Lessons Learned (35 page)

“We’re going to be late,” Lucas said as he straightened his tie.

    I said nothing. I just continued staring at my laptop screen, clicking through the images. I was so frustrated. Everything was too small, too big, or too expensive.

“Sweetheart, the dresses will still be online after we get out of church.”

“I’m not looking at dresses.”

Lucas sat down next to me at the kitchen table before glancing at my monitor.

“You’re looking at houses?”

I nodded and continued clicking the mouse.

He didn’t ask any questions. He didn’t have to.

I’d been unforgivably moody since Matt’s trip to the hospital nearly two weeks ago, and it had nothing to do with us. That was just another reason why we had to move as far away from Sycamore Falls as possible. I refused to let this town taint the one good thing I had in my life.

“The only reason I’m even stepping foot in church is because Debbie asked us to be there today.”

“I know, baby,” Lucas replied softly. His patience was endless, and I didn’t deserve him. “After today, we’ll never go back if that’s what you want.”

It was the perfect thing to say, and it was the only thing that convinced me to leave the house.

The congregation was visibly nervous as Debbie Stuart headed to the pulpit. She’d asked the pastor if she could address the church today, and while some assumed this would be an update of sorts related to Matt’s health, others feared she was here to hold the deacon responsible for finally pushing Matt over the edge.

What they weren’t expecting was Mama Bear.

“This is the last day I will stand in Sycamore Baptist Church,” Debbie announced, her voice strong as it echoed through the sanctuary. “I am not doing this in an attempt to separate myself from the Lord, because I believe the Lord will love me no matter where I choose to worship. This is me, separating myself from the hypocrisy my son and I have encountered over the past few months. We will be moving away from Sycamore Falls when he graduates, and we will join another church in another town.”

Quiet murmurs flowed through the church.

“My son is gay. Does this make me happy? Of course not. Does it make me love him any less? Of course not. And it shouldn’t have made you love him any less, but it did. But that’s why a mother’s love is perfect and unconditional. My son did not need your judgment. He needed your prayers. He needed your counsel. This is my child, and until recently, he was
your
child, and you loved him. When he was scoring touchdowns for your school, you loved him. When he was bagging your groceries, you loved him. When he was volunteering with the youth of this church, you loved him. But he’s learned a lesson. He’s learned some love
is
conditional and judgmental.”

Aubrey was crying quietly, and I watched her sweet son pat her face, promising her with an innocent whisper everything was going to be okay. I wiped away my own tears and turned my attention back to the altar.

“Not once did my son ask you to accept his beliefs. All he wanted was to be allowed to remain a member of this church where he could worship the Lord as he’s done since he was a little boy, but we see that’s impossible. Not here. This town has turned its back on him. Many members of this congregation have done the same, not to mention the school administration.”

“What I think hurts most of all is his own father won’t even look at him. Aren’t you supposed to love your child unconditionally? Even if you don’t agree with him? Even if he breaks your heart? Even if he’s not at all what you expected him to be?”

Overcome with tears and emotion, Debbie closed her eyes and leaned against the podium for support. Lucas was out of his seat in flash, rushing to her side and taking her by the hand. She was pointing to her Bible and whispering furiously. Lucas then nodded and cleared his throat before facing the congregation.

“Debbie would like to leave you with this scripture from the book of Exodus. Chapter thirty-four, verses six and seven,” Lucas said. “
And the Lord passed by before him, and proclaimed, The Lord, The Lord God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin.”

“Amen,” I said through my tears.

“Amen,” Tommy and Aubrey echoed.

Debbie hugged him before placing her hand in his, and I watched with pride as my fiancé—and the future father of my children—escorted a Mama Bear straight down the aisle and right out the double doors of Sycamore Baptist Church.

Debbie’s courage made me brave, and that’s why on Monday afternoon, I decided to face my very own Goliath, all by myself.

“Miss Bray, I’ve been expecting you.”

Principal Mullins took a seat behind his desk as I closed the door behind me.

“This will just take a moment. I just wanted to let you know I will not be seeking a renewal of my contract next school year.”

He couldn’t hide his surprise. “Is that so?”

I nodded.

“You have a job offer elsewhere?”

“No, I don’t. Not yet.”

He smiled. “I hope you don’t assume I will be offering you a glowing recommendation.”

“Actually, it’s my hope you won’t offer any recommendation—glowing or otherwise. You want me to leave, and I wish to go. We both get what we want.”

“And what about Mr. Miller?”

“That’s between you and Mr. Miller,” I said calmly. “He’s right outside. I’m sure he’s eager to speak to you, as well.”

Mullins leaned back in his chair.

“So, the two of you are leaving Sycamore Falls.”

I remained quiet. It wasn’t any of his business what we were doing.

“I heard about your engagement. I haven’t had the chance to congratulate you.”

“I don’t need your congratulations,” I said. “You were right. Sycamore High isn’t a good fit for me. I will be tendering my resignation, effective July 1.”

Principal Mullins sighed loudly.

“Sarah, I hate that it has come to this. This was never about
you
.”

I quickly rose from my chair. “No, but you made it about me, and about Lucas, and I refuse to work for someone so manipulative. You’ve gotten what you wanted. Matt’s gone, and now, so am I.”

“Miss Bray . . .”

I didn’t even look back as I walked out, slamming the door behind me. Lucas was out of his seat in an instant, taking my hand and pulling me close.

“I’m okay.” My hands were shaking and my vision was a little blurry, but I’d never felt stronger.

“Go on home,” Lucas whispered.

“I want to wait for you.”

“It’s a beautiful day,” he said, smiling down at me. “I’ll deal with Mullins, and then I need to make some copies for tomorrow. Why don’t you meet me at the falls?”

It’d been so long since we’d visited the falls, and I felt a rush of excitement. A trip to the falls was exactly what we needed.

It might have been February, but spring was coming, which was evident by the flowers already trying to bloom along the trail. Despite my aggravation with the people in our town and my desire to leave it all behind, I knew I’d never find another place as beautiful as the falls.

I would miss it.

We would visit, of course. The house would still be here, and we’d want to see Aubrey and Tommy, but I needed a clean slate. A true, fresh, start without the memories and negativity that surrounded my hometown.

Lucas had already called to let me know he was on his way. His meeting with Mr. Mullins had been heated, but in the end, the principal had apologized for dragging us into the middle of his personal vendetta against Matt. He even tried to convince Lucas to rethink his resignation, but his plea fell on deaf ears.

We were moving on to our new lives in our new hometown.

Wherever that may be.

The wind was chilly against my skin as I made my way toward the falls. I’d just stepped onto the sand when I noticed someone sitting against our rock.

He was wearing a Panther Green hoodie and gazing out at the water.

Matt.

He was skinnier than I remembered. And pale. So pale.

His head pivoted toward me, and he sighed.

“Of all the people who might have found me, why did it have to be you?”

His words ripped through me, piercing my soul, and shattering my heart.

“I can’t do this with you here,” he whispered gravely. His left hand dangled at his side, but his right hand remained his pocket. “I’m already going to hell, but I won’t do that to you. I won’t. Not to you.”

I had no idea what he was talking about.

“What are you doing out here, Matt?”

“Escaping,” he said softly. “I’m just trying to escape, Miss Bray.”

I cautiously took a step forward and sat down on the rock.

“That’s why I come here, too. It’s peaceful here.”

“Peaceful,” he murmured.

Matt stood and walked along the sandy shoreline, stopping just short of the river.

“Do you think it’s true, Miss Bray?”

“Is what true?”

“What they say about washing your sins away?” Matt said as he toed the murky water. “Do you think there’s enough water in his river to wash away my wickedness? To make me the son my father wants me to be? To be the man this town wants me to be?”

“Matt, you’re wonderful just as you are.”

He laughed darkly. “I’m probably going to jail. I’m a disgrace to my father. My mother is filing for divorce and looking for a job in Winslow. My mom hasn’t worked a day in her life, but because of me, she’s going to be flipping burgers at some fast food place just because her son is evil.”

He finally removed his right hand from his pocket, and that’s when I saw it. He’d been holding it all this time, and my body began to shake.

And it was silver.

“Matt, why do you have a gun?”

I heard a rustle on the path, and suddenly, Lucas was there. His eyes widened as they flickered between me, and an oblivious Matt. With his back turned to us, he gazed across the water with the gun at his side.

“They say God works in mysterious ways,” he whispered over the rushing water. “They’re right. He sent you here, because He knew I wouldn’t hurt myself. Not in front of you. You’ve seen enough death to last a lifetime. I won’t do that to you. I won’t make you live with my weakness. I won’t.”

Relief flowed through me as Lucas inched closer. His trembling hands found mine and pulled me close to his side.

“I want you to go home, Miss Bray.”

I forced my voice to remain strong. “I’m not going anywhere.”

He shook his head and lifted the gun close to his temple. My feet itched to move closer, but Lucas held me tight.

“You know that kid in Memphis?” Matt asked, his voice dripping with despair. “I wonder if he felt like this. I wonder if he felt the hatred that I feel from almost everyone in this town. I wonder if he was relieved when that basketball player walked into the cafeteria and shot him right there in front of the rest of the students. I think I’d be relieved . . . to have it over. Done. No more guilt. No more hatred. No more pressure to be something I’m just . . . not.”

“Matt, I couldn’t save him,” I whispered tearfully.

“Maybe he wasn’t worth saving,” he said, his voice void of emotion. “I’m not.”