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‘Well, um… yeah. She was kind of…’

‘Worried?’

‘Nah, Sil never worries. Just… curious.’

‘Look, it messed us all up, Jaf. I think you’ve actually coped better than the rest of us, because you’ve got that fabulous easygoing temperament, you lucky dog. Like Dad. Blocking her out of your memory’s probably a very healthy response.’

‘Right,’ said James sceptically. ‘Amnesia as a measure of mental health. How does that work?’

‘Why not? A survival mechanism, or something. God, I wish I could do it. I wish I could wipe her clear out of my brain.’

‘But Dad… that’s different again. He’s never even
mentioned
Mum, except when he absolutely had to. Is
that
healthy?’

‘I don’t know.’ Deborah started prowling round the studio. She stood on tiptoe and peered out the high studio window, which was open to the sea breeze. She could just see James’s lap pool at the far
end of the garden, glinting in the spring sunshine. What she couldn’t see was her daughter Olivia sitting directly below the window, back to the sun-warmed wall, listening attentively as the dogs lay dozing at her feet.

Olivia knew that what she did was frowned upon –
snooping
– but she didn’t care. She firmly believed that being good was no match for being well informed. Not even in the same league. And the fact was that things at home were not quite right lately: her mother so snappy, and now this stuff with Grandpa. Even her dad seemed a bit… fuzzy. Adults never liked kids to know what was really going on, which was just so unfair, since being a kid was bad enough without being kept in the dark. If you didn’t find out for yourself, then things could sneak up on you…

Deborah turned back to James, who had propped one long thigh on the edge of his work table and was watching her, his head slightly tilted, waiting.

‘I think… when she left, there was all this gossip, and I think Dad just hated it. The neighbours used to talk about her, whether she had a boyfriend, where she’d gone. Why she left. It was horrible.’

‘Did they?’

‘You bet.’ Deborah twisted her shoulders and put on a nasty face.
‘She must’ve been seeing someone,’
she hissed.
‘Poor Alex! Such a sweet man!’

James pretended to vomit. ‘Erk!’

‘And then the cops coming, interviewing us… I think Dad just figured we had to get on with life and we’d be better off if he never… if we all just blocked her out.’

‘So you think that’s what Dad did, really just blocked her out of his memory? Completely?’

‘Oh!’ Deb cried, her hands flying up. ‘
That’s
the thing I rang you about. God, James, I got such a fright last night…’

Deborah told him about the odd phone calls, and Olivia’s experience with her grandfather the day before. But James was not
concerned by what Deborah described. After all, their father was getting old now, in fact not just
getting
old, already well and truly
old
! And old people often had problems remembering things, didn’t they? Not to mention the fact that Alex had always practised, as Deborah herself had just pointed out, a system of selective amnesia. But he was in as good spirits as ever, wasn’t he? And the gardening kept him as fit as a Mallee bull. All things considered, Alex was doing fine. Why worry over something that was probably perfectly normal?

‘But I
am
worried,’ Deborah said, looking strained suddenly. ‘I’m under such a lot of pressure at work, it’s just relentless. And things… I don’t know, James, things aren’t so good between Angus and me right now. I just don’t know how I’d manage if there was something else to deal with.’

‘How do you mean, things aren’t so good with Angus? I always thought Angus was Mr Reliable.’

‘I don’t know what I mean. He’s still… supportive. He never complains about all my meetings, or the work I bring home. He shops, he cooks; the domestic demigod, as ever. But even when he’s right in front of me, he’s kind of not
there
. As if he’s half-zonked all the time. Like when Dad rang the other day and at the end I say, “Bye, Dad”, and Angus says, “Was that your father?” I mean,
No, Angus, it was the Minister for Education, I call her Dad
.’

‘Oh, sis. Lighten up! So he vagues out sometimes. Angus’s never been, you know, that driven A-type kind of guy. That’s why you two work so well together.’

‘Used to,’ said Deborah gloomily. ‘Lately… we ain’t working so well. And… god, this is probably more than you need to know, but…Well, it’s not happening much in bed, either, and that’s where things
always
worked.’

‘Well, sheesh, what can I… But, Deb,
how
long have you guys been married?’

‘Seventeen years.’

‘Holy cow!’ James made a cartoon face of amazement. ‘And you still expect to have the hot sex thing happening? Hey, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but things are bound to slow down after seventeen years. Really. Seventeen
months
, most couples. And like they say, it’s not all there is to a good marriage, you know.’

‘Well, that’s not how it’s been for us,’ Deborah said stoutly.

‘Okay. So maybe you need to take a holiday. A nice romantic holiday, just the two of you, and leave your mobile phone at home. Don’t tell the minister where you’re going.’

‘I wish. Not a chance, unfortunately. Damn it.’

‘Well, maybe you should do something else then. Take up ballroom dancing together. Swim! It works for me!’

‘James, everything works for you. It’s just the way you were born. I was born with the weight of the whole damn world on my shoulders.’

‘Oh, you poor old thing,’ her brother said with affectionate sarcasm. She made a face at him. ‘Listen, here’s an idea: if you’re really worried about Dad and the memory thing, how about we talk to Vesna? She’s a nurse, she must know about ageing and stuff.’

‘Vesna? Oh, I don’t know about involving… other people. Not in family matters.’

‘De-eb! Vesna’s not other people, she’s Robert’s wife! That’s family. She’s the same as Silver, or Angus.’

‘No. Look, of course I talk to Angus. And I know you talk to Silver. But we don’t have to make it…And Vesna’s… different.’

‘Why?’

‘Because…’ She rolled her shoulders impatiently. ‘Oh, I don’t know. Because Robert and Vesna drive me nuts!’

‘Come on! Vesna’s a professional. She’ll be able to put your mind at ease about this, I’m sure.’

‘Oh, I just
hate
other people knowing our business!’

‘Vesna’s not —’ James started patiently.

‘Okay, okay! Maybe you’re right, James. But will you call them?
I can’t bear to hear the blow-by-blow on how brilliantly the girls are going with Suzuki violin and all that crap.’

‘Yeah, sure, I’ll call ’em. We’ll all be seeing each other right here in a couple of weeks anyway. At Silver’s fiftieth birthday party.’

‘Oh my god, is that so soon?’

‘Sure is. Shine up your dancing shoes, sis, ’cause it’s gonna be one hell of a party.’

‘Hooley dooley! What’s happening to this year? It’s gonna be over before… I need a coffee, Jaf, right now! You have to make me a cappuccino from that snazzy coffee machine of yours.’

‘And since you asked so nicely, I will.’

Brother and sister left the studio together. Still sitting beneath the window, Olivia tugged thoughtfully on Mintie’s soft black ears, then rolled to her feet and padded quickly across the expansive garden to the path that led down to the beach. ‘Just a quick run, girls,’ she told the dogs. ‘That took a bit longer than I thought.’

She didn’t feel too good: a little queasy, in fact. It was not an unfamiliar feeling; the price she paid for keeping herself well-informed was that sometimes she got
too much information
, as her cousin Laurence would say. It wasn’t exactly news to her that her parents weren’t having a great time, but that Mum was actually worried enough to talk to Uncle James about those… private things…
Ugh
. Olivia shook herself. Adults were so… gross sometimes. But after twenty minutes of running and playing with the dogs on the beach, she felt okay again. Restored to herself.

CHAPTER 4

The two cars pulled up outside Deborah’s house at almost the same moment, just as she was drawing the curtains in the bay window: Robert’s Volvo wagon, James’s Saab convertible. Both spot on time for the siblings’ meeting about their father. She watched them walking up the path together, chatting away, and Deborah heard James laugh his splendid easy laugh. Her diaphragm unclenched and she felt a sense of relief, even pleasure. Bless James, he got on so well with everyone, even anxious do-gooding Robert, who could set her teeth on edge with a couple of earnest sentences. Her anxiety about this meeting abated just a little.
Now
, she thought,
if Meredith could just arrive at something resembling the time arranged, and sober…

‘Why don’t we all go out to the kitchen till Meredith gets here?’ Deb suggested after greeting her brothers. Angus had the kettle boiling, Olivia was putting together a plate of crackers and cheese.

‘So, Angus,’ Robert said. ‘How are things in the eyrie?’

Angus looked puzzled. ‘Airy?’

‘E-Y-R-I-E, eyrie. Well, you are the legal eagle in the family!’

Deborah made a small groan which James sought to cover by
quickly asking Olivia about her animals.

‘Oh. Right,’ said Angus as Robert grinned expectantly. ‘Well, you know, it’s just a small community practice; we don’t get to represent axe murderers all that often. Mind you, it’s amazing what a dispute over a boundary fence can bring out in an otherwise amiable human being.’

‘I’m sure!’ Robert enthused with a little nervous laugh. ‘It can get pretty nasty at the old chalk face, too, believe it or not!’

‘I do, I do believe it. In fact, we mediated a surprisingly fraught dispute between a couple of parents and the head of a local primary school just recently.’

‘Really?’ Robert was immediately rigid with attention. Even his greying ginger beard seemed alert. ‘The principal? Was it a policy issue then? Or a teaching matter?’

‘Sorry, ah, I can’t really talk about it,’ said Angus apologetically. ‘The confidentiality thing, you know. But I was just meaning, yes, I do know how hard you teachers have it these days.’

‘Especially after the mess the last bloody government left the education system in,’ said Deborah. ‘Honestly, we’re working night and day to pick up the pieces, fat lot of credit we get for it. And as for the hospitals!’

‘So true. It’s been a nightmare for Vesna and her colleagues. A pretty fraught decade all round, the nineties,’ Robert said. He jammed his hands awkwardly into the pockets of his cardigan. Hand-knitted, Deborah suspected, by the admirable Vesna. ‘Glad that’s over, at least: not knowing where the axe was going to fall next. What miracles you’d be expected to work with fewer staff and less money. For about three years that was all anyone talked about in the staff-room: who’d be the next to go…’

‘Like Stalinist Russia.’

‘Oh, Deborah! You can’t compare Victoria, even under that lot, to Stalinist Russia!’ said Robert. Deborah stiffened.

‘But you hung in there,’ said James. ‘And thank god for that! If
people like you and Vesna had left the schools and the hospitals, we’d all be goners. How could the new government have a hope of rebuilding this state without that backbone? The truly dedicated people like you guys?’

Deborah smiled as Robert nodded his earnest agreement.
James the peacemaker
, she thought.
He’s amazing.
The doorbell rang at that moment and Robert cried, ‘Ah, that’ll be our Merry girl! I’ll let her in, shall I?’

‘Hope she’s not
too
bloody merry,’ said Deborah, raising one eyebrow meaningfully.

Meredith was bubbling with apologies and suspiciously high spirits. As quickly as possible, Deborah got all the siblings settled in the living room and was opening her mouth to speak when Angus came in. She looked at him impatiently.

‘Sorry to interrupt,’ he said. ‘I’m off to the gym, and you guys will probably be gone by the time I get back, so I hope everything goes well.’

‘Oh, Angus,’ cried Meredith, ‘I’ve hardly even had a chance to say hello to you! How
are
you? And when are you going to that, um, big school reunion?’

‘I’m just fine, Merry, thanks,’ he said, stooping to kiss his sister-in-law on the cheek. ‘And the reunion was terrific, but it was months ago.’

‘Was it? Gosh. Must be that long since I’ve seen you,’ she said with a giggle.

‘Must be. Bye, Deb.’ He kissed his wife’s cheek, too, which was all she offered. ‘I’ll be a few hours. I need a proper workout.’

As Angus was leaving the room, Olivia entered carrying a tray with the plate of crackers and cheese, a bottle of sparkling mineral water and some glasses.

‘Mum, I’ll be doing my homework. Just call out if you need anything else,’ she said quietly as she set the tray down.

Her mother nodded, her uncles and aunt all made little
complimentary exclamations. Olivia smiled at them and left the room, pulling the door almost-to behind her. Deborah, seated in her favourite green leather chair, was about to call out to Olivia to close it properly when Robert distracted her with an authoritative
attention please
noise.

‘Shall we commence the meeting?’ he asked, and rose from his seat on the couch next to Meredith to stand at the table nearby, his hands clasped loosely behind his back.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls
, thought Deborah.

‘Well. Thank you for coming here this evening, and to Deb for having us. I know we’ll all be enjoying James and Silver’s marvellous hospitality the weekend after next, but I didn’t think that would be the right occasion for this discussion.’ Robert paused to take an A4 notepad from his briefcase. ‘Now. Thanks to Vesna, I do have some information, albeit somewhat speculative at this stage, about our father’s health. I’m afraid it’s not looking particularly like good news.’

Meredith gave a little moan. ‘Oh no. I can’t bear this. I just can’t bear it if anything’s the matter with Daddy.’ Her features, already a little blurry, softened further as tears welled in her large hazel eyes.