Lily's Dream (Siren Publishing Classic) (2 page)

He sat across from her and looked at his knees while she finished editing. Lily read through the paper and tried to decide if she should say anything about what she’d seen the other day. By the time she finished the edit, she knew she couldn’t just ignore it. If she did, it would always be the invisible elephant in the room. She didn’t want Tom and Derek’s friendship to suffer because Derek started avoiding her.

“Derek?” she said tentatively. He looked up at her briefly, turned pink again, and looked back down at his hands.

When he didn’t say anything, she got up and sat on the arm of his chair. She put her small hand on his broad shoulder. “Do they know?” she asked, jerking her head toward the stairs.

“There’s nothing to know,” Derek said in a low voice. “It was just a weird”—he paused—”thing. It didn’t mean anything. I like girls. It’s not like I’m”—he lowered his voice to a whisper—”gay or anything.”

“They’re not going to care.” She rubbed his shoulder comfortingly. She didn’t believe his denial. A few days before, Lily had had a huge paper due and decided to use the college library for research. She’d pulled into the parking lot and saw Derek and another man in a passionate embrace. She honked a hello before her brain processed what she was seeing. When Derek realized it was she, he hurried away before she could talk to him.

He looked up at Lily, his eyes stricken. “I can’t believe I did that in a public place. It doesn’t matter. I can’t tell them. We’ve been friends for more than ten years. We’ve done everything together, the Three Musketeers.” He laughed wryly. “Hell, we’ve showered together, slept in the same tent, made out with girls in the same car.”

“They’re not going to care. They love you.” Lily put her arm around his shoulder and pulled him comfortingly close. He wrapped his around her back and put his face against her chest. She hugged him tightly. “Don’t underestimate them.”

He shuddered and said, “Please, please don’t tell them.”

“I promise,” she vowed, then laid her cheek on the top of his head.

“What the fuck is going on?” Jake bellowed from the door. Tom stood in front of him, saying nothing but looking stricken.

Derek stood up so fast that Lily fell off the arm of the chair and landed on her rump on the floor.

He put up his hands beseechingly and looked right at Tom. “Nothing’s going on. I wasn’t hitting on her,” Derek spoke quickly.

For one moment, nothing happened then Jake tried to push past Tom, his hands in fists. Tom turned to hold Jake back. Lily didn’t know what to do. She got up quickly and stood in front of Derek. Not wanting her to get hurt, Derek was trying to move her out of the way. Tom was shouting at Jake, trying to get through the anger.

Even though Tom outweighed Jake by at least twenty pounds, it looked like Jake was going to be able to get past him. Tom shouted, “Look at his face, man.”

Finally, Tom’s words broke through Jake’s anger, making him stop. He looked at Derek. Lily also glanced up at him. She hadn’t realized earlier that he had been crying. Now his face was wet and panicked.

Jake took an angry step forward, and Tom once again blocked his way. “If you’re not hitting on her, what’s going on?”

Lily thought fast. “His paper is about his father dying, you jerk,” she said to Jake, effectively stopping him from trying to get past Tom to rip Derek apart. She wasn’t exactly lying about the paper because Derek’s father was mentioned. Jake looked abashed. She heard Derek let out a long sigh behind her.

“Sorry, man,” Jake said, stepping into the room. “It looked like you were…” He stopped, reaching for the right words. “Doing something else.” He finished on a sigh. “I should have known you’d never hit on a kid.”

“Hey!” Lily protested. “I’m sixteen years old and a senior in high school. I’m hardly a kid.” She had skipped a grade and gone to summer school so that she could graduate early.

All three of them looked at her with patronizing smiles. “Of course not, Carrot Top,” Jake said. He slung an arm over her shoulder and gave her a noogie, pulling a few curly strands out of the clip.

Lily looked up at Jake, feeling exasperation and puppy love. When she looked around the room, she saw both Tom and Derek looking at her with concern. She pulled out from under Jake’s arm. She loved when he touched her, but she didn’t want anyone to know how she felt about him.

She held out her hands for the other two papers and said, “Why don’t you guys make yourself scarce?” she said. “It’s my turn to mow the lawn. If you do it for me, I’ll be able to give these my complete attention.” That’s how this editing thing worked. They would do some chore for her in exchange for her services.

As one, they headed out of the room muttering. Derek was the last one out. He turned to her and mouthed, “Thank you.”

Ten years later

Lily got out of her Jeep, stretched, and looked at the slightly droopy porch of the cottage she had bought. She’d flown in from New York to close on the house two weeks before, the fourth trip she’d made from New York in the last two months. She had come home as soon as she’d gotten word of her mother’s diagnosis of breast cancer.

Lily had to fly back three more times to get her life moved home. She’d thought she’d have to take a sabbatical from teaching, but a query letter to Jefferson University, her brother’s alma mater, had netted her an immediate interview. They were so thrilled to get a professor in their English department with such credentials they’d offered her a full professorship, a corner office, and a choice of the following semester’s classes. Lily, not wanting to create enemies before she even began, turned down the nice office in lieu of a small office on the main hallway, and chose to teach the two courses no one had claimed. Because she did have an amount of professional pride, she also chose to teach three other courses not previously offered at the school. Administration was thrilled because the courses increased Jefferson’s prestige in the academic community, which was why they’d hired her in the first place.

She’d flown back two other times, once to house hunt and once to close on the house. She’d been lucky to find what she was looking for so quickly. Jake had turned her on to the cottage, knowing that she’d like the size and the location since it was close to both her mom’s house and the school. As soon as she’d seen the sad little house, she’d fallen in love with it. She could see the potential in the sagging porch, peeling wallpaper, and scuffed wood floors. It was only May, giving Lily three full months to make the cosmetic changes before starting work. Since Jake had taken over his father’s construction company, she knew she’d have plenty of help with any repairs that needed to be done.

Lily grabbed a small box from the back of the Jeep and frowned as she headed toward the front door. She was surprised that no one was there to greet her. She had at least expected her mom to be there when she arrived. Lily had called her when she was a half hour out but got her voicemail. She hoped her mom was feeling okay.

She was grateful she didn’t have a lot of unloading to do. The majority of her stuff was going to be shipped from her apartment in New York, so she only had to bring the essentials.

As Lily approached the front door, she noticed it was ajar. Rushing up the stairs, she worried that her house had been trashed because someone had carelessly left the door open.

Pushing the door open with her shoulder, Lily had barely stepped over the threshold when the lights were thrown on and she heard “Surprise!”

She was so startled she squealed and dropped the box, its contents making a clanking sound.

Lily blinked against the sudden light in the room and grinned. There was a banner on the wall of the nearly empty living room that said
Welcome Home, Lily
, and all her favorite people in the world were there. She quickly took in her mother, brother, Jake, Derek, and Trish, Lily’s best friend from high school.

“You guys,” she said with love and exasperation. As though that was what they had been waiting for, they moved en masse to hug her.

Her mother, Joyce, reached her first. She moved quickly and with the vitality that Lily remembered so well, but she was exceptionally thin, and her eyes were slightly glassy with medication. She had three weeks until her scheduled double mastectomy, and although Lily knew she was feeling good, all things considered, Lily was very worried about her.

Lily felt tears pull at her so she turned quickly to her brother. He was as tall and solid as ever. He wore slacks, a button-down shirt, a gun at his side, and his sheriff badge on his belt. He gave her a very tight hug. Whether because he needed it or he knew she did, Lily couldn’t tell.

Next, she hugged Trish carefully. Married to her high school sweetheart, Trish was six months pregnant with her second child. In high school, she and Lily had been completely opposite in every way. Trish was tall, shapely, and popular while Lily was petite, almost boyish in figure, and a self-admitted nerd. Yet the two girls had formed a bond of friendship that time, distance, and lifestyle couldn’t eliminate.

Even in high school Trish had known what she really wanted was to be a wife and a mother. After she had her first baby, she left her job at the hospital to become a part-time home-care nurse. She wanted to be able to work around her husband’s schedule so they didn’t have to hire a sitter. She seemed completely satisfied with her life. Although Lily wouldn’t want Trish’s life, she envied her contentment.

Moving down the line, Lily gave Jake a quick, tight hug. Even after all this time, she had to focus on keeping her breathing even when she touched him. After a quick breath that brought his scent into her, she released him.

Lily turned to Derek and, with a huge smile, threw herself into his arms. He gave her a smacking kiss on the lips, picked her up off her feet, and turned her in a circle.

“Welcome home, Carrot Top,” he said as he put her down, keeping an arm around her shoulders. She kept hers around his waist and leaned against him. She had kept his secret, been his confidante and occasionally his cover, and watched with sadness as he continued to hide himself from his friends. She’d recognized the truth of his words ten years ago. He truly did still like women. He just liked men, too.

“I can’t believe you guys did this,” Lily said, gesturing to the room. In addition to the banner, there was an old couch, a card table with snacks, and a small television in the corner.

“We knew your stuff wouldn’t be here for a couple of weeks and wanted to make sure you were comfortable in the meantime,” Jake said, unable to keep his gaze off the arm Derek had slung around Lily’s shoulder.

“I appreciate it.” Lily stepped out from under Derek’s arm and picked up the box she dropped.

Jake took it from her and shook it slightly. “Is there anything breakable in here?”

“No, just some pots and pans.” Lily laughed. “I’m glad I didn’t grab the box of dishes first.”

Jake carried the box toward the kitchen while Lily, Tom, and Derek went out to the car to bring in boxes and suitcases. Lily insisted that her mom and Trish stay inside and relax on the couch. Her mother looked ready to protest, but Trish, bless her heart, distracted her with a question about potty training.

Since there were four of them, it only took two trips to unload the Jeep. Her mother insisted she unpack the basics while she had people there to help. Within an hour, Lily had all the boxes unpacked, the kitchen set up, the bed made, and was sitting on the floor shoulder-to-shoulder with Derek, holding a long-necked bottle of Corona. There were bowls of tortilla chips and salsa between them. Tom and Jake also lounged on the floor, leaving the couch for Joyce and Trish.

Tom and Jake were riotously debating the Red Sox’s chance of making it to the World Series again while Joyce and Trish moved on from potty training to discuss the best type of preschool for Cissy, Trish’s three-year-old, leaving Lily and Derek to have a private conversation.

“So, how’s life?” Lily asked.

“Not bad, I guess. They’re talking about restructuring so that I would add Vermont to my division.” Derek was a regional sales manager. Although he did most of his work from his Fairview office, he had to take bi-monthly trips up north. His region already extended from Massachusetts to New Hampshire.

“That stinks,” Lily said. She knew he hated the traveling involved with his job. “You could quit, you know,” she whispered.

He frowned. “No, I can’t,” he said firmly.

Lily knew the only reason he’d taken the job was to justify travelling where no one knew him so he could date whomever he wanted. Derek still hadn’t confided the truth about his sexuality to his two best friends, although the convening years had helped him accept the truth of it for himself. He often told Lily that he was only gay north of Boston. South of Boston he was straight. He had once told her that he loved sex with both men and women, but somehow he never felt complete. Lily ached for him. She was tired of being lonely, too. She could completely sympathize.

Lily sighed. “It’s always been your decision,” she said, “but I still think you’re not giving your friends enough credit.” She placed a hand on Derek’s leg. “They won’t love you any less. I’m sure of it.”

Derek slung his arm over her shoulders again and kissed the top of her head. “I know you are. Maybe with you around again I’ll find the courage.”

Lily felt Derek tense, then he removed his arm from around her shoulders and reached for his beer. Lily looked up to see Jake watching them, a ferocious frown on his face.

* * * *

It was dark by the time Jake and Derek climbed into Jake’s Dodge Ram. Although Derek had walked the two blocks over from his garage apartment, the May evening was chilly, so Jake offered him a ride home. He wanted to make sure Derek went home instead of staying the night with Lily.

The truth was that, even though he had found the house for Lily, he hadn’t thought about her proximity to Derek when suggesting it. Lily and Derek had always had an unusual relationship. At times they acted like siblings, and other times they acted like lovers. They certainly were touchy with each other.