Lion And The Falcon (Furry United Coalition) (17 page)

What the hell am I doing?

Clarice wondered, not for the first time since meeting the lion, if she needed to check her sanity.
Exactly what prompted me to volunteer to accompany Nolan to a dinner with way too many felines?
She could have just driven him to his aunt’s house and dropped him off. She could have sat in his posh car, listened to some tunes, caught up on the news, and watched the house from the street. The probability of him coming to harm was practically nonexistent because even the mutants they hunted wouldn’t dare accost him with that many large predators around. Yet, there she stood at his side on the front step even though she knew his mother and her gaggle of kitties wouldn’t welcome her. So why did she do it?

Curiosity for one, which killed the cat
, but did what to the bird? Then there was her insane urge to needle Nolan’s mother. Nothing out of the ordinary there, more inexplicable was the part of her, which for some morbid, unknown reason wanted to see Nolan in a family setting.

What kind of nephew and cousin was he? What did a family of cats resemble when they got together?
She just had to find out for herself despite the possibility of ending up as dinner.

In the orphanage,
mealtime was a noisy affair with the fledglings yattering and fighting over food. Fistfights often erupted, as did sudden showers of feathers as the wild hatchlings lost control and got involved in aerial fights. Would the same thing happen here?

Should she have brought a lint brush and a hairball remedy
just in case? Strangely enough, she didn’t fear for her safety despite walking into a feline pride. Sure, she knew she couldn’t take on that many cats at once, but she thought she knew Nolan well enough by now, especially since the incident in the sewer, to guess he wouldn’t let her come to harm, even from his family. Obsessed with his hair or not, her doctor possessed a chivalrous side and more courage than his foppish exterior would indicate. He’d keep his family from eating her.
But will that prevent him from eating me?

S
he hoped not. Despite her earlier protestation, she had quite enjoyed his oral assault on her female parts. Very much enjoyed, enough she wouldn’t mind him doing it again. Maybe she would even reciprocate. Not that she’d admit to any such thing aloud. Hopefully, he’d come to that conclusion on his own—if not, she could always give him a push and accidentally fall on top of him.

However
, now was not the time to think about his deft tongue, agile fingers, and the body part she’d yet to test-drive—but had seen. Damn did he have a lot to brag about. No wonder the ladies chased him. It still amazed her that despite his obvious need, he’d pleasured her with no expectation of anything in return.

What man did that?

Nolan apparently. The jerk kept doing the unexpected and throwing her off balance. Worse, she found herself liking him more and more. A lot more.
I hope it’s not obvious.
Judging by the sly glance he slid her and the half-smile curling her lips, the jerk might have guessed. She adopted a stony expression, trying to not give any of her erotic thoughts. She apparently failed. So when he snickered? She elbowed him in the ribs. The blow didn’t even cause him to gasp, although he did chuckle and murmur, “Save that energy for later.”

The door swung open and a
short, gap-toothed youngster grinned at them. “Uncle Nolan!”

“Hey, trouble,” he replied
, swinging the girl up in one arm and giving her a hug. He stepped over the threshold and Clarice debated for one last moment if she should follow.
Chicken.
She didn’t need to hear her internal cluck to decide. She paused at the threshold of his aunt’s home on the outskirts of town, a sprawling ranch style that boasted many tall trees, perfect for nesting, as the babble of voices washed over her.
Can I do this?

Setting his niece down, Nolan peered back at her and whispered
, “Are you sure you want to do this? It’s not too late to back out.”

Cluck. Cluck.
“I’m not afraid.” Spine straight, eschewing the hand he tried to lock around her fingers, she strode ahead of him, moving from the vestibule into domestic chaos. Women of all shapes and ages lounged around, not all of them in human form. On the floor, a pair of cubs tumbled in a spitting mass of golden fur, while atop a wide, and hopefully bolted, entertainment unit, a lean lioness napped. It took only a second for all talk to cease. Way too many eyes turned her way, assessing the stranger in their midst. Clarice wondered how many of them pictured her breaded and deep-fried. She already knew of one feline who thought she was finger-licking good. She bit her lip lest she giggle aloud.

“Nolan,” purred
a golden-haired beauty wearing only the skimpiest of shorts and a top. “You brought fresh meat. How sweet.”

“She’s my guest, Yanna, so claws off.”

The blonde named Yanna pouted, but his comment didn’t deter the others from surging toward them, veiled insults and threats flying.

“Smells like chicken.”

“Kind of scrawny, if you ask me.”

“I thought
we were having lasagna for dinner?”

“Hey, who didn’t change the toilet paper roll when they were done?”

Surrounded by predators, Clarice stood her ground, even if every instinct in her screamed to fly away before one of the cats pounced.

“Would this be the right or wrong time to quote Looney Tunes
?” she muttered to Nolan. He hid a choked laugh behind a fist and she inwardly smiled. She could handle a little ribbing so long as they didn’t attempt to do any plucking.

“Nolan, about time you showed up,” hollered a familiar voice.
Yay, his mother was already here. “I see you brought the giant ASS.”

“Aunt
Brenda! Mind your mouth around the children.” One of the female’s present took offense while a petite brunette rolled her eyes.

“
Oh please. Like they haven’t heard worse.”

Entering the room, Brenda appeared more relaxed than during their morning encounter
, probably because Clarice now entered her turf. “Cool it, Nessa. Jo-Jo’s right. They’ve heard worse than that. And besides, that’s what she is. An ASS.” Brenda relished saying it way too much. Clarice held her tongue. “Family, say hello to Clarice Tertius. She’s from Avian Soaring Security and is here on loan to FUC.”

Nolan didn’t even bother holding back his grin as a c
horused “Oh” echoed through the room.

“What does FUC need ASS for?” asked a new voice.

“Aren’t you old enough to know the answer to that?” said another female with a snicker.

“Get your mind out of the gutter,” yipped a third.

And from there, Clarice seemed more or less forgotten as the women went back to bickering and in general just making noise.

Nolan visibly relaxed. “Well, that went better than expected.”

“It did?” Cheeks hot with embarrassment, Clarice crossed her arms.

“
I’d say it did. They didn’t strip you naked, force you to change, and tar you like they did the chicken hawk last year. But in their defense, he deserved it.”

“What did he do?”

“Asked Abigail to dance at a club.”

“And that was grounds for a taffy?”
A taffy, known in the avian world as a tar and feather.

“Nah, it was the fact he used Abigail to make his girlfriend jealous that got him in trouble.”

“I’d have to agree then he deserved it.”

“How do you punish wingless ones who do you wrong?”

“Honeyed and rolled in birdseed or bread crumbs.”

“That doesn’t sound as bad.”

“Then we drop them on a beach and let the seagulls say hello.”

Nolan let out a huge belly laugh. “Remind me to never piss you off in front of your friends then.”

What made him think he’d ever meet them?

“
What’s so funny?” his mother asked, butting in.

“Just discussing cultural differences,” Nolan replied with a wink in her direction.

“Has your aunt met Clarice yet? Of course, she hasn’t. Let me rectify that.”

Clarice didn’t have much of a choice as the matriarch grabbed her by the hand and dragged her through the bodies
, which magically parted to let her pass. She peeked over her shoulder and saw Nolan shrug helplessly and mouth, “Good luck.”

Not exactly reassuring, and neither was the gigantic pot on the most massive stove she’d ever seen.
Birds were, by and large, picky eaters. Most tended toward the slim side given every extra pound made flight that much more strenuous. It seemed cats didn’t feel the same way. Or at least not the feline in charge of the enormous kitchen. Brandishing a wooden spoon covered in a red sauce, she barked out orders to her minions who scurried this way and that, stirring, seasoning, and in general creating a medley of smells. Clarice salivated and could have sworn she gained weight just from the thought of ingesting the rich foods currently cooking.

“Why do I smell chicken?” yelled the woman in charge. “Who brought poultry in here? You know how
my Alfred feels about white meat.”

“
Probably the same way I feel,” muttered Clarice. “Although, I do like fish.”

What scent didn’t achieve, a few lowly spoken words did. The attention of the chef veered her way and dark brows shot high. “What the hell did you bring into my house, Brenda?”

“I didn’t bring her. Nolan did.” Smug didn’t even start to describe the naughty grin on the matriarch’s face.

“Nolan’s dating a turkey
?”

How rude.
“I’m a falcon, thank you very much, and no, we are not dating.”
Just indulging in oral sex.

“It’s an ASS/FUC thing,” Brenda said with a negligent wave of her hand.
To their credit, only one sous chef snickered at the mix of the acronyms. Clarice herself had to bite her tongue. Really, who came up with these names? Had to be a man with a perverted sense of humor. “Clarice, meet my sister, Shirley.”

“Nice to meet you, ma’am.”

“Don’t ma’am me. I’m not old like my sister here. Call me Shirley.”

“Old? Who
are you calling old?” Brenda bristled.

Shirley ignored her and brandished her spoon.
“You’ve got a lot of balls to willingly come to a house full of cats, especially before I’ve fed them their dinner, turkey girl.”

“Falcon.”

“Whatever. You all smell the same once you’re stuffed and cooked.”

That was s
o not reassuring. But Clarice wouldn’t let something like feeling at a disadvantage curb her acerbic wit. “Well, I’ve always wanted to see the inside of a cathouse, although, I’ve got to say, I expected more red velour and scratching posts.”

It took them a second to get the jibe, then Shirley let out a guffaw. “Great big balls indeed. I like her.”

“She’s got guts for a skinny bird,” whispered someone in the back.

“Too stringy to eat,” grumbled another.

“You say Nolan brought her?” Shirley eyed her up and down and shared a look with Brenda, who shrugged.

Suspicious, Clarice asked
, “Yeah, he brought me. Why are you both acting like it’s such a big deal? He said he couldn’t miss dinner. I’m supposed to keep watch over him so I came. End of story.”

“
He said he couldn’t miss it?” His mother snickered. “Technically, he’s right, but he usually only pops in for dessert. Grabs a piece of pie and runs. He rarely makes the meal part.”

Oh
, really?

“And he’s never brought a girl before,” added the aunt.

“He never brings girls anywhere there’s family,” piped up one of the cousins.

“You’d almost think we embarrass him.”

“You mean we don’t?”

Ignoring the joking,
Clarice’s lips nearly disappeared into her face she tightened them so straight. “Excuse me. I need to have a word with Sylvester.”

“Sy
lvester? Who’s Sylvester? I thought she came with Nolan?” Shirley asked in a whisper that carried.

“Hush. I want to hear this.”

Back out to the front room Clarice marched and halted. The anger coursing through her at the way Nolan had manipulated her into coming, for reasons she’d yet to discern, evaporated. In its place, warmth spread. She tried to fight it. Tried to regain her indignation, but couldn’t, not when faced with the cute scene presenting itself in the form of one large male sprawled on the floor letting a gaggle of cubs use him as a toy.

Gentle
, yet with obvious enjoyment, the damned lion played with the children, ruffling their fur, letting them gnaw on him, playing slap paw. He even—gasp—let them mess up his usually tidy hair and impeccable tie. Then the jerk had the nerve amidst all the cuteness to catch her eye and give her the slowest, sexiest grin in all existence. How dare he?

“Uh
-oh, I think Nolan’s in trouble,” someone muttered.