Lewis & Ondarko - Best Friends 03 - Now and Zen (10 page)

“I know what you mean, but just look at all you’ve done to get ready. You and Pat are two of the most industrious women I know. You must have put in a lot of hours, or days, getting ready. And you’ve got all of us.”

“That’s us, alright. Always working hard to chase our dreams.”

“To live your dreams, you mean?”

Deb paused.

“Did you say
live?
What do you mean by
live your dreams?
I’m much better at being busy than living.”

“Aren’t we all?” admitted Bev.

“It seems to me there must be a few people in this world who know how to
really
live. Why is that anyway?”

“Now there’s a question that’s been asked forever.”

“I’m getting closer to being about ready to push the ‘done enough’ button and let go. I’m just so tired of being the responsible grownup… then, to top it off, we manipulated our daughters into coming, and now they’ll
really
know we’re crazy!”

“Nothing you can do about that… Don’t worry about a t’ing,” Bev sang lightheartedly.

“‘Cause… every little t’ing’s gonna be alright,” Deb joined in loudly.

“We heard that!” Julie’s voice called from the kitchen. “No singing without us. We’re coming in.”

“What’s going on in here?” Linda asked, drying her hands on a dish towel as she entered the main room.

“Oh, Deb’s just trying to throw away her superwoman cape,” Bev teased. “Come on in, and help us burn it in the fire.”

“Deb! Were you sacrificing your joy again?” Pat accused, following the others from the kitchen.

“Not on your life, girlfriend!”

Thank goodness for levity,
Deb thought.

“So here’s what I know,” Bev interjected into the quiet room.

“Drum roll, please,” Julie joked.

“After I got M.S., it was like God was asking me to live… for
goodness
sake,” Bev said softly.

“Live for goodness sake?” Deb repeated.

“Yes, as opposed to dying for the world’s sake. That’s what I thought God wanted from me. Dying is easy, bit by bit, inch by inch: a P.T.A. meeting here; a little guilt there; a church council meeting; always doing the dishes; a load of self-sacrifice there. It’s the living for goodness that’s hard.”

Noreen nodded in agreement.

“My priorities changed totally when I found out I was dying.”

“So my question for you,” Bev continued as she looked at them, “is are you willing to really
live
for the goodness of the world?”

“Let’s just do a little practicing right now,” Deb said. “Julie, stoke up that fire. I’ve got a cape to burn!”

“Wow,
this
is really going to be something! You two never do things half way, do you?” a voice called in the door.

Just what I need,
Pat thought.
The mothers have arrived.
She put her hand on her forehead.

“Hello mother, glad you could make it,” she said.
Please don’t start,
she thought.

“We’ve come to help. What can we do? Are you settled in already? Do you have some coffee? I need mine in a cup with a saucer,” Jessie said, her presence taking over as she walked slowly into the room.

Millie ambled in behind her, eyeing the table.

“I’ll have what you’re having,” she said.

“Make that two,” Jessie chorused.

Settling in around the table, the two older women looked around eagerly.

“So, really, how can we help?” Millie asked.

“Mom, you’ll have to give us a minute,” Deb stalled. “I don’t know what you could do yet.” She shook her head. “Lots, I guess.”

Millie looked sympathetically at her daughter.

“Don’t worry dear, I’ll help you organize.” She turned to Jessie. “She never was that great at it.”

“Mom!”

“Listen,” Pat said, jumping into the fray before her friend exploded. “We really just wanted you to just have fun, and you know, relax. Take a class or two. Learn something new.”

“See. What did I tell you, Jessie?” Millie said with a heavy mother sigh. “I knew they would think we’re too old to help.”

“No, no, that’s not it at all,” Pat answered guiltily.

“Right,” Jessie said, shaking her head. “So what do you need?”

“Well, we don’t have anything for the kids yet…” Julie suggested. “What?” she asked, noticing the surprised faces of the others. “You know we need all the help we can get.” She turned back to the mothers. “We don’t have anything for the kids yet. Could you maybe read some books to them? The library will give you some to use, I’m sure. And it would be nice for the mothers, you know. They could get in a workshop without them.”

The older women rolled their eyes at each other. Millie sighed again.

“Sure. Once again we’re relegated to child care. Okay.”

Millie stood up to leave. “Thanks for the drink. Just let us know the time and place and we’ll let you know the title of our kid’s workshop. We refuse to just be babysitters. Right, Jess?”

“Right. Besides we have to get going. We haven’t checked out the Burned Down Cafe yet.”

“Mothers!” Pat said after they left.

“Daughters!” Jessie said loudly, as the two white-haired women walked down the street. “Let’s party!”

After everyone finally had done enough planning, Bev sat quietly in her room, arranging everything so that it was convenient for her. All the lights in the cabin were off and she could hear the sounds of snoring in the distance as she settled in for the night. She, however, was wide awake, so she sat on the edge of the bed and reached for a book from the pile of old journals.

I wonder if I can find a long lost relative like Carolyn,
she mused.
I wonder

Thumbing through, she paused at a page.

“Why doesn’t the toilet work in this place?” someone had written. She turned the page.

“Great place! Wish we could stay!”

That’s boring. Hmm, here’s one that looks interesting,
she thought.

I can relate to that,
Bev thought.

I never thought this would happen to me, either,
Bev thought.

Aren’t we all midwives, Helen?
Bev thought as she gently closed the book and laid it on the night stand next to the bed. Brushing her hair out of her eyes she reached for the mask to her breathing machine.

Why must there be so many losses in life?
she wondered, remembering back over the years. She knew first-hand the indignities of inch by inch creeping loss of independence and bodily function.

We all have to respond to what the world gives us,
she reminded herself.
Still, with the limited choices I have now, life is still worth it.
She pulled the blankets under her chin and closed her eyes.

“I must remember to write in a journal before I leave,” she promised herself, just before floating off to dreamland.

The sun was just coming up when Pat peeled open her eyelids.

Darn, someone’s snoring woke me up just in the middle of a great dream. I wonder what time it is.

Stretching her arms over her head, she sat up in the log bed and looking around, saw no one else in the room.

Oops, I guess Mitch was right. I must snore. Damn, getting old is hell,
she thought.
Of course I’m just sure it was a polite little sexy snore.
Ignoring the memory of her husband’s voice a week earlier telling her she snored like a band saw, she stretched out in the comfy bed.
I could lie here all day. Maid, oh maid,
she daydreamed.
Could you bring me my fresh squeezed orange juice?
she pretended to call out.
Now you know I like it in a crystal glass.

Suddenly, reality hit home like an icy washcloth in the face as she remembered where she was and why. Jumping out of the bed as adrenaline pumped through her body, she glanced at the clock.

“Glory halleluiah!” she said aloud.

Mitch had remarked a few days earlier that she seemed to be “damning” this and that a lot lately. And although she vehemently denied it to him, she knew in her heart it was true.

How could this be?

She didn’t even like it when she heard other people swear. From childhood until college she had believed lightning would strike her dead if she used God’s name in vain.