Limits of Destiny (Volume 1) (22 page)

“I’m very familiar with the feeling… I can sense my panties are already wet.” I bit my lower lip and leaned toward him to whisper in his ear, “I so want to feel you deep inside me.”

“Me too, but since I can’t have you tonight, I’ll have to satisfy myself.”

“You’re allowed to use your hand, but don’t even think about going anywhere else.”

“I have no such wish, and I wouldn’t hurt you, baby. Never. So I don’t want such thoughts going through your head. I’ll satisfy myself and I’ll look forward to the time when I’ll be able to lose myself in you again,” he whispered in my ear.

“If I were alone in the apartment, I’d call you so we can have… you know what,” I said quietly.

“Phone sex,” he mouthed and looked at me with his passionate blue eyes.

I nodded coyly.

“Have you done it before?”

“Alexander, don’t ask me such questions. You’re making me feel uncomfortable… I haven’t done it. With you, however… it’s different. I told you.” I lowered my eyes, annoyed at his question.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you mad.”

“With you, I can do a lot of things I never suspected I could. And as I’ve admitted to you, many of those things were a first for me.”

“Which makes me very happy, sweetheart.”

“On the other hand, you’re not my first, so I have a base for comparison.” I took a sip of wine, feeling my lips had gone dry.

“That’s how it should be. Hey.” He gently lifted my chin so I would look at him. “It’s unpleasant when I think about you with other men, but the most important thing for me is you’re with me now. I want you just for myself.”

“I know and I feel the same. I want you to know I really appreciate your care and everything you do for me. Thank you for the wonderful dinner.”

“The pleasure is all mine.” His lips gently touched my hair. “I’m happy when I see you happy.”

“Will we see each other tomorrow at noon?”

“I won’t be in Zurich at noon tomorrow,” he replied, and his beautiful face became sad.

“Nooo.” I couldn’t hide my disappointment. I had a great need to spend every free minute I had with Alexander. “I was thinking of coming over to have lunch in your office and maybe…”

“Alexia, what are you getting at?” He looked at me with that devilish gleam in his eyes that drove me completely wild.

“I think you know.”

Dammit, why did I feel so uncomfortable talking about all this with him? We were a couple after all, and couples talk about that sort of thing. There was an incredibly strong attraction between us. Both of us had the need to be one whole, to make love. This was the best way we could express our feelings.

“We’ll do it another time. Definitely. I really like your proposal, Miss Welson.”

*     *     *

When I woke
the next day, I immediately texted Alexander.

I miss you lots. Yours, Alexia

A quick reply followed.

I miss you too, honey. Kisses. Yours, Alexander

Mine,
I said quietly.

My father was still in bed and I didn’t want to wake him. After all, the time difference between Boston and Zurich was hardly insignificant—a whole six hours.

I got ready as quickly as I could and left. I had mountains of work to do today, including a complicated bank analysis, which was causing me a lot of headaches.

An important department meeting was scheduled for half ten. There were rumors that the boss was moving to another department and we’d be getting a replacement from Credit Suisse. All my coworkers and I were already sat around the large table in the conference room when Brauner came in with our new boss.

My God, I thought I was seeing things.

No, this cannot be true…

Tobias Brauner was being replaced by Ralph Egli, my former boyfriend.

W
hen I saw
him, my heart immediately reacted and started to beat so hard it felt it was going to explode. I sensed my cheeks were blushing and even felt hot to the touch. I was angry—no, strike that… I was furious with Ralph. What was he thinking?

I sat on a chair in the hall for team meetings, and question after question swam into my consciousness.

How the hell are we going to work together? How will I manage to hide from my coworkers that we used to be in a relationship so they don’t talk behind our backs? How will Alexander react when he finds out?

Oh God… Alexander… He was going to erupt like Vesuvius and all his furious lava would pour over me. I was certain.

How will I find the strength to tell him?

These thoughts made me want to burst into tears, to start screaming in rage. I knew full well how hard it would be to work alongside Ralph every day. Certainly, he would try to get us back together. But I didn’t want that. I was content with the life I was leading and wanted everything to stay as it was—to continue going to work without worrying about how I would get through the day.

Since I’d met Alexander, I put him first in all respects, but I still wasn’t ready to work with him. Perhaps I would feel more secure when our relationship had become steadier and a few months had passed. At that point, I would reconsider this option, but not now.

Ralph didn’t turn his gaze away from me the entire time. He wasn’t even trying to hide it—he stared at me shamelessly and didn’t give a damn. I definitely had to have a one-on-one chat with him to tell him I didn’t want our coworkers to find out about us. But when?

And then he made things easier for me… Just after the department meeting ended and my coworkers were filing out into the corridor, Ralph grabbed me by the elbow.

“Alexia, can we talk?” he said in a quiet voice. His brown eyes betrayed his internal anxiety. I waited until we were alone.

“Ralph, I’m not going to lie to you. I don’t like this entire situation you’ve put me in. How can you even think we can work together?” I asked him angrily. I paced back and forth across the room, nervous and confused.

Ralph stood still and watched me, his eyes full of tension. He was obsessed with me. What had I done to make this happen? He was such a good-looking man—muscular, tall, and nice. Women adored him, but he wanted me. Why? I couldn’t claim to have done something special during our relationship. Quite the opposite, in fact—I hadn’t given him the love he deserved.

“Please, calm down,” he said. “We’ll work together fine. You’ll see. I… I’m glad to see you. You look great.”

Oh God…

“Ralph, I don’t want to hurt you, but everything between us is over. I’m with someone else and I’m happy with him.”

“I know. Alexander Kraftberg,” he said and nervously ran his fingers through his blond hair.

“Everything was going so well. I was happy in this job. And now… I’ll most likely have to leave and look for a new one. Great. Thanks a bunch,” I said huffily.

“Alexia, don’t be rash. You’re angry right now and not thinking clearly. This isn’t the time to make decisions.”

“This is madness, Ralph. Do you get it? Madness,” I said in a raised voice. “Under no circumstances do I want our coworkers to find out we used to be together. And the part that concerns me most is what Alexander will say. Trust me. He won’t be happy with the news that my ex will become my boss in two weeks.”

I continued to pace back and forth across the room, unable to calm myself. I knew there was nothing I could do except wait and hope it would all be okay. If not, I would have to leave. However, how was I to persuade Alexander to agree to my wish to stay working at the bank? Quite the conundrum.

“I suggest you don’t tell him,” Ralph blurted out.

“What? And let him find out from someone else? I can’t take the risk. I don’t have, and I don’t want to have, any secrets from him.

“Alexia, please don’t be mad at me.” He came over and put his hand on my shoulder.

I turned to him. “I have loads of work. I have to go.” I opened the door and headed to my desk.

*     *     *

I met my
father at twelve and we went to buy a present for Johnny. European fashion was quite different from the trends in the States, and since my brother was now a teenager, like any boy his age, he’d started to pay attention to his appearance. I was happy he always liked the gifts I brought over or sent to him by mail. We had a look in several high-end stores. At the end, we stopped at a cool, Belstaff leather jacket, which was on offer because it was the last one. Luckily, it was in my brother’s size. It was very cool, and we decided to buy it straightaway.

While we were having lunch in a Thai restaurant, I briefly described to my father the situation I was in because of the actions of my former boyfriend. I also told him Alexander wanted me to work in his company. My father naturally shared my opinion and advised me not to make hasty decisions about leaving.

“Alexia, don’t worry yourself yet. It might turn out that all this stress was for nothing.” He tried to reassure me.

“Dad, Alexander is very jealous. He was furious about my going to lunch with his best friend, and we weren’t even alone—his sister was with us. I don’t even want to think about how mad he’ll be when he finds out about Ralph.” Subconsciously, I’d started to nervously play with the golden bracelet on my wrist.

“Him being jealous means he has feelings for you. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t give a damn who you met with. He’s not indifferent about you, Alexia. I saw with my own eyes how he looks at you, and I liked it. He seems like an intelligent and very ambitious young man who knows what he wants from life and—”

“And always gets what he wants.” I interrupted him.

“Alexia, calm down and try to convince him of what YOU want. Your mother always managed to get her way. And the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

His words made me laugh.

“Do you remember when you were ten and your mother gave you a Swedish children’s book as a present—
Karlsson-on-the-Roof
?”

“Of course, how could I forget?” I replied and smiled at the pleasant memory.

I loved the books of Astrid Lindgren, especially the one about Karlsson and his adventures with his friend Lillebror. I couldn’t put them down until I’d finished them. My parents had forbidden me to go to bed late, but somehow I always managed to convince them otherwise. I stood my ground and they gave up in the end, as they knew I would settle down once I’d finished the book.

“When you really want something… you know you can achieve it with persistence and good arguments,” my father stated and took a sip of his non-alcohol beer.

*     *     *

In the evening,
back at my apartment, we had a video chat with Johnny on Skype. My father had brought the laptop along with an internet card so my brother could pass the time writing to his friends on Facebook. He’d taken care to give him everything to make his stay in hospital as pleasant as possible.

My dear father, he always put my brother and me first. Thinking about it… He’d been the perfect dad to me. He couldn’t be any better, as he was already completely devoted to us. He took care of us and was extremely dedicated. Whenever I looked back, I couldn’t remember anything he’d done to hurt to me. He became a widower at such an early age and had to raise two children, one of whom was still a baby. He worked a lot in his company but always found time for us. No matter how tough it was for him, not once did I hear him complain. He supported us and did everything in his power to help get me over my mother’s death.

And the fact that he told me not to worry about my brother’s serious weight loss before he switched on the video showed me he was still thinking of me. He tried to reassure me this was normal and patients generally don’t have much of an appetite after surgery.

I was very grateful for his warning, because I was appalled when I saw how different Johnny looked. He looked so miserable that my heart was breaking. My brother, always cheerful, funny, and carefree, now looked downcast and subdued. Tears blurred my vision, but I managed to keep them from rolling down my face. I had to be strong and try to cheer him up rather than snivel and make him even more depressed. That wouldn’t help him in any way.

Somehow I managed to find my voice and we started to chat. First, we showed him the jacket we’d bought him, to begin on a positive note, and he really liked it. Then I told him about Alexander, and he teased me that I was like a teenager with a crush. Right at this moment, I loved my brother more than ever before, because he was trying to spare me the worry. I knew he was still in pain, but he made sure to smile anyway. Since very young, he’d been extremely attached to me. We always had a great relationship. To him, I was the big sister with whom he could share his worries and joys. Even though we hadn’t been living together for years, he continued to share with me.

I remember how at first, my father worried a lot about how I would take to him. He was afraid, due to the loss of my mother, I might grow to hate Johnny, blaming him for her death. But as soon as I saw how tiny and defenseless he was, my maternal instinct took over. I knew I had no right to blame him, that he also needed a mother and, unlike me, he had never even seen her. I loved him and always tried to take care of him.

Johnny was to be discharged the next day, which was why my father wanted to return home earlier—to get himself up to speed and ask the doctors about his condition.

*     *     *

Before I went
to bed, I called Alexander. I missed him terribly and wanted to hear his deep, masculine voice, whose tones caressed my skin and made me shudder with pleasure. Closing my eyes, I imagined he was with me. Pictured him holding me in his arms and whispering how much I meant to him. I dreamt of being his sunrise and sunset, the sun that lit up his day. To be all the world to him.

“Hi, baby, how are you?” he asked, sounding concerned.

“Fine. I just wanted to hear your voice.” My knees started to go weak so I decided to get into bed. I arranged my pillow and tucked myself in comfortably.

“Are you on the bed?”

“Yes.”

There was a noise, a slight creak, and a sigh. “Hmm, how I wish I was lying next to you.”