Let Me Be The One (20 page)

She needed him closer, needed more than just this tease. But even though she’d just told him what she thought he wanted to hear, he hadn’t moved, hadn’t taken her the way she so badly needed to be taken.

He simply stroked her face with his hand, his fingertips brushing over her lips, her jaw line. She shivered at the gentle, loving touch. She recognized what he was doing, knew it from the way her own hands had to caress a truly beautiful sculpture. She needed to touch it, needed to feel it beneath her hands to let the emotion of it course through her, and let herself become a part of it, too.

All night long, she’d been trying to hold back something, anything. But she just couldn’t do it anymore. She had to mirror his actions, had to give in to the instinctive urge to memorize him with her hands as well as she was memorizing his kisses with her mouth.

Vicki slid her hands from his shoulders to his face and when she put her hands on him, he closed his eyes and let out a ragged breath.

Was this what he had been waiting for, for her to give herself over to him fully, completely?

She ran her hands over his face, falling deeper in love with him with every new stroke of her fingertips over stubble and bone and cartilage. All the while, his eyes were closed as he simply let her feel him.

His beauty shook her all over again, just as it had day in and day out from the first day she’d set eyes on him. But to know him like this, for him to not only let her feel him so intimately, but also to practically beg her for it, was beyond anything she’d ever hoped for.

Finally, when her hands rested on his jaw and he opened his eyes again, what she saw in them had those pleas she’d planned on holding back forever spilling from her lips.

“Love me, Ryan. Please don’t wait any longer.
Please.
”

She didn’t know where he got the condom from and she didn’t care. All that mattered was that he had put it on and then he was kissing her again and she could feel him hot and hard and throbbing against her core.

He slid into her with a hiss of pleasure and she couldn’t keep her head from falling back, her mouth opening as she gasped for breath. One stroke of Ryan’s thick, hard heat inside of her and she was about to come apart again.

Her brain screamed for her to have more control. She couldn’t need him so much, shouldn’t be so pathetically responsive to every single touch.

Slowly, so damn slowly that she had to clench her teeth together to keep from crying out, he pulled from her before gripping her hips in his big hands and slamming back into her. She couldn’t look at him, keeping her eyes tightly closed rather than daring to see the dark fire in his eyes.

She needed to keep them closed until it was over and she could pretend that what they’d shared hadn’t been more than just sex between two horny friends.

His hands tightened on her hips. “Don’t hide from me, Vicki.”

Oh God, why did he have to talk to her like that? Like he was in charge of every cell in her body?

And, worse, why did it have to turn her insides to goo...and make her immediately respond with even more fire and need?

Angry with herself for having less than no control around him anymore, she closed her eyes tighter. Only, she knew that wouldn’t deter him from getting his way, and she was right when he leaned back over her and kissed each eyelid softly.

“Look at me. Please.”

His plea undid her. Completely.

Unable to resist him for a moment longer, she looked up at him, her inner muscles clenching even tighter around him as she let his dark gaze all the way inside her heart...and her soul.

“Oh baby,” he said on a whispered groan of pleasure as he pushed in even deeper, “I love the way you come apart when I touch you, when I’m inside of you. You’re so beautifully responsive. For
me.
” He pulled back, then thrust forward again, causing her to grip him even tighter with her legs, her nails digging into his back in her desperation. “Let go for me while I love you. Let me see you. All of you.”

Between the sweet movement of his body inside hers, his coaxing demands, and the intense desire on his face, Vicki had no choice but to obey.

His mouth captured her cries as she came harder than she ever had in her life, her orgasm going on and on and on, only to have Ryan catapult her back over again as he called out her name, as he told her again and again how good she felt, how much he wanted her, until he finally let his own control go too.

Chapter Nineteen

Vicki woke up curled into Ryan’s arms, the room dark, the covers up over them. His heart beat strong and steady beneath her open palm on his chest. Even in sleep, she’d needed to keep her hands on him, to make sure she didn’t lose that most elemental of connections.

Panic threatened to crash through the warmth, the remembered pleasures that still throbbed between her legs, at the tips of her breasts, on her tingling lips. Dawn would break soon and then they would have to face reality, cold and hard and awkward.

All she wanted was to luxuriate in her fantasy-made-real for a few more seconds. Vicki knew it wasn’t forever, that their lovemaking had been some crazy blip on the radar screen, but letting herself be held by the man she’d loved forever, breathing him in for just a few more seconds, was something she simply had to do.

Ryan shifted, a low sound rumbling up from his chest as he pulled her closer so that her cheek rested on his chest and her hands slid around his waist.

Vicki’s heart fluttered with the pleasure of the sweetest moment she’d experienced yet. Making love with Ryan had been extraordinary, but she felt this closeness way down deep in the farthest reaches of her heart.

A few more minutes. That was all she wanted with Ryan before she slipped from his arms and went back to her own bedroom. But right now it was good, so damned
good
just to be close to him.

Vicki closed her eyes and fell asleep again to the beautiful beat of Ryan’s heart.

* * *

The next time she woke, she was alone in Ryan’s bed and could smell bacon frying. Her stomach grumbled even as she realized that this morning wasn’t like the others they’d shared.

Instead of walking out of her own bedroom fully clothed, she was going to be making the walk of shame out of his.

Hating the way her heart was pounding so hard—
It’s just Ryan,
she reminded herself in a firm inner voice—she slid naked from his bed and saw that he’d laid a robe out for her. She loved the way it smelled like him as she slipped her arms into it. The sleeves were so long she had to roll them up several times, then wrap the robe nearly twice around herself before closing it. She was certain she must look ridiculous, but just then she couldn’t bring herself to care.

Not when it was almost as good as being wrapped in Ryan’s arms.

Besides, the only way to deal with this situation was head-on, she told herself as she opened the bedroom door and headed down the hall. And yet, she still couldn’t quite bring herself to walk into the kitchen. She needed a few more seconds to try to clear her head of the delicious memories of the way he’d touched and kissed and loved her the night before.

From where she was standing at the top of the stairs, she was able to watch him moving around in the kitchen below. Since he’d left his robe for her, all he had on was a pair of navy-blue cotton boxers.

She. Would. Not. Drool.

Okay, so she would. She was only human.

Really, she told herself, it was no different than those shirtless pictures of him working out she’d seen in the press. She’d gotten used to looking at those without having heart palpitations. She could survive this, too.

And clearly, since Ryan was already up making breakfast rather than trying to convince her to go for another round of crazy monkey sex in the morning, he was on board with the get-right-back-to-normal plan.

Ryan looked up and saw her then, his beautiful mouth moving into a huge smile. “Good morning, gorgeous.”

Had he put extra emphasis on the word
good
, or was her mind playing games with her? Lord knew, she’d never say or hear that word quite the same ever again, after last night.

“I made your favorite.”

Her heart skipped a beat and she almost missed a step, needing to grip the rail extra hard to steady herself as she realized all over again just how wonderful Ryan was.

If she’d ruined their friendship by sleeping with him she’d never, ever forgive herself.

Whatever she had to do to fix this, she’d do.

Even if it meant giving up the stunning pleasure of any and all future nights in his arms.

“Thank you,” she said as she took her plate from the counter and sat at the breakfast table by the window.

“It was my pleasure.”

Her entire body tingled at the way he’d just said
pleasure
. For all the warnings she’d given herself since waking up, she was way too close to throwing herself at him and begging him for more of that pleasure. And all the while, he was going about his regular business in the kitchen, turning down the gas burner before he plated more eggs and bacon and toast.

How many times when they were kids, and then this week, had she watched women throw themselves at Ryan?

He was always kind, even when he was taking advantage of his allure—and especially when he wasn’t—but Vicki knew she’d never be able to look herself in the eye if she became one of those women.

Worse, she couldn’t stand the idea of Ryan worrying about how to let her down easy.

She waited until he slid into the seat beside hers before planting a smile on her face and saying, “Last night sure was weird, wasn’t it?”

* * *

Ryan felt everything go still.

Especially his heart.

When he’d looked up to see Vicki standing at the top of the stairs in his robe, swallowed up by the thick blue fabric, he’d been so full of love he’d almost called it out to her right then. But he’d thought there’d be time for that soon, that he could at least let her eat breakfast first before he took her back to bed and opened his heart up to her completely.

“Weird?”

Vicki nodded before taking a large gulp from the coffee cup he’d placed in front of her, then swore. “Ow, that’s hot!”

He automatically got up to fill a glass of cold water for her, but his limbs felt strange. Robotic. As if he was only just learning to use them. He handed her the glass and she thanked him as she took it. He watched the lines of her throat as she closed her eyes and swallowed.

He swallowed hard, too, as he sat back down at the table. He’d been starving when he woke up—great sex always revved up his metabolism—but now it felt like a heavy weight had descended into his hollow gut, pushing out any room for food.

Vicki put the empty glass down. “You’re always my knight in shining armor.”

She smiled at him, but he’d learned to recognize that smile over the past few days. While it looked real to the naked eye, it was far from it. He didn’t know what the hell was going on here, but he was damn well going to find out.

“What’s wrong, Vicki?”

She shook her head. “Nothing.” Again came the smile that wasn’t really a smile. “I just want
you
to know that
I
know last night didn’t mean anything.”

Again, his heart stopped beating. Right there, with one final thud beneath his breastbone, any doctor worth his salt would have declared Ryan dead.

The night they’d shared had meant
everything.

He’d begged her to let him love her. And he’d thought she understood that being together was about so much more than just their bodies coming together and finding pleasure.

How the hell had he been so wrong?

In his stunned silence, she continued, “I mean, the sex was super good and everything—” She flushed at the word
good
. “—but we both know it was just one of those things that happens when an available man and woman are around each other a lot, you know?” She didn’t wait for him to agree or disagree before adding, “And with trying to convince everyone all the time that we’re really together, it was inevitable that we’d forget for a little while it was just pretend, and have sex.” She reached for the coffee again. “Just to take the edge off, and all.”

She put the mug to her lips again, but this time she was careful not to burn herself.

Ryan didn’t know what the hell he was supposed to say. He couldn’t imagine not touching her naked skin again, not being able to kiss the pulse that throbbed so fast just below her chin, not feeling her buck and cry out beneath him as he filled her.

Everything he’d thought he’d gained in those sweet, dark, perfect hours with Vicki in his arms had just been yanked from him so swiftly and abruptly that he could almost taste the loss of her on his tongue.

But even as he felt that loss, he knew there was only one thing that could be worse than losing the lover who had made him forget any other.

Losing his best friend would be the worst of all.

Which meant that if Vicki thought she’d made a mistake by sleeping with him—and if he didn’t want to lose her as a friend, too—he had to agree.

“So,” she asked in a voice that trembled so slightly only someone utterly attuned to her the way he was would have heard it, “are we still okay?”

It was the anguish in her eyes that got him to force the words, “Of course we are,” up through his throat and past his lips.

She paled at his totally unconvincing reply and when she said “Ryan?” in an even shakier voice he didn’t think before reaching for her.

Even as he pulled her onto his lap and buried his face in her hair to breathe her in, he knew he needed to be a hell of lot more convincing, instead of sounding like a lovesick fool who had just been dumped by the girl of his dreams.

Reminding himself that he’d already fulfilled so many more fantasies with her than he’d ever dreamed he would—and that he was going to have to be satisfied with that—he stroked her hair and pulled her closer to his chest.