Little Kiosk By The Sea (24 page)

Tiredly Rachel nodded. No point in putting it off.

Johnnie led the way through town and Rachel followed as best she could, the narrow pavements and people window-shopping making it impossible for her to walk alongside him and the pushchair.

Back at his cottage, Johnnie quickly made Carla a drink before taking her upstairs and settling her down for her nap. Downstairs, Rachel filled the kettle, flicked the switch and waited.

Johnnie, when he returned, busied himself with spooning coffee into mugs before looking at her.

‘According to my sister you’re that notorious woman, Vanessa Harford, who stole Harriet’s husband many moons ago.’

‘That just about sums it up,’ Rachel said. ‘Think notorious is a bit harsh though. It wasn’t something I set out to do.’

‘Returning under a false name all these years later though had to be a deliberate decision,’ Johnnie said. ‘Why?’

Rachel ran her hand through her hair and took a deep breath. It was important to tell Johnnie the truth.

‘To get closure on my life with Oscar. To be able to move on with honesty. After he died, I found myself thinking more and more about the way our life together had started out here. The way we’d hurt people – and never said sorry.’

‘Why return under a false name? That wasn’t honest.’

‘I know,’ Rachel sighed. ‘I needed to come back here to draw the final line under my past life. But at the same time, I didn’t want to have people pointing the finger at me, remembering my thirty year old …’ She hesitated. ‘Crime is the wrong word, although I suspect that is how people viewed it back then.’

‘I’m told Harriet felt much the same. In her case she was afraid of being pitied and becoming, as she saw it, a laughing stock again,’ Johnny said, pouring boiling water into the mugs.

Rachel looked at him. ‘I’m truly sorry she felt like that. Personally I was relieved to find the town full of incomers. The people I’d known had moved on – with the exception of your sister – and, of course, Harriet.’

Johnnie handed her a mug and leant against the work surface.

‘Did you know Sabine and I had the most spectacular row down by the kiosk after Oscar and I got together?’ Rachel said. ‘As Harriet’s best friend, I think she felt her it was her moral duty to tackle me about it. She, almost literally, tore me to shreds over the affair.’

Johnnie shook his head. ‘No, she’s never mentioned it. I guess Sabine was the reason you sidestepped all my attempts to introduce the two of you over supper? You knew she’d recognise and expose your secret.’

Rachel nodded. ‘I couldn’t risk it. She was, and is, unlikely to lay out the welcome mat for me. Especially now that Harriet is back living in town.’

There was a short silence before Johnnie spoke. ‘I told Sabine this morning how I feel about you.’

Rachel sipped her coffee. ‘Exactly how do you feel about me?’

‘I was beginning to feel that Rachel Mansell could be someone special in my life. Daring to hope that she might like me too.’ Johnnie put his coffee mug down and folded his arms against his chest before saying quietly, ‘You’re the only woman apart from Annie that I’ve ever felt like this about. But now I’m told you’re not who I thought you were. Hell, I don’t even know what to call you now.’

‘How about sticking with Rachel? I was christened Vanessa Rachel so it is my name. I think I prefer it to Vanessa, to be honest. I’m still the same woman who’s enjoyed the time we’ve spent together.’ It was important that she told him that.

‘Are you serious about selling the house and leaving?’ Johnnie asked.

Rachel nodded. ‘Yes. Instead of getting the closure I wanted, I’ve opened up everything again so it’s better to leave. Minimise the damage.’

‘You could stay and face things. No?’ This as Rachel shook her head. ‘Where are you going? Back to France?’

‘Back to my family.’

‘If I were to ask you to stay, see if we could get through this together and see if we had a future together, would you?’

Rachel hesitated. ‘Not sure Sabine or Harriet would like that.’

Johnnie glared at her and swore in French before saying, ‘I don’t give a damn whether they like it or not. It’s me who’s asking you to stay.’

Rachel closed her eyes and took a deep breath, weighing up her words. She liked Johnnie more than she’d admitted even to her inner self. Could she live in the same town as Harriet and Sabine? Would it make life difficult for them having her around? Would they make life difficult for her? Opening her eyes, she looked at Johnnie.

‘Their presence, particularly Sabine’s, in your life, makes it difficult for me to stay. I’d hate to come between you and your sister.’

Johnnie moved across to her and took hold of her hands. ‘Your regrets are pointless without action. Talk to Sabine. Talk to Harriet. Get real closure and begin again. With me.’

Rachel tried to pull her hands away. ‘I must go.’

Johnnie tightened his grip. ‘Please at least promise me you’ll think about it. It’s ridiculous allowing a thirty-year-old feeling of guilt to rule your present and the future. The world has moved on for all of us.’ He leant in and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before freeing her hands.

Rachel turned away from him and left.

Walking the short distance home from Johnnie’s, she began to weigh up her options. Lay low for the next few months until the house sold and she could leave. She could do that. The consequence of that particular action though would mean giving up any chance of a future with Johnnie. A future that she acknowledged inwardly would be a good one, filled with a growing love and a future she was beginning to visualise and desire.

If, on the other hand, she did as Johnnie suggested and talked to Harriet and Sabine, it might be possible to stay in town. Would they even want to see her, let alone talk to her? But if she didn’t try, she’d never know the answer.

There was still the unanswered invitation to be Carla’s godmother to deal with as well. Impossible to accept when her real identity was a secret. Equally impossible to accept and stand alongside Harriet in church without the two of them burying the past.

Reaching her front door and pushing the key into the lock, it struck Rachel how limited her choices were. The personal closure she’d come back to town to find for herself had proved elusive. Instead she was being urged to give others the chance to be involved in the closure. Her reward? A whole new life with Johnnie.

She just had to find the necessary courage to do as he suggested. Talk to Harriet, sort things between them and, hopefully, have her belated apology accepted. Then they could both move forward.

Today she couldn’t summon up enough strength to deal with any more emotion, but maybe tomorrow she’d walk out to Swannaton and finally apologise to Harriet for stealing her husband all those years ago.

She’d leave meeting with Sabine for another day. Maybe one when she had Johnnie at her side.

CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

HARRIET

Harriet stood back and surveyed the pine kitchen table. Normally covered with a cloth, she’d spent the last twenty minutes vigorously cleaning it, having decided she’d prefer to use it uncovered.

The repetitive scrubbing of the wood had proved to be therapeutic. She’d worked a lot of angst out of her system, leaving her feeling calmer than when she’d started the job. Not that she was totally calm. However much she wished it was otherwise, the problem was still there and had to be dealt with. She couldn’t avoid it for much longer. Especially since last night at supper when Frank had thrown his suggestion into the mix.

‘I think we should relocate here permanently,’ he’d said, helping himself to another spoonful of the ratatouille she’d made to accompany the family supper of lamb and couscous.

‘You want to sell the Cirencester house?’ Harriet said. ‘Our home for the last twenty-five years.’

‘This feels like home now,’ Frank said. ‘If we sell and invest the money, I could even retire early.’

‘I agree with Dad,’ Ellie said. ‘Sell up and enjoy life here. If you do though, you’ll have to agree to let me move back home permanently. I love it here.’

Harriet had looked at them both. How could she say she’d felt the same way too since the beginning of summer, but now, knowing Vanessa was back in town made her feel like running away – again.

‘We’ll have a family conference at the end of my obligatory year of living here, and then decide,’ she said, ending the discussion. By then things should be clearer in her mind. Conversation had petered out at that point.

‘Table looks good,’ Ellie said, wandering into the kitchen in search of coffee. She switched the coffee machine on.

‘Thanks,’ Harriet said. ‘We need to talk about your party. How many of your old friends are likely to come?’

‘About ten, I think, the others are all busy,’ Ellie said. ‘I’d like Rachel to come too, but I know you won’t want that. It’s okay to invite BB though, isn’t it?’

‘BB is fine,’ Harriet said, ignoring the mention of Rachel.

‘You should go and see her, you know,’ Ellie said. ‘I like her. I think you would too if you gave her a chance.’

Harriet stiffened. ‘Bully for you,’ she said. ‘I don’t want to talk to her, or about her.’

‘She says she’s going back to France once the house is sold. Says I can visit and meet my half-brother.’ Ellie poured herself a coffee before saying, ‘Right, I’m off to do some more work on Amy’s book.’

Alone in the kitchen, Harriet poured herself a coffee and took it out to the garden to drink. Leaning against the trunk of the old apple tree like she had done so many times in the past, she sipped her coffee and watched the lower ferry making its way across to Kingswear.

This unexpected reopening of the thirty-year-old Vanessa affair could, if she insisted on harbouring old grudges, spoil the life she had now. After all these years did the fact that Oscar had left her for another woman matter? In truth, she’d got over it years ago.

She was married to a man she loved and was happy. These days she barely knew anyone of her generation who hadn’t been divorced at least once. What had made headline news all those years ago, barely registered in people’s consciences these days.

Ellie, as a result of being told the truth about her father, had a whole new life opening up for her. There was this half-brother in France she was already planning to meet. BB and his family in America would no doubt also welcome her. Nearer home there were the Kingsbridge cousins. Ellie would soon find herself as part of an extended international family that wouldn’t include her parents – unless she, Harriet, put the past behind her conclusively.

Sabine had already urged her to talk to Vanessa and now Ellie was encouraging her to do the same. So why not just do it? If Vanessa refused to see her, she could at least tell Ellie she’d tried.

Resolutely Harriet finished her coffee and returned to the house. Now was as good a time as any. Grabbing a jacket from its hook in the hall and throwing it over her shoulders, she opened the front door and came face to face with, ‘Vanessa!’ she said involuntarily. ‘This is a surprise.’

‘I’m Rachel these days. Can we talk please?’

Harriet stood aside. ‘Come in.’ She led the way into the small sitting room and closed the door.

‘Sorry if I caught you on your way out but I won’t keep you long,’ Rachel said. ‘I realise it’s thirty years too late, but I want to say sorry for the hurt Oscar and I caused you.’

‘You want me to say I forgive you?’

Rachel shook her head. ‘No. I suspect that would be asking too much. I just wanted to …’

‘Were you and Oscar happy together?’ Harriet interrupted.

If Rachel was surprised by the interruption and the question, she didn’t show it. ‘Yes. Although the last five years were, let’s say, a challenge.’

‘I’ve been happy too with Frank,’ Harriet said. ‘I suspect probably happier than if Oscar and I had stayed married. Ellie tells me you’re returning to France soon.’

‘That was the plan. I may be staying now. Depends on how things work out,’ Rachel said.

‘With Johnnie?’

Rachel nodded. ‘Yes, with Johnnie.’

‘He’s a good man,’ Harriet said. ‘He deserves a second chance after losing Annie. You’ll need to watch yourself with Sabine though. She’ll not stand by and see you hurt him.’

‘I’ll do my best not to hurt him,’ Rachel said.

‘What did you mean just now, describing the last five years with Oscar as a challenge?’ Harriet asked. ‘Did the drink finally get him?’

Rachel shook her head, ‘No. For the last five years of his life Oscar suffered from an incurable brain disease. He had progressive supranuclear palsy.’

Listening to Rachel, Harriet felt herself go cold with grief for Oscar, a man she had once loved.

‘Sixteen months ago he insisted on going to Dignitas in Switzerland. He desperately wanted to die with dignity before he became bedbound, fed through a tube and unable to communicate with anyone. Having to use a wheelchair more and more was bad enough for him.’

Harriet bit her lip. Part of Oscar’s attraction for her all those years ago had been the way he’d grabbed at life with all his might, bouncing back immediately on the rare occasions life didn’t play fair with him. She could imagine the frustration and unhappiness he would have felt at his inability to bounce back from life’s final blow.

‘That must have been hard on you, as well as on Oscar,’ Harriet said.

‘It was, but he was suffering so much by then it seemed the right, the only thing, to do.’ Rachel searched in the pocket of her jacket for a tissue and wiped her eyes.

‘Have you told Ellie this?’ Harriet asked gently.

‘Not yet. I couldn’t find the words when she came to see me. I will next time. Right, I’d better go.’

Harriet surprised herself by moving closer to Rachel and giving her a quick hug. ‘You know I was on my way out when you arrived? I was on my way to talk to you,’ Harriet said. ‘To see if we could at the very least be civil to each other. Looks like we can.’ She took a deep breath.

‘It’s Ellie’s thirtieth birthday party at the end of the week. I know she would like you to come, will you?’

‘You mean it? I’d love to. Thank you, Harriet. I’ll see you then.’