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I tried to remember what Clare had done this time to make me end up in the hospital, but nothing came. I was so tired and I closed my eyes again.

Leigh…
it was the last thing that entered my mind before the darkness consumed me again.

“SHE’S WAKING UP?” I HEARD A FAMILIAR VOICE.
I opened my eyes and found a grumpy-looking face inches from my own. “Welcome back, Chas.”

I lifted up my hand and scratched his ears softly.

Natalie slept in the chair next to my bed with Charlie on her shoulder.

I blinked around the room suddenly confused.
Damn it!
I was color-blind again. It was as if I was stuffed inside an old black and white TV once again and all the beautiful color I had just started to love had been sucked away.

I felt like crying, suddenly remembering that I would not see my mom barge through the hospital door demanding the doctors tell her what happened.

I would never see her again, or maybe I would, but she wouldn’t see me.

I was sure that by now Selene would know what I was and that she would wait until I was better to chuck my ass into the Oblivion.

To be honest I didn’t care as I had one thing on my mind, and it was something I had to know immediately.

I cleared my throat and Natalie jumped in her chair. Charlie fell off her shoulder and his wings flapped as he landed on the floor gracefully.

“You okay?” She came closer and I nodded.

“Can I have some water please?”

“Yes, of course.” She poured a glass half full and handed it to me. “Here.”

I shifted myself upright with my arms. She kept the glass close to my mouth so I could take a couple of sips and when I’d had enough she put it back on the table.

“Did I save Revera?”

She nodded with a soft smile, but it disappeared. I could feel my heart breaking as I knew what that meant. I hadn’t saved the Virtual Realm in time.

“He’s gone, isn’t he?”

“I’m so sorry Chas,” she said softly. “I remember telling the kids not to be afraid, that there was a loophole. Even Leigh told them that. He didn’t show any fear– not even for a second. Then it came. It hurt like hell and I could hear all of our screams. When I opened my eyes, we were back in Revera. Max is fine, the kids are fine too. Margot woke up yesterday. She said that Dingle hit her with his sand.”

“It wasn’t Dingle.”

“Told you it wasn’t him,” Shades said.

“It was Fox.”

“Yes, Dingle told us that, but not everything. What happened, Chas?”

“It’s a long story and from that question something tells me that she got away.”

She shook her head. “She’s dead Chas.”

I gasped. My heart stopped beating for a few seconds.

“Don’t you dare feel bad. Fox chose to betray us all. If you didn’t …Revera would’ve been lost. We owe you our lives for what you did.”

I killed Fox. And I killed Leigh.

The tears started to flow. I couldn’t hide it anymore and I didn’t care if they were a sign of weakness or not. I would never see Leigh again. He was gone and I killed Fox, even if she turned out to be the bad guy, I killed her..

Natalie folded her arms around me. “It’s going to be okay, Chas. When they found you inside Selene’s vault, your sand was gold again. There is no trace of you being a Shadow Caster. Max made Margot promise to not say anything, she’s agreed to it. You can stay in Revera. Think of it as your reward for saving us.”

As much as that part should be amazing, it wasn’t. I would just have to hide my dark sand again, find new ways to not let it show. Margot would eventually tell. She hated Shadow Casters and she would blame me for Leigh’s death.

“Selene is getting the best technicians in to try and reboot the Virtual Realm again. Maybe he would still be there?”

I nodded.

I could only hope.

I turned around, trying not to be rude to Natalie. But I wanted to be alone.

I had to be alone to find a way to deal with all of this, and hopefully to sleep.

If Leigh wasn’t going to be in the Virtual Realm anymore, I knew where he would turn up.

Inside my dream.

A MONTH HAD PASSED SINCE THE SHADOW CASTERS invaded Revera.

They held a huge funeral for all the Casters that had died in battle. Tom and John were among them.

I was super glad that Shades was still alive. The stupid cat had found a way to dodge the Casters and they found him and all the other animals inside the vent.

I wasn’t awake to see the reunion between Charlie and Natalie but Max told me it was amazing to witness. She cried and laughed all at once when she saw that parrot.

Selene asked me so many times how I’d reversed the shadows in the Orb to light and I just told her I’d used my happy thoughts and the other question I didn’t want to answer, I told her I didn’t know.

She let me stay close to her after I got out from the hospital.

I wasn’t in lock up the way Fox had said she was. I saw it as a well-deserved rest, being waited on and pampered for a couple of weeks, occasionally showing Selene my sand.

It was a bright gold every time. At least that is what they told me as colors still hadn’t come back and my world was all shades of grey. All I saw was this white bright light.

She let me go after three weeks, the day all of Revera was going to find out if the Virtual Realm still existed. They’d only picked a couple of people to enter the reboot, not many were chosen and I wished that I could say I was one of them, but I wasn’t.

Still I was able to watch on a special screen inside a special room that looked onto the lab where the technicians worked. Once they got into the Virtual Realm to find out if Leigh was still alive or not, the screen would show us what they saw.

Three men were chosen. Two technicians and a Guardian.

It was a loss to Revera, knowing how long it’d taken Leigh to create the Virtual Realm and how quickly it had been destroyed.

If he was gone, the Virtual Realm would never be the same again.

Shades rubbed against my legs before he jumped onto my lap. How he’d gotten in…
I’m not even going to ask.

“So, did I miss anything?” he asked.

“Nope, haven’t started yet. They are still getting there.”

“Getting gassed you mean?”

I giggled. The cat had a wicked sense of humor but he was just as brave as any of the Casters walking Revera’s halls.

My heart started to beat frantically as I looked down from the gallery onto the three dentist chairs where the three men had started to fall asleep.

It was the easiest way to get into the Virtual Realm.

Deep breaths,
he just needs to be alive.

“He’s going to be fine, Chas.”

“Shush, Shades you don’t know that.”

I opened my eyes and looked at the big screen.

It reminded me of a dilapidated world. Everything was gone. The buildings, the people.

Tears filled my eyes as the three of them walked and walked for miles.

They entered what was left of homes and walked out again, just shaking their heads.

It carried on like that for hours, and not even in one of those seconds was there any sign of Leigh.

Hope was relatively high when the first day was over and there was still no sign of Leigh. The Virtual Realm was huge, but when they reached the third day, I couldn’t watch anymore. I got up and went straight to my room and fell on my bed.

He’d never even known how I really felt about him. He would never know, and that hurt the most.

“Meow.” Shades jumped onto my bed and lay right next to me. His long fur brushed against my skin and I was mad that when he was finally being there for me when I needed him, I really just wanted to be alone.

“Tears are not a sign of weakness, Chas. They’re a sign of caring and love. They’re also a sign of strength, because if you cannot cry, it means you don’t have a soul to cleanse.”

I looked up at the cat.

“I can’t do this.”

“Okay, now that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” he said. “You saved Revera, and I don’t care how much help you had. You saved Revera and still decided to be good, otherwise your sand wouldn’t have turned back to gold. If anyone can do it, you can. Remember, the Virtual Realm is big. That boy had plenty of time to create the world, and he doesn’t do things half-ass.”

I giggled. It sounded like Leigh.

“He’s going to be fine, you’ll see. They just haven’t found him yet.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“So I guess you will tell lover boy how you really feel if you see him, right?”

“He would probably think I’m a silly Caster having feelings for something that isn’t real.”

“He is real, well not the way we want him to be, but if he’s real to you, he’s real.”

“Thanks Shades.”

“And he won’t laugh.”

I rolled my eyes. “You know that cats don’t know everything and that they are not always right. You could be wrong about that.”

“I’m not about this. Just tell him how you feel when you see him, please.”

I giggled. “Thanks, Shades.”

“You are most welcome. My job is done, see you later.”

“Yep, see you later.”

He left and I felt better. But whether the cat was speaking the truth or not, I would probably never know.

Fatigue finally came.

I hadn’t dreamed of Leigh once in the past month which told me that he didn’t exist anymore.

Darkness consumed me and I drifted away.

When I opened my eyes I was inside the woods. The vibrant colors of the brown bark and green leaves assaulted me as I took in my surroundings. I could still see in color in my dreams.
I always searched for him in the woods, but I never found him.

I tried to dream about theme parks but it never happened that way.

I walked and walked, the trees looked the same. They were dull and lifeless, it wasn’t the colors of Revera anymore, it was the same colors in the Domain; another sign that he wasn’t here.

The tops of the trees moved slightly. I could see it, the wind. It blew small pieces of leaves from their branches and they descended toward me.

They brushed my face gently, leaving a million goose bumps on my arms and blew through my hair. I closed my eyes not knowing what caused this and when it left, I followed it with my eyes. I looked behind me as it blew more leaves in its wake.

I didn’t want the wind to leave my sight as it was the first dream where anything had happened.

The wind picked up again and started to blow orange leaves that had fallen to the ground, twirling them round and round.

A figure started to appear in the leaves and I squinted. It was vague at first, but they were definitely forming a figure. Then the picture got better. First the color of dark hair with broad shoulders appeared. Then his arms, torso and hips. It shifted down to his legs and lastly a pair of glasses rested on his nose.

I cupped my mouth as tears welled up in my eyes.

It was really him.

When the wind finally found its resting place, leaving Leigh standing on the leaves, I didn’t think twice. I ran and my arms wrapped around his neck.

He smelled the same. A bit of musk, mixed with danger and something sweet.

His arms folded around me too.

“Please tell me that you are okay?” I said into his shoulder.

“I’m here, aren’t I?”

“It’s not the same. This is a figment of my imagination. My dream.”

He chuckled. “Chas, I was always just a figment of someone’s imagination.”

I looked at him, confused. “No, you weren’t. You were real.”

“I’m not. I’m a virtual creation, that’s it and….” He looked down to the leaves. “You must know that this isn’t a healthy relationship.”

He’d said it, the word. Relationship. “My parents didn’t have a healthy relationship either. I don’t care.”

“Chas, your dad was real. There is a huge difference.”

“I don’t care!” I said, a bit louder which made me look away. I knew what was going to come next. The cat was wrong. He was going to reject me like he’d done to Margot.

“Yeah.” He sighed. He lifted up my chin to look at him. I hated the tears of betrayal, but it hurt, and I finally understood why Clare had been so upset with me. If she’d hurt this much too, I could finally relate.

“You aren’t the crying type, why the tears?”

“I just wanted you to be okay.”

“I am, I’m here.” He kept saying it over and over.

“It’s not the same, Leigh. I’ll never see you again, other than in my dreams, which are my doing. I want you to be okay inside the Virtual Realm.”

“Why? Why aren’t your dreams enough?”

“You know why. I don’t know if this is your or my doing. I want it to be you.”

His lips curved slightly.

“Why?”

“You know why.” I looked at him again.

“Chastity?”

“I really don’t care, Leigh, and you might not feel….”

I couldn’t finish my sentence as his lips were planted firmly on mine. He kissed me gently and my stomach did a million flops with the knowledge that he felt the same way, even if it wasn’t real.

I wrapped my arms around his neck again and he pulled me harder into him.

He was slightly out of breath when he finished and gave me a smile.

“What?”

“You worry too much Chas, and Mr. Grey, you should trust him more.”

I giggled. “You have to say that because this is my dream.”

“No,” he spoke through laughter. “Cats are always right.”

I giggled.

The wind blew and he looked up at the sky again. His eyes became sullen, with his smile. Something was wrong.

“What is it?”

“It’s time, Chas.”

“For what.”

“For me to go.”

“No.” I grabbed him again and could feel his mouth on my head. “Shhh, it will be fine. It will be fine.” His voice became softer and softer saying it will be fine over and over until my eyes opened and I was back in my room, lying on my bed.

Shades was purring loudly and was lying close to me. I scratched his head.

Whether Leigh was alive or not, I didn’t know but at least I was dreaming about him again. Which was altogether a really good sign.

I guess only time would tell if there was anything left in the Virtual Realm or not. Only time would tell.