Little Kids, Big City: Tales from a Real House in New York City (With Lessons on Life and Love for Your Own Concrete Jungle) (26 page)

BOOK: Little Kids, Big City: Tales from a Real House in New York City (With Lessons on Life and Love for Your Own Concrete Jungle)

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After going through years of frustration over not being able to communicate with your little ones, feeling that they are personally invested in keeping you from doing what you want to do, etc., it’s such an amazing feeling when you are able to share something you love doing, with the ones you love most. On a recent weekend away we were able to take our eldest, François, out snorkeling with us. Although he’s not a terribly strong swimmer yet, he was able to wear the mask and snorkel and calm enough to float on top of the water balanced on my arm or Simon’s back. It was absolutely magical to be able to show François all the fish and the undersea world, to show him why we love to scuba dive, and to experience his excitement and awe at seeing a school of 25 angel fish and 13 squid hovering near the rocks. Of course it helped that his second favorite movie is
Finding Nemo
, which he’d actually watched on French cable the night before. It was a beautifully clear day and he was ecstatic to see that this aquatic wonderland really existed. Although Johan was a bit too young to try it, he put on the mask and stuck his face into a six-inch deep reflecting pool in an enclosed area at the end of the beach. The only fish that make it into that area are smaller than our pet Japanese fighting fish at home, but he was properly amazed. “I’m scuba diving, François!” he crowed over and over.

TOP 10 MOMENTS OF “GETTING IT”:

10. François held the door open for Mommy mak ing us realize he was big enough to physically do it
9. Johan spontaneously answered a question in French—no prodding!
8. François stood over us while writing this book and began to read aloud over our shoulders
7. The boys got themselves up on a Saturday morning poured cereal and juice for themselves and only came in to jump on us at 9.a.m. The four of us snuggled for another hour without any crying, poking or fighting. That morning is up there with the best times in our lives as parents
6. After taking the boys to see
Where the Wild Things Are
François said “The boy threw a tantrum and then later a grown up did too It wasn’t OK for either of them to do that ”
5. One hectic morning Alex made school lunches while Simon poured juice and cof fee We heard footsteps coming up the stairs and there were the boys Dressed! Wearing shoes! Nothing needed to be changed or adjusted
4. In the basement Johan pointed to the Bugaboo stroller and said “That’s the Christmas tree holder ” Well that’s all we use it for now!
3. At bedtime, at school drop-off and (usually) when babysitters arrive there’s no panic The boys know that Mommy and Daddy are com ing back
2. Apropos of nothing, Johan said, “You give us time outs because you are teaching us to be good grown ups”
1. François made us both cry on his birthday when he said “Thank you for having me”

Epilogue

On our journey of parenthood, we’ve realized that there is no “right way” to parent. We’ve made some seemingly obvious mistakes, but have also had some gratifying successes. When we sat down to write this book, I had a particular memory in my mind. The most comfort I have received from books, blogs and articles, has been from stories that make me feel better about what I’m doing, that we’re not the only ones in this process. I hope while reading this that you’ve laughed knowingly, or even condescendingly, if it makes you feel better. I don’t know why so many judgmental people expect perfection from children and parents, and it would be a happier world if more people would just take a deep breath and laugh. I remember reading a crazy story in Ayun Halliday’s
The Big Rumpus
about choosing your battles and allowing a child to manhandle MetroCards picked up off subway platforms. I cracked up in relief, not that my kids have actually done that (well, that I know of) but that there were other mothers willing to admit that they weren’t perfect.

Once I rode in a car with a good friend and her two children, nearly the same age as mine. The oldest was bored, annoyed, well and truly over being in the car and poking her brother, who didn’t appreciate being used as a punching bag. The sassy sulkiness that ensued could easily have come from my children’s mouths, and it hit me that we’re all in this together.

Kid 1: He’s looking at me!
Kid 2: No, I’m not! (Said looking right at her )
Parent: Uh huh
Kid 1: He’s torturing me!
Parent: Really?
Kid 1: I’m going to DIE!!!
Parent: Before or after we get out of the car?

We joined a club called parenthood, either willingly or by accident, and each one of us is doing the best they can trying to raise our kids to become strong, useful members of society without losing their minds in the process. If you’ve made it to the end of this book, we salute you. If you are parents, we wish you happy, well-adjusted children who grow up to be competent adults who aren’t in prison. We wish you grandchildren to spoil and slip extra candy to. We wish you all the amazing moments that happen, even when you’re so frustrated you want to whack yourself or your partner in the head, when you take a deep breath and realize how much fun you’re having. If you haven’t had kids yet, or think you never will, we hope you take away that raising kids in a big city is magical, exciting and totally doable.

For more information about us, visit our website:
www.mccordvankempen.com

Acknowledgments

Without the assistance and inspiration of the following people and organizations, this book would not be what it is:

ALEX’S THANKS:

My best friend and husband, Simon. My inspirations and endless sources of material, François and Johan. Mom and Grandpa Bob for absolutely everything, Dad in spirit, David, Paul and all my family. To Elaine and all the vKs. To Coleen, Ety, Rosa and Anais. Brian, Ben, Nanette and the Artscetera gang, Sue and Becky, Bradley, Pascale, Patricia, Lauren, Merry, Kathy, Gwen and Melanie. The unsinkable Molly Talbot, Despina and Sava. It takes a village and you all live in it. Thank you so much. To Edward “Garou” Linders, thank you for your beautiful photos of the four of us. Thanks to Jason Allen Ashlock for believing in this project no matter what, and for leading us to the right publisher. Thanks to Rachel and Drew for being patient, and to Terese Kerrigan, Jamie Metrick, Nadina Persaud, Maryann Yin, Melissa Darcey and everyone at Sterling & Ross Publishers. Thanks also go to Bravo and Shed Media. And thanks to Derek for being a cheerleader and to the cats for jumping on the keyboard and licking me without hitting “delete.”

Alex, with Plenty to Say from the Beginning

SIMON’S THANKS:

Alex, as usual, has pretty much everyone covered. I do have to thank, from the bottom of my heart, my mother, who at 32 years of age found herself widowed with four children aged 13 months to 11 years. She managed through dedication, hard work and resolve to raise four well-adjusted, sane and sensible children, now all parents themselves.

This really is Alex’s book with comments/paragraphs here and there by me. She slaved over it (and me to get my bits written), but it is our book to the extent that without the four of us it would not and could not ever have happened. Now I know that sounds a little like I am stating the obvious, but what I really mean is that this book happened because Alex and I are largely in agreement about most things and have been like that for the 10 plus years we’ve been together. The great thing about us is that we have been in sync together for so long and while we are not quite the
two heads one body
that she suggested in the show’s first season, we aren’t that far away from being it. So my thanks go to Alex—for being online at 7 a.m. that Sunday morning in May 1999. Could you imagine where we’d be now if you hadn’t been?

Beach Baby Simon