Like Arrows (Cedar Tree #6) (33 page)

"Did I miss the cat fight? Dammit, I was just putting the last of the dishes away when I heard the commotion." Neil walks into the room, having obviously heard the raised voices, and looks at all the players in this impromptu stand off.

"Neil!" Emma, who at times was more of a mother to Neil than anything else, scolds him.

"What?" he feigns innocence. "I'm a great purveyor of mud wrestling, but I'll never turn away from a good cat fight."

I bury my face in Kim's hair to stifle my laughter. The kid really is a nut, although I've come to know him enough to realize he's spouting idiocy just to diffuse the tense situation. He's so much smarter than the young pup demeanor he puts on.

"I really wish I'd brought that bottle," Arlene pouts. "Could've used a drink just about now."

Emma snorts and Kim giggles. Naomi stays silent and just observes the woman in my arms before lifting her eyes to mine and giving me a single nod. As much as it conveys her acceptance, it also holds a threat that I better not fuck it up. I nod back, letting her know I got the message. Loud and clear.

"Where's Katie? Or Beth? I would've thought you'd bring the entire wild bunch for a smack down," I say, trying to lighten the lingering mood.

"Beth and Clint are in Durango for the weekend visiting with Clint's brother who just bought a house, and Katie is looking after Max for them," Emma says fiddling with the handle of her cane.

"My brother couldn't look after the boys for a few hours?"

"Uh, Katie actually didn't want to come. She said she trusts you," Arlene admits grudgingly and that sets Emma off again.

"You never told me that. You said you weren't able to get through to her," she accuses Arlene.

"Yeah well, I didn't lie. I
wasn't
able to 'get through' to her," Arlene answers, her finger quotes rather dramatic.

"Enough. Please tell me there's booze in this house. I'm sorry, Kim," Naomi says apologetically, "but I need the numbing buzz of alcohol to block out these two."

"Hey!" The two women in question exclaim simultaneously.

Crazy, overprotective, impulsive but oh so loving bunch of nuts. I look down at Kim's smiling face and in that moment, I feel like the luckiest bastard in the world. Not at all deserving, but fuck if I'm gonna throw back this gift of ultimate trust she’s given me.

However long I can have it for.

"A rocky vineyard does not need a prayer, but a pick axe."

~ Navajo

K
im

"Hey Kim, how are you feeling?"

I don't know the nurse whose face is leaning over me. She's not the same one I saw when I closed my eyes.

I try to answer, but there's no sound when I open my mouth, just a sharp burning in my throat. My mouth snaps shut.

"Don't try to talk," she says and my first thought is
Then you shouldn't have asked me a question to start with
. My second thought is
I want Mal,
but when I mouth his name she doesn't have a clue.

I must've dozed off again because the next thing I know, the surgeon is beside my bed. Dr. Mitcham starts talking but I hold up my hand to stop him mid-sentence. I really need Mal here for support. Again I try to speak, with much the same result. Finally the nurse clues in and hands me a piece of paper and a pen.
Please get Mal FIRST.
I write out.

"Is Mal the tall dark gentleman with the ponytail?" she asks and I nod.“I'll go grab him. He's been pacing a hole in the floor and I almost had to call security on him when I told him only family was allowed in recovery.” She looks my way and smiles weakly. "Anyway... I'll just be a minute."

Thank goodness Dr. Mitcham takes that time to check the IV drip on the side of the bed. Not a minute later, the door slams open and Mal is at my side in two strides, grabbing my hand in one of his and wiping tears I didn't realize were running down my face away.

"Hush baby, I'm right here," he mumbles as he leans down to brush his lips lightly over mine.

"Right." The surgeon draws our attention. "Surgery went as expected. The tumor was lodged against your thyroid making it impossible to remove without sacrificing the entire gland. We were able to confirm the presence of abnormal cells in the first sample we took and decided not to muck about and took your thyroid gland entirely."

Mal's hand holding mine is gripping me tight, but I welcome the mild pain, needing to feel something.

"So it's cancer?" Mal asks the question I can't ask.

"PTL or primary thyroid lymphoma, yes. You were lucky, we caught it early. This would've likely gone undetected for a while yet if Dr. Waters hadn't been so thorough. We removed generously, to make sure we got it all in one go, but it's likely you'll need follow-up treatment to make sure it hasn't spread. We're not taking any chances. What you should know is that PTL is very treatable. Usually a combination treatment but your oncologist will go over your options with you. You will need to start on hormone replacement therapy right away. I will let Dr. Waters know the outcome of the surgery and about the dosages we’ll start you out on. Best of luck to you."

And with a handshake for each of us, he's gone, leaving us in a shocked silence that neither of us seems willing to break. Instead, Mal squeezes himself on the bed, careful not to bump any of the wires still attached to me and pulls me in his arms.

We're still wrapped around each other when a while later the door opens and Naomi walks in.

"Hey," Mal's voice rumbles in his chest.

"I hear we've got some cancer ass to kick?"

I try smiling at her but it's a pathetic attempt, I can tell when she winces.

"You don't get to talk yet, just listen," she says pointing a finger at me. "Mitcham tells me he's pretty sure he got it all. He took out the entire thyroid and some lymph nodes, all of which have been sent to pathology. That report will be sent to an oncologist at the Mercy Durango Cancer Center and we'll get you in there within the next few days. This is going to be fast and furious, folks. Very intense for a relatively short period of time but then you're done. Well, other than that without a thyroid, you'll have to take hormones for the rest of your life, but I'm thinking in the grand scope of things, that's a minor glitch. Let's get this big sucker taken care of first. Deal?"

I nod, smiling a little at the pep talk that makes Naomi sound like a football coach. I'll kick this. My entire life I've known there was something wrong with me. In a perverted kind of way, this almost feels like justification for all the clinic doors I went through hopeful for an answer, and walked out again discouraged and sad. Perhaps I should send each and every one of them copies of the Hashimoto's diagnosis and the pathology report. Assholes.

M
al

"Hey, how is she doing?"

I've just left Kim in a regular room, where she'll get to stay overnight. Naomi is with her, talking to her, trying to calm her down 'cause she's pissed. Angry at the cancer, angry at the army of doctors she'd seen before who never took the time to listen. Her anger is fueling mine and I was already barely hanging on, so I told her I'd go grab a quick coffee. I didn't expect to bump into Caleb in the hallway.

He's leaning against the wall next to a waiting room and the moment I walk up to him, I notice the room is full of familiar faces. Damn. Looks like Cedar Tree closed its doors today. Even Arlene and Seb are both there. Slipping his arm around my shoulders, my brother sidles up to me as I look around the room dumbfounded.

"Tried to keep them away. As you can see that was a complete failure."

I have to swallow hard at the sudden lump in my throat before I move into the room. "Thank you guys," I manage, but barely. "She's...awake. Naomi is with her." I fall silent, not sure how to proceed. Not sure if I can give voice to something I've hated for so long, threatening to take the one woman—hell, the only woman—I've ever let in. Fate wouldn't be so cruel, would she?

"Just spit it out, brother," Caleb says softly behind me, but instead of talking I take a deep breath in and swing my fist full force into the wall by the door. Caleb's arms slip around me from behind, pinning my arms to my side, but he doesn't have to worry. I needed that out of my system. The throbbing pain in my fist gives me momentary distraction until a little voice pipes up.

"Unca owie?"

I look down to see Mattias toddling over, eyeing my hand with worry on his little face. Fuck me. "I'm good, little man. Just a Band-Aid and I'll be fine." His head tilts to the side as he looks at me, before reaching for the offending hand and pressing a slobbery kiss on it.

"Me kiss Unca owie bettuh."

"Thank you, buddy—that helps." My voice cracks. "It's cancer." I focus on Katie's face when I spit it out and when she squeezes her eyes shut at the news. I can feel it in my gut.

"Brother..." Caleb mumbles behind me. The two of them are the only people who know exactly what this means. Katie knows, because Caleb opened up completely with her, just like I've now done with Kimeo.

"She'll kick that bitch, just you wait," Arlene says blinking furiously.

"Arlene! Language..." Emma points at Mattias who has found his buddy Max playing on the floor.

"Damn right!" Kerry says at the same time.

I fill them in on the rest of it. The wait for the lab to type the cancer, the appointment at Mercy Durango, the aggressive treatments that will follow. By the time I'm done, I'm drained, but when I look around the room, all I see is hope on the faces of our friends, and just like that, the heavy load on my shoulders lifts a bit. Whatever happens, we're not in this battle alone.

-

"P
lease, Mal, I need you."

Kim's voice is still hoarse from surgery almost a week later. She was warned that in some cases, the type of surgery she had could alter the voice permanently. I would hate not hearing that sweet melodic sound again, so I scold her when she talks too much. Her sister had been down for a visit. Left again the same day after a tearful apology when she heard Kim had likely always had a thyroid condition. Harsh to learn that her entire life she had berated Kim for things she never had in her control. I couldn't help but hope she felt like shit at the discovery that her small-mindedness and judgement were always unfounded. Not that it's ever okay to treat another person like that. I knew she was hurting. Good. She could afford a little hurt after all Kim incurred. After assuring Kim that their mother appeared to be recovering slowly, but surely, Britta left. She cried and promised to make up for lost time which got Kim going. Pissed me right the fuck off, because crying is painful for her and it doesn't do her voice much good.

I'm staying with Kim in Beth's house. Nowhere else I want to be, and Gus agreed to the leave of absence until we had her back on her feet. His words, not mine. It's not like money is going to be an issue. I've built up a nice nest egg over the past few years of going straight and hardly any expenses.

I need to be close to her at all times. To sleep with her in my arms, feel her breath on my chest when we wake up together, although I haven't dared move beyond kissing her and holding her. Until now.

Kim is awake when I come to bed and her eyes follow me around the bedroom as I strip my clothes off and drop them on the hamper. "If you can drop them on it, I'm sure it wouldn't be much extra effort to drop them
in
it," she points out with an eyebrow raised. I love seeing a bit of fire back, as I ignore her remark and crawl up the bed and on top of her, my elbows bracing her head on each side.

"You being a smartass?"

She wiggles a little, her legs spreading wide to allow for my hips to settle down between them. That's when her eyelids go half-mast and in her croaky voice she begs me.

"Please..." she repeats, lifting her hips and mouth simultaneously, reaching for contact. "I need to feel you. Need you to make me feel alive."

That I can do, and with swift, gentle moves, I strip her nightie off. She's blessedly naked underneath. Wearing nothing more than my underwear. It's only a second before I too am naked, but instead of fitting my hips between her legs again, I slide back down the bed to wedge my shoulders there. The soft flesh of her inner thighs pillowing my ears, muffling the sounds she makes when I close my mouth over her pussy. My tongue flat against her folds, her taste and scent invading my senses. She's so slick and primed, it doesn't take much to send her soaring with the pulsing suction I keep on her clit. The moment I feel her legs relax and loosen their hold on my head, I kiss my way up her body, making sure to include a careful press of my lips against her incision. When I reach her lips, I plunge my tongue in her mouth, and at the same time I slide my cock into her sweet heat. Nothing like it.

My eyes lock on hers and in them I see everything I feel reflected. We knew sleep would be hard to find tonight and we both need this affirmation. This physical expression of every emotion we're feeling. This confirmation of life, right now, in this moment.

Our lovemaking is slow and as intimate as I've ever experienced anything, lasting deep into the night.