Little Memphis (23 page)

Shay

The Best Kind of Real

The last two weeks living with Ford is a dream. I thought the transition might be scary. Yet he clears out a few drawers and part of his closet one day and I’m living with him the next one.

Pax tells me not to touch his shit or eat his food. After his little speech, he makes us popcorn and we watch a movie. Ford is so obviously relieved to have his brother play nice that I can’t help hugging him. Hell, if he didn’t look like a worried kid when I first walk in. Once we’re settled in, I caught him smiling ever so slightly. Yeah, life is pretty damn good.

Mom jumps at the chance to have the boys stay with me especially once she learns I have a man. Oh, they need a male figure in their life, she says. My brothers start packing the same day I call, even knowing I won’t be in Hawthorne for a few weeks. They don’t care. Life just got a helluva lot brighter for them.

The weekend before Ford and I drive to Georgia, we go to Darby’s house for the last barbecue before the weather gets too cold. A lot of club families attend. Even though Ford can’t talk marriage without looking like he needs to take a really painful dump, I’m his old lady in the eyes of the club. I’m part of their family now.

Bebe isn’t and seems out of place during the barbecue. Joining her on the deck to watch the kids play, I ask if she’s thought about dating now that she has such a great babysitter with Darby.

“Jenn wants to set me up with a club guy. I told her no way. I’m looking for a nice dork, not a sexy biker.”

“That would be more convincing if you weren’t checking out Pax right now.”

We share a smile as Pax wrestles with a guy sporting a ponytail. I suspect the guy doesn’t want to play, but Pax knocks him down anyway.

“I’m not shallow. I proved with Howie that I can ignore if a guy’s fugly. What I need is someone who treats me and Lula with respect.”

Glancing at Pax, she adds, “I’m not saying certain dangerous, rude, immature guys aren’t extremely fun to look at, but life isn’t all about F U C K I N G fun. If I’m going to have a man in my life, I want him to be sweet even if he’s not sexy. It’s all about priorities.”

Looking like a sexy beast, Ford stands next to Pax. I think about how sweet he is to me. How he makes sure I’m safe. Hell, he’s taking in my little brothers just to make me happy. Somehow, I lucked out by finding a man as gorgeous as he is considerate. Oh, and the sex is brilliant too.

“I hope you find your nice guy,” I say and Bebe shrugs.

“If it happens, it happens. If not, I’ll be like Darby.”

Bebe and I sit together while Ford and Pax talk with Joker. Lula joins us after awhile, cuddling in her mom’s lap. Everyone seems relaxed until Ford catches my gaze and gestures for me to join him.

Once I reach him, Ford takes me into his arms and glues my body against his. I know he’s tense and he can’t talk about why, so I say the only thing I can.

 “I love you.”

Ford smiles gently, kissing my forehead as I look up at him.

Pax grunts though. “Gross. I think I’ll go wrestle with Sharpie again. Might make him cry in front of his woman.”

“Have at it,” Ford mutters, still staring at me.

Even surrounded by all these people, I feel like Ford and I exist alone. It’s a relief since I worry about having my brothers living with us. New relationships are fragile and kids need attention. I don’t know if I can make the situation work. As if reading my mind, Ford whispers, “This is real. As long as you and I are real, none of the other shit matters.”

How can I argue with the logic of the man who owns my heart?

Ford

Fucking Beautiful

Pax punches me every morning since Shay moved into the house. Otherwise, he’s fine with the changes. I even think he’s excited for her brothers to get to town. Pax plans to be a bad influence. He tells Shay this every morning and she flips him off then they laugh. I wonder what the routine will be after we return from Hawthorne next week.

Darby’s backyard is decked out like an island paradise with Tiki torches. I remember a similar barbecue a few months before MJ died. It was the last time Darby and Joker had a party as a couple.

Joker walks over to me while I watch Pax torment Sharpie. My brother hates the fucker. He’ll never admit this fact, but he
will
make Sharpie wish they never met.

“What were you up to last night?” Joker asks, watching Pax wrestle Sharpie.

I shrug. “Went to the batting cages with Pax and Shay then out to dinner. Why?”

“Wondered if you knew about the club meeting.”

“What meeting?” I ask, frowning darkly.

Joker glances at me and I see his smile is bullshit. He’s pissed.

“Trigger’s meeting. Last night, he and a bunch of guys had a meeting to talk about territory. Big Dick was there. Zombie, Taco, even Sharpie.”

Getting his point, I feel my stomach react angrily to this new reality.

“How did you find out?” I ask, lowering my voice.

“Trigger’s boy Madden told me. Said Trigger felt I was getting sloppy. I’m letting things turn to shit to make him look bad, so I can take over. Yeah, he thinks I’m fucking him over because I don’t want his boys running the club.”

“Why would Madden snitch out his dad?”

“He doesn’t think his brother should be running things. Doesn’t think Trigger should be running shit either. Madden hinted he thinks I should take over and he’ll be VP. Says he’s too young to be in charge and his brother is too fucking stupid. He’s not wrong.”

Even knowing the answer, I ask, “Why didn’t Pax and I get the invite?”

“Too close to me maybe. Or you go too rogue for their tastes. Trigger trusts his high school buddies and sheep. You and Pax are loyal, but let’s be honest that you’ll kill us all to protect each other”

“You’re not wrong.”

Joker sighs as Pax joins us. “Things are changing and I’m on the out. We’ll see how that turns out for everyone.”

Giving Pax a nod, Joker walks off to the table where Darby, Amanda, and his kids are eating. I look at my brother and we share a dark frown.

“What’s the plan?” Pax asks.

I look at Shay and think about how much she trusts me. We could easily pick up her brothers and keep on going. With Pax, we’d start over somewhere else. No skin off our asses if Little Memphis burns.

Wagging my finger at Shay, I watch her step carefully through the grass in her pink heels. Behind her, Bebe and Lula cuddle in the cold afternoon. I see Jenn chasing Joey around the yard while Lucky teases Paige about her new haircut. These people might not survive a burning Little Memphis.

“Swing away. That’s what we do,” I tell Pax and he nods.

Shay melts against me, smiling like I’m magic. No denying that I feel the same about her.

“I love you,” she says.

Pax rolls his eyes and makes a stupid comment before tormenting Sharpie again. I watch him go then enjoy my woman. Shay offers me a chance to have more than I ever dreamed. All I need to do is whatever necessary to protect what’s mine. My brother, my woman, my friends, my VP, and my town need me to stop playing the outsider.

“This is real. As long as you and I are real, none of the other shit matters.”

Once Shay kisses me, I’m ready to ditch all the fantasies. Reality has never looked so fucking beautiful.

Shay

Donnie and Devin take one look at Ford and nearly piss themselves. He’s big and intimidating in a way men aren’t in their lives. Mom looks at Ford like he’s a monster. He clearly isn’t her type. For one thing, he’s unmarried and doesn’t play games. We only stay one day in Hawthorne before heading back to Little Memphis. Ford doesn’t like my hometown much.

My brothers warm up to Ford on the two-day drive home. He doesn’t bug them or force chit chat. Ford
does
buy them Happy Meals at McDonalds and pay for the PS4 option in the hotel rooms. While the boys think he’s cool, Ford is relieved they don’t hassle him. I watch them and pray everyone can be happy living under one roof.

By the time we move into the house down the street, Donnie and Devin love Ford. I don’t know if they view him as a dad or big brother, but their eyes light up when he comes home.

They’re crazy about Pax too which doesn’t surprise me. He’s like one of them, goofing off all the time. I watch my brothers come out of their shells. Devin especially grows more confident.

Mom goes along with the lie about returning the boys to Hawthorne. First, she plans for the summer then for the next school year. Yet one day, she dumps the game.

“I don’t think the boys should move back here. I’m not a good mom. Never have been and they’re happy with you.”

I suspect she wants me to tell her that she’s a great mom, but I’m unprepared for her honesty and blurt out, “okay” instead. She signs papers to make me their legal guardian before building herself a new life. I don’t expect much, but she gets a job and dumps Donnie Senior. Technically, she dumps him a few times before the decision sticks. Mom even goes to cosmetology school and learns to cut hair. As the years pass, she visits a few times and I learn to view her as a real person rather than the woman who disappointed me growing up. The day she hugs me and says I raised her boys into good men, I nearly cry myself into dehydration.

Of course, I can’t take all the credit. Ford gives the boys lessons I never would. The first spring they live with us in Little Memphis, the boys join a little league team. After hearing stories about Ford and Pax playing as kids, my brothers want to be good too. Unfortunately, they suck.
Really, really suck.
Devin can’t hit a ball any better than me. Donnie has no aim to his throws. They’re just awful. After their first game, the boys are nearly in tears. I struggle not to cry too since I feel their shame at having Ford and Pax watch them fail.

“You suck at baseball,” Ford says when we get to the car. “Big fucking deal. No one’s life is ruined by sucking at a child’s game played for fun. Just roll with it, okay?”

His pep talk changes their outlook. My brothers play baseball for years and never get much better. Other kids laugh at their crappy skills, but the boys don’t give a shit.

Watching Ford with my brothers is incredibly sexy. He’s solid and calm most days, but willing to scare the crap out of them when they go through their hormonal drama-filled teenage days. His ease with the boys encourages everyone to hound us about having our own kids. I remind them how raising school aged kids is a hell of a lot easier than babies and toddlers. No one cares especially the club women. Oh, they’re much more interested in seeing big Ford holding a little baby.

I admit the sight of him holding Clint is staggeringly beautiful. Our son is born nearly five years after Ford and I meet. Clint’s a sweet little baby with a head full of hair. Big at ten pounds, he manages to seem tiny in Ford’s arms. I look at my two guys and fight tears. My battle is lost when Pax announces, “I’ll be damned. Look at the giant ears on the kid.”

Even sobbing and tender from the C-section, I manage to slap Pax when Ford is sweet enough to bend his brother over so I can reach him.

“I meant that giant ear thing as a compliment,” Pax says, rubbing his face.

“He looks like me,” Ford says, ending any speculation that Clint isn’t gorgeous.

Elle comes along less than two years later. I’m relieved to see her ears are normal, yet Ford stares at her like she’s an alien. Yeah, he takes being a dad to a little girl much harder than with our boy. Suddenly afraid he’ll drop her, he nearly refuses to hold Elle. The first few months, he keeps his distance, but I don’t lecture him. He’s never had a sister and treats Lula with kid gloves. The guy clearly isn’t comfortable with tiny women. Ford gets over his issues once Elle decides his lap is the best frigging place in the world.

Our family complete with Elle, we settle into a two-story house with more space. The kids’ rooms are upstairs while the master is downstairs for more privacy. Yeah, even done making babies, we need plenty of privacy.

Despite the passing years, Ford still surprises me with a kind gesture or sexy move. Sometimes, it’ll simply be a smile I’ve seen a million times. My heart still races like when we first met. He can make me feel special with a wink and calm me by caressing the back of my head. Knowing Ford like I do now only makes him more amazing.

Ford

Playing dad with Donnie and Devin never turns out to be a pain in the ass. They’re good kids and grow into solid men. By the time Donnie is ready to finish high school, I know the boys won’t join the club. Instead, they’re hooking up with the Navy.

On the other hand, Clint is headed for club life. The kid is born confident. By the time he can walk, Clint follows his mom around all over. He helps load the dishwasher, take out the trash, work in the yard, and anything else Shay does. He’s her shadow, but no mama’s boy. Like me, he loves Harleys and grins whenever an engine roars. The way Clint exudes strength makes me doubt he’ll be an enforcer. No, my boy won’t take orders. He’ll give them. Clint has future club president written all over him.

Wanting a girl after Clint, Shay gets her wish. I’m fine with whatever we have until I hold Elle in my arms. She’s a tiny version of Shay, delicate like Clint isn’t. Where my boy quickly soothes himself, my princess needs help. Shy and timid, Elle cries a lot. Loud noises, new people, unexpected changes, everything sends her into tears. When Elle’s miserable, only daddy can get her to smile. Like her mom, she always makes me feel untouchable.

Shay and I decide we’re done after two kids. I never wanted a big family. Hell, I never pictured having any kids, so two feels like a lot. There are times though when I think of Clint being club president one day. He might not take over in Little Memphis. Might start his own club and shove mine out of business. I can imagine the kid doing it, yet Clint will do it without a brother watching his back. When I think of him alone at the top, I worry because I always had Pax. Clint’s cousins might watch out for him or he could have solid friends. A brother is special and he’ll never have one.

Shay offers to have another baby and pray really hard that it’s a boy. She usually says this while grimacing and holding her gut where the cesarean scars hide. Having a third baby with the hope that it’ll be a badass and watch his brother’s back is ridiculous. Our family is solid with what fate handed us.

Like many weekends, I play family man with a backyard barbecue. As I flip burgers, Shay walks around on the deck in her heels, making me crazy. The kids play various games in the big backyard.

Taking a break from cooking, I watch five year old Clint hide behind the play set with his water gun. He’s playing against Bull’s sons. One boy is “dead” from a water wound and Clint is tracking his last target.

What he doesn’t expect is Bull’s older son made a deal with Sharpie’s kid. Clint is so focused on sneaking up on his target that he never realizes someone is coming up behind him. I think to warn him, but Clint announces a few nights earlier that he doesn’t cheat. When Elle asks why, her brother says casually, “I don’t have to.”
Yeah, the boy will run his own club one day.

Today, he’s about to lose when he shoots Bull’s boy while Sharpie’s kid aims at him from behind. Just when I think the game is over, Elle fires down from the play set, taking out Sharpie’s son.

Clint gives his sister a grin, but she just shrugs like it’s no skin off her ass. My little princess is the spitting image of Shay. They talk, walk, and act the same, so much so that no one sees anything of me in Elle. However, the look she gives her brother at that moment is all me. Who knows, maybe Clint Reed will have someone to watch his back after all.

The life I have now is like two sides of a coin. For my job, I crush skulls and scare thugs. Afterwards, I go home to an amazing woman and our beautiful kids who love me just the way I am. Never could I have imagined a reality where I’d have it all, but here the fuck I am.