Little Disquietude (7 page)

"You a fun drunk?"

"Little bit," Sophia said, and lunged
forward. Leah stumbled back as Sophia's mouth touched her temple.
The spark that shot through her was instant, and powerful, and she
held onto Sophia to keep from falling.

"I barely--" Leah started, and then changed
her mind and asked, "Did you come by yourself?"

"I come every Friday," Sophia said, shouting
into Leah's ear. "I was supposed to meet Jenny and Carlotta from
the
South Pacific
crew, but they didn't show. One can wonder
why."

A startlingly clear picture flashed through
Leah's mind. She pushed Sophia's hair out of her face to keep her
hands near the burning cheeks, the skin pliant under her
fingertips.

"How was the show?" Leah asked.

"Double, double, toil and trouble," Sophia
said. "Forget about the show. Let's just dance."

They danced. Mostly apart, and Leah was no
Fred Astaire, but she kept to the beat and let Sophia slide down
her body, and wiggled her hips. Just to keep moving. Something
loosened inside her, and Sophia poured drinks down her throat while
they rested between songs, sitting at the bar, knees touching,
watching the crowd.

They gossiped whenever they settled at the
bar, and Leah was deciding her fifth drink was enough, when someone
from another group came over and asked her to dance, even with
Sophia, gorgeous and glistening and sweet, sitting right next to
her. Feeling beautiful and flattered, she accepted.

The woman smelled of leather, and Leah let
hips press against hers, and buried her nose in the collar of the
leather jacket, and breathed and moved to the slow, sexy Indigo
Girls song playing as hands traveled down her ass. She would never
tell Adam, but it had been a good idea to come, to feel
desired.

As soon as the song ended, she wobbled back
to Sophia at the bar, who was regarding her oddly.

"What?"

"You're supposed to continue with her. She's
looking at you," Sophia said.

"What? She's all right. But I--" Leah
frowned, and considered. She shrugged and said, "I got what I
wanted."

"What, are you a tease?" Sophia asked,
lightly smacking her on the back, and then sliding an arm around
her waist.

Leah settled her arm across Sophia's
shoulders and said, "Nah, just easily pleased."

Sophia elbowed her.

"We have to walk back," Leah said forlornly,
because her feet were killing her after an hour on the dance floor
wearing the evil boots. She just wanted to be home so she could cut
off her feet in peace.

"You should have asked that woman for a
car."

"Why don't you?"

"What, and show some innocent native the
roach motel? No, thank you."

"Then why did you come?" Leah asked. She
dropped her arm to the bar. Jealousy from nowhere, not with Sophia
pressed against her side, burned inside her chest.

"I came with friends," Sophia said,
cautiously. "And found one."

Leah exhaled slowly, and then said, "If you
were really my friend, you'd carry me back."

"If I were really your friend, I'd get you
laid."

Leah stopped short. Sophia gave her a little
grin. Leah tried to stand upright, and found that she could. "Let's
go," she said.

Sophia took her arm and pulled herself up,
and then let go. "Sure you don't want to take a cab? It's a bad
neighborhood."

"I have high-heeled boots on. I'll kick
them," Leah said as they left. The air outside felt cool. She
inhaled deeply, and shook her shirt to let the air in against her
skin.

"What are you doing?"

"It's the first cool night I've experienced
since coming to North Carolina," Leah said.

Sophia nodded.

"You?"

"I like to get up in the mornings, right
before sunrise, and go jogging, when the humidity and the dew stick
to you. Everything's fresh and cool then."

Leah felt like she was going to pass out.

Sophia said, "Only sometimes. Twice a week.
Not lately, since the play opened. I tend to sleep in."

"There's a reason I have a night job."

"What's that?"

"Oh, you want a real answer?"

"Yeah," Sophia said.

They were walking together, in a relatively
even line, but Leah's face was flushed with heat and alcohol and
she hadn't prepared for the sharing part of the conversation.
Sophia waited for her, though, so she finally said, "I liked it,
and I was good at it. I wasn't good at much else, you know? Not
like that."

"Not like it felt natural?"

"Right. You, too?"

"Like nothing else did," Sophia said, and
sighed.

They got to Sophia's hotel first, and Leah
looked at the brightly lit sliding doors with drunken interest.

"Want to come in?" Sophia asked.

"No, I--" Leah shook her head. She hadn't
been expecting--though now that the idea had entered her mind,
arousal entered with it. She swallowed.

"Just for a bit. Or is Adam waiting up for
you?" Sophia asked, a teasing lilt to her voice.

"No, I'm sure he's with Ward," Leah said.

"With Ward?"

"They went down to High Point to go clubbing.
I don't know when they'll be back." Leah looked down the street.
Six blocks away was an empty house. Or one filled with sex and lust
and groans that would keep her up all night, make her restless and
lonely.

"You don't have go back to an empty house,”
Sophia said. "I have the Cartoon Network."

"Do you have a roommate?"

Sophia shook her head. "Ensemble is two to a
room, the ones that aren't local--most of them are. But Lady M?"
She ended on the question and looked sad.

Leah squeezed her. "I'll walk you to your
door, at least. It's only fair," Leah said. She was still drunk,
and her feet were not going to allow her to walk the six blocks
home.

Sophia led her through the lobby. In the
elevator, they stood not looking at each other, not touching. At
the door to Sophia's hotel room, Leah said, "It's weird, having a
friend. I feel like I've known you longer than a week."

Sophia leaned her temple against the door and
studied Leah.

Leah said, "It's hard to make friends. As an
adult. Without like, school."

Sophia smiled. "There's always a new show."
She pushed open the door, and looked unsure.

Leah said, "Look, I can just go."

"No, come in. If you still want to." Sophia
caught her wrist, and then let her go, and went in, holding the
door open.

Leah shrugged and went in. She flung herself
into the nearest chair, at a small, round table covered in boxes of
power bars and flowers, and groaned. "My feet."

"Not much of a dancer?"

"No. What do you do, to avoid this?"

"Insoles."

"I'm wearing them."

Sophia went into the bathroom. Leah saw the
light go in the corner of her eye. Then Sophia came out, holding a
glass of water and a bottle of Advil. "Take two," she said.

"For foot pain?"

"Whatever ails you."

Leah clutched the bottle. Her feet throbbed.
She surrendered and took two. Sophia went back into the bathroom.
The water ran. The toilet flushed. When she came out, her face was
clean and she'd changed into a T-Shirt reading Durham
Playhouse.

"Want a power bar?" She asked.

"Kind of."

"Help yourself."

Leah chose blueberry, and ate, as Sophia made
coffee in the machine in her little kitchenette.

"This is like a dollhouse," Leah said.

"Are we the dolls?" Sophia asked.

Leah inhaled the scent of coffee and said, "I
don't care if we are. Thank God for coffee."

"It's not Honduran fair trade."

"Next time you come over I'll send some home
with you," Leah said. Sophia brought Leah a mug. "Bless you," she
said, and drank.

Sophia sat on the bed, far away from Leah, at
the headboard, and closed her eyes.

Leah tried not to crunch too loudly. The
wrapper, though, crumpled audibly when she threw it away, and went
to get more coffee. "Coffee?" she asked, to see if Sophia was still
awake.

"Sure." Sophia slapped the side of the bed
next to her, and said, "I'm the least entertaining person in the
world, I'm sorry."

"And yet, still better than an empty house,"
Leah said. She went and sat next to Sophia on the unmade bed. The
comforter was piled on the floor between beds, and the sheets were
tangled. Sophia had stuck her feet under them, and her back was
against a scrunched pillow. The sheets were cool and fresh under
Leah's palms. She exhaled.

Sophia grinned. "At least I'm not annoying."
She sat up when Leah brought the coffee, and took a sip."I don't
know a thing about you, except that you're good company."

"What do you want to know?"

"I don't need to know anything," Sophia said.
She set the coffee mug on the bedside table and leaned in to kiss
Leah. Leah froze, letting Sophia's mouth press against hers. Sophia
drew back when Leah didn't move, and frowned. "Was that the wrong
thing?"

"No." Leah shook her head. "No, that was
perfect." She had no idea how to explain how gentle and sweet
Sophia's mouth had tasted, how warm and inviting, how Sophia's
rumpled sweatshirt and furrowed brow were unintentionally erotic.
She opened her mouth to say something, and couldn't think of
anything. Sophia's frown got deeper. Leah said, "This doesn't
happen--uh."

"Often?"

There had been other opportunities, mostly
with men, or female friends who thought she'd be fun, or lesbians
in the industry who had heard about Grace, but she never got past
dinner with most of them. There hadn't been anyone new. But she
couldn't share that vulnerability with Sophia, and she couldn't
kiss her back or she'd fall to pieces. She was too drunk for this,
and it was making her too nostalgic.

She settled for brushing Sophia's hair away
from her face and asking, "Can I stay here tonight?"

"Yeah," Sophia said.

"Just to sleep, you know."

Sophia looked down at her coffee mug and
said, "At least take off your boots."

"If I put them under your bed, there could be
a song about it."

Sophia cringed. She sipped at her coffee as
Leah laboriously took off her boots.

Leah didn't usually sleep in her bra, or her
sluttiest top, or her tightest jeans, and Sophia looked enviously
comfortable in sweats, but she decided not to press her luck as she
crawled up to the headboard. She glanced at the other bed in the
room, which had Sophia's suitcase and scattered dry cleaning bags
on top of it.

She settled onto her side, facing Sophia.

Sophia rolled over, away from Leah, and
turned out the lamp. She exhaled. "I'm so tired," she said,
settling on her side, showing her back to Leah.

"Big Friday night."

Sophia sighed. "No, just in general."

Leah put her hand on Sophia's shoulder, and
then moved closer, pressing against her back.

"Is this okay?" Leah asked, carefully
settling her hand against Sophia's stomach.

"Yeah."

"Good." Leah closed her eyes.

Sophia patted her hand, and then rolled
almost imperceptibly backward, tucking herself against Leah. Leah
inhaled and caught the scent of Sophia's hair, straw-like and musky
from the night of sweat and hairspray. Just before she fell asleep,
she learned that Sophia snored.

She woke up before Sophia and found herself
in the dark, lying flat on her back with Sophia on her side next to
her, one leg over hers. The clock read 4:37--so just a nap,
really--and her phone was blinking red with a message.

She stumbled out of bed and checked it,
wincing at the white light and Adam's face, staring up at her. He'd
called.

And had texted. "Where are you? Having fun?
Call!"

Her boots were under the bed. She pulled them
out and stuck her feet into them, wincing at the pain that shot
through the soles and up her calves. Sophia stirred and rolled
over. Leah's chest constricted. She hated to leave, but the thought
of an awkward morning was even more daunting. She smoothed hair out
of Sophia's face and knelt beside the bed. "I'll see you later,"
she said, her voice hoarse in the dark.

Sophia's nose wrinkled.

Leah kissed her forehead, hesitated, and then
kissed her lips. Sophia murmured something against the kiss.

"Bye," Leah said. "I'll see you at the
theater."

She lingered in the doorway, thinking of all
the things she could imagine she had, with Sophia asleep, that she
would no longer have in the daylight.

* * *

She got home at five thirty with donuts and
let them cool on the counter while she went upstairs and tumbled
into bed. She didn't emerge until after ten. The piano played
downstairs as she showered.

When she went into the living room, she found
Adam also freshly showered, wearing shorts, and playing
Beethoven.

Leah got a donut and threw herself on the
couch.

Adam finished his song and turned around and
asked, "You have a good night, too?"

"I really, really did," she said.

"Were you with someone?"

Leah inhaled, and asked, "Adam, what does it
mean when you kiss a girl, and you sleep with her, and you
don't..."

Adam got off the piano bench and went to the
kitchen. He came back with a paper napkin and a pen, and sat down
on the couch, slipping under her legs.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm drawing you a picture."

She pushed at his legs. "It was
rhetorical."

"You have a very goofy smile on your
face."

"I do not." Leah tried to frown. She giggled.
That couldn't be good.

"Is this going to be a distraction?"

"A distraction? You're the one who told me to
go out." Leah squirmed out from under him to pace the living
room.