Listed: Volume I (12 page)

He
didn’t try to make small talk or get in the way of her fun, and she was in high
spirits when they got to the lake.

The
recreation areas around the lake were officially closed, but Paul didn’t let
that stop him. Instead of trying to get through the main gates—which were
locked—Paul simply drove around the gates on the grass, maneuvering through
some picnic tables, around a swing-set, and in between various trash cans until
he could get back to the road that led down to the lake.

Emily
had been clapping at Paul’s improvisation, and it wasn’t until he parked the
car right in front of the sandy beach area that she realized she was here to go
skinny-dipping.

Paul
had turned down the volume of the music, and now he looked over at her with a
little smile. “You ready?”

She
nodded resolutely, grabbed her towel, and climbed out of the car. Paul got out
too and walked halfway down the beach with her, until she stopped and leaned
down to unbuckle her sandals. “You’re not going to watch, are you?” she asked,
her heart starting to beat a little faster.

Paul
gave a huff of amusement. “No. I won’t watch.” He turned his back to her and
the lake, facing toward the car instead. “Is this okay? Nothing is likely to
happen, but I’d rather not be too far away.”

“That’s
fine,” she told him, taking off her sandals and then pulling off her little
dress and dropping it on the sand.

It
was a lovely, clear night with a mostly full moon. But there was a slight nip in
the air, and Emily felt it as she started to pull off the top of her tankini.
Her breasts jiggled from the motion, and her nipples immediately tightened in
the air.

She
couldn’t help but feel rather self-conscious, stripping with Paul standing only
a few feet away. His back was to her, though, and he wasn’t going to look.

She
had the bottom of her swimsuit halfway down her legs when Paul began to speak,
startling her so much she gave a little squeak.

Paul
had been starting to say, “Is it—” But at her squeak, he broke off his words
and asked, “Everything all right?”

“Yes,”
she said, yanking her suit off her ankles, “You scared me. I’m naked. Don’t
turn around.”

“I’m
not going to turn around,” he assured her, laughing low in his throat. “I was
just going to ask if it was too cold for this tonight.”

“No,
it’s fine. I’m not going to swim for hours, anyway.” She faced the water of the
lake and took a deep breath, the breeze blowing against her bare skin and
making her feel oddly vulnerable. “Okay. I’m going in.”

“Have
fun.”

She
walked to the water and started to wade in. She squeaked again as her ankles
were sloshed with cold water.

“Cold?”
Paul asked.

She
sucked in a breath and shot a look over her shoulder, but he was still facing
away from her. “Yes. A little. Not too bad.”

She
walked in deeper, bracing herself against the cold. When she got deep enough,
she dove under all the way.

After
just a minute, her body adjusted to the temperature, and she started to enjoy
it. She swam underwater some, and then splashed around, reveling in the way the
water rippled along her naked skin.

The
moon and stars were bright in the dark sky, and she did a length of backstroke
so she could gaze up at them. Then she just floated on her back for a few
minutes, breathing the fresh air and staring up at the night sky.

She
felt almost free.

“How
is it?” Paul called from the shore, reminding her of his presence.

She
looked over at him. He still stood with his back to the lake. He wore the white
dress shirt and gray trousers from the suit he’d had on all day, and the breeze
blew the fabric against his strong, lean body.

“It’s
great!” she called, laughing out of pure
joie de vivre
. “I swam in this
lake all the time when I was a kid, but it was never quite like this.”

“I
wouldn’t imagine so. Don’t get too cold.”

“I’m
fine. Just a few more minutes.”

She
dolphin-kicked her way farther out into the lake and then treaded water,
enjoying the sight of the wooded areas and grassy lawns around the lake, all
glazed in the moonlight.

Then
she realized her teeth were chattering so she started back toward the shore.
She swam slowly, extending the experience for as long as she could. Her breasts
jiggled strangely in the water, without any sort of support from a suit, and
her hair hung wetly around her face, since she hadn’t thought to pull it back
in a ponytail. She felt absolutely wonderful, just the same.

She
reached the point where the lake bottom got shallow enough for her to stand up,
and she half-walked, half-swam her way toward the beach.

She
was about hip-deep in the water when something brushed against her leg, startling
her so much she squealed.

“What
happened?” Paul demanded, turning around in what was almost certainly an
automatic impulse.

She
squeaked again and ducked down into the water to hide her breasts from him,
more from instinct than from any conscious belief that Paul wanted to leer at
her body. “Nothing,” she explained breathlessly, “No crisis. Just a fish or
something swam by me and scared me. Now turn around. I’m getting out.”

Paul
obediently turned his back to her, and she waded out of the water and onto the
sand.

“That
was fantastic!” she burst out, dripping with water as she leaned over to pick
up her towel. “Oh, my God, I’m so glad we did that!” Her teeth chattered helplessly,
but she didn’t care.

“I’m
glad you enjoyed it, but hurry up and get dressed so we can get you back in the
car. You’re shivering.”

She
darted him a surprised look, but his back was still toward her, so he must have
heard her shivering in her voice. “Okay. Just a second.”

She
dried off as well as she could and pulled back on the bottom of her suit. She
decided to forgo the tankini top since it would feel binding and restrictive
now, and they had a drive back to the city. She just pulled her knit dress over
her head.

“Okay,”
she said, trying to towel dry some of the wetness out of her hair and step into
her sandals at the same time. “All done.”

Paul
turned around, and he was smiling at her. For once, his smile looked real.

Spontaneously,
just responding to an irresistible instinct, she reached over and gave him a
hug. “Thank you,” she said, her mouth muffled by his shirt, “For taking me.”

Paul
felt a little stiff, like he had the last time she’d hugged him. He put both of
his arms around her this time, however, and actually hugged her back. “You’re
welcome.”

She
was pulling away, still shivering from being so wet in the brisk air, when he
frowned and studied her face. “You’re freezing.”

“Not
freezing, but I wouldn’t say no to getting back in the car.”

As
they walked, his eyes scanned her in close assessment. She knew he was just looking
for signs of her having gotten sick from the cold—since he seemed to be hung up
on that idea—but something about the way his gaze came back to her chest a
couple of times made her look down at herself.

The
cotton of her dress had gotten damp from her hair, and it was clinging
resiliently. The thin fabric clearly revealed the unsupported curves of her
breasts and the outline of her tight nipples.

She
blushed a little—unable to suppress the self-consciousness—but Paul didn’t seem
affected by the sight, other than his initial distraction.

He
could have the most beautiful women in the city without even making an effort.
He wasn’t likely to get excited by a stray glimpse of her quite unexceptional
body.

He
opened the passenger door for her calmly and shut it behind her before he went
to get in the driver’s seat.

After
he turned the car on and adjusted the heat, he smiled at her gently. “Do you
want to get something hot to drink on the way home?”

She
smiled back at him, fighting the instinct to be annoyed with him just because
he was giving her that gentle look she hated. “Yeah, that would be great.
Thanks.”

By
the time Paul stopped at a nearby quick shop and came back with two cups of hot
chocolate, Emily was feeling good again. She was tired and still kind of wet,
but she felt like she’d accomplished something, and Paul wasn’t bad company at
all.

They
didn’t talk much on the drive home. Emily turned the music up again, and Paul
drove fast. She didn’t sing this time, just listened and let herself get swept
up in the heady rhythm of the music and the motion of the car. There was a kind
of rich momentum to the combination of speed and sound on the dark road that
was hypnotizing, compelling.

Whenever
Paul glanced over at her, she made sure to smile at him—so he knew she was
enjoying the drive.

She
thought maybe he was too.

When
they pulled back into the private parking deck under their building, Emily
grinned and pulled her list out of her pocket.

She
unfolded it and laid it on her knee. Without prompting, Paul reached down to a
little compartment of his door and groped until he’d found a pen.

He
handed it to her with a smile.

She
crossed off from her list the item that said, “Go moonlight skinny-dipping at
Lake Collins.”

As
she was refolding her list, she said, “Thank you, Paul. Seriously. I really
appreciate you taking me.”

“I
was happy to.” He hadn’t turned off the car yet, and he hadn’t taken off his
seatbelt. His eyes slanted away from her now, but she caught something
reluctant in his expression that hadn’t been there before.

Emily
stiffened, realizing Paul was going to say something she didn’t want to hear.

She’d
thought they’d had such a good night.

“Emily,”
Paul began, meeting her eyes again, seriously this time, “I’m glad we could do
this, but I also need to know if you’re going to try to sneak out on me again.”

She
sucked in her breath, surprised and a little relieved by the direction of his
comments. She hadn’t been sure what he was going to say, but she’d briefly been
scared he was going to tell her he couldn’t help her out with any more items on
her list. “I’m not,” she said, lowering her lashes as she remembered the
intensity of her feelings of rebellion earlier that evening. “I told you I was
sorry about that. If I’m in this marriage, then I can’t have it both ways. I
won’t do it again.”

Paul
was silent for a moment, and she was sure he was scanning her face, although
her eyes were still lowered so she couldn’t see him. He cleared his throat. “I
don’t understand why you thought you had to do it in the first place.”

With
a ragged exhale, she met his eyes again. “I don’t know really. It was like the
last straw. I’ve had to accept…accept so many other things lately, and I just
couldn’t accept your ordering me around.”

“I
wasn’t—”

“I
know you weren’t
trying
to order me around, but you were kind of doing
that.”

When
she paused, he was clearly thinking back to what he’d done and said earlier
that evening. Then he nodded in internal acknowledgment. “I guess I was being…”

“Bossy,”
she finished for him, slanting a little smile so he knew she wasn’t still
angry. Then, since she could tell he wanted more of an answer, she stared
forward at the gray concrete wall in front of the car and made herself
continue. “You were being too bossy, but it was more than that for me. I don’t
know if I can really explain it. Have you ever felt…Have you ever felt like
you’re surrounded by shadows? And they’re all slowly encroaching on you?”

There
was a long pause before he murmured, “Yeah.”

She
cut her eyes over to him and saw with absolute clarity that Paul understood
about shadows. She nodded, staring back at the wall since it seemed safer to
speak that way. “Well, lately, the shadows all closed in on me so fast. Too
fast. Too many of them. And they’re all taking things away from me. I guess it
just felt like you were the only shadow I could fight.”

“Why
am I a shadow?” Paul asked, very softly. When she jerked her gaze back to him,
she saw his face was perfectly still but there was a glint of something
vulnerable in his eyes.

“It’s
not you,” she said hurriedly, afraid she’d hurt his feelings. “It’s not about
who you are. It’s just that all these other shadows are taking away my choices,
and I can’t do anything about them. I can’t stop them. I can’t
stop
them.”

For
a moment, she had to hide her face, shaking a few times as her eyes blurred
over and a flood of grief and helplessness overwhelmed her, but she controlled
the emotion enough to continue, “So, when you started to take away my choices too,
it felt like you were…you were one of them. And, unlike all of the other
things, there was something I could do to resist
you
.”