Let Me Love (7 page)

Going to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water, I’m surprised to find Grant leaning against the counter, contemplating something of his own. I’m starting to think we’re all a bunch of fucked up guys. Maybe we should change the band name to Fuckedupables instead of Invisibles.

Acting like a bunch of chicks, I spill my problems to him. Then a look of shock and amusement crosses his face. “Shit, are you fucking kidding me? Trey Michaels is falling?” His voice rises with pure astonishment, and I push my arms down in the air, telling him to quiet down. I’m just not sure if it was to not disturb the sleeping, or to stop the words coming from his mouth.

“I might have already fallen,” I admit, twirling the bottle around in my hand. Although it’s easy for me to admit this, all the other bullshit about her only wanting me for my body is staying under lock and key. This whole guarding your emotions thing sucks, maybe girls have the right idea.

“Give her time. Remember, it’s only been four days.” He attempts to assure me.

“I just wish I could eradicate her from my mind, obliterate any memory of her.” I shake my head back and forth, sucking my stud piercing into my mouth, as if I can shake her presence out of my head. “I think I have to go get a tattoo tomorrow. That should calm me.” I display my fakest smile, as though a tattoo would fix this invasion she’s executed in my happy carefree life.

We’re about to venture out of the room when I stop him in the doorway. “Hey, can I ask you a question?”

“What?” He turns around.

“Were you ever jealous of me and Jessa? Our friendship, I mean?” I ask him Kailey’s concern from earlier.

“Are you shittin’ me? Of course.” He laughs, making it unclear if that’s a good thing or bad. “You guys are pretty tight, but in the end, I’m happy she has you. You give her things I can’t.”

“But you give her what she wants and needs,” I add, because I honestly never felt anything for Jessa other than friendship. I temporarily distract her from her problems with Jack and partying, whereas, Grant heals her. That’s the difference between a best friend and boyfriend, at least when it comes to me and Jess.

“Hey, man,” he clasps his hand on my shoulder, “she’ll get used it. Once she’s around you two more, she’ll see it’s nothing more than friendship.” Grant smiles over at me, and then we make our way down the hall.

I say good night to him with a fist bump in the middle of the hall, and he disappears into Jessa’s room. Jealously overtakes me, since Kailey’s not waiting in my bed for me. So, instead of going to curl up in an empty bed, I make my way downstairs to the basement, where I last spotted a bottle of Jack.

Pouring the dark liquid into the shot glass, I toss it down my throat, loving the burn that it leaves behind. I thumb through my phone, looking at the pictures I’ve taken since we’ve been in Colorado. Brady and Sadie, Grant and Jessa, me and Jessa, Dex and Grant, but then I stop and inhale a big breath on a picture of one person. My eyes search every spec of Kailey’s face. I snapped the photo the other night when we were giving our silliest faces. Her green eyes are crossed and her tongue is sticking out. I smile remembering that moment where I peeled off another layer of her. It was the night we played the popcorn game, asking what our favorites were. Needless to say, it was all I could do to conceal my excitement when she told me her favorite sexual position. And with that thought, I need another shot. Screw the glass, this time I pour the shot directly into my mouth.

How the fuck did I let myself get so consumed by someone, someone I barely know for that matter? Especially after Zoey. I swore to myself after her, I was done with that happily ever after fairyland shit. Tipping the bottle back for another swig, I remember when she broke it off. The fact she changed my whole world with two words, ‘I’m out’. Who the hell ends a relationship without any sort of explanation? A damn text at that. The thing that scares me the most is, I thought Zoey ruined me, but after a few days this whole thing with Kailey has me more torn up than when I was a girl-crazed boy in high school.

I guess I always knew it wasn’t really Zoey leaving that devastated me, it was the decision I was forced to make a month prior, which turned me into the non-committal ass I’ve become. The one and only free agent Kailey was hoping to use on her trip. Yep, time for another swig. Wiping my mouth with my sleeve, I flip to the picture with the capability to warm my heart and wrench my stomach all at the same time. Shit, I need to numb myself more, so this time I let the liquid continue to stream down my throat until the pain and guilt vanishes for the few short hours.

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I
curl my knees up to my chest, shivering, my face glued to the couch. I peel my mouth away from the leather, wiping the drool as I sit up. Shit, it’s cold in this state. Staring at the practically empty bottle of Jack sitting on the coffee table, regret hits me. I’ll be useless for the rest of today. That is, until I can drown myself into another bottle tonight.

After I stand up, I attempt to steady myself by holding my arms out, like a toddler on a balance beam, willing the room stop swirling. “He’s down here,” Dex screams up the stairs.

“Shit, quiet the fuck down,” I tell him, and he laughs boisterously. Jackass!

“What the hell, man? We’ve been searching all over for you,” he says, plopping himself on the couch.

“Well, you found me,” I say, sitting back down, grateful for the excuse not to move for the time being.

“You got to get it together. We’re going to that party at Sam’s tonight. Screw Kailey, there’ll be plenty of girls begging to have your dick tonight.” Dex’s attempt to pull me from this funk, only reminds me of who Kailey thinks I am.

“Shut the hell up, Hulk.” Brady smacks Dex across the back of his head. He tosses me a bottle of water and sits on the other side of me.

“Just because you and Grant have gone all in, doesn’t mean the rest of us want one pussy for the rest of our lives,” Dex adds with humor in his voice.

“Grow up,” Brady says and picks up the nearly empty bottle in front of him. “If this,” he waves it in the air, “and fucking a different pussy every chance you get is being single, then I’m more than happy where my dick lands every night,” he finishes, setting the bottle back down.

“Save us the whole commitment is the best speech,” Dex banters back.

Brady stares Dex down in annoyance while all the back and forth makes my headache a little more intense.

“If she has you doing this, she must be worth it.” Brady cocks an eyebrow at me, and I stare back at him, already recognizing he’s right, but no way in hell am I going to admit it to him.

“Shit,” I mumble, and Brady drones his fatherly know it all ‘uh huh’ under his breath. Cocky bastard. Standing up, I take the steps two at a time. Right before I reach the top, I hear Brady and Dex talking.

“You give shitty advice,” Brady tells Dex.

“Fuck off, Mrs. Sadie Miller,” Dex says in return. “He’s gonna become pussy whipped, just like your ass.”

“And believe me, he’ll be happier,” Brady adds. As I reach the main floor, I pray Brady’s right.

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A
fter I shower to wash off the alcohol smell that’s oozing out my pores and brushing the Jack grime off my teeth, I hurry out of the house. By the way Jessa’s mom tosses me her keys, I’m pretty sure conversations in this house have already been overflowing with my love life problems. I thank her, and she gives me a reassuring smile.

Unable to drive there fast enough, since I know better than to speed. The mountain roads are crazy slick, even with the constant snowplows and salt trucks you see every few miles. I tap the fingers of my right hand on my knee, with the impatience at the slowness of time passing until I can convince her to take a chance on me, while my left hand palms the steering wheel directing the SUV.

The tires crunch on the gravel driveway and my heart plummets when I see Clyde helping Kailey out of Holly’s car. Screeching the car to a stop, I rush out, slamming the car door “What the hell happened?” I ask. Holly stares from Clyde to Kailey, then finally back at me.

She begins to speak when Clyde interjects, “She slipped on the ice,” he tells me, and I reach across holding her other side. “Be careful of her back,” he mentions, and I nod. Kailey’s green eyes glance over to me out of the corner, and my mind empties of every word I rehearsed on the way over.

Once we get Kailey into the house, we position her on the couch, and Holly places a pillow behind her back. Holly’s usual friendly demeanor has disappeared. I assume Kailey told her about us. She eyes me curiously and glances at Kailey often. Clyde even seems standoffish, taking the lead of his wife for directions if he should go or stay.

“Do you need anything, sweetie?” Holly pushes the ottoman over and Kailey rests her feet on top.

“Could you get me the Ibuprofen and water?” she asks all the while diverting her eyes away from me.

“Sure thing,” Holly says, patting her leg sympathetically.

Kailey takes the meds and drinks her water before asking Holly and Clyde if we could have a moment alone. They graciously agree, leaving with small smiles across their faces. Is that the ‘it’s been nice Trey, but sayonara’ look?

“What are you doing here, Trey?” She turns slightly my way, but grimaces. I get up and sit on the ottoman, so she doesn’t have to rotate her body.

“I’m here to beg,” I shamefully admit.

“Don’t,” she says flatly. One might believe she’s annoyed from her reaction, but I catch the corners of her lips slightly turn up, telling me there’s a chance. Even if it’s minuscule, I’ll take it.

“You better grab it, because it’ll be the first and last time I beg,” I assure her, and the corners move up a little more. Keep it going, Trey, I silently give myself a pep talk.

“Don’t flatter yourself.” When she moves slightly she cringes again.

“I guess you won’t be walking away from me,” I joke, and she shakes her head, biting the inside of her cheek.

“I wasn’t the one who walked,” she reminds me.

“Not last night, but you were planning to on Sunday,” I promptly remind her, and she nods her head, acknowledging the truth of my statement.

“Exactly, I thought this was handled last night.”

“I changed my mind. You know this is more than some quick vacation fuck,” I say to her. Yeah, not my most romantic line.

“I don’t have time for a relationship,” she repeats herself like a damn iPod on repeat.

“We’ve established that. I don’t need much, but for some reason, I need you.” I clench my lip through my teeth, trying to think of a response to whatever argument she’ll toss back my way.

“There’s not enough of me,” she divulges, and I’m confused to the meaning of her comment. “That’s why my initial plan was the perfect situation,” she says.

“Oh yeah, the part where you were going to use me and throw me away like some stray cat?” I smirk with my last feeble attempt at comedy. Humor and laughter seems to be what we do best.

“It’s usually your M.O., I know.” She coyly smiles back, but I don’t think I’ve accomplished enough headway just yet.

“Kailey, let’s just spend the rest of the week together and see how thing go. You at least owe me that much for objectifying me,” I tease her, although I’m partly serious.

“Nothing’s going to change,” she says, but her eyes reveal the truth—she wants more. “Why are you being so persistent? You know you only wanted me for a ‘nice vacation screw’.” The thought she knows what my true intention was when I first met her makes me wish I could jump into a time machine and retrace my steps back to this moment without being the ‘manwhore’ I’ve become.

“I don’t know, I like you,” I say with as much conviction as I’m able to convey. She already thinks I’m scum, so no need to tack on any more bullshit.

She shifts and rises to her feet, and I quickly stand to hold her up. “Just sit down,” I tell her.

“The meds are kicking in, I’m fine.” Allowing her green gaze to peer into my brown eyes, contemplating her decision. “Alright,” she agrees, quickly holding up her hand to my chest, “but no promises.” She tacked that qualifier on, but I don’t care. At this point, I’ll take what I can get of her.

Not about to wait a second more, “I’m going to kiss you now,” I inform her while gently taking her hand off my chest and slipping my fingers through hers. I rest our clasped hands at the small of her back before gently pushing her toward me. Bending down to reach her lips, she gasps and her tongue slowly moistens her lips while our eyes never lose focus on one another. Once my lips are mere millimeters from hers, I ask, “Is that okay with you?”

She remains quiet, but nods her head, giving me approval. Not wasting a second, I let my lips finish their path to a destination I’ve been waiting to reach since she first told me her name. The soft feel hits me first as we mold together like two puzzle pieces entwined together. Tracing the part in her lips with my tongue, I wait for her to open, allowing me access to her deliciously warm mouth. When she gives me the slightest opening, I snake my tongue inside, finding hers. The pace of our lips increase, and our tongues tangle between them. As though we each need the other for air, we ravage each other until she eventually pulls back. Leaving us both gasping for our breath.

“Wow,” slips out of me breathlessly, not able to hold it in. It’s the hottest kiss I’ve ever had.

She bites her lip with the cutest smirk across her lips. “Yeah,” she adds.

Without saying another word, I release her hand, placing both my hands on either side of her face, pulling her toward me again. As I taste her cherry lip gloss, her fingers run across the stubble on my scalp, and rest at my neckline, holding me against her. In all my conquests, I’ve never wanted to take someone as much as I do her in this moment. But because of all the using each other talk, I fight the urge to throw her across the couch, fucking her senseless. She deserves nice and slow, cherishing every second love making.

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I
’ve spent all day at Kailey’s aunt and uncles’, fetching Kailey soup, water, or medicine. Anything she desired, I’ve been at her beck and call. Clyde and Holly went out shopping for a few hours for reasons I’m pretty sure were just to give us time alone.