Let There Be Light (6 page)

Jenny wiped tears from her face and kissed her mother’s cheek. “That is the way to look at it. Thank you. I’ll go start supper.”

As Jenny rose from the sofa, Myrna looked up at her. “I’ll come help you.”

“I’ll let you set the table, Mama, but until I’m ready for that, you just sit back over here in your rocking chair and read some more of the paper.”

With that, Jenny offered her hand. Myrna took it, and Jenny helped her to her feet. As she was guiding her mother toward the rocking chair, she said, “Oh! I just remembered! Your new doctor was to be here at five o’clock. I’m sorry. My mind was so heavy about Nate that it slipped my mind. He did make it, didn’t he?”

Myrna settled onto the rocker. “Yes, he did. And I like Dr. Adam Griffin very much.”

“Well, good! I assume he did a thorough examination.”

“Oh yes. He checked my heart and lungs, and took my pulse and my temperature. He brought my file with him and went over the records.”

“And he is in agreement with the treatment Dr. Maddox was giving you?”

“Absolutely.”

“That’s good. No changes, then.”

“Right. He left me a new bottle of paraldehyde, so I have a sufficient supply. He did say that he is very concerned about my weight loss. He said a lack of appetite usually goes with manic depression, and he is going to do a study on depression and see if he can find a way to bring back my appetite.”

“He sounds like a good doctor. I’m anxious to meet him. I’m glad you like him and that he is going to take good care of you. This daughter of yours would also like to see her mother get some flesh back on her bones.”

Myrna smiled up at her.

Jenny picked up the newspaper and placed it on her mother’s lap. “You read. I’ll let you know when I’m ready for the table to be set.”

As she headed for the kitchen, Jenny was trying to think of something to prepare for supper that might tempt her mother to eat more than her usual few bites.
Ham steak!
she thought.
Yes! I almost forgot that I bought the ham steaks at the meat market yesterday
.

She knew her mother loved ham steak and red-eye gravy. She also loved Jenny’s big thick buttermilk biscuits.

Entering the kitchen, Jenny built a fire in the cookstove. While the stove was getting hot, she went to the pantry and selected two good-sized potatoes, as well as the makings for the biscuits. By the time she had the potatoes peeled, the stove was hot, and soon the kitchen was filled with the tempting aroma of ham sizzling in the skillet, buttermilk biscuits baking in the oven, and hot coffee steaming from the pot on the stove.

With everything cooking as she desired, Jenny went to the parlor. “Okay, Mama. You can come and set the table now.”

The two walked to the kitchen together, and as Myrna began setting the table, Jenny checked on the food that was cooking and then busied herself at the counter of the cupboard, slicing raw carrots and celery.

While setting the table, Myrna paused with the silverware in her hands. “Jenny, I’m worried about you.”

Jenny looked over her shoulder. “Worried about me?”

“Yes.”

“Concerning what?”

“Nate.”

Jenny turned all the way around. “What do you mean?”

“Honey, it really worries me that you have so much love for Nate, and yet you have no assurance that he is in love with you. I can see a broken heart coming.”

Jenny closed her eyes. “Mama, I assure you that Nate is not going to break my heart. He loves me.” She opened her eyes. “He does. He really loves me.”

“And you base this on what? May I remind you that a few days after Nate went off to the War, I asked you if he had committed himself to you. Remember?”

“Yes, and I—”

“Your exact words were ‘not really.’ And then you said, ‘But,
Mama, I know in my heart that Nate loves me and one day will make me his bride.’ Remember?”

“Yes, Mama. I remember. But even though Nate didn’t come right out and say he loved me and wanted to marry me, I know it is so because of his actions. You know the old adage: Actions speak louder than words. My heart tells me that Nate loves me, and when he comes home from the War, he will ask me to marry him.”

Myrna began placing the silverware setting at Jenny’s plate. “Honey, I think you were misreading his actions. You and Nate had known each other for almost ten years when he went off to the War. You started dating him for a full year before that. You wouldn’t date anyone else during that time, but he dated other girls. And though he dated you many times, he never once stated anything positive about being in love with you, or that the two of you had a future together. I seriously doubt that Nate has any plans to marry you. For sure, this is not the normal way for a young man to act toward the girl he loves and wants to marry. When it’s normal, he will come right out and say so.”

Without comment, Jenny turned around and went back to work on the carrots and celery.

Myrna placed silverware at her own plate, then moved up behind Jenny and slipped an arm around her. “Honey, I just don’t want you to get hurt. Don’t let your heart tell you things are wonderful when they’re not.”

Jenny laid down the paring knife and looked deep into her mother’s eyes. “Mama, you simply do not know Nate like I do. I am positive he is in love with me. And I am positive he has marriage in mind. Whenever the War is over, he will come home and propose. I’m sure of it.” Her brow creased. “That is—that is, if he—he is still alive.”

As Jenny began sniffling, Myrna gripped both her upper arms. “Now, now, honey. With all these other things you’re positive about, don’t let down on your positive attitude about Nate’s safety in the War.”

Jenny nodded, biting her lips.

“I’ll help you take the food from the stove,” said Myrna. “I see we’ve got ham steaks in the skillet.”

Jenny served their plates and carried them to the table, which was covered with a white cloth embroidered with yellow daisies. Returning to the stove, she poured two steaming cups of coffee and placed one beside each plate.

When the two sat down at the table, Jenny was still having a difficult time with worry. She looked at the food and felt like a lump was in her throat and a hot ball of lead had settled in her stomach. She wondered if she could swallow a bite. However, she knew that in order to entice her mother into eating, she would have to find a way. Ham steak, red-eye gravy, and buttermilk biscuits were among Myrna Linden’s favorites, but if her daughter didn’t eat, she might not eat, either.

Jenny dug in and her mother followed suit, bragging on her daughter’s cooking skills. While they ate, they discussed the War, commenting on what it would take to end it. They agreed that President Abraham Lincoln was working hard with his military leaders in an effort to bring the bloody War to an end.

Jenny was actually unaware of what was going into her mouth. Soon she realized that her plate was empty, and a quick glance across the table revealed that her mother had eaten a good portion of her own food.

Smiling, Jenny reached across the table and patted her mother’s thin, blue-veined hand. “I see my choice for supper was a good one, Mama. You ate more than you have at one meal in a long time.”

Myrna smiled in return, her eyes showing a bit of a sparkle. “Yes, dear. I really am trying. I want to do everything I can to cooperate with Dr. Griffin. Maybe he’ll soon have some answers for me with this appetite thing.”

Jenny was about to make a favorable comment when suddenly, as if a shade had been pulled down over her mother’s face, the smile disappeared from her lips and her eyes took on that dreaded vacant look that had haunted Jenny since her father had gone off to the War.

Myrna’s lips began to tremble and her voice was hollow. “If only I could hear from your father. If only he would come home.” Desperation joined the hollow sound. “I … I think I’m going to die if my William doesn’t come home soon.”

Jenny rose from her chair, moved around the table, and put an
arm around her mother’s shoulders. Leaning down close, she spoke softly into her ear. “Now, Mama, what about your positive attitude? You’ve got to take care of yourself so you will be here when Papa comes home. As hard as President Lincoln is working to bring the War to an end, it will come soon.”

The vacant look was still in Myrna’s eyes. “Do … do you really think so?”

“Yes. We must hang on to that hope. Now you sit there and concentrate on the day Papa will come home to us while I clean up the table and do the dishes.”

Jenny was concerned while she did her cleanup work, for each time she looked at her mother, the blank stare was still there. It was as if Myrna Linden was in a world all her own.

When she was finished, Jenny was pleased to see her mother focusing more normally. She took her hand and said, “Come, sweet Mama. Let’s go into the parlor.”

Myrna moved unsteadily down the hall with her daughter gripping her tightly. Jenny noticed that she was shivering a bit. When they entered the parlor, Jenny slid the rocking chair close to the small fireplace, then settled her mother in it. “Night’s chill is in the air, Mama. Let me cover you, then I’ll light a fire.”

Jenny stepped out of the parlor long enough to take a large afghan out of the hall closet. She spread the afghan over her mother’s shoulders, then hurried to light the fire. When it was burning, she leaned over and hugged her. “There now, Mama. You’ll feel the heat shortly. When it gets going, you’ll be all nice and warm.”

The vacant eyes were beginning to focus even better. A tiny smile appeared. “Thank you, Jenny. You are such a good girl. What would I ever do without you?”

Jenny leaned close and looked into her mother’s eyes. “That’s one thing you never have to worry about, Mama. No matter what, I will be here for you until Papa returns from this dreadful war.”

Another tiny smile appeared. “That means more to me than I can ever tell you.”

“You’re my mother. And I want you to know that even when Papa is home, and I am married to Nate, I will always be close by so I can look after you.”

Myrna cleared her throat gently and said, “I’d like to read the rest of my newspaper, now.”

Jenny moved quickly, picked up the paper, and placed it in her mother’s hands. “You enjoy every word, Mama. I’m going to sit right here on the sofa and read that new novel I started last night.”

Myrna watched her daughter go to the bookshelf on the other side of the room. As Jenny picked up the book and headed toward the sofa, Myrna asked, “What’s the name of the novel?”

Jenny lifted the book so her mother could see the cover. “It’s called
Toward the Sunset
. See?”

Myrna focused on the cover, which showed a blazing sunset, and nodded. “What’s it about?”

“It tells the story of a wagon train going out west—the hardships of the trail, including sickness, bad weather, and savage Indians. Their final destination is Los Angeles. So far, it’s really good.”

“Well, I hope you enjoy it to the last page.”

“Someday I’d like to go out west and see it for myself, just like the people in this novel. The Kansas plains, the Colorado Rockies, the Arizona desert, Los Angeles, and the Pacific Ocean.”

With her nerves now calm, Myrna began reading her newspaper. Jenny was immediately involved in her novel.

Mother and daughter had been reading for over two hours when Jenny glanced at Myrna while turning a page, and saw her head bobbing and her eyes drooping. Closing the book, she left the sofa and laid a hand on her mother’s shoulder. “All right, sweet Mama, time for bed.”

Jenny guided her mother down the hall to her bedroom, helped her put on her nightgown, tucked her into bed, and doused the lamp on the bedside table. Myrna was asleep instantly. Jenny leaned over, kissed her forehead, then left the room.

She went back to the parlor, doused the lamps there, and went to her room.

When she was in her nightgown and ready to put out her own lamp, Jenny glanced at the magazine that lay on the nightstand. It was the latest edition of
Harper’s Magazine
, which she had purchased at Henderson’s store a few days earlier. Picking up the magazine, she ran her eyes over the photograph on the cover, which
showed a group of weary, bedraggled Union soldiers in a wooded area, looking into the camera.

Jenny had already read through the magazine, but it held her interest because it had an article about battlefields in the South, along with several photographs of battlefields in Virginia, Tennessee, Georgia, and Arkansas. Inside the magazine, the editor explained that the photograph on the cover was taken in Virginia.

She looked at the cover for a long moment, then looked inside once more to view the photographs of the other battlefields. Each one had Union soldiers in a small group, looking at the camera. In some, there were cannons close by. Others showed small tents in the background, indicating that the soldiers were camped on the very ground where they had fought the Confederates.

Jenny’s eyes teared as she focused on a picture of two Union officers who were on a battlefield in Tennessee, standing over the bodies of four of their men who had been killed that day. One of the officers slightly resembled her father. “Oh, Papa,” she said, “I want you to come home before some Rebel bullet takes you from us. Mama needs you. I need you. Please come home, Papa.”

Jenny closed the magazine, doused the lantern, and crawled into bed. As the darkness surrounded her, she wiped tears on the sheet. “Oh, Papa, I love you so much. And I miss you so much. Please come home.”

Her mind then went to Nate Conrad. “Oh, Nate, even though you have never put it in so many words that you love me, I know you do. Please come home so one day we can meet at the altar to become husband and wife.”

Soon, Jenny fell asleep with tears still on her cheeks.

J
ENNY
L
INDEN FOUND HERSELF
walking alone through a dense forest. It was late afternoon. The mossy smells invading her nostrils told her she was in the Deep South, and the air was so still it clung to her like a shroud. The sky was overcast with clouds that seemed to be made of smoke. With all the trees that surrounded her, there was not a bird to be seen … or heard.