Little Disquietude (16 page)

"Like, double double toil and trouble?"

"Yeah. Creepy. Dark. Goth. You'll like the
song, though. I can fax over the sheet music. Do they have faxes,
um, where you are?"

"Yes. And indoor plumbing. And HBO."

"Leah."

Grace had never liked her wit and during the
time they were together, Leah had practiced being kinder and more
patient with people. Even though no one knew exactly why. She'd
gotten compliments from producers and fans alike--"She's so nice.
She's so generous." And then when she and Grace ended their
relationship, all the sarcasm came back, released with vengeance
upon the world. She'd had a lot to make up for. She smiled grimly
and gave Grace the fax number for the house.

"Thank you," Grace said. "I think this part
is really you. When can you meet with the casting agent?"

"Next week I can fly up on my day off."

"He'll call."

"Fabulous."

"Well, that's all. Good luck in two
days?"

"Thanks, Grace," Leah said, trying not to
sound bitter. Her tone was habit more than feeling, just the
instinctive stance she went into whenever they talked. She silently
asked forgiveness. To ask forgiveness out loud would just cause a
fight.

"Break a leg," Grace said, and chuckled.

Leah frowned, remembering what it was like to
be nice to people, and said, in her best kind voice, "Thank you,
Grace. It's good to go home to the promise of work."

"Like I said, you'll be great for the part.
Goodnight, Leah."

"Goodnight, Gracie."

Grace huffed, and hung up. She'd always hated
that. Leah smiled to herself. The sun had set, and the light had
become grey. Leah went inside. She poured the ice and lemonade into
the sink, put the glass in the dishwasher, and leaned on the
counter. The tension had left her, and Grace's call, though
meaningless, was slightly reinvigorating. She shook herself. In a
couple of hours, she'd go to the
Macbeth
closing night
party, but it was too early to start getting ready.

The house was quiet. Adam was still asleep
upstairs and Ward was gone. Leah settled in at the piano. She put
aside the
Poe
sheet music and rummaged through the books on
top. There were no basic books of show tunes, so she settled for
movie themes, and played
Terms of Endearment
as quietly as
she could and hummed along.

She played until the sky outside was pitch
black and Adam stumbled downstairs in his rumpled clothing. "Party
tonight?"

"Yeah," Leah said.

"You seem--I don't think I've ever seen you
play the piano."

"One note at a time," Leah said.

Adam took a beer from the fridge and twisted
off the top. "Want one?"

Leah shook her head.

"It's kind of nice here," Adam said, looking
at the window.

"Calm before the storm," Leah said. "I was on
the porch, earlier."

"Did anyone shoot at you?"

"No. But Grace called. She offered me
work."

"Really?" Adam raised an eyebrow.

"Really. I'm going to at least meet with the
agent."

Adam nodded. "I've been approached to consult
on a reading here. Some guy from the coast. Want in? I don't know
if they have any female parts, yet."

"Sure." Leah lowered her voice. "Or I could
be a man."

Adam raised his beer bottle, and said, "A
consummate actress."

Leah grinned. She put the movie book back on
the top of the piano, and got up.

"How's Grace?" Adam asked, watching her.

"I didn't ask. But she sounded fine."

Adam nodded. "And how's Sophia?"

Leah's face broke into a smile before she
could even think of a noncommittal response. She blushed furiously,
and before she could say, "How should I know?" Adam was already
waving her off.

"You'll be there tonight, then?"

"Yes," Leah said. That she could answer, and
definitively. She went upstairs, ignoring his grin as she
passed.

He called, "Let me do your makeup!"

"I'm not twelve," she shouted back.

"Let me anyway? Tonight's a night to glitter
and be gay."

Thanks to Adam, she ended up singing
"Candide" in the shower, and still had the operetta stuck in her
head as they left for the party. Adam led her to the car.

"Where are we going?"

"They rented a restaurant downtown."

"We're downtown," Leah said, though clearly
she saw the houses and trees that surrounded them.

"There's a whole city out there, Leah.
Durham." Adam waved his hand with flourish.

"If it's over two miles away it's not the
same city," Leah said. She walked to the theater each morning,
she'd walked to the club with Sophia, and the donut shop, and she
presumed she could walk to the gas station on the corner if she
needed survival supplies.
Die Fledermaus
didn't count
because that was in another city--like going to Albany. But driving
to a restaurant just...wasn't done. "Can't we take a cab like
normal people?" she asked.

"Honey, I promise there'll be food, and you
smell exceptionally good, and everything will be all right."

"All right." She got into the car.

Adam settled into the driver's seat. "Buckle
your seatbelt," he said.

"What?"

Leah scanned for Sophia as Adam pushed into
the crowd at Thyme, but she didn't see Sophia, and instead saw one
of the
South Pacific
producers, with a stage hand on his
arm, who said "Leah Fisher, isn't it?"

She shook his hand and nodded.

"Pleased to make your acquaintance. We're all
so excited about
Poe
."

"Are you coming?" she asked, dumbly, still
scanning for Sophia. She tugged distractedly at the strap of her
halter dress. Velvet in a casual cut made an impression, Adam said,
but she was afraid she'd get a rash. The merlot-shaded fabric,
though, blended with the crowd dressed mostly in black. Rented
tuxes and little black dresses for most of the crowd, black jeans
and skin-tight T-shirts for the crew, who didn't care anymore, and
just wanted to get drunk on a night when they didn't have to go to
work in the morning.

"Opening night, of course," the producer
said. She tried to remember his name. Paul?

"You'll have a wonderful time."

"No doubt," he said.

They smiled at each other and he inclined his
head, and wandered off to the next celebrity. Leah breathed. She
went further into the crowd, and shook hands with an actor she
knew, and someone she didn't know who turned out to be a
benefactor, there with the mayor. He asked for her vote. She just
nodded and smiled.

Meet, greet, go. She used to give out
business cards; she didn't anymore. Industry contacts were not made
at parties. Impressions were made. If they remembered her, they'd
seek her out. She had come for one reason, and it was a better
reason than any she'd had in previous parties.

And there she was. Sophia, standing next to
Elaine, who sat in a wheelchair, covered in blankets, smiling
grandly and sipping champagne. Sophia wore a black gown,
floor-length, strapless, that Leah had not seen her wear before.
Her hair, a matching shade of black, was piled on top of her head.
Leah started toward her, just as Sophia's attention was entranced
by a man who seemed to be asking her to dance.

Sophia demurred. Leah felt relief, and then
guilt at her own jealousy, but really, who danced at parties
anymore? Macduff's henchmen appeared at Sophia's side and said
something that made her laugh. She lifted her drink to them. Leah
arrived, and let her hand slide across Sophia's back as she knelt
to greet Elaine.

"There's only one question to ask a famous
actress," Leah said.

"I'm afraid to know, darling," Elaine
said.

Leah tugged at her neckline, and asked,
"Would you sign my boob?"

Sophia, still talking to Eric, kicked
Leah.

"I'm afraid I don't have a pen."

Leah did her best impression of a sad face,
which must have worked, as Elaine frowned. She said, "I could touch
your boob."

Sophia kicked Leah again.

"Ow. Hey, I didn't say that. Kick Elaine!
Kick the woman in the wheelchair," Leah said. She stood, and
squeezed Elaine's hand.

Adam shouted, "Leah!"

"Duty calls. It was nice seeing you."

"You, too." Elaine lifted her chin and beamed
at Leah. "It's so nice to go to a party and see a new face, for
once. The same old scene gets so old."

"I know exactly how you feel. Come to New
York sometime, be my show-and-tell."

Elaine sighed, and said, "I would, Miss
Fisher, but it's so cold in New York." She drew her blanket around
her and her hand shook. She looked away from Leah. Leah brushed
Sophia's elbow and went to Adam. When she looked back, Sophia
smiled beatifically at her.

Adam said, "Leah, I'd like you to meet Joshua
Litton. He's the regional theater editor of the
Atlanta New
Day
."

"You've come a long way," Leah said.

"There's a bit more money for regional
theater in Georgia, but I hear North Carolina sure would like to
put itself on the map," Joshua said. He was a big, overweight man,
with a Southern accent that made Leah think of Senators. She tried
not to giggle as she shook his hand. He said, "I'm interested in
what compels the New York crowd to come down here, when it's not
obviously a try-out situation."

"Why do you think it's not a try-out?" Adam
asked.

"Because you don't have those kind of
backers, Mr. Grenald. And because Durham doesn't have that kind of
audience. I can't imagine any city in North Carolina being able to
host an out-of-town."

Adam grinned. "But Atlanta?"

"Absolutely. And is this your leading lady?"
Joshua asked.

Leah glanced at Adam.

Adam said, "I already told him the Triangle
is where the money was. That's why he decided to ask an
actress."

"Because we don't have any money?"

"Exactly," Joshua said. "I can't quite
believe Grenald here, when I don't see 'Funded by RTP' on any of
your playbills."

Leah smiled and said, "While it is true, Mr.
Litton, that Manhattan is the center of the universe, it's a big
universe. The same instinct that drives me to act--to be different
people, to transport myself and the audience to different
places--is the same instinct that compels me to do it all for
real."

"And what instinct is that?" Joshua
asked.

"The drive for self-actualization," Leah
said.

"Thank you. A well-trained woman you have
there, Mr. Grenald."

"She sings, too."

They chuckled together, and then Joshua went
to talk to Elaine, and Adam and Leah sagged in relief.

"I wanted to say that we vomit our innards
onto the page," Adam said, "and the other dogs come and lick it up.
How's that for quotable?"

Leah shrugged. Freed from responsibility,
however briefly Adam would let her be, Leah turned to watch
Sophia.

"She looks lovely," Adam said.

"I'm going to seduce her tonight."

"I don't think you'll have to do that much
seducing," Adam said.

"Still, she deserves it."

Adam kissed her cheek." So do you."

She was used to taking compliments from
strangers, of course, but from friends, it felt different. She knew
for some, like Adam, hooking up at a strange party in a same city
was easy. His beginnings with Ward were effortless, even if things
were falling apart now. Leah had done the circuit enough to know
what felt good and what didn't, and what she wanted, but rarely did
she have any chance to stand across the room from someone and ache
for them.

She was going to take this chance. She looked
at Adam, but he was gone, presumably chatting up someone who could
pay for his dreams. She turned back to Sophia, who caught her eye
across the room, and then blushed and looked away.

Leah made her way across the room. Eventually
the crowd would thin around her; the night would grow later. Those
who had been in the show went home to sleep off the exertion and
the adrenaline. Only the backers would stay, to celebrate their
wealth with the open bar, to clap the composers and directors on
the back, and take what credit they could.

Sophia didn't glance her way again, keeping
her attention instead fully on the deputy mayor, who had her hand
clasped.

"Leah, I'd like you to meet Adrian Foster,
and his wife, Teela," Sophia said.

Leah smiled and shook their hands. Adrian
Foster had silver hair but seemed young otherwise, smiling and fit
and tan. His wife was even younger, and African American, and kept
staring at Sophia like she was a statue of Aphrodite come to
life.

"We saw Sophia as Lady Macbeth," Teela said.
"It makes me want to go home and watch all the Shakespeare I can. I
forget how powerful his plays can be."

Leah said, "I know. Theater is about being
lucky to be in the right place at the right time to see moments
that will never be recreated."

"Exactly," Adrian said.

"Leah's in the new musical," Sophia said.
"Are you going to see it?"

The disdain that crossed Adrian's face made
Leah's stomach sink, though Teela stepped in to say, "No, we can
only really catch one or two performances a season due to other
engagements."

"I guess life is picking and choosing your
moments of wonder," Sophia said, not unkindly, and Teela patted
her, gave her one more wistful look, and led her husband to talk to
the owner of Bernie's Hardware, who may or may not question his
artistic integrity, but at least it wouldn't be from the
perspective of a starving actor he had to look in the eye.

"Hm," Leah said.

Sophia smiled.

"You look beautiful." Leah clasped Sophia's
hand. Sophia glanced around, but didn't pull away. She blushed.
Pink tinted her cheeks. Leah wanted to take Sophia's chin in her
free hand and kiss her. Her lips burned for it. Instead, she
squeezed Sophia's hand and said, "Really."