Liberty At Last (The Liberty Series) (33 page)

“You’re wrong about that,” I said, the words tumbling out before I had a chance to pull them back. “I thought you were crazy, all right. Crazy all the way to the store.” I exhaled and clenched my fists. In a different life, under a different set of circumstances, I would have just belted her. It would have been awesome. But I was accountable to people other people now.
Damn.

“I told you: absolute loyalty,” she said. “If I don’t go back soon, he’ll just come for me. And it might not be pretty.” She stood up and limped to the dresser. She pulled out a tee shirt and a pair of jeans and started refolding them neatly.

“They’re not that different, you know,” she said.“John and Angel. You think that just because Angel and his family sell drugs, they’re evil. They’re not. It’s supply and demand. Angel didn’t make the world. He sees the world as it is. Violence is violence, Liberty. You think my father has clean hands? Do you have any idea how many people he’s killed?”

She sat down back next to me, closer than before, and I flinched. “Think about it,” she said. “Think about all the people he killed when we were in Matamoros. That was
one
day, mind you. You didn’t know him before. That’s the reason he was always so successful. He’s lethal. Just like Angel.”

“John fights bad guys,” I said, trying to keep my voice even. “He doesn’t kidnap people and kill them. He doesn’t take their money and leave them to die at the side of a river. He doesn’t sell drugs, ruining people’s lives.”

“That’s pretty simplistic thinking,” she said. “Can’t say I’m really surprised. But do you understand that it’s all in your perspective? No matter who you kill, that person had a family. That person was living their life, in the way that
they
chose, and when you kill them, you’ve taken that life. So do you think that adding some sort of moral judgment is going to change the equation? Huh?”

I looked at her blankly.
John was not like Angel. She could make any argument she wanted, but in my heart I knew there was a big difference between the two of them…it was the difference between good and evil, light and dark.

“Are you sure my dad wants to marry you?” she asked, looking me in the eye and wrinkling her nose. The chummy tone was gone.

“Yes,” I said. My voice sounded young and petulant to my own ears. I didn’t know how she made me feel so young and unsure when she was only a little older than me. “Why are you asking me that?”

“Because you’re pretty naive,” she said and shrugged again. “But I can understand that you’re supporting his delusions. You’re cheering him on along the moral high ground because you’re too dumb to see the truth, and he needs that.”

I clenched my fists. It really would be easier if I could just punch her.
But that isn’t what we came here to do,
my inner voice admonished. Lovely of her to show up.

“This isn’t what I came here to do,” I said, choosing to ignore Catherine’s taunts, even though they stung.

“Then why did you come?” she asked. She was now casually inspecting her nails.

“I wanted to say I was sorry,” I said. I willed my voice to be steady, but oh, did she ever get under my skin. I was boiling, but I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of letting it show.

“I’m sorry I found you if you didn’t want to be found, I’m sorry you got taken here. I’m sorry if it’s all brought back painful memories for you. And I’m sorry I shot you,” I said.

I’m totally not sorry about shooting you,
I thought
.
But I was genuinely mostly sorry I’d found her.

“Thank you,” Catherine said. “But your apology is self-serving. It doesn’t make me feel any better that you’re sorry. In fact, it reinforces what I just said.”

“Which was what?” I asked, sounding weary and exasperated to my own ears.

“You’re just doing my father’s bidding,” she said. “You want to make things okay between us so you can beg me to stay in touch with him.”

I sighed, giving up.

“Yes — and also to beg you to talk to Ian today. And be nice,” I said. “Especially since you’re just saying goodbye. It won’t kill you.”

“I’m fine with Ian,” she said, getting up again and re-folding some more clothes and putting them neatly into her suitcase. “You can send him in when you leave.”

“What about John?” I asked, standing up. I looked at her warily.

“You know, we never got along,” she said. “We were never close. He can pretend he’s been broken-hearted for the past six years…but really, what was he missing? I wasn’t in his life, anyway. And that was his choice, Liberty.
He
was the adult.”

“You can’t forgive him?” I asked, losing hope.

“I do forgive him,” Catherine said. “I just don’t want anything to do with him. Or you. So I guess this is goodbye.”

“I doubt it,” I said, as I walked out the door. “I don’t have very good luck.”

“How is he?” I asked Matthew later that night. I ran into him on the way to the house.

“About the same,” he said. I squared my shoulders and took a deep breath. This wasn’t going to be pretty.
Concentrate on the good things,
my inner voice suggested.
Look at the bright side: at least she’s gone.

“Hey babe,” he said when I went into the kitchen. Tonight he was drinking a glass of red wine, which I took as a sign of improvement.

“Hey,” I said, going to him and hugging him hard. “You know what I just realized?” I asked.

“What?” he said, pulling me onto his lap. His sounded a little better, and his body seemed less tense. Maybe he was relieved she was gone, too.

“I get really grouchy when I’m away from you for too long,” I said brightly, masking my disappointment at how the day had turned out. “And I’m starving. I get really grumpy when I’m starving, too.”

“Ian didn’t feed you?” he asked. “Dad, did you forget that Liberty’s on an eating campaign?” he called out to his father, who was still in the entryway.

“I fed her,” Ian said, coming into the kitchen. His face softened at the sight of me on John’s lap; we had discussed the need to cheer John up on the way home. “I took her out for
Pho
. Delicious. And we had fresh spring rolls with mint. But apparently, that’s not enough food for the little lady.” He winked at me.

“It was delicious. Thank you again. But I’m afraid I’m still starving,” I said, getting up to dig through the refrigerator. I pulled out turkey, mayonnaise, hot pepper cheese, pickles and lettuce. I got the good bread out of the pantry. I turned around and John and Ian were both studying everything I’d pulled out intently; John had a pleading look on his face.

“Can I have one?” he asked hopefully. “I skipped dinner.”

“Of course you can, babe,” I said. “You can have whatever you want.” He smiled at me for the first time in three days and it made my heart thump.
I love that man.

“Can I have one, too?” Ian asked timidly. “I seem to have regained my appetite.”

“Of course you can. I like waiting on my two favorite guys.” I started making the sandwiches and listened to them talk.

“How did it go?” John asked his father. “And tell me the truth, please.”

“I always do,” Ian said. “I’m pleased to say that it went better than expected. Catherine agreed to let me come into her room and we spent a little time together. She talked to me for a while and she was actually very pleasant. I made a point of avoiding any topics that were contentious; we seemed to have an unspoken agreement about that. She left it that she would stay in touch with us, letting us know she was okay from time to time.”

“She did?” John asked, sounding surprised.
She did?
I thought,
feeling
surprised. That’s not what Ian had said earlier. In fact, he’d said that when he pressed her about it, Catherine told him she wasn’t going to discuss the future.

“She did,” Ian said, looking happily at his sandwich when I served him. “I think it went very well. Much better than I expected.”

“How was she with you?” he asked me, shoveling his sandwich into his mouth.
Note to self: Must keep John fed
, I thought.
He’s always less edgy with some food in front of him.

“Much better than expected,” I said, echoing Ian, trying to sound positive. “She was at least civil. She said goodbye to me and everything.”

“That’s good,” John said. “It’s probably better that I wasn’t there. I just seem to set her off.”

“No, that’s usually me,” I said, shaking my head. “But she really did seem okay. Better, anyway.”

“What’d Eva have to say?” John asked.

“Not too much. She seemed to think Catherine was doing better as well,” Ian said, lying through his teeth.

“Good,” John said, and kept eating his sandwich. “Surprising, but good.”

I cornered Ian while John was doing the dishes. “She’s going to stay
in touch
? Really, Ian? What’re we going to do when she doesn’t call for three months straight? John’s gonna freak, and he’s going to go back down there!”

Ian patted my hand. “There, there, dear. You must remember that I’ve been managing John for a lot longer than you. Give me a little credit,” he said, and smiled at me. “I wouldn’t risk his sanity or ours like that. Catherine has agreed to stay in touch with
Eva.
Eva texted me a little while ago. She promised that she was going to tell us everything, verbatim, even though Catherine has strictly forbidden it. That was one of her conditions with her mother. Eva agreed, but she didn’t mean it. She wants John involved one hundred percent.”

“She doesn’t want Catherine to go back down there,” I said.

Ian nodded. “But she knows she doesn’t have a choice. So she’s doing whatever Catherine asks, just hoping that she’ll stay in touch. But John doesn’t need to know the details of your conversation with Catherine —
ever
. Don’t you agree?”

“I agree,” I said. “He doesn’t need his heart broken any more than it already has been.”

“It’s a good thing you’re here,” Ian said again, smiling at me kindly. “I wouldn’t be able to manage him without you. You make everything better. ”

“Usually after I make it worse first,” I mumbled, patting him on the shoulder and heading upstairs.

I brushed my teeth and flopped onto the bed next to John. He was wearing his glasses, which I found adorable, and reading an enormous Robert Ludlum paperback.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“A spy novel,” he said. “It’s very technical. I find it relaxing.”

“Right,” I said, and snuggled against him. “Is it okay that I’m too tired to get naked with you?” I asked, yawning.

“I thought you said I could have whatever I wanted,” he said, taking off his reading glasses and putting down his book.

“You can,” I said, and smiled up at him. “All of a sudden, I’m not that tired anymore.”

I kissed him and I felt him rise up against me, swiftly.

He kissed me, deeply, then pulled back to look at me. He brushed the hair back off my face.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he said, stroking my cheek. “The only reason I’m okay right now is because you’re here with me.”

“You probably would be fine,” I said, and I found I was mumbling again. “Because I’m the one who got you into this mess in the first place.”

He sat up and sighed. He took my face squarely in his hands and looked into my eyes. “Liberty,
enough.
We’ve been over this. Even though things didn’t work out like I hoped, I am more relieved than you’ll ever know that Catherine is alive. She’s okay. She’s not doing what I wish she was doing, but
she is okay.

“The fact that I know that now…you’ve given me the best gift any parent can ask for. I can live in a world where she’s alive, even if she wants nothing to do with me.” He winced when he said this, as if it caused him physical pain to say it.

“John,” I said, reaching out to him.

“Wait,” he said, and looked at me again, his beautiful blue eyes shining with a strength I hadn’t seen in them recently. “What I need you to understand is that I’m
only
grateful that you found her. I don’t want you to be upset. I don’t want you going into some downward spiral because you’re worried you’ve hurt me. You haven’t. You’ve made me whole, in more ways than one. Do you understand?”