.

“You’re the first person I’ve ever told, Miss Bray.”

“I’m glad you felt like you could share that with me.”

His eyes searched my face. “But you don’t approve.”

“It doesn’t matter if I approve. What matters to me is you’re happy and safe.”

“I’m neither of those things.” With a grimace, Matt shifted on the couch. He was always fidgeting, and I wondered if he was simply nervous or if he was truly that uncomfortable. He was breathless by the time he got himself settled once again.

“You’d never know I worked out every day, huh? The simple act of lying on a couch wipes me out.”

I smiled sympathetically. “You’ll get your strength back.”

“Yeah, but I won’t get my throwing arm back,” Matt replied, his voice full of sorrow. “It was my only chance of getting out of Sycamore Falls. A college scout won’t even look at me now.”

“You can still go to school. If you keep your grades up, you might even get an academic scholarship.”

“I can’t stay here,” Matt whispered. “You know that, right? It won’t be long until the whole town knows about me.”

“Matt, I won’t say a word.”

Grimacing, he shifted his body once again. “I’m not worried about
you
. Patrick knows. By now, I bet the whole team knows.”

I listened intently while Matt told me all about Friday night’s party. Apparently, a group of guys from a neighboring county had joined them. The booze flowed, and when one of the guys asked Matt to dance, it didn’t even dawn on him to say no.

“Drinking is so stupid. It makes you forget where you are and who you’re trying to be. I danced with him, and when I walked him to his truck, we exchanged numbers. It was stupid and reckless, but I did it. He was cute, you know? But of course, we were followed, and Patrick saw it all. He’s always suspected I was gay—I have no idea why—but seeing me dance with a guy just kind of confirmed it in his mind.”

“Is that why you got into the fight at school?”

“It was part of the reason,” Matt admitted. “Really, it was because Patrick really likes Carrie, and since he suspected I was gay, he felt I wasn’t being fair to her. He called me a few names, and apparently, I fight better when I’m sober because I broke his arm that day.”

Glancing down at his cast, he exhaled a noisy sigh. “Payback’s a real bitch, Miss Bray.”

I smiled sadly. “What about your folks? What are they saying about all of this?”

“Mom knows I’m gay, although she’d never admit it. A mom knows these things. Dad has no idea, and he will disown me. I
tried
not to be this way, Miss Bray. I tried. I dated girls. Kissed them. I even . . . well, you know.”

I nodded while praying he didn’t go into specifics.

“I tried so hard, but it’s who I am, and I wish I could change it. I wish I could just meet a sweet girl and fall in love with her, but it’s impossible. Nobody in this town is going to understand, and that’s why I have to leave when I graduate. Even if it’s just as rough out there. Even if I face the same prejudices. At least I won’t have to face them in this town, where I have absolutely no chance at all.”

Matt leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes. The speech had made him tired, and when his mom came into the living room to give him his next round of pain meds, I knew it was time to head home.

“Miss Bray,” he whispered as I rose to my feet. “I think you’re the bravest person I know, and your secret is safe with me.”

Debbie offered me a timid smile and placed his medicine on the table.

Matt was right. Mothers do know everything.

“Yours, too,” I promised him.