Life's Perfect Plan (The Life Series) (20 page)

The nurse comes over and introduces herself as Nora, and their other daytime nurse is Shirley. Nora goes over protocol with me and how to take care of my boys. For now they are on a tube feeding until they can get their strength to suck. She advises me now to start pumping my milk. Breast milk will increase their growth. They will be on the CPAP machine for the first 24 hours, after that they will be tested to see if they need any help or if they can breathe on their own. She shows me how to touch my babies, preemies are sensitive to touch. They don’t like to be rubbed or petted. They just need a firm hold. She pointed out where my hand is and called me a natural already. They have IV’s in their arms. She told me that they have to be changed every two days and that preemies bruise easily, but heal just as fast. The waterworks start again, because I ache for my babies. Needles and procedures will be done to them and there isn’t anything I can do.

“Why are their heels all wrapped up and elevated?” I ask Nora.

“We have to test their blood and do heel sticks for jaundice. So far they are ok, but be warned that they might have to have light therapy. Every baby is different so that is why we have to do numerous blood works on them.

They have wires and tubes all around them. Nora showed me what I was looking for on the screen. She advised me that babies will have what she calls “Bradys,” they are Bradycardias. Preemies will sometimes stop breathing, which is Apnea, but then once they stop breathing their heart rhythm slows down causing “Bradys.” Nora also told me that they received their first dose of Surfactant, which is a steroid to open up their lungs. Preemies’ lungs are small and their bronchioles are sometimes sticky, which makes it hard for them to breath. This is the reason why they need help from the CPAP. The best news was that this time tomorrow I can hold them.

Once I hear this news, I smile. Jacob leans down and kisses my head. I pull my hands away from Grant and Cole’s incubators. I tell them that I love them. I will be back soon. I ask Jacob to wheel me over to Evan’s bed. As I get close to Evan I’m amazed by how alert the little guy is. His blue green eyes are just opened as wide as they can be and he is looking around. He makes me laugh to myself, because I see so much of me in him. I slide my hand through his little door and place my hand on his head. I talk to him, telling him I love him and how beautiful he is. His eyes follow my voice, which catapults my heart into my throat.
My baby knows my voice!
Jacob says, “Hi, little buddy!” and I watch as Evan’s eyes search for Jacob. My grin couldn’t get any wider. Evan knows Jacob’s voice, he is looking for Jacob. I tell Jacob to bend down. I place Jacobs’s huge hand into the door and tell him to hold him. Evan could fit in Jacob’s palm. His little head is nestled against Jacob’s palm and Evan closes his eyes as he content to be close to Jacob. Jacob turns to me and smiles. He gives me a huge smile and in his blue eyes I see Jacob’s love for my boys.

We sit for a while and talk to Evan. I suddenly feel lightheaded and ask for Jacob to take me to my room. He obliges and we are off to my room. I tell Nora to call my room if she needs me. She asks me to get with a lactation consultant as soon as possible so that they can start to eat. I tell her I will get on it once we get to my room.

Jacob is pushing me and is very quiet. I ask, “Shouldn’t you be at work by now?” He kisses the top of my head and says, “No, baby. I switched with the doctor on call. He is doing office visits. I will stay here as long as possible.”

“Jacob, you can’t do that to your patients, they will expect to see you.”

“You and those boys are my number one priority, everything else can wait.”

“But, you don’t have to. We all will be ok. I have Ella and Kate, and oh shit … where is my mother? I need to call Grant’s parents. Tell them what has happened.”

“Your mom went to the airport to pick up your father. They will be by as soon as they can. Obviously, I didn’t call Grant’s parents.”

I laugh and lean my head back for him to kiss me. “Thank you, love! You are truly wonderful. I don’t know where I would be without you.”

We entered my room and when I think he will scoot me in farther next to my bed. He stops the wheelchair, walks around in front of me and squats down so we are eye to eye. “Elizabeth, I love you. I think I have been in love with you since the moment you fell in my arms. We have come so far in this journey, and every day I love you a little more. Every day, I wonder if this is the day that my heart will explode from the overabundance of love I feel for you. Everything I say and do is for you. I thought I knew what love was, I thought I understood how to love. But, then I meet you and you change all my beliefs and way of thinking, living and doing. When I am around you, my breathing changes, my pulse quickens, hell my body temperature rises and it makes me so damn crazy in love with you. Even though I love you this much, the love I feel for those boys is magnified by a million times.” He pauses and looks at me as if he is carefully picking his words. “I know I am not their father, but hell, I love them as if they are my own. Being with you on this journey has made me develop feelings for them that I didn’t think I would have. Seeing them take their first breath, made me take my own as I held my breath through every procedure. I, as a doctor, have never been terrified in all my life. I understand you have a ton of emotions going through you now, but I just wanted you know what I feel for you and those boys. Being with you just now, was an amazing experience and I will always remember that moment.” He stands up and leans down. Putting his fingers on my face, he pulls me in for a kiss that makes me melt. He gently sucks on my lower lip, and then pulls it just so that I open my mouth. Once my mouth is open his tongue invades my tongue and they dance as if it was their last dance. He slows the kiss, and pulls back. He kisses my nose, “Baby, you and those boys are my life, my everything, and I want to be with you and them forever.” He looks into my eyes where his ocean eyes are filled with tears.

“I love you, so much Jacob. We both wanted forever with our other loves and we both never got forever so for now, let’s take it a day at a time. Love me today!”

“I love you, today and always.” He says as he stands up and picks me up out of the chair. “Let’s lie down and then I want to look at your incision.”

I lie down in the bed, and he gently pulls my hospital gown up. I have on these hideous white netting underwear with a diaper size pad on, and then gauze pads all at the start of my pubic bone. He softly pulls the gauze back and sees that I haven’t opened anywhere, or bleeding. He calls me a very good patient.

“Have I ever told you, that you look so damn sexy in your scrubs?”

He gives me his panty dropping smile and laughs. “Once my doctor gives the ok to have sex, we might have to act out the doctor and patient role. Because you sir, are making all my wildest fantasies come true standing their all hot as shit!”

“Baby, I would be more than happy to make all your fantasies come true.”

I lie down in the bed, and make room for Jacob to join me. He lies next to me. I scoot into his body, and lay my head in the crook of his neck. He tenderly strokes his thumb across my jaw line. “I love you, Elizabeth.” He whispers to me.

“I love you, too.” I reply.

The next morning I wake up with the terrible urge to pee. Seeing Jacob is no longer in bed with me, I slowly roll onto my side, grabbing the hospital bed rails and pull myself into a sitting position.
Who the hell knew you use your core for everything? This pain sucks!
I notice on my bedside table that Jacob has left me a note scribbled on my styrofoam water pitcher.

Baby, I had to go into surgery. I’m not sure how long I will be considering I have other patients to see. I love you! See you soon. Call me if you need me and kiss the boys for me. Love, Jacob.

I smile at the little note. Picking up my phone to look at the time. It’s 5:00 in the morning. I call my nurse and ask if she can take me to the NICU. Slowly pulling myself out of the bed I walk to the closet and I grab another hospital gown and put it on like a robe. I need to ask my mom to bring me some clothes, this get up looks ridiculous. My nurse strolls in with a wheelchair. I grab my phone and carefully sit down in the chair.

My nurse wheels me to the famous scrub sink. She gives me these hideous green socks with these white rubber stickers on the bottom. “Until you can walk better, wear these socks in there for now.” I give her a nod obliging to her statement. She places the socks over my white cotton socks and helps me out of the chair. I scrub my hands, then I am buzzed in to see my boys.

Walking into my boys’ room I see that the nurse is taking Evan’s temperature. I stand next to her, in complete wonder of how her hands move around my tiny son. “Don’t worry honey, they look small and fragile. I promise they won’t break.” She tells me in her southern drawl.

“What are you doing?” I ask her quizzically.

“I’m taking their temperature to make sure their beds are at the right temp. I have to check their temp every four hours. If their body temp goes up or down they can have some negative effects to them. We will cross that bridge if we get to it. For now Evan is right where he should be,” she says as she is placing new leads on his chest. I can hear him whimper a little and it starts to bring tears to my eyes.

“How did you know his name, yesterday he was still Baby B?” I whisper to her for the fear she will see me start to cry.

“Dr. Alexander made up these signs and placed them on their incubators.” She raises the side of the incubator to show me. My jaw drops, then I turn around and see Grant and Cole’s name on their bed, too.

“Wh … when did he give this to you?” I stutter to her.

“A couple hours before you came in. He said that they have names and we shouldn’t refer them to Baby A, B or C.” She says as she wraps Evan up like a little burrito. She pulls him out of the bed and cradles him in her arms. “Well, mama would you like to hold your son?” She says as nodding to me to sit in the rocking chair.

I sit and she places him in my arms. I feel my chin start to quiver. I’ve waited for this moment for so many years. I finally have my baby in my arms. I pull him to my lips and feel his heavy breathing. “I love you so much, my sweet baby boy.” I say as I kiss his little head.

“Evan is in heaven, just look at his stats.” Nora says as pointing to the numbers on the screen. She asks if I want to hold all of them.

I smile exuberantly at her. “Yes, I would love that,” I mumble to her trying to hold back the happy tears. I am finally crying happy tears. She calls the other nurse and they work together bringing Grant over to me, with wires and all. Within a few minutes I have my three sons in my arms. An experience I will always cherish for as long as I will live. To feel them inside one moment and then to see, feel, and smell them in my arms is truly an epic moment. I start to over think, which I told myself I wouldn’t. My babies are nestled in my arms and against my chest. I stare out the huge window and see the stars. Tears slide down my cheek and I silently talk to Grant
.

“We did it, Grant! We made these beautiful babies. Please watch over them. I miss you! I hope I’m doing right by what you have asked in your letter. Grant, I’m finally happy. It took me awhile, but I’m happy now that I have our sons in my arms. Thank you Grant, I will be forever grateful for what you gave me … us!”

I look down at my sons and see so much of Grant in them. I thank God for giving me three boys that will remind me every day the life I had with Grant. He was part of my life plan, a life plan that went almost perfect for nine years with him. I sit for hours with my little guys in my arms. “Nora?” I mumble for her trying not to startle the boys.

“Yes, hun?”

“Could you take a picture of the boys and me with my phone?” I ask her.

“Of course, honey!” She captures a couple of pictures of the boys and me. She is about to walk away when I tell her. “My arms are going to sleep and I’m afraid to move with all three of them.”

“No problem, honey. It’s almost their feeding time anyways.”

“I think one of them peed on me, my chest is all wet.”

Nora looks down at me as she holds Grant and gives a little chuckle to herself. I give her a facial expression as to ask, what the hell is wrong?

“Honey, they didn’t pee on you. Your milk has come in!” She says as she passes off Grant to the next nurse.

“What do I do?” I question her, since I have never experienced this before.

“Honey, you sit right there, I’m going to have Shirley get you the pump and you can start pumping milk for your boys,” she mutters to me while doing her business with the boys.

Minutes go by and my sons are bundled in their new blankets and tucked in their beds. Shirley shows me how to pump. I place the cups under my wet gown and let the machine do its job. Fifteen minutes later and I have milk for my babies. I want to high five myself for doing something for my sons. I give the milk to Nora in a stored container with an orange lid. She instructs me how to label my milk and to place it in the freezer when I make a drop off. I’m officially now the milk maid. She gives me a new gown, which I change into in the bathroom. I go back to sit in the rocking chair and just stare out the window. What an incredible morning that I have had. It is amazing what a difference 24 hours can do. I look at the pictures and send a text to Jacob.