Lisa (24 page)

Thornbury Hall
London, England

Dear Lisa
,

Well, here it is. The moment you’ve been waiting for. My screenplay! Ta-da!!!!

Ha ha. Actually, what’s here is just a sketchy idea of how one of the scenes might play out. I’m trying hard to nail down the proper atmosphere (not to mention the characters), and this scene is my best attempt so far. I’m not sure it will actually appear in the final version of the screenplay, but I still want your honest opinion about it so I can get an idea of whether I’m on the right track. I’ll send more when it’s ready, but in the meantime …

FADE IN:

INTERIOR an aisle in a well-kept stable. Three girls, S, L, and C, are carrying some tack down the aisle. The three girls are around thirteen years old, dressed in cutoff shorts, sneakers, and tank tops. It’s nighttime, and moonlight pours through the stable windows.

CUT TO

CLOSE UP on L, an attractive girl with light brown hair.

L

This moonlit trail ride should be fun. I’m glad you thought of it, S.

PAN TO shot of all three girls as they pause in front of a stall with a tall white horse inside.

S

Me too. Just remember—we can’t tell Mr. Renney when he gets back from his vacation. You know he doesn’t think it’s safe for young girls like us to ride at night.

C

(nervously)

I know. Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, nobody even knows where we are.

S opens the stall door and pats the white horse. Then she begins putting the bridle and saddle on the horse while her friends watch.

S

(confidently)

We
know. Besides, what could happen? The three of us can look out for each other. We’re best friends.

C

Okay. Well, I’d better go tack up Starshine while you finish with Moonglow.

The camera follows C and L as they move down the aisle. L stops in front of another stall.

L
Here I am at Dancer’s stall. I’ll meet you guys outside, okay?

As C nods and moves on, L enters the stall, where a beautiful bay Thoroughbred is waiting for her. L pulls a handful of sugar lumps out of her shorts pocket and begins feeding them to the horse.

L

Hi there, girl. Are you ready for a nice long ride?

The horse whinnies in response and licks L’s hand as the girl begins to buckle on her bridle.

That’s all I have so far. Be brutally honest when you write back. What do you think? Do I have the atmosphere right?

Love,
Peter

FROM:
           HorseGal

TO:
                LAtwood

SUBJECT:
      Your brother’s screenplay

MESSAGE:

I just read the scene you gave us today. Parts of it are pretty good. The characters are interesting and I think showing them tacking up is a really good idea. It will give moviegoers a feel for stable life. But I do have a few comments about some of the specific details. First of all, obviously, the characters shouldn’t be wearing shorts and sneakers to ride in. For another thing, they shouldn’t be riding at night, especially if nobody knows where they are. It’s not safe for them or for the horses. (And I can’t help wondering if this is happening too soon after the horses have eaten their dinner, and if the characters have considered this.) Also, the way this is written makes it sound like the characters put on the horses’ bridles before their saddles instead of the other way around. And if this Mr. Renney is supposed to be the stable owner or manager, it’s not very realistic that he would be away on vacation. Can you remember the last time Max took a vacation? I can’t. Also, he calls one of the horses “white” when it should probably really be “gray” or “light gray.” Only albino horses are truly white; the rest are just darker or lighter shades of gray, even if they look white. And I would suggest changing the sugar lumps L feeds her horse to carrots or apples or something.
Too much sugar isn’t good for a horse. And at the very end, he says that Dancer licks L’s hand. Dancer is a horse, not a dog, so she wouldn’t lick Lisa unless she was trying to lick the last few bits of sugar off her hand or something like that. More likely, she would snort or shake her head, and maybe nudge at L with her nose like Starlight usually does after I feed him a treat.

Those are the most important comments. In addition, it would be even better if Peter described things in a little more detail. What kind of stable is it? How many stalls? Do the doors open to an outdoor aisle or an interior one? What size are the stalls, and what bedding is used inside? Are the girls carrying English tack or Western? What do the horses look like? Are they all Thoroughbreds or just Dancer? How big are the horses? How old are they? What are their personalities like? Are they calm or skittish or friendly or sleepy?

Aside from that, it’s really good.

FROM:
           Steviethegreat

TO:
                LAtwood

SUBJECT:
      Movie review

MESSAGE:

Okay, so Peter’s little scene was pretty good. A worthy attempt, aside from a few little mistakes like having the girls ride in sneakers. But I don’t think he’s quite captured the
true essence of The Saddle Club. Not that I blame him—it’s a very complex and subtle thing. So rather than trying to explain, I thought I’d provide an example you can send to him. Tell him this kind of scene would be much more typical of our daily life.

a screenplay scene by S. Lake

FADE IN:

INTERIOR a stall at a stable.

CLOSE UP on S, a lovely middle-school girl with a great smile and intelligent eyes. S is just finishing tacking up her horse, CHAMPION, a tall bay Thoroughbred.

S

Ready for our trail ride, Champ?

PAN TO the door of the stall as C and L appear outside. They are each leading a tacked-up horse.

L

Ready to go, S?

S

(as she finishes latching Champion’s bridle) Ready! Let’s go!

CUT TO

EXTERIOR, a field behind the stable. The three girls are trotting along side by side on their horses.

C

Should we ride on the Winding Trail today, girls?

S

(looks worried)

I’m not sure about that. Our riding instructor, Matt, told us never to ride there. It’s dangerous.

L

(laughs)

Don’t be silly. We’re all good riders. Especially you, S.

Matt says you could ride in the Olympics someday—unless you decide to follow your headmistress’s advice and run for president or become a Supreme Court justice. I’m sure someone as multitalented as you can handle the Winding Trail, and you can help us if we have trouble. Okay? Let’s try it.

C
Yes! Come on, S. We’re going whether you like it or not.

S

(still looks doubtful)

Well, if you insist. I guess I have to come along to make sure you’re all right. I hope nothing bad happens.

FADE OUT

FADE IN on the three girls a few minutes later. They are making their way along a spectacular mountain ridge. The trail is wide and smooth, and the horses are trotting slowly. The scenery is amazing, and C and L are gasping and exclaiming as they look out over an endless prairie of tall, waving grass.

S glances around from side to side, still looking worried.

S

Maybe we should head back now. My sixth sense is telling me something bad could happen soon.

C

(carelessly)

What could happen?

L

(glancing at S)

I don’t know, C. You know S’s sixth sense is never wrong. It’s probably the most reliable of all her supernatural powers—even more reliable than her ability to control the weather. Didn’t she predict that earthquake last month? And remember when she saved the President from alien terrorists when he visited our town? Then there was the time she foresaw the breakup of that Hollywood marriage that everyone else said—

L stops with a gasp.

L

(eyes widening)

D-Did you guys hear that?

C
Hear what?

From offscreen, there is the unmistakable sound of a GROWL.

C

(suddenly looking frightened)

That sounds like—

CUT TO a stand of underbrush nearby, just as a huge GRIZZLY BEAR bursts out of it with a CRASH and another series of GROWLS. C and L scream in terror, and all three horses start rearing and trying to race off.

S

(shouting)

Keep your horses under control! It’s our only chance to escape!

L
I—I can’t! A
aaaaaaaaaah!

Her horse, THUNDER, whirls and lets out a shriek of terror as the bear comes toward him. Thunder starts to run, heading straight for the edge of the cliff—a dropoff of hundreds of feet at least. L screams again and again as the reins slip out of her hands.

S

(bravely)

Hold on, L! I’ll save you!

S rides toward L. Just as Thunder is about to leap over the cliff, S leans over from Champion’s saddle and grabs the panicky horse’s bridle, stopping him just in time.

L

(breathlessly)

Thank you, S! You saved my life! Again!

From nearby, there is a SHRIEK and another GROWL.

S
Uh-oh.

PAN TO follow her gaze as she looks and sees that C has fallen off her horse and is lying helplessly just beneath the grizzly’s sharp claws. The bear raises one paw and prepares to swipe as C screams again.

S
Hold on, C! I’m coming …

Okay, I’m not sure what happens next, but I could come up with something if Peter wants me to.

Let me know what he thinks of my scene, okay? See you tomorrow at Pine Hollow!

Dear Diary
,

I can’t believe the school year ends in less than two weeks! It seems like we just started a few days ago … Oh well. Actually, I haven’t been thinking about school too much. I’ve been too busy wondering what’s going on with my parents. They’ve been acting really weird lately, and I have no idea why. They’ve been tip-toeing around the house and whispering to each other whenever they think I won’t notice. But I have noticed. And it’s starting to get really aggravating. I can’t help thinking something bad is going on—maybe even something really bad, like Alice Jackson’s parents … Well, I guess it won’t do me much good to wonder and worry any more than I have to. I just hope they decide to let me in on the secret soon—even though I’m afraid I’m not going to like it, whatever it is.

Okay, I’m really going to try to stop worrying about it. At least until I get my creative writing assignment out of the way. It’s our final assignment of the year.
We’re supposed to write something that sums up how we feel about the school year that’s just ending. It can be any format we like. In a way, that makes it harder to figure out what to do. I’d like my assignment to be something good and creative, not only for the grade, but also to sort of show Ms. Shields how much I’ve learned from her this year. I mean, I never knew how many ways there are to communicate something. If I were Stevie, I’d probably try something crazy like turning in a combination poem-story-essay-play-letter to show that. No, scratch that. If I were Stevie I probably wouldn’t want to spend that much time on mere homework with summer so close. Ha ha!

Actually, though, maybe I will ask Stevie for suggestions when I see her at the stable tomorrow afternoon. After all, this is a
creative
writing assignment. And Stevie is nothing if not creative …