Lingus (29 page)

My heart fluttered in my chest at his suggestion but the small — and I mean a very small — logical part of my brain told me not to over think his words. Things could change in an instant, I knew that from experience. I used to see Robby as a gigantic pain in my ass for making Tristan stay away from relationships, but now I worried that those reins that held him back were actually a blessing in disguise. Fuck! A blessing in disguise? Did I seriously want to just be someone's last choice? Did I want to be his best friend for the rest of my life? Or have him hang out with me only because I was the only idiot who accepted him for who he was?

"That's cool," I tried to tell him but my voice cracked at the end. "I hope you know that if you would rather hang out with other people, I'm okay with it." My heart broke a little at my words, but I knew I was doing the right thing. If I needed to distance myself so he could keep going with his life then I'd do it. I didn't want to be anyone’s burden or friend out of pity.

Tristan pulled his hand away to tug at the auburn ends of his hair with aggravation radiating from the pores of his skin. He didn't say anything as he kept driving closer and closer to his house. He pulled his car into the garage and quickly jumped out before opening the backdoor to let Yoda out. As soon as I was out of the car, he was already waiting for me and leaning a slim hip against his car. His hand was still gripping at his hair. "Kat... why would you think that I'd want to hang out with other people?"

My throat felt constricted all of a sudden, and I looked down at the concrete floor between us. "You could make more friends now that you wouldn't have to lie about Robby," I managed to say.

"Kat," he choked my name out in a gruff purr. "Do you think that I've spent all this time with you because I didn't have any other friends? I didn't want anyone in my life because of Robby because it was complicated, but obviously with you it's different," he sighed and brought up his hand to trace the seam of my shirt. "You're the only person I want to spend time with and nothing will change that, okay?"

I nodded silently, trying to take in his kind words that only confused me more. What did he really want?

"You matter to me," he said softly, dropping his hand to his side.

Chapter 41

"He's quitting?" Zoey asked slowly, her perceptive eyes narrowed in my direction.

I nodded and shrugged, spearing a broccoli stalk with my fork before slipping it into my mouth. The best way to handle a Zoey Inquisition, as I called it, was to be as nonchalant as possible. She was like a shark except that instead of sensing blood a mile away she sensed excitement, and then honed in for an attack. "He told me he was retiring Robby."

A thin eyebrow went up, and I knew I was about to be in deep shit with that move. "Did he say anything else after that?"

I ate a few more pieces of broccoli, so I could give myself more time to think about what I wanted to tell her. We had gone to a Tuesday morning hot yoga class and now continued with our routine— which consisted of stuffing our faces. I told Zoey everything normally but a small part of me was worried about what she would say. She threw herself into whatever she was feeling before she completely thought about the effects. Her method was the direct of opposite of mine, considering I had to think and rethink everything. "I told him that if he wanted to hang out with other people I understood, and he just said that he only wants to hang out with me," I repeated as best as I could. "Then, he said that I mattered to him."

I swear Zoey's face went red. If this had been a cartoon there would have been steam coming out of her ears. She squealed and then started wiggling around in her seat. "Oh my god! Oh my god!"

My face flushed at her loud squawking. "What?"

"He wants to be with you!" She slapped a hand over her mouth and screamed into it. "Kat! He's quitting for you!"

"That's not the reason," I said with a roll of my eyes.
Don't take her words to heart. Don't take her words to heart,
I repeated to myself.

She slapped her small hands across the table like a maniac, her eyes looking a little rabid. "Um, yes it is!" she tried to argue.

I sighed.
There was no way
. No way.

Right?

"Booger, that guy thinks you hung the moon. I know you don't see it, but I do," she huffed, sliding her plate away from her. "He's totally quitting to be with you, which is the sweetest thing I've ever heard. Seriously. The sweetest thing and you know I watch a lot of TV."

I groaned and shook my head before shifting my gaze from my friend to the plate below me. I had so many doubts in respects to Tristan that I'd bottled up since he told me about quitting. I thought about his words and behavior recently and they reassured me immensely. He had never lied to me. There was no reason to doubt that he wanted to spend time with me and that nothing would change, but the reasoning behind his decision is what I questioned.

I didn't want to even consider having any hopes that he could have me in mind for anything besides friendship, because I didn't want to get hurt. Who would though? It wasn't that I didn't find myself worthy of his attention, but I also stopped believing in the Tooth Fairy at the age of eight, when I caught my mom sneaking dollar bills under my pillow. I liked to consider myself more of a realist than a dreamer, and Tristan having feelings for me was definitely much more of a dream than a high probability in the real world.

Bright blue fingertips danced across the tabletop, getting closer and closer to me. I chanced a glance at Zoey, who was now sitting on top of her folded legs so that she could reach across. Her expression was open and earnest. "Are you worried because he's been with so many people?" she asked softly. I knew this was a sensitive subject for her to consider because of her own past experiences, so I knew I needed to tread lightly with my words.

"I don't know, Zo. Maybe? A little? We don't talk about the porn stuff. He rarely brings it up and you know I'm not going to either. I don't know how many people he's been with, but I don't think I want to know either," I sighed and thought about my words again. "Well, I want to know but at the same time I don't."

Zoey nodded, tenting her hands underneath her chin. "I got'cha," she narrowed her eyes a little again. "So, you aren't being stubborn about this because of the other people. What is it then?"

"What if... what if he isn't being, I don't know, genuine? He hasn't even really made it seem like he likes me, anyway, Zo."

"Oh, Mylanta," she moaned way too loudly, causing the people in the table right across from us to turn around and look. "He likes you! Don't be so silly. Who wouldn't like you? I think that you need to be the one to take the next step. I was just talking to Ryan yesterday, and he was blabbering about how all of his friends liked you. Even he doesn't understand why you aren't with Tristan."

I wished I were still in elementary school so that it would be easy to send him a note asking him if he liked me and to check the box for yes or no.

"What if he doesn't like me?"

She rolled her eyes, "That isn't going to happen but if he doesn't then at least you know to move on, hello." Her eyes went wide in response to something behind me.

"Katherine?" I heard the gravelly voice ask before I saw the figure to my left. Sea foam colored eyes looked down at me from above a shy smile.

I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face when I finally recognized the strange man. "Hey Kieran," I said. "This is my best friend, Zoey," I pointed at the way too intrigued female across from me.

Kieran held his hand out in Zoey's direction before exchanging a "Nice to meet you." I, in the meantime, took the opportunity to size up my new acquaintance in better light than the one at the aquarium. He was just as hot as before, maybe a little more now that I could fully appreciate the fullness of his arms and clear, porcelain skin tone.

He turned his attention back to me with a blush. "I was just grabbing a bite to eat with my friend, and I wanted to come over and say hi," he said.

I smiled at him in response before I felt a swift kick to my shin underneath the table. Zoey was winking at me from her side of the table while looking between me and Kieran and mouthing something. "I'm glad you did," I managed to say slowly, while trying to read Zoey's lips.

"Who is he?" she mouthed.

"What a coincidence," he said with a long exhale afterward. He started pulling at some imaginary lint on his shirt. "I was kind of wondering if you'd like to go out to dinner with me?" His face flamed red across his nose.

Another kick a little harder that time landed right on my shin. By some miracle I managed to swallow the groan that under normal circumstances would've been considered a borderline yell, and instead diverted my eyes over to give Zoey a forced, saccharine smile. She sat there with a big grin on her face and mouthed, "Say yes."

Kieran stood there during our little exchange, tugging on his belt loops as he smiled sweetly. "Or we can do something else if you want," he offered.

He really was too handsome and polite for his own good. If he would've appeared in my life two months before, I would've e-mailed him the hour I got home from the aquarium, but all I could think about was Tristan. But suddenly his porn-escapades filtered through my brain in a slush. I truly doubted that Tristan had thought about me at all when he was off in Los Angeles.

"I'd love to," my mouth responded before my brain had completely comprehended my actions. "I'm free tonight."

Chapter 42

It was bad enough that I was nervous to begin with.

The text I got on my way to the movies to meet up with Kieran only served to make my hands sweat more than they had been before. I didn't think it was possible for them to be more clammy but obviously I was wrong.

Are you done with Zoey?

'Magellan' texted me. My stomach rolled in nerves.

He had texted me in the afternoon, asking if I wanted to come over when he was done with work, but Zoey had roped me off to go look at the bridesmaid dresses that Nikki and I had picked out two weekends before. I may have failed to mention that I had a date. I may also have been feeling like shit because a part of me felt like I was cheating on Tristan, which was truly an impossible circumstance.
We aren't dating
, was the mantra I kept on repeat in my head. It was the truth; we weren't anything more than friends despite his recent flirting. I was my own woman, I reminded myself.

Which is why it was wrong for my freaking traitorous hands to shake like I was a crack addict. I bit my lip before glancing up at the red light and sighed.

I'm going to the movies and then home :]

I was already driving again when his response came in, so I waited until I was pulling into the movie theater parking lot to read his message. Kieran had offered to pick me up but I wasn't dumb enough to let him. After all, I didn't really know the guy, and the last thing I needed was some sort of stalker situation in case he turned out to be boring or self-centered. I doubted it. I also doubted I'd mind a hot as fuck stalker but you could never really know.

Cool. What movie are you and Miss Star watching? =D

My stomach rolled again as I typed the response. I wasn't going to lie to him and really, I had no reason to hide what I was doing. I was my own woman, damn it.

I'm watching that new comedy with Kieran the aquarium guy.

I waited two minutes for his response before getting impatient and putting my phone on silent. I got out of the car and walked to the entrance of the theater where Kieran's tall, inky headed form was clearly visible over the scattered people waiting around the box office. He grinned the moment he caught sight of me and started walking in my direction. Wearing an emerald green polo, his skin looked even more pale than before at the restaurant. His soft, "Katherine," tore me away from my thoughts about his skin color.

In two long strides, he was standing in front of me, grinning down. I couldn't help but return his smile while also trying to ignore the fact that his green shirt reminded me of Tristan's eyes. "Hi Kieran," I said back.

"I bought the tickets already, ready to go in?" he asked, tilting his head in the direction of the doors. I nodded, smiled, and followed after him. He was sweet and walked slower so I could keep up before opening the door for me and grazing my shoulder blade with his hand after passing the tickets to the theater employee. He treated me to popcorn that we decided to share and individual drinks, because I wasn't about to share a drink with someone I barely knew. I wasn't ruling out swapping saliva via mouth on mouth, but I'd worry about that after the movie.

"Thanks for inviting me," I told him right after we sat down in our seats. We still had about ten minutes before the movie started, I estimated.

Kieran blushed. "I'm glad you came. I wasn't sure if you were interested," he practically whispered.

He was too cute. I almost wanted to wrap him up and put him in my pocket. "I'm sorry I didn't e-mail you or anything, I just had a busy weekend."

"You don't have to explain anything," he replied. "I'd rather you tell me about yourself before the movie starts."

I told him the little things, the unimportant things like what college I went to, what town I grew up in, my lack of siblings, and my affinity for popcorn in five minutes. He managed to squeeze in and tell me that he had three younger sisters, what colleges he went to, and that he too loved popcorn. The previews started mid sentence, and we both just turned to face forward and watch.