Lex (Unconventional Hearts) (24 page)

“Daddy.” She shoves his arm, rousing a sexy
groan from him. “Daddy.” Another push.

Turning onto his side, still wearing all of
his clothes, he flutters his eyes open and closes them again.

“Daddy!” This time Emma becomes forceful and
pokes his nose, which he swats away and she giggles.

He must be faking it.

“Daddy, Lex and I made you breakfast in bed.”
She says, with the biggest smile lighting her sweet face.

He says nothing.

“Daddy!” Clearly frustrated, Emma pokes his
nose again, except this time he catches her hand and starts to
playfully eat her fingers making cookie monster sounds, which makes
her laugh and scream with excitement. Tears start to steam down her
face from laughing so hard and I can’t stop myself from joining in.
This is the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen. Smiling and
chuckling so hard, my face starts to hurt from smiling this
long.

Reaching out to her, he wraps his arms around
her little body and pulls her into bed with him. Rolling onto his
back, he positions her so she’s straddling his chest.

Taking control, Gage pokes her in the nose
this time, she giggles and tries to chomp at his fingers like a
shark and he starts to play scream like a girl.

Repeating, “Oh no, oh no, the sharks going to
eat me, don’t eat me shark. I need my fingers to poke daughter’s
nose.” Then he pokes her nose and she attacks again, hysterically
laughing. I can’t believe I’m witnessing this. I wish I had a video
camera. I could watch this on repeat all day long.

Obviously knowing Emma couldn’t catch her
breath, because she was laughing too hard, Gage stops teasing her
and pulls her into a hug, kissing her forehead. “Love you.” He
says, lips pressed to her hairline.

“Love you too.” I hear her reply, muffled
onto his chest.

Once Emma sits back up, Gage finally notices
me standing in the room and his face turns bright red. “Sorry.” He
mutters, unable to meet my gaze.

Perplexed as to why he’s sorry, I swipe the
happy tears that trailed down my cheeks. Smiling at him, I set the
breakfast on the nightstand next to his bed and turn to leave.

“Lex!” Emma screeches and I stop in the
doorway and turn around to see her scrambling off her dad, coming
straight for me.

I kneel to meet her eye-to-eye. Coming to a
halt inches from me, she wraps her arms around my neck and kisses
my cheek, whispering. “I’m coming with you. We need breakfast.”
Like it’s a secret.

Nodding, I whisper back. “Okay, but daddy
needs to eat his too.”

“Okay.” She whispers and releases my neck, to
go back to her daddy’s bed.

“I’m going downstairs; I’ll have
you know
what
ready.” I wink at her and she does the same except her
entire face scrunches and I smile. She’s too adorable for
words.

“How was last night with Emma?” Roni asks,
dropping into the chair across from me in the kitchen, looking like
hell.

“It was great. They just left.”

“They?” She raises a curious brow.

“Gage got in late, tried to sleep with me,
told him no, cried on his shoulder, literally, and Emma wanted to
make him breakfast in bed this morning after they both slept here.
So we did. He had to get her home to change for school and him for
work.”

As each word imparts my lips, Roni’s eyes
become larger and larger. I know having anybody sleep here is a
huge feat in itself. I’m kind of closed off in terms of sharing my
home. I wouldn’t even let Roni’s buddies’ crash here two years ago
when she had a kegger in her apartment. I called them cabs and sent
them home. I was worried about them vomiting or screwing in my
guest bedrooms. I’ve never even screwed anybody in my house. I’m
not about to let anyone else pop it’s proverbial cherry. If and
when it happens, I’ll be the one to devirginize it.

“Did you kiss him?”

Out of all the things I just said, that’s
what she asks? Come — on!

“Yes.” I solemnly state. Staring into my tea,
rubbing the rim of the cup with my finger.

“And?”

I timidly shrug my shoulders, refusing to
meet her gaze.

“Lex.” Her warning tone isn’t lost on me. I
know she wants me to give up the goods. What I don’t understand is
why she cares? I don’t ask her about her and Bob’s sexcapades or
make out sessions. I don’t want to divulge mine. I realize its girl
code to gossip and brag about such things. I just don’t want to. I
loathe talking about my feelings. Other peoples, I’m more than
willing to help with. Mine, not so much. I like keeping them to
myself, including those of immense pleasure.

“No.” I stand and carry my half-full cup of
tea over to the sink and pour it out. Turning around I’m surprised
to see Roni get up from her chair and come after me. Wrapping her
arms awkwardly around me, I turn hard like a statue. I know what
she’s trying to do. Breaking these walls down, is not going to
happen. I’m not talking about my feelings. She’s not a huggy
person, that’s why I know this is a ploy. One, she’s not going to
win.

“No.” I state firmer this time, with a harsh
voice and set jaw. I’m starting to get angry and I don’t get angry
often. It’s not pretty when I turn into a raving bitch.

“Let go.” I order, twisting in her iron
arms.

“No, tell me.” Her voice pleads with me and I
remain quiet.

“Dammit, Lex, fucking talk to me.” Now she’s
the one getting frustrated. Join the club.

“You like him don’t you? You want to hate
him, but the kiss was good, wasn’t it? He gets to you, but let me
guess, you’re afraid to take the step and talk to him about trying
to date. Because you seem to think, you’re some kind of fucking
freak since you weren’t born with ovaries and a goddamned vagina.
I’m sorry, but that’s bullshit and you know it. You’re prettier and
more female than I’ll ever be. You don’t have to bleed once a month
to know that.”

I close my eyes, trying
not
to listen
to everything she’s saying. Everything that we both know is right
on the money. I hate that she knows what I feel without me having
to tell her. It’s hard being that vulnerable.

“What about Emma? I know you love her. I saw
it last night when you cut her cheeseburger, Lex. You fucking cut
the little girls cheeseburger into quarters because you wanted to
make it easier for her to eat. Not even good mothers do that, Lex.
Shouldn’t that tell you something? Gage comes with Emma. It’s a
package, a package that seems really damn good if you ask me.”

Please God, make her stop! I can’t take this
anymore! I hate that my best friend is plucking at my heartstrings
and my feelings so painfully. It hurts.

“How did he taste, Lex?” The question thickly
hangs in the air and it’s making it hard for me to breathe. He
tasted so good, so perfect. Just like I’d always imagined the man I
wanted to love me, to taste and kiss like, making me feel
alive.

Brian made me feel alive once, and for
months, I clung to that feeling. I allowed him to keep me locked in
the basement when he worked. I even let him force me to clean the
bathroom floor with an old toothbrush, or suck his dick as he
fucked my face so hard I nearly got whiplash. All because I
thought,
he loved me, all because I was weak and helpless.
Once, and only once I tried to run away from him. After that day, I
never tried again. That was the day I nearly died. I prayed that’d
I’d die and walk into heavens pearly gates. No such luck.

Brian wasn’t due home from work until late,
so I stole a knife from the kitchen and used it to break free from
my basement prison cell. What I didn’t know was Brian had been home
all day. He knew I had stolen the knife and waited for me to make a
break for it before he tackled me in the yard. Smashing my face
into the grass, he started his assault. Wailing on my back with his
fists, he knocked the wind out of me so I couldn’t scream. With one
hand, he ripped my panties off and without lube, he entered me.
Right on the front lawn out in the country, he raped me. There
wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. After he came inside of
me, he did what he’d done so many times before. Strung me up in the
barn, naked, and began our cutting routine. Little slice
here—suck—little cut there—suck—nibble here—slap there—then he went
in for the motherload and carved a piece of skin from me. With
precision, he removed it completely and threw it on the ground,
stomping on my discarded flesh with his work boot. I poured out
blood and the pain radiated so badly I couldn’t decipher a thing. I
swam into my head, falling deeper into unconsciousness. Two days
later, I woke up to have my side stitched unprofessionally, an IV
in my arm and a severely worried Brian, holding my nearly lifeless
hand.

“I’m so sorry.” He cried, tears pouring down
his cheeks from his sunken in, sleepless eyes. To this day, I don’t
think he slept a wink until I woke.

Kissing my lips, my hands, my body, he
lavished me in revolting kisses. They made my skin crawl and the
need to purge the contents of my stomach arose. I vomited bile all
over the side of the bed, and onto the floor. For the first time
ever, he cleaned it up without yelling or beating me. For nearly a
week after that incident, he was pleasant and even caring. He
cooked the dinners, he washed the laundry, and made the bed. I
wasn’t even forced into the basement when he left for work. Hope
for a better life clung to me. That maybe he’d decided he’d gotten
his sick sadistic fill. However, I was wrong, so very wrong.
Hundreds of times after that he broke me, cut me, and nearly killed
me.

Snapping her fingers in front of my face,
Roni, pulls me from my sordid past and into the present.

“You were thinking about Brian, weren’t you?”
Concern clings to her words.

I nod in response.

“Gage is not like Brian. He’s a lawyer for
Christ sake.”

Yes, that may be true. Gage is a lawyer, but
what do I really know about him? Nothing. Other than he’s a sexy
lawyer, his daughter is amazing, he has tattoos, drives a Denali,
and he likes me. I don’t know his favorite color, if he reads or
anything else for that matter. It’s not much to go on. Animal
magnetism isn’t a justified reason to fall in love with someone. I
can’t believe I thought I might be falling for him. See, like I
said, my emotions are a mess. I can’t think straight with him in my
world. He’s an awful unwelcomed distraction.

I don’t want to be here at work today. I want
to go home and rest. I’m depressed; I’m smart enough to know what
this heavy sad feeling is that’s looming over me like a dark
thundercloud. I haven’t felt this sad in years. I know it’s because
Roni and I are now on the outs. Gage won’t return my texts and the
Suit Master just delivered an outlandishly expensive white gold,
diamond tennis bracelet to my work. Not he himself but some mail
carrier delivered it about an hour ago. It’s gorgeous; I can’t
refute that. Too lavish though, first the books, then flowers, now
this. Apparently, he thinks buying my love is the way to my heart.
There is no path to my heart, it’s an island cut off from the world
and anybody who tries to inhabit it.

After the argument with Roni this morning, I
came to work and texted Gage to check up on Emma. Nothing. This
afternoon I re-sent the text. Nothing, again. When they left today,
Emma hugged me goodbye and Gage barely said a thing. Either he’s
moping because I turned him down last night or he’s mad at me for
some other unidentified reason.

It’s almost time to leave for the day and
I’ve barely got a damn thing accomplished.