Let Me Be The One (5 page)

If and when they had to pretend again, she needed to remember that a second or third kiss wouldn’t mean anything more than that first one.

Calm.

Careful.

Rational.

She could be all those things, if for no other reason than she
needed
to be all those things around Ryan.

She was just heading for the stairs when Ryan’s deep voice rose up from below.

“Felicia? Actually, that’s why I’m calling. Sorry, I’ve got to cancel. No, I can’t reschedule. It isn’t because of that. You were always great.”

Vicki hadn’t meant to listen in on his phone call, but he wasn’t exactly doing it in private. Obviously, he was breaking a future date with someone named Felicia, and, just as obviously, Felicia thought he was dumping her because he’d found someone better to tangle up the sheets with.

Little did Felicia know that the woman who had just moved into his house wasn’t ever going to get closer to Ryan’s sheets than the ones in the guest bedroom.

When she thought he was done with his call, she started down the stairs. She was too far to turn back by the time she heard him say, “Janey? Sorry to call so late about this, but I’ve got to cancel for this week. No, next week won’t work either. No, you shouldn’t think that. Of course we always had fun together.”

Vicki winced as Ryan extricated himself from another slightly ugly phone call...and from the ugly tug in her chest as she couldn’t help but wonder just how “great” his previous dates with Janey and Felicia had been.

* * *

After so many months of feeling like he was just going through the motions—and trying not to let anyone get wind of his growing discontent—the second he’d gotten Vicki’s text, he’d been hit with the kind of adrenaline he used to get when he was pitching a shutout.

“Still a lady killer, huh?” she teased.

He shrugged. “There were a couple of events I needed to back out of this week.” It wasn’t Felicia or Janey's fault that they’d never measure up to Vicki, so he’d tried to let them down easy.

She raised an eyebrow. “Events? This is me, Ryan. You were breaking dates with women who probably really like you. And you were only doing it because of the situation I dragged you into.” She shook her head. “I know if we’re supposed to be dating it doesn’t make sense for you to be going out with anyone else, but I feel really bad about you having to break things off with them.”

“Don’t. It was nothing serious with either of them.”

“Just hot sex, huh?” Her words made it sound like she was joking, but her expression wasn’t quite all the way there.

In any case, he couldn’t answer her question when his brain was unable to even think about touching another woman when he was around her.

“Seriously, Vicki, I’d much rather spend time with you.”

She blinked up at him a couple of times before saying, “I always knew I could count on an old friend.”

Ryan knew that was all he’d ever been to her. A friend. But after the kiss he’d given her had confirmed everything he’d ever wondered about how it would be if she let him be more than just a friend, it was damned frustrating.

The buzzer at the gate rang and he let the delivery person in. Ryan had never wanted to live behind a fence, but the last couple of times they’d won the World Series, things had gotten out of hand to the point that he’d actually been glad he had an extra level of security.

The delivery boy looked as though one word from Ryan would make him faint. “Mr. Sullivan, I’m your biggest fan.”

All Ryan wanted was to be alone with Vicki. Reminding himself that she’d be here for at least the next week, he took a few minutes to talk baseball and sign an autograph and let Vicki take a picture of the two of them.

When he’d closed the door and was heading over to the kitchen island to set out the boxes, she was smiling at him. “No wonder you’re everyone’s hero,” she said softly. “You couldn’t have been nicer to the valet and then to that boy. I never realized just how much work it must be for you to be so good at what you do.” Before he could respond, her eyes went wide at the white take-out boxes that were covering a good deal of his kitchen counter. “Do you think you got enough food?”

He slid onto a bar stool and passed her a fork. They always used to eat straight out of the cartons. “You say that now, but you’ll be giving me a hard time about eating the last spring roll soon.”

She pulled up a bar stool and speared some lemon chicken. “Why don’t you just hand over that carton before you scarf them all down?”

For a moment, as they mock-fought over the spring rolls, it felt like nothing had changed.

Nothing except the fact that he could barely look at her without losing his breath.

Vicki had always been pretty, and he’d been attracted to her from day one, but the years had turned her from a cute teenager into a shockingly beautiful woman.

One he could barely keep his eyes—or hands—off of.

Chapter Four

In an effort to keep his hands to himself, Ryan grabbed a couple of bottles of beer from the fridge and handed her one. When both of them took a good long slug from their bottles, he got a couple more and put them near the boxes of food.

“Now that we’re finally together again,” she said, “I need you to fill me in on everything I've missed about your life.”

Ryan had always been more comfortable coasting in the middle of a family full of loudmouths rather than talking about himself. “Life is good,” he said, even as that faint sense of dissatisfaction tried to rear its ugly head.

He had everything. Maybe not as much as his brothers and sisters who were so in love and building new lives, but that didn’t mean he had the right to sit around and complain.

“I’m still planning on playing baseball for as many years as my arm will let me, hanging with my family, enjoying my new niece.” He pulled out his cell phone and showed Vicki the pictures of the baby he’d taken at the party. “Chase and his wife, Chloe, had Emma a few weeks ago.” He couldn’t have been happier for his brother, who had already practically taken more pictures of his daughter than he had throughout his entire career as a photographer. “Emma is amazing.”

“She’s beautiful, Ryan. Everyone must be over the moon about her.”

“We are. I was at my mother’s house with all of them when you texted.”

“Oh no, I can’t believe I pulled you away from your family.”

“The party was winding down anyway.” But he’d stayed because he didn’t have anywhere else to be. He didn’t have anyone to go home with or even a dog to feed. Used to be, he’d been glad for all that freedom. It was only recently that he’d started to feel as if he were waiting for something else. Something more. “And you know how glad I am that you asked me to come tonight.”

“I’m not letting you off the hook that easily,” she said to him, “but now that you’ve started, why don’t you fill me in on the rest of your family? I thought I read about Marcus dating a pop star?”

“I never saw that one coming,” he said about his oldest brother who owned Sullivan winery, “but Marcus and Nicola are a surprisingly good match even though she’s quite a bit younger than he is. Pretty sure we’ll be seeing another engagement in the family soon. Maybe by Christmas.”

“Another engagement? How many have there been?”

“Gabe is marrying Megan this winter up in Lake Tahoe. Summer is her seven-year-old daughter and she’s a total spitfire. He saved Megan and Summer when their apartment went up in flames earlier this year and his station got called into to fight it.” At Vicki’s horrified look, he let her know, “Everyone was fine. Gabe ended up in the hospital for a couple of days, but I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have wanted to miss that fire for anything. Actually, Summer’s eighth birthday party is in a few days and I know they’d all love to see you if you want to come.”

“Of course I would,” she agreed with a smile, even as she marveled at the way Ryan was integrating her into his life without so much as blinking.

“Zach fell hard for his dog trainer and they’re sickeningly happy now and heading to the altar at some point.” He could still hardly believe how fast his brother, owner of Sullivan Autos, had fallen for Heather. “Only Naughty, Smith, and I are still single. You’ll never believe who Nice ended up with.” Normally, he wouldn’t have used Lori and Sophie’s nicknames, but Vicki knew his family well enough that she also used to call the twins
Naughty
and
Nice
when they were kids.

“Sophie’s with Jake, isn’t she?”

He stared at her in disbelief. Had she really thought his librarian sister and Irish Pub owning friend were a good match? “How did you know that?”

She shrugged as if it were completely obvious. “She had stars in her eyes every time she looked at him when we were kids. And he always went out of his way to steer clear of her. I’m glad he finally gave in and admitted his feelings for her.”

Was Vicki trying to tell him something? Was this a sign that she wanted him to finally get up enough guts to make another move after that first pathetic attempt to kiss her had crashed and burned so hard back in high school?

But when he looked back at her, she was picking up a container of mu shu pork and focusing on pulling out the slivers of cabbage with her fork. Not exactly looking at him with lust in her eyes.

Feeling like an ass for even thinking about hitting on her, especially when it had barely been three hours since they’d reconnected in person after so many years apart on separate continents, he said, “Only problem was, he got her pregnant with twins before he admitted a damn thing to anyone. Including her. She’s due soon.”

“Twins. That’s amazing. I’m so happy for them.” She picked up the second bottle of beer and took another drink.

“Your turn,” he said, his words a little hoarse from wanting so badly to press his lips against the pulse point in her neck she’d inadvertently bared to him when she’d tilted her head back.

“Well, you already know about my marriage and divorce,” she said, brushing off a good ten years in less than a dozen words. But he could hear the pain behind every single one of them. “After spending the past year in Prague, I heard about this fellowship opportunity in San Francisco and here we are.”

Ryan could tell she didn’t want to talk about herself any more than he did, but he’d spent so long wondering about the guy who had been lucky enough to marry her—and then was stupid enough to lose her—that he had to probe deeper.

“Was the fact that your ex is also a sculptor part of the problem?”

“Talk about stars in your eyes,” she said in a hard voice. “I was fresh out of art school and he was a legend.” She put quotes around the word
legend
. She took another drink from her bottle as if she needed the liquid courage to talk about it at all. “I was so flattered that he was pursuing me, and he made my life such a crazy whirlwind, that before I knew it I was married. Until one day I realized I would be way happier being single than I ever had been when I was married. Good thing I was smart enough, at least, not to take his last name. I could never stand the idea of drafting off his success in any way, even if he thinks he taught me everything I know.”

All of Ryan’s protective instincts had already been roused tonight, and hearing the hurt vibrating in her voice as she talked about her ex ripped even deeper into him. Thank God he’d been there to protect her from James tonight, but she’d been all on her own with her ex-husband.

“Did he hurt you, Vicki?”

She shook her head, but wouldn’t meet his eyes. “
I made a big mistake with Anthony by focusing on him instead of moving my own career forward. I’m not going to be stupid enough to let a relationship sidetrack me again.” She shrugged as though it was all just water under the bridge. “I’m fine, really. C
halk it up to being young and stupid.”

“This is me you’re talking to,” he told her in an echo of what she’d said to him a few minutes earlier. “Just because we didn’t see each other for too many years doesn’t mean I didn’t think about you all the time. I’m still your friend and you can still tell me anything.”

“I know. It’s just—” She licked her lips and took a breath. “I’m not trying to hide things from you, Ryan. Especially after what you did for me tonight. Ask me anything and I promise I’ll answer. Better than I have so far.”

Damn it, he didn’t want to hurt her more by opening up old wounds. “Tell me about your sculptures. What are you working on right now?”

The relief on her face was palpable and even though he knew there was more to the story with her ex—way the hell more, and most of it likely to piss him off and make him want to hunt the guy down—Ryan was glad when the darkness left her eyes.

“I’ve been working on a piece called
Overflow
. I don’t know if you remember, but I was always so inspired by water. How it feels. How it moves. The way light and color play off it.”

Some of his favorite memories as a teenager were of the two of them going hiking out along the wetlands at night. No matter how cold it was outside, Vicki always had to put her hands in the water. He’d known just how much she’d love his view of the ocean, and he’d always hoped he’d get a chance to show it to her in person.

He scooted his chair back and reached for her hand to pull her off the bar stool and out the French doors in his living room. “Of course I remember. Which is why I’m taking you outside to catch the last of the sunset on the beach.”

He grabbed a thick, oversized beach towel from a storage container on the deck and headed down the stairs after her. She’d kicked off her heels on the deck, and her bare feet and legs were gorgeous as she made her way down the staircase from his house to the beach below. When she got to the bottom, she gave a happy sigh.

“I love the feel of sand between my toes.”

It was the most natural thing in the world to wrap his arms around her from behind. She was stiff for a moment, before she finally relaxed into him and leaned her head back against his chest.

“This is what I’ve been working on,” she said softly. “I’ve been trying to sculpt water.”