Letting Go of Us (Anchored Hearts Vol. 3) (21 page)

The room was already
filling with steam when I soaped up my hand and started stroking
myself. I replayed the scene we’d acted out, but it wasn’t my hand
that brought her pleasure in my thoughts. I was quickly building,
my balls rising and falling with the pulsing of my cock. Through
the sheer curtain, I envisioned the door slowly swing open. Her
figure came into view, red hair falling down her shoulders. She was
wearing my shirt and slowly came closer. Her eyes were locked on
mine as she slowly pulled the curtain open.

“
Don’t come any closer,
woman.” I was naked and not prepared for her to see the tattoo that
graced my back. She couldn’t see it. Not yet.

She smiled at me and in her
sirens voice said, “I’m not going to get you off, but I thought I
could help you like you helped me.” She climbed in as my eyes
dropped to her nipples that were poking through the
shirt.

I closed my eyes and when I
opened them again, she was gone. I was losing my shit. Blue balls
were making me loopy. I stroked harder and faster until my release
came. I washed up before I got out and got dressed—thankful I still
had some clothes there—making sure to cover my tattoo.

Knowing we were breaking
every recommendation Dr. Pratt had given us, I crawled back into
bed with her and pulled her close. It had been so hard not telling
her how much I loved her, telling her I had won the poker hand—four
of a kind—I wanted to marry her, proper. Delaney held my secret in
her hands and I wasn’t sure why she kept it, but she had. Maybe she
knew as well as I did that Cassidy needed more time. When my brain
stopped battling itself, I slept for a few more hours.

~<>~<>~<>~

I was putting my socks and
shoes on when she woke in the morning. She stretched and smiled
coyly at me. “Hey.”

“
Hey, back at ya’.” She
sat up as I said, “I have some work I need to do. Will you be
around later?”

Nodding, “Yeah, I’ll be
around. I’m supposed to get the color filled in on my phoenix
today.”

“
Oh, yeah. Do you want me
to come with you?”

“
You don’t have to. I’m
sure Ryan, or whomever, will follow me if you’re not
there.”

I walked to her side of the
bed and kissed her forehead. “Ok. I’ll keep in touch then. I’ll
talk to you soon.”

“
O, ok.”

I stroked her cheek. “Don’t
do that. Everything’s fine. But we need to pull back the
reins.”

“
I know. I’m
sorry.”

“
You really need to take
this time to figure out what you want, what you need. I know I
haven’t made it easy on you and I can never apologize enough for
that.” Her eyes were transfixed on my neck as I tilted her chin up.
When her eyes met mine I reiterated, “I’m not going anywhere.
You’re what I want. End of.” She went to speak and I put my finger
to her lips. “This is serious. Three more weeks. We can do
this.”

I kissed her again and left
her sitting on the bed as I walked out the door. Knowing she was
going to see Styx, I called him and asked him not to mention the
anchor tattoo I’d gotten. He said it was no problem. Later that day
I made it to the shop about half way through her
session.

~<>~<>~<>~

The next week flew by. The
foundation for the house had been poured and the Blue Horse was
coming along nicely, of course I needed to rename it, considering
what I had in store for it. It had been gutted and was awaiting
Delaney’s magic touch. All of Holly’s artwork had also been
delivered. I had stored it in the spare bedroom at the penthouse,
the room Melissa no longer occupied, and locked the door. I
couldn’t risk Cassidy or anyone else finding it. I had taken
Cassidy to the gallery that night having already purchased every
single piece of Holly’s art. When Annie called me to tell me, I was
furious and did what I did best. I made it happen.

I was still replaying our
second session with Dr. Pratt in my head. We’d met with him early
on in the week and dove into some deep territory. I’d had my own
session with him and after our joint session, Cassidy made her own
appointment with him.

“
You guys need to slow it
down. Enjoy just being a couple. I know, but you know what I mean.”
He made eye contact with both of us after we disclosed our
struggles with not being intimate. “I’m not trying to be cruel, but
right now we need to focus on your mental and emotional connection.
We know that the physical one is there.” Cassidy was sniffling when
he added, “I’m not saying the emotional and mental connection isn’t
there, it is. We just want it unbreakable.” She nodded and then he
brought up the miscarriage. “You two lost a child, no matter how
early in the pregnancy, it’s a significant loss.”

With a shaky breath she
murmured, “I don’t want to talk about it. We, James and I, have
already talked about it. I don’t want to keep trudging it
up.”

I interrupted her, “I
can’t imagine her grief, because I know how torn up I was.” I took
her hand as my other ran through her hair, “I did everything wrong
when I found out and you’ll never know how sorry I am for that.”
She didn’t look at me, just rested her head against my chest as she
wiped her tears away. “We didn’t even really have a chance to
process and enjoy the fact that we were expecting a child before it
was taken away from us.”

“
Had you two discussed the
topic of kids before that happened?” We both shook our heads. “Do
you want kids?”

We both visibly stiffened.
It wasn’t something we’d really discussed and we needed to. She sat
up and looked to Dr. Pratt, “I, well, I never thought I did. Never
thought of myself as the mothering type. But when I found out I was
pregnant, I was overjoyed.” Her eyes turned to me, “The thought of
your baby growing inside me, I’d never felt joy like that before.”
The tear fell from my eye before I was able to hide it from her. I
swiped it away as she smiled at me.

“
James?” Dr. Pratt was
awaiting my answer.

“
I never wanted kids, at
least I didn’t think I did. But when it all happened; I’d never
wanted anything more.” She tangled her hand with mine and leaned
into me.

“
So it’s safe to say you
both want kids. When? I’d suggest giving yourself time as a couple
before you become parents, but I know every couple has to decide on
their own.” He looked to us and added, “Think about it. We’ll
discuss that next week. Our time’s almost up.”

As we stood to leave, he
suggested Cassidy make an appointment to see him, alone. She was
open to it and once they found a time that fit both their
schedules, we headed out.

~<>~<>~<>~

That weekend was Jane’s
bachelorette party and Cal’s bachelor party. They were originally
planning a joint event, but Cassidy and I had convinced them—well
Jane since I wasn’t quite speaking with Cal yet—to at least go to
dinner separately. Even though Cassidy was standing up for Cal and
me for Jane, she went out with the girls and me with the guys. I
tried to get out of it, knowing that Paul would be there and I
didn’t want to bring any unnecessary tension to the
party.

“
You can’t not go, James.
They’ll know you’re avoiding them.”

Sighing, I knew Jane was
right. “Take Smith and I’ll take Delaney.”

“
I can’t just invite
someone.”

Jane said, “Yes, you can.
Cassidy, invite Delaney. Melissa is coming, too. More the merrier.”
Cassidy had agreed and promised she’d stay in touch via text when
the time came.

Hearing that Melissa was
going and Cassidy hadn’t objected surprised me. Though, she’d
mentioned that their work relationship was going really well.
Cassidy got off the phone with Delaney and spouted, “It’s
done!”

The girls were going to The
Benedict lounge for dinner and then planned to hit the town. I
waited with Cassidy and Jane at the townhouse until Smith and
Delaney pulled up. The girls hopped in Cassidy’s mustang as I gave
her a warning stare.

She just laughed as she
burned rubber while pulling out of the driveway. Jane and Delaney’s
squeals sailing out the open windows. Smith clapped my shoulder
before we climbed into his vehicle. When we got to Cal’s, Paul’s
SUV was parked out front. Work had been a breeze since he was on
site all week at the house or the Blue Horse. Last we’d spoken was
when he’d put in his notice. I really should have started looking
for his replacement, but hadn’t.

We walked in the open door
and I recognized Paul, Frank and some other guys from the force.
Dave was there, too. He walked over to me and shook my hand. We
exchanged hellos, but he didn’t interrogate me like I had expected.
I had every intention of doing right by his daughter, though I’d
told him that before and broken my word.

Gripping my shoulder and
with a lowered voice he said, “Relax James. I’ve talked with
Cassidy. I just want you two to work it out and I hope you do.” I
looked to my father-in-law as he smiled at me, shocked at his
words. “I like having you around. Mostly cuz it makes Cassidy
happy, but because it irks Cal. I enjoy it.” He winked and we
shared a laugh.

“
I never intended to ‘irk’
him. But if it makes you happy, I’ll see what I can do.”

He let out a boisterous
laugh that gained the attention of everyone there. Cal was clearly
irked. “See, working already.”

Frank took the lead,
“Alright boys. Let’s head out. We’re headed to Duke’s for dinner.
Where the rest of the night leads, we’ll find out. Load ‘em
up!”

I had no idea how it
happened, but I think Dave had something to do with it. Cal and
Paul ended up with Smith and me in Smith’s vehicle. To say it was
uncomfortable was an understatement. Thank God the restaurant
wasn’t a long drive. Cal and Paul talked about Cal’s job while I
played on my phone. Smith turned the radio on. I was oblivious to
the song until the lyrics started to sink in.
Sleeping with a Friend
by Neon
Trees
was playing and silence filled
the vehicle. Glancing in the rearview mirror, Cal was glaring at me
and then at Paul.

“
Simmer down everyone.
That shit’s funny.” Everyone looked to Smith as he turned and
grinned at all of us. “You fuckers need to lighten up. First rounds
on me!”

“
You’re a
dick.”

I recognized Paul’s
laughter as he chastised Smith. “Not a dick, a Frank-n-weiner,
right Frankie? You got us. Douchebag.”

“
Don’t call me
Frankie!”

“
That’s right. I
apologize. It’s Francis, right?” Cal looked confused as Paul and I
started cracking up. Smith tried reaching through to the back seat
to slug Paul as I yelled at him to watch the road.

Looking at Cal I revealed
Smith’s secret. “His name is Francis, Smith is his last name. Guys
in the Army liked to call him Frankie just to piss him
off.”

Cal chuckled and looked to
Smith. “Frankie huh? I’ll remember that. Frank is fortunate that
his parents named him Franklin, not Francis!”

Dinner was uneventful as we
had a few rounds and filled our guts with too much food. When we
left the restaurant, Dave walked to his car, encouraging us ‘boys’
to have fun, but to behave. I watched Dave drive off as Cal walked
over toward me.

“
Hey.”

“
Hey.” His hands were in
his pockets as he lifted his chin, standing as tall as he could,
but not taller than me. “You in this, like really in
this?”

“
Why do I have a feeling
you’re not referring to this night out?”

“
You know I’m not
referring to this night. I’m referring to my sister.”

I glanced Smith and Paul a
few feet away as they discreetly observed Cal and me talking
privately. “I owe all of you an apology. But I’m not going to make
excuses or explain my reasoning for the things I did, to you.” The
cop in him had him scrutinizing me as I continued. “I love her,
Cal. I thought she was better off. Maybe she was, but I wasn’t. I
don’t work right when she’s not around.” I refused to disclose
anything more unless he asked specifically.

Nodding, “I get it. I know
you’ve done a lot for her. Just don’t make me bash in your face
again.”

“
Well, if I deserve it, I
expect it to be you.”

He chuckled as we shook
hands. “Paul’s really messed up about this.” His eyes darted to
where Paul stood. I sighed as he informed me that Paul had told him
about Cora. “I love Paul like a brother, but my sister’s happiness
is most important. I hope you all figure it out and friendships
aren’t lost.”

“
I hear you. It won’t be
easy.”

“
It’s funny, now that I
have all the pieces, I know that it was Cassidy who changed him all
those years ago. The guy I met after basic training wouldn’t have
stepped up with Cora, but he did and I know it’s because of my
sister.” I watched as he seemed to be reflecting on what might have
been. “Don’t take her for granted. He’s proof that things can
change in the blink of an eye.”

“
All right shitheads,”
Smith strolled over, “enough of the bullshit. We’ve got some things
in store for this man. The titties await.”