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But I
didn’t. I ignored my adolescent impulses and denied the green-eyed monster a
victory. Instead, I bit my tongue and kept silent, fanning myself because I
could feel the heat burning in my cheeks.

Jessica
yawned. “I’m beat. Not that I don’t want to hear any more of all your
incredibly detailed memories, but I think my bed is calling to me. How about
you Lexi, you ready to call it a night?”

“Yes,”
I said with relief and stood up stretching.

“Sounds
good. You’re bunking in my room.” Looking around with her lower lip jetting
out, Jessica said, “I’m just sad I don’t get any good-night hugs. But, I
suppose that doesn’t mean I can’t give you all an energy boost before I go.”
Slowly drifting between Shelby and Trevon, she grabbed hold of their arms and
exchanged a few words. “Come on Lexi, they’ll want a dash of your Essence too.”
She laughed.

I’d
been rather shy about the whole hugging thing, while Jessica had hardly sat
still during the entire evening. She’d bounced from person to person, laughing
and embracing them, even as they’d eaten dinner.

“Come
on,” she coaxed.

“All
right,” I said, slightly embarrassed. Complying with her wishes, I followed her
around and touched each person on the shoulder as I wished them a good-night.

When I
reached Jason, he said emphatically, “Alex, be safe. And stay out of trouble.”

Impulsively,
I touched my finger to his nose, like I did when I was with Ava Rose. “You
too,” I said. With a last wave to everyone, I followed Jessica into the house.
I slept well and without dreams. When we awoke in the morning we were the only
ones at the house besides Jessica’s parents. After Jessica got ready for work,
we ate a quick breakfast, and she dropped me off at home on her way to the
store.

“Talk
soon,” she said as I stepped out of her car.

“Sounds
good,” I replied with a smile. “We’ll compare schedules tomorrow and see what
kind of a volunteer schedule we can set up this week.”

“You
got it,” she said. “And Lexi, only 30 days until the next full moon.”

I
laughed. “You’re a fanatic.”

30
days and counting, I thought.

Around
three o’clock Wednesday afternoon, after finishing my shift at work, I pulled
my 350z into an empty parking spot right next to Ash’s flashy, green
motorcycle. After weeks of not hearing from him, he’d texted me out of the blue
and asked if I could meet up with him at Cornwall Park so we could talk.
Surprised to hear from him, but happy that he was okay, I’d readily agreed.

His
text had been brief and to the point, and I’d gotten the feeling something
important was going on with him. As I stepped out of my car, I couldn’t help
but notice he’d chosen one of the most secluded sections of the park. Shaded
and dark from the surrounding trees, the area was not overly inviting. In fact,
the only people in sight were two guys passing through with their Frisbees on their
way to hole number one of the Disc golf course.

Leaning
against a tall cedar tree, with his arms folded and his head cocked to one
side, Ash looked recklessly sexy as usual. His straight leg, black jeans had
Versace written all over them, but I loved how he balanced the expensive denim
with an unpretentious, faded blue, Rolling Stones t-shirt. When I waved and
called out a quick greeting, he flashed me a hasty smile, but his strained
expression remained.

When I
was about five feet away, he held up one hand and said in a fierce tone, “Lexi,
stop there.”

Abruptly,
I halted in my tracks and looked at him in confusion. “Okay,” I said slowly,
biting my inner cheek.

“I’m
sorry. I didn’t mean to sound threatening.” He dropped his hand but made no
attempt to come any closer. “Listen,” he said with a sigh and a shake of his
head, “I really need to talk to you, but I need some distance between us. I was
hoping you’d take a seat at that picnic table behind you.” He pointed. “Can you
do that?”

“Sure,”
I said tentatively, rubbing my hands flat against my thighs. “But you’re kind
of freakin’ me out here.” This was not the friendly, overconfident Ash that I
knew. His face appeared hollow, almost ghostly. His eyes, more amber than
usual, lacked their customary iridescence; in fact, the incredible shades of
green were all but absent. Besides the color change, there was something else
significantly different about his eyes. Lurking in their depths, I detected
despair.

Taking
a seat on top of the mossy picnic table, I rested my Nike sneakers on the bench
and pulled my sweater tighter around me. Even though it was a warm afternoon,
the temperature under the trees was about ten degrees cooler, and the nippy air
had goose bumps popping up all over my arms. Surrounded by tall cedars, firs
and hemlocks, we were virtually cut off from any direct sunlight; the hard cold
ground was covered with evergreen needles and scattered ferns. Muffled voices
resounded through the trees and smoke from an outdoor BBQ pit drifted on the
breeze.

I
offered him an encouraging smile. “I was really glad to get your text. Everyone
has been worried about you. Noa said this was the longest you’d been gone
without checking in.”

He
stepped away from the cedar and crossed his arms. “I hadn’t meant to be away
this long. My life has gotten really complicated Lexi.”

Where
had I heard that one before? I couldn’t imagine his life was any more
complicated than mine, but I didn’t comment.

“You
look good in red,” he said, offering a half smile.

“Thanks,”
I muttered, momentarily shifting my gaze to my hands. “I’m glad you’re back.
Your roommates are ready to get the band up and rolling again,” I said,
changing the subject.

In a
deep voice he replied, “I can’t. I need to leave town again–”

“Again?”
I interrupted. “For how long?”

“No, I
mean I need to leave Bellingham…for good,” he said harshly, misery gathering in
the corners of his eyes. “I have some personal issues I need to resolve, and I
can’t do that here. What’s more, I don’t think I’ll ever be returning to Bellingham.”
He choked on his words.“But I couldn’t leave without saying good-bye to…”

“What?”
I exclaimed, jumping off the table, but he shook his head vigorously and held
is hand out again. Stopping mid-stride, I waved both arms in the air and said
unhappily, “Okay, okay. But what could be so terrible that you’d never come
back and why can’t I come near you?”

Hanging
his thumbs through his belt loops, he chewed nervously on his lower lip. “I
can’t begin to explain it all to you.” Regret flashed across his face, and he
trained his eyes on the forest floor. “You wouldn’t understand, and you’d think
I was crazy. Some things are better left unsaid.”

“If
you’re in some kind of trouble, let me help you.”

He
sighed. “In a way, I suppose I am, but it’s not fixable. I don’t want to burden
you with that right now. I just wanted to see you again and…”

“Ash,
talk to me,” I pleaded. “Maybe I can help you.”

“Not…possible,”
he said, running one hand over his head and through his long hair.

Nervously,
I fiddled with a button on my sweater. “Give me a chance. I’m a good listener,”
I urged, “and while you may find this hard to believe, I understand crazy. My
life is extremely screwy right now too.”

“Not
like mine,” he barked. He dipped his head and apologized. “I’m sorry. You’re the
last person I want to yell at. I just have so much frustration built up right
now; it’s hard to hold it in.”

“Don’t
worry, I’m tough,” I said, clasping my hand together. “And I’m a good listener.
I really think you’d be happier if you talked to me…if you just opened up,” I
begged.

Out of
the blue, he smiled. “I do love your fiery nature.”

Frustrated,
I stomped my foot into the ground. “Please Ash, you need someone to lean on. I
know the feeling. Let me be that person for you. You don’t need to tell me everything,
just whatever you feel comfortable with. I guarantee you’ll feel a huge weight
lift off your shoulders.”

Shrugging,
he stared right through me. I thought maybe I’d penetrated his defensive wall,
because he appeared to be reconsidering. After a minute or so he tilted his
head back, stared into the treetops and gripped the back of his head. With a
wavering look, he said in a tired voice, “Okay, sit back down and I’ll talk for
awhile.” Anguish flashed across his features.

I
smiled gratefully. “Okay, good.”I hopped onto the picnic table again.

Hunched
over like he’d been beaten down, he walked towards a huge bolder on his left
and half leaned, half sat on it. Looking at me in earnest, he said quietly,
“You knew my family died when I was a kid.” I nodded as he breathed arduously.
“What you don’t know, is how it happened.”

“No,”
I replied. This wasn’t the time to mention that I’d heard bits and pieces of
the story from Ally, who’d heard it from Noa.

“When
I was ten years old,” he began and rubbed his hands together, “my brother Cadyn
and I spent Winter Break at our grandparents in Bend, Oregon. We’d driven up
from Santa Barbara for the visit. When my parents returned from their week long
excursion, they joined us for a couple days. On Saturday evening, our last
night at my grandparents, we were getting ready to go out for dinner when the
strangest thing happened to me…”

He
paused and looked at me with such intensity; I could feel his gaze puncturing
my skin, like it was a twisty bit from my drill set, piercing a hole all the
way through to my heart. “What?” I said breathlessly.

“I had
some kind of weird premonition that we were going to die in a car accident,” he
whispered.

At the
word
premonition
, my jaw tightened, and I sat up straighter. My pulse
raced with sudden awareness as shock ripped through my body. In the back of my
mind I could hear Jason’s voice saying, “Sometimes we call them Golden eyes.” I
didn’t utter a word. In no way did I want Ash to stop talking, nor did I didn’t
want him to detect how alarmed I was now.

“Nothing
like that had ever happened to me before,” he said somberly. “They were so real
and so vivid.” He closed his eyes, his lids fluttering, like he was
experiencing the premonitions all over again. In a broken voice he said, “In my
vision…I saw the accident happen. The car went sliding on black ice. My dad
lost control, and our SUV careened over a steep embankment. The car crashed
several hundred feet below and burst into flames.” His eyes shot open, and he
looked at me blankly. “I knew we were all going to die if we got in that car. I
lost it. I told my parents we couldn’t go out for dinner. I even told them why.
Nobody would listen. They, of course, thought I was being foolish – just
playing some outrageous prank.”

Stone
cold, I felt like an arctic wind had just blasted over my body. Hugging myself
tightly, I watched anxiously as Ash walked around to the other side of the
rock. Hunching over, he placed both hands on his face and moaned – the memories
forever sharp and painful.

With
clenched fists he looked up at me. “Lexi, I tried to make them understand. I
screamed and yelled; I threw nothing short of a full blown tantrum, but nobody
believed me. Furious with my behavior, my dad arranged for me to spend the
evening at the Peabody’s house next door; they were good friends of my
grandparents. I was shocked. But after a good hard spanking and some harsh
words from my father, I decided maybe I was being stupid and letting my
imagination run wild. My brother offered to stay with me while everyone else
went out to dinner, but my dad flat out rejected that idea. I remember staring
out the window after them as they drove off.”

At
that point, Ash turned the other direction and walked back over to the tall
tree. Placing both hands against the bark, he leaned into it and kicked the
trunk hard. When he turned and looked at me, tears shimmered in his eyes. “My
whole family died that night, Lexi. My parents, my brother, and my grandparents
– everyone but me. According to the police report, it sounded like the whole
accident happened exactly like it had in my premonitions.”

“Oh
Ash,” I whispered and made a move to get up and comfort him. But he motioned
wildly for me to stay seated. Striding closer, he stopped a few feet away.
Silence shrouded us as tears surfaced in his eyes – all the pain and sorrow of
that young boy clearly evident in his shattered expression. His vulnerability
was heart-wrenching, and I wanted to get up and hold him…blast him with a dose
of Essence. But I didn’t. For whatever reason he needed his space.

Speaking
hoarsely, he said, “Not a day goes by that I don’t hate myself for not trying
harder to make them stay home that night. I should never had said anything, and
I should have died alongside them in that car crash.”

“Ash,”
I said with raw emotion as the tears welled in my eyes and dripped down my
cheeks, “you can’t blame yourself. I can only imagine the horrible pain and
devastation you must have felt, but it wasn’t your fault.”

“I
know,” he said gruffly. “Logically, I know that. But I can’t stop myself from
asking, what if?”

Softly,
I said, “Ash, I know none of it makes any sense and probably never will.” I
regarded him. “But without your premonitions you wouldn’t be alive today. I’m
so sorry your family didn’t make it, I can’t imagine how you feel. But I am
thankful that you survived.”

Car
doors slammed, and we jerked at the same time and glanced across the woods.
Silently, we watched as a group with two guys and two girls, all carrying
Frisbees, laughed and talked loudly as they trekked along the trail towards the
first hole.

“Lexi,”
Ash said, pursing his lips once they were out of sight, “there’s more about my
premonitions.” He sounded overwhelmed with helplessness. Nodding that I
understood, I kept as straight a face as I possibly could. Oh yeah, I knew
there was more. A lot more! And if he really was a Seer, which made total
sense, he probably needed to link too…