Linda Ford (16 page)

The next morning, fatigue hung over her like a shawl as she faced the new day. Before she left the room, she knelt by the bed.
Please, God, give me the strength to do what I must.
And self-control that would let her work at Colton’s side without revealing anything of her errant emotions
. And please, God, help us get the building done in time for the children who are coming.

The ride to town was full of silent disappointment that what she wanted was so far from what was offered. But as they drove toward the orphanage after leaving the children with Charlotte, she sat up straight, her distress forgotten. Two wagons and half a dozen horses stood in front of the orphanage. Ted saw them approaching and waved a greeting.

“Looks like another work bee,” Colton said. “Not a community-size one, though.” He stopped the wagon and helped her down.

At his touch, awareness swirled through her heart. She sucked in a deep breath to still the jolt of longing and held her inhalation until he released her. As soon as he did, she hurried to the building, hoping he would think she was anxious to view the work when she really wanted to outrun her feelings.

He followed so closely on her heels that she couldn’t still her inner turmoil.

Ted joined them. “We have several men with us today who are experienced carpenters.” He introduced them. “And Mort and his sons can plaster so fast it will make you dizzy. Miss, we’ll have this place ready in record time. Won’t we, men?”

Everyone called out a loud “Yes.”

“Thank you all.” Rebecca’s heart grew still. She looked around the building. She’d come to Evans Grove as an OSS agent. She’d placed all the children save Heidi. She’d also been instrumental in seeing a home constructed for the Greenville orphans who would soon arrive. She’d accomplished something after all and had made her mark on this town, even if she couldn’t stay.

She pushed up her sleeves. “What can I do?”

They allowed her to help. Other than stopping for dinner, they worked steadily throughout the day.

“We made good progress,” Ted said as Rebecca and the men prepared to leave later in the afternoon.

She thanked the men again and let Colton help her into the buggy. “I can hardly believe how quickly it’s going when a bunch of men work together.” She rattled on about the final details as Colton stepped into the buggy and sat beside her. She continued to talk fast as they went to pick up the children. It kept her from being so aware of him at her side that she couldn’t think straight. She must. Her heart, full of useless longings, could not be allowed to overrule her head. Her chatter continued until Heidi sat behind her and began to talk about her day.

When Colton asked Rebecca to go for a walk after supper, she almost refused, certain he would try to change her mind about his suggestion from the day before.

But she agreed to the walk, knowing that even if he tried, he wouldn’t be able to alter her decision. Nothing could change the facts. No matter what she wanted or what he offered, she had to go home and do the job she’d been trained for.
You will be the hostess for your father. You will be a light in the social circles, organizing fund-raisers and taking over my many responsibilities
. Her mother’s voice rang loud and clear in her mind.

He led the way out to the grassy place that seemed to be his favorite spot. “You see how happy Heidi is here.”

Rebecca could be, too. But only if she was offered love. And she hadn’t been. “My father expects me home.” She couldn’t stay here hiding the truth that filled her heart.

He shifted to hide his expression. “I understand your desire to do what your father wants. But I’ve been thinking about it. Is duty the same thing as honoring?”

His question surprised her. Did he mean to accuse her of wrongheaded motives? “Are you asking or telling?”

“Just wondering.” He spoke softly, without a hint of accusation or harshness. Had she heard either one, she would have felt the need to defend herself. But his quiet demeanor left her floundering for answers.

She cleared her throat and brought the words to her mouth. “It’s one way of honoring.”

“One way? What are some others?”

“Well, certainly caring for them when they need it. As you do with your parents. Obeying them.”

“When does obeying end?”

“Does it ever?”

He plucked a black-eyed Susan and offered it to her.

She took it absentmindedly.

“I don’t know much about obeying.” He sounded preoccupied. “My parents let me make my own decisions from a young age. They guided me with suggestions, but mostly I did what I thought was best, based on what I’d been taught or learned from experience.”

She compared his sort of upbringing to the strict rules of conduct that had been drilled into her. “It’s different out here. People are more accepting. More tolerant of differences.”

“Maybe they are more willing to change. Try new things. They learn, as I did, to assess a situation and think for themselves.”

She flicked the petals of the flower as she sorted out her reaction to his words. His voice remained low, but now carried a hint of challenge or criticism. Of her? For honoring her father? Doing her duty? She stared at him. “Are you suggesting that I am using my father as an excuse to avoid something? What?”

He shrugged, but his it-doesn’t-matter gesture did not go with the glittering hardness in his eyes. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s easier to let someone else make the decisions. That way, if they don’t work out, the person can lay the blame on the person who made that choice.”

“Stop talking about some nonexistent person.” He had no idea how difficult it often was to please her father, to live up to his expectations. “You’re saying I let my father make my choices so I don’t have to take responsibility for them.”

She thought the warning note in her voice might be enough to stop him from going further, but he pretended not to notice.

“Let’s take Oliver, for example. Your father’s choice?”

She would not answer.

“Yes? Your trip out here? That was your father’s decision.”

Her eyes burned at the unfairness of this accusation. “My father arranged the trip, but I decided to embrace the task. I vowed I would see each child placed. And when the other orphans needed rescuing, I let the Society know and asked permission to remain in Evans Grove and see them settled.”

“You did a fine job. So tell me this. Did you need your father’s approval to take on the extra work? Did you consult him when you chose to come out to the ranch? I’m not trying to upset you, Rebecca. I only want you to decide your future based on what you want, what you need to do. What God is directing you to do. Something special that you alone can do. It wouldn’t be dishonoring your father. In fact, I think it would mean becoming all that he and God know you can be.”

He caught her hands and stopped their nervous fluttering. “You have so much to offer this family, the community and especially Gabriel and Heidi. Your staying would make such a big difference to their lives. Think about it, won’t you?”

Think about it? She couldn’t stop picturing herself in the community. But could she belong here and not belong in his heart?

Chapter Fourteen

O
ver the next few days, Colton watched Rebecca closely, trying to assess her reaction to his comments. He’d worried she’d be angry. Accuse him of suggesting she break the fifth commandment.

Even more, he feared she’d simply say that leaving when the time came was her choice because she wanted to go. As the construction on the orphanage progressed, he feared the announcement of her departure more each day. He wanted to stop her, but he had no idea how. He had nothing on his side. He wanted to keep the children, but he had no claim to them except a desire to protect them and a growing love for them both. As he cared for Gabriel in the dark night hours, a bond was forged between his heart and the baby’s. But he couldn’t care for them on his own. Nor could his parents provide care, especially for the baby.

No, the best thing would be for Rebecca to stay.

Not just for the children’s sake. For his, too, even if he had nothing to offer a rich, city girl.

As he considered her time with him, he realized that her life had revolved around work, either at the orphanage or at the ranch. How could he expect her to jump at his offer? She was probably used to all sorts of outings and fine entertainment.

He had to show her the lighter side of life in rural Nebraska, and he knew just the thing.

But as the hours passed, she kept awfully busy and didn’t give him a chance to bring up the subject. Either she was with one of the men working at the new building or sitting by Ma or discussing something with Pa.

But he wasn’t about to give up.

Each morning they left the children with Charlotte. For a few minutes as they journeyed to the orphanage, they were alone.

Today, Thursday morning, he meant to ask Rebecca to accompany him on a special outing.

He barely waited until they left Holly’s before he asked, “Do you like listening to music?”

“For the most part I do.”

“Do you like opera?”

“It’s not my favorite. I prefer classical or popular music.” She shifted to consider him. “Why do you ask?”

A perfect opening. “There’s a musical variety show in Newfield this Saturday. The program will present some of the best of New York and Chicago music. Performed by Miriam Strong, Michael Moorehead and company.” He’d memorized the advertisement and hoped he got it right, giving his words just enough enthusiasm that she would interpret an interest on his part. Not that he didn’t like music, but normally he wouldn’t have considered going to Newfield to listen to someone sing.

“Miriam Strong? I heard good reviews of her work back in New York.”

His chest lifted with pride. “Guess we aren’t quite so backwoods as one might think.”

She chuckled. “You’ve heard that term applied to your town?”

He realized that he hadn’t. He only thought city people, especially rich, city people, might think so. “Did you think that when you came here?”

“Honestly? When I first got here, I was scrambling to make sense of life. The agent I was helping had been killed in a botched robbery. The children were frightened. I was suddenly in charge and not sure I could handle the responsibility. But I was comforted by strangers, the children were fed and settled, and I saw how everyone pulled together. I saw community at work. After that I never considered anything else.”

Her evaluation made his chest swell. “There’s nothing like people working together, helping each other.”

They were almost at the orphanage and already Rebecca’s attention had shifted to the place.

He pulled back on the reins until the buggy barely moved. “Would you like to hear the musical program in Newfield?”

She brought her gaze back to him. “I don’t understand.”

“Rebecca, would you do me the honor of letting me escort you to hear the musical program?”

Blue sky seemed to fill her eyes. “I’d love to hear the singers. Yes, I’ll go with you.”

It wasn’t quite the answer he’d hoped for. She made it sound as if it was the singers who won her agreement. But he wouldn’t let doubts deter him. Perhaps after the evening, when he’d had a chance to show her what fine company he could be, she’d forget the music and remember her escort.

* * *

The buggy jostled along the road to Newfield. Rebecca wore a pretty pink dress, a pink bonnet on her head, bringing out the color in her cheeks and filling him with sweet memories of summer days and summer skies. Golden curls caressed her cheeks. Every time she shifted to look at something, Colton savored the smell of rosewater.

“You’re sure Charlotte didn’t mind keeping the children for the evening?” she asked. “After all, we leave them there every day of the week. She might like some time without them.”

“She was pleased to be asked. She told me the days were long without Wyatt.” He didn’t tell her what else Charlotte had said. That it was about time he did something special for Rebecca.

Charlotte had stood before him with Gabriel in her arms. “Rebecca has been a real trouper since the first day she came here. She deserves a little fun. You see that she gets it.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

He had rehearsed what to say to Rebecca on the journey—scintillating conversation to convince her that he was more than a cowboy, but now he couldn’t remember one word, even though his mind overflowed with questions. He wanted to know more about her, but his wooden tongue refused to utter a word. He sat mute as the miles passed. A crow cawed mockingly, snapping him out of his inertia.

“I’m still trying to picture a house with thirty rooms. I thought Pa was extravagant building a house with seven rooms. And we don’t use all of them.” It was nothing like what he’d planned to say, but he couldn’t help thinking that nothing anyone in Nebraska offered could hold a stick to a mansion in New York. “Must make our countryside look awfully primitive.”

Her eyes flashed blue lightning. “Are you suggesting that I couldn’t fit in anywhere but in a mansion in New York?”

He heard the warning note in her voice, but couldn’t understand what it meant. “I don’t know.”

Her stubborn eyes met his confused ones. “I don’t know who you are,” he managed to squeak out.

She drew herself up tall, her shoulders square, her expression regal. “I’m the young woman who has been in your home for almost two weeks. The same one who arrived in town two months ago and saw to the placement of the remaining children. I’ve cared for Heidi and Gabriel. Indeed, I am the person who has worked side by side with you and the other men at the orphanage. I have hammered nails, sawed lumber, fetched and carried. I have made meals, washed diapers and a hundred other things. But now I’m a stranger?” Her voice trembled and she stared to the side.

“Rebecca.” He reached for her hand. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just overwhelmed at how different the life you’re used to is from mine.”

She didn’t answer, and her hand lay lifeless in his.

“I planned this day to show you that Nebraska has culture and suitable entertainment to offer you and now I feel foolish.”

Slowly, she brought her gaze to him. “Colton Hayes, you are a snob.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“You are judging me by the size of a house miles away that you’ve never even seen. It’s a house, Colton. Rooms with walls and windows and doors. And rooms that are often empty and lonely. Can you imagine wandering through a house and seeing no one but a maid in a uniform who won’t even meet your eyes? Yet you think of me as privileged.” She sighed.

“Are you saying you prefer the Hayes household, where you are never alone for more than a moment and people crowd into a modest sitting room?”

“Would you believe me if I said I did?” She shook her head. “Everyone has been clear since the beginning that I don’t belong here, although I’ve tried my best to fit in. After the work bee, people were anxious to know when I was leaving. I thought—” She shrugged. “Never mind.”

He pulled her hand into his. “You do fit in. You’ve worked hard and succeeded in everything you've tried. You are efficient and capable. I don’t think there is anything you couldn’t do if you put your mind to it. I have no right to change my judgment of you simply because your house has thirty rooms.” He shifted his voice to teasing. “And a spiral staircase and goodness knows what else. Likely Grecian statues, famous paintings and golden doorknobs.” He sighed. “I can’t even imagine.”

She chuckled. “No gold doorknobs.” Her fingers curled into his.

“Am I forgiven for being a snob?”

“Am I really efficient and capable?” Her whisper echoed with longing.

At that moment he glimpsed her need to believe in herself. “You are an indomitable force to be reckoned with.”

A rush of emotions filled her blue eyes. Joy and wild hope combined with raw gratitude. “You are forgiven.” Her voice grew husky.

They reached Newfield. He reluctantly released her hand and she straightened her glove.

He would do everything in his power to help her have fun and feel at home in his world. She might live in a house with thirty rooms, but at least there were no gold doorknobs.

He grinned as he helped her to the ground. “Now let’s go enjoy ourselves,” he said as joy mingled with excitement and anticipation.

* * *

In her mind Rebecca kept repeating Colton’s words.
Efficient and capable. A force to be reckoned with.
She let the words settle deep in her heart. Let them bubble from one side to the other with little jolts of joy. No one had ever praised her efforts before, and it made her feel ten feet tall. She stifled a giggle as Colton helped her from the buggy. Good thing she wasn’t that tall. She’d be banging her head on everything.

Joy accompanied every step she took at Colton’s side. He tucked her hand into the crook of his arm and held her close as the crowd jostled them.

“We’re early,” he said. “I think we have time to look around.”

The town was much larger than Evans Grove and many of the buildings were more stately—something she had not noted before, but now she compared it to Evans Grove. They paused before the Prairie Trust Bank of Nebraska.

She gazed at the impressive building. Red bricks, white columns on either side of the entryway. White cornices formed a charming contrast to the bricks. They moved on. The town hall was equally impressive. “Miss Ward should move here. She’d approve of the buildings.”

Colton laughed. “Why don’t you suggest it? I’m sure she’d be happier here.” He lowered his voice to a teasing whisper. “Others might appreciate it, too.”

She joined in his laughter. “I know she gets on your nerves. Mine, too. But she is very efficient at organizing things. I’ll never forget how she got the ladies’ society to serve us a meal after the robbery. I surely did appreciate it.”

“No hard feelings because she doesn’t want the orphans placed in Evans Grove?”

“I think the children will prove their value.”

“Is it fair to expect children to have to prove their worth? Shouldn’t they simply be accepted and loved and treated kindly for their own sake?”

She contemplated his question as they turned down the main street and passed a mercantile, a newspaper office and several other businesses. “It sounds really nice, but life isn’t that simple. For the most part, people take in these children for what they can do—help care for little ones, work on the farm or in a mill or whatever, clean house or care for sick folk.” Wasn’t that what she hoped Colton and his parents would see that Heidi could do for them? She had tried very hard to convince herself that she wanted Colton’s parents to see Heidi as an asset. Barring that, she hoped Charlotte and Wyatt would take her because she was capable of caring for Gabriel. Surely it would be best if Heidi could find a home with someone who appreciated her abilities, but deep in her heart Rebecca knew that wasn’t what she wanted for the little girl.

She wanted to keep Heidi with her. She could give the child a decent home back in New York. But she’d never convince her father to adopt Heidi. She could hear his arguments. He was too old. Rebecca knew nothing about raising a child. A deep dissatisfaction burned in the pit of her stomach. It wasn’t ideal.

“Holly and Mason, Charlotte and Wyatt, and—” He named some of the others who had taken in the children she had brought with her to town. “They certainly don’t view their children that way. Not that they don’t expect them to work and help out. All children should be given useful things to do. It makes them feel important. But those families love the children, too.”

She didn’t know when they had stopped walking and simply stood before a store window. Only peripherally did she see the pretty blue parasol and a very fetching bonnet in the display.

Children should feel useful and important? She never had. Often she’d wondered if her parents had forgotten she existed. Certainly that had changed as she grew older and her mother groomed her for her “position in society.” Then later, after Mother’s death, Father had shifted more duties to her.

“Are you longing for a new bonnet?” Colton asked.

“Not at all. I think I’ve found what I want and it isn’t in the store window.”

He took her arm and drew her along the sidewalk, their boots echoing on the wooden boards. “So what have you found?”

She wished she hadn’t blurted out the words and tried to think how to explain them. They reached a bench tucked in between two buildings and sheltered by a bur-oak tree.

He indicated that they should sit, and she did.

“Is this discovery something you don’t care to discuss?”

She heard the gentle pleading in his voice and knew she must be honest with him. “It’s something you gave me.” She kept her attention on the scene across the street as a harried mother tried to shepherd her four children in the same direction at the same time.

“Me? Seems as if all I’ve ever given you is work.”

She brought her gaze to him, kept her eyes wide and honest despite her many lessons on hiding her emotions. She let him see her growing confidence and fragile hope. “Didn’t you just say giving someone something to do makes them feel useful? Valuable even.”

He nodded, his gaze riveted to hers as he waited for her to explain.